17-How does it feel

"Mom?!" - I shudder every time I hear a child calling his mother, even if Mary's tone is very angry, as she pouts, pointing to her brother a few steps away, while looking straight into the eyes of the woman by my side:

"Tommy, stop it!" - I smile as I watch them fight and look at Samantha's angry expression, and then take on a melancholy expression, while the smile dies on my lips:

"How does it feel?" - I ask in a low tone, bringing my eyes back to Mary and Tommy who resume arguing, while their mother sighs at my side, resting her back on the cold surface of the bench.

When Jack learned that I can't give him a family, even though I can't even picture him as a father, he didn't think twice before throwing me like a rag.

"Tiring."

I should hate children, instead of accompanying Samantha and her children to this playground full of screaming and crying subjects every Sunday, but spending time with them makes me feel good and hope for something that I'm sure will never come true.

I take a deep breath, throwing a quick glance at Meredith, sitting on the bench in front of her less than a meter away, but she is so distracted by the phone that I can't stop myself from throwing her the bottle of water I was holding in my fingers until now.

"What's wrong with you?" - I ask when she jumps on the spot and raises her head from the mobile phone screen.

"Valerie!" - she admonishes me with an expression so sweet that I can't stop myself from smiling:

"You're getting violent lately." - she sais, but it seems to me that she refers to the way I treated Ethan last night.

"You too are becoming too generous lately ..." - I reply instantly, alluding to the way she hurried to rescue Ethan last night, as if I had really hurt him.

"... Meredith." - I conclude with her own tone, pretending a smile again when I see her blush and lower her head, while Samantha resumes biting the apple she is holding, moving her eyes between me and my friend .

"Are you engaged?" - she asks with a surprised grimace, turning to Meredith as soon as she finishes chewing.

Her question makes me shiver and look confused as my heart rises in my throat, but only because I don't want my friend to have anything to do with someone like him.

"No!" - she hastens to answer, while I mentally thank Samantha who fills her with questions for me:

"Do you like him?" - the woman next to me straightens her back, while I pretend not to be interested in the conversation, looking at the swings that surround us and the trees that give shade at this time of the morning:

«He ... He's handsome.» - I refrain from intervening and let the shy brunette stammer.

'He is also a whorehouse' - I would like to add, but Meredith does not give either me or Samantha time to speak, resuming praising Ethan:

«He said he likes my name!» - she exclaims enthusiastically, showing a toothy smile as she rarely does and making me feel a weight in my stomach when I realize her words.

Bastard!

«He always calls me 'princess'.» - she adds immediately afterwards, while Samantha just looks at her with tenderness. I hide the annoyance I feel right now and try to distract myself by looking at Mary and Tommy in the middle of the park, in the company of other children.

His nicknames are ridiculous!

The urge to scream at my friend to get back to reality and stop wasting time with an asshole like him is great, but the more rational part of me threatens to shut up and let Meredith fool, even if she is my best friend.

After all, she deserves it to live a fairytale.

"He kissed me." - I jerk my head towards Meredith, finally finding the courage to look into her eyes, while I feel a strong weight on my stomach.

He kissed me.

The more her words are repeated in my head, the more my hatred of Ethan grows, as if I didn't expect it from someone like him.

I feel like throwing up just remembering letting that asshole touched me last night.

When did you kiss?

I would like to fill her with questions to know if he kissed her after sticking his tongue in my mouth, but I avoid speaking and try not to attract the attention of either of them, while I regret not making Ethan's face worse yesterday evening.

I grit my teeth and remain silent, digging my nails into my knees as Meredith opens her mouth again:

"I like Ethan." - she nods at her words, but this time I can't help but vent:

"God!" - my strangled voice makes them both turn to my side, encouraging me to continue: "Meredith, don't be so naive."-I say with a a disperate tone.

"It's unbearable." - I add, this time pretending to be indifferent and taking my eyes off hers, while my friend doesn't think twice before replying:

«With me he's different.» - I dilate my pupils at her angry expression and for the first time it seems to me that I don't really know my best friend. The shy and tender one who would never go against me just for an arrogant and proud stranger.

She leaves me so stunned that I stare at her even when she starts talking to Samantha again, but after a couple of seconds I decide to stop torturing myself and worry about losing her because of Ethan, so I get up off the bench sighing, attracting their eyes again, but if Samantha looks at me sorry, Meredith just lowers her head:

«Today it's my turn to clean.» - I say to explain to the woman sitting next to me:

«I have to go home.» - I add, and then turn my back without even bothering to greet Mary and Tommy.

With me it's different.

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