Chapter Three: Napping the Goat Man

A quiet morning began with the rise of the sun. Yellow and golden like a crisp pastry, it illuminated a quaint village hobbled atop a gently sloping hill. The village was quiet yet indescribably busy as the many village folks went about their daily chores. The men, under the first crimson rays of early morning, walked in a haze towards the many wheat fields surrounding their small huts. The women would tend the house chores, singing tunes so faint they whispered on the wind into the ears of every passerby only if they strained hard enough to hear. The children ran about, scurrying between the few man-made features of the place, hopping over stick-fences and running between log and clay walls, and deep within the dark confines of a pigsty laid the thinning and mucky form of John.

His experience in this world had been fairly unpleasant. There were no quests, no rewards, no skills, or great foes. John had been utterly beaten by a frail village chief, a plow, and an old woman with a fetish for ritual sacrifice. "Damnit." John's face crumpled. He had actually enjoyed the plowing for the first few days, this world gave John a much different pace than his usual NEET-Life. He would go out, breath the fresh morning breeze, and really sweat for once, he had been unusually relaxed after those hard days of work. Unfortunately, John had only been eating one meal a day which consisted of a small stale piece of bread and a small cup of ale; he wasn't even sure he could remember the sight or taste of water at this point.

"Shit, this can't continue." Honestly, John would've quit the game by now had he not encountered Granny. After discovering the existence of magic in this game, he had finally realized that maybe there was more to this dark-souls farming simulator than just tilling fields and going hungry. The only problem was that he was quickly losing strength.

"I need food and I need to get someone to replace me by the end of the week, Granny needs a sacrifice and I don't want to find out what'll happen if she doesn't get one."

GROWL…

"Fuuuuuck, what kind of maniac came up with this game anyway, I like hardcore but what the hell."

…

John didn't have much time left, he had already spent a little over a week in the game which left him with a few more days until he needed to get out of the Pod to sleep. Luckily he had come up with a plan. While he was tilling as he usually did he remembered that guy he had meet his first day in the game with the goat. He didn't think he would really have any problem with taking someone out, he had played realistic shooters for a long time so he wasn't exactly squeamish when it came to this sort of thing. The only problem would be the actual execution. His plan was fairly simple. He would go back to that original hut during the night when everyone was asleep, knife the fucker in the throat… oh wait, don't they need him alive? Shit. Never mind; he would tie the fucker up with his own clothes, drag him over to Granny's, and store the goat in the woods to sell later, or maybe he should butcher it? He didn't know of any other villages around and he didn't want to sell it to the butcher here considering how tight-knit the community seemed to be.

He was also the new guy, so a missing person without a goat would inevitably attract attention to himself. "Butchering it'll be I guess. At least I'll have meat." Hmm, usually in these types of games, I would be the hero, as most players would. I would follow quests, gain wealth and prestige, and level up till I'm a max rank Paladin or something. But it seems the extremely life-like open-ended nature of this game is making me into a villain huh. John shrugged. "Might as well roll with it I guess, I've always wanted to be a rouge or some evil criminal gang boss. Fuck it!

…

That night, John slinked around the village looking for the one in which the goat-man slept, as it turned out, it was fairly easy to find. There was a goat behind the hut, enclosed by a shoddy stick fence, and, through the window, the man could be seen sleeping atop a small hay cot. John scouted around the hut. There were two sections of huts; the close-knit huts that hugged the main dirt road, these were slightly larger and housed the villagers with actual professions such as smiths and tailors, the other section of huts weren't very close, each one was backed up to a field so there was ample space between the outlying huts and those near the road. The goat man's hut was one of the outlying ones so as long as John was quick about it, no one would hear any sort of struggle. All he had left to do was the deed itself.

…

"And now it's time to work my magic." It was currently an inky black, starless night. John had scouted the surrounding area the night before and, deeming his plan, although simple, still fairly plausible, decided to carry out his plan before he grew too weak from hunger.

GROWL…

"Oh shut up, I'll feed you soon."

Clenching his body until his stomach pains faded away, John got to moving. The night was so dark he couldn't really see ahead of himself but he had somewhat memorized the way to the hut so he wasn't worried, besides, he had snatched a torch to use later when he made it to the forest.

Crack

"Shit." John moved about as quietly as possible. He didn't think he'd wake anyone, after all the work the villagers did in the day, he was fairly certain they wouldn't be waking up even if he were screaming naked through the village but you could never be too careful in his opinion.

Stumbling through the dark he finally made it to the hut.

Creak…

Clenching his teeth, John slowly opened the door and stepped in. He breathed out in relief. "Holy crap. All right, let's get this over with." Moving towards the center of the hut, he could see a figure laid face down on the ground. Tiptoeing over towards the figure, he gently turned them over.

John's eyes widened. "Shit, shit… oh shit!" Fiercely whispering, his stomach made a flip when he realized, he was in the wrong hut. "Just slowly, ever so slowly, head back. Nothing to see here, have a nice sleep. Rock a bye baby." John slowly and quietly escaped. "Why is this so stressful, next time I do something illegal, I'm coming more prepared, fuck this noise."

Looking out towards the dark fields, John could just barely make out the corner of another hut in the field to his right. "Ah, I didn't go out far enough, alright, take two."

John carefully moved out towards the goat man's hut until he stood at the door. "Alright, here we go." Moving as quietly as possible, John opened the door to the hut.

Crack

Slowly slinking towards the huddled figure on the floor, John raised the large stick he had picked up on the way towards the hut, he figured it'd be better to just knock the guy out, then tie him up and bring him to Granny. He slowly turned the figure over and sighed in relief. "Finally." Raising the stick even higher, he took hold of it in both hands and, CRACK!

The stick snapped over the man's head but didn't wake him up which seemed to John to be a good sign that he was now artificially unconscious. Pulling the man's arms and legs together, he stripped him and used his clothes to tie up the man's ankles and wrists. "Alright let's go." John grabbed the man and heaved him up on his shoulders. "Holy shit! Fatass, what have you been eating, more than a piece of fucking stale bread I bet. You know, I'm feeling better and better about sacrificing you, my friend. If only you were starving too, if only." Shaking his head, John moved out of the hut and moved towards the goat. "Alright now, don't make any noise or I'll eat you."

bleat.

"Hey, shush."

Bleat.

John quickly grabbed the goat and moved out of its fence enclosure. Unfortunately, it seemed the goat, despite being an animal, didn't want to go back to the wild.

BLEAT.

Waving in a calming gesture, John quickly tried to shush it looking around to make sure no one had woken. "Fine fine, okay here, just calm down." John had planned for this, he realized that animals were unpredictable assholes and so he hadn't eaten today, saving his stale bread for this exact situation. Waving the bread in front of the goat he held it out in front of its mouth.

"Here buddy, eat the bread, shut the fuck up. Here buddy buddy-buddy, come with Uncle John, yes that's right. Good boy!" The goat quickly snatched up and began chewing on the bread. "Alright, let's go, the bread won't last for long."

…

"Hey, Granny! I've got the goods!" By now the man had woken up. As soon as he gained consciousness and realized that he couldn't move and was being carried by a stranger in the woods, he freaked out. Currently, he was squirming on the ground in front of Granny's cottage, wide-eyed and screaming out through the cloth. John kicked him, his booted-foot flashing under the flickering torchlight. "Oh shut the fuck up, your gonna die no matter what, at least do it with some dignity."

A loud scoff rang out in the forest. "That's quite amusing, coming from the man that was squirming like a little pig in midair only a few nights before."

John turned towards the entrance of the cottage and saw Granny, in her plain dress and linen shawl. "Ah, Granny! So nice to see you, how are you this fine evening." John grimaced.

"Better, now that you've finally delivered on your promise."

"Oh Granny, I would never go back on our deal, I literally wouldn't survive."

Granny grinned. "Oh yes, that would make a fine evening. All the things we could do together."

John shivered. "Um, well, here's the guy, have a nice night." Quickly turning around, John moved towards the edge of the cottage clearing.

"Oh, John." John halted in his tracks. "Yes?"

"Don't forget our agreement, another next month, yes?"

John laughed nervously. "Yes Granny, see you next month."

Cackling, Granny replied. "Yes. Next month."

…

John sighed. "Well, I'll see you later I guess."

Bleat.

"What?"

Bleat.

"No no one's gonna eat you when I'm gone."

Bleat.

"And why don't you believe me?"

Bleat.

"Yes I know it's a forest and there are predators but you're near Granny's cottage and I'm sure with all her dark magic, no one's gonna bother you, have you seen any animals near here, I haven't."

Bleat.

"Yes, I know it's a good point, that's why I made it." John sighed again. "Are you done complaining?"

Bleat.

"No I can't get rid of your rope collar, stop asking stupid questions, we don't know each other well enough for me to do that."

Bleat.

"I don't care how you feel, you're a goat and I'm a person, so just sit there and wait for me to come back."

Bleat.

"Nope, I'm done listening, shut up."

"…"

"Well, I guess one squirt for the road?" John bent under the goat. Taking a quick sip of milk, he realized that maybe butchering the goat wasn't the best idea when he could just get infinite milk, the only problem would be the upkeep, he'd have to feed the goat and himself, and unfortunately, he was already starving. "Maybe I should steal another animal? I guess I can ask Granny if there are any villages nearby later. Whatever, I'm just about out of time."

Looking down towards the goat, John waved. "See ya later."

John flicked his wrist up. Navigating the glowing blue panel hovering in the air, he quickly found the logout panel.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO LOG OUT, JOHN KENNEDY?

Y/N?

Pressing yes, John disappeared into a mass of glittering blue particles.