Her 30ith birthday

Andrea pushed open the door to her small studio apartment and proceeded to trip over the old shipping boxes she left near the door as she felt up the wall looking for the light switch. Finally finding it, Andi flipped it on, closing her door she looked at the mess she made.

Sighing, she walked pass it and began to undress, letting her clothes land wherever messily as she made her way to the bathroom. She looked up and frowned at the mirror as she prepared for a quick shower. Andi had never been skinny or atypically pretty, she was chubby, it was as if she had never lost her baby fat, while it made her look cute and childish as a young adult she felt that now it just made her look fat. Her freckle covered skin was always pale but now it looked almost sickly so and the dark bags under her eyes didn't help discourage her thought that she looked more like a corpse rather than a living human.

Her short brown hair seemed to lack luster and instead seeming dull and almost colorless, while her bright blue eyes no longer held the excitement and eagerness that they did a few short years ago. She had just turned 30 today and yet she felt that she more resembled someone twice her age. Not wanting to look at the mirror anymore she turned on the shower and let the numbing cold water wash away her thoughts.

She got into her messy, unmade bed, setting the alarm on her phone before staring at the black nothingness in the room. The only thought that ran through her head that night was why. Why was it that her 20's, the years that were meant to be fun, exciting and full of self-discovery, turned out so bad for her? They instead turned into a time of stress, grief, death, and numb coldness. Why was it that she was always expected to be the strong one, and to not mind when others took advantage of her, to unselfishly give her all to everyone else while she got left behind. She had never had a boyfriend, her friends rarely contacted her unless they needed something, and even her divorced parents only called her to vent their annoyance with one another. She was often told by people that she was likable, that it was hard to get upset at her, and that she was strong… but what use was all that when she wasn't able to get close to anyone.

She felt that all she could do in life was work and get occasional joy from escaping into books. Her life was pretty much only for show, she only went through the motions, pretending to smile and laugh. She sighed one last time muttering "I'm such a drama queen." To herself before falling asleep. Her birthday wish floated around in her head as she dozed off "I just want to be a more fearless and courageous person. The kind that becomes the main hero in the books rather than a side character."