Chapter 3: First Day(2)

My body is absolutely devoid of strength as I plop myself onto a mat inside the dome classroom. The teacher says something about meditation being the best way to circulate Ki and get familiar with it, but I'm barely paying attention.

My chest rises and falls rapidly, over, and over, and over again. It takes nearly fifteen minutes for me to gain even the slightest semblance of energy back within me.

With my head a bit clearer, I begin to look around the room. There I see everyone sitting in a lotus position with their eyes closed. I copy them, and focus.

But, despite my best attempts, I feel nothing. Just emptiness.

'Uh, what did the teacher say?' I wasn't able to catch her name, as I was too busy struggling to even catch my own breath.

'Something about it feeling different for everyone? Or maybe it was....' I continue that for thirty minutes, and fail the entirety of that time.

'You know what? Fuck it, I'll just ask Blithe later at the dorm or something,' I tell myself. I spent the next fifteen minutes left of class trying my best to not fall asleep.

*****

I droop my head as I play around with my food. Basic Arcane Application was also a bust, I couldn't even sense Arcana, let alone use it.

But I managed to learn something useful. About hair and eye color being synonymous with a person's Arcane Affinity.

'Since I have gray hair, and my eyes are yellow, I can use neutral and lightning magic?' Of course, this means neither affinity of mine is particularly strong. If I had yellow hair and yellow eyes, my lightning would be very strong.

'This information will at least be useful in identifying an enemies capabilities. Though I do have to keep in mind they might be dyeing their hair, like I am.' I let out another sigh as I think that, still a bit down at my recent failures.

'Well, it's not like I expected to be able to sense or use Ki and Arcane Power off the cuff. It would've been nice, if only to ease the aching of my body,' I console myself.

Having enough of my thoughts, I take a look at my lunch. It's a fancy looking full course meal, befitting nobles. I elegantly use a fork and knife to cut into the steak first. I take a bite of the piece I cut off.

My eyes widen as a cacophony of flavors burst in my mouth like a juicy, ripe fruit.

I can taste each and every individual component within the meal. I can't name anything, but I can differentiate quite easily between flavors. Mellow and strong alike.

'It's good, yes, but...' It feels like it's missing something. I don't quite know what, but I can just... taste it.

'Is it the texture? Or the smell? No, both are completely appetizing.' I furrow my brows, confusion clouding me.

'I don't understand. Why am I acting like this?' Even as I finish the entirety of my lunch, I never found out what the meal was missing.

Those ponderings dominate my mind for the whole of two classes. Thankfully, they're just sit-down in class subjects.

If not, I really might have given up.

*****

My entire skin is slick with sweat from Basic Hand-to-hand Combat. With a stomach cramping from a mixture of anxiety and fear, I stand before my final class of the day.

Basic Dueling

My entire body is locking up. My feet feel rooted to the ground as dread fills me. My mind is sending countless alarm signals, telling me to run, and to flee from this class.

I ignore my very instincts as I mechanically step into the classroom. Sigrun is the first person I spot, her unique presence and beautiful looks hard to mask even in a crowd of people.

I avert my gaze, and see the Duel Instructor. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin, along with the plate armor he's wearing, his appearance is that of a standard romanticized Knight in countless mens and womens fantasies.

Kenneth Carlisle

Affection: -1

'What the- why does he already hate me!?' My already foul mood worsens as my face darkens.

I push my way into the crowd, inwardly noting how there aren't even twenty students, and stand, waiting for him to start.

'Also, what's with that name?' I stop myself from thinking any further, lest I somehow increase my already terrible mood.

After saying a few words, he leads all of us outside into a field. The field is full of splotches of circular dirt land in between all the grass, probably unable to grow because of all the people stepping on it due to the amount of duels.

"Alright everyone! Let's start," he says, and starts calling out students names. As their names are called-out, they walk up into one of the, "arenas."

'Where did all the funding go!?' My inner Noble feels like rioting, but I somehow manage to resist.

'It's probably to make it more realistic, yes, realism...' I desperately convince myself.

I just stand there for a long time, watching the duels, barely able to follow any of them with my eyes. I knew logically that I was outclassed before even entering the class, but seeing how far the gap is between me and them... disheartening doesn't even cut it.

"Callum Llewellyn, and David Thorne!" My entire body feels like a rusty machine. My skin, muscles, tendons, bones, and nerves grate painfully together, my entire body creaks as I walk to a dueling arena. It feels like at any moment, I'll cease to exist.

And I wish that is an exaggeration. But after pushing past my limits time and time and time again today, I don't have anything left in me, nothing more to give. Empty. Numb.

I walk up to the arena, knowing that this isn't going to be a duel, but an execution.

"-ower," I hear something. I turn my head, my face probably having a dumb look on it. I see Kenneth.

"I'm sorry, Instructor Carlisle, could you repeat that, please?" I request.

"Of course," he smiles. "I was just informing you about the rules of a duel." I nod.

"Since this is only basic Dueling, Arcane Power and Ki are not permitted," he explains.

"Other than that, most of anything allowed. Though if someone forfeits, you must stop immediately, or I'll give you a demerit."

"I understand," I say that, but my voice has no strength. With that all explained, he instructs me to grab a weapon from the weapon stands.

There are many wooden tools of murder. A halberd, glaive, cutlass, dagger, bow, spear, javelin, lance, and many more. It's a bit overwhelming.

For a moment, I consider if I should even grab a sword, as I know little of how to use. Only to realize that I also know little of how to use my fists. After determining how I'm hopeless either way, I grab a wooden sword, feeling safer with it in hand. Though it's a cold comfort.

I assume the basic stance, and stand opposite of my opponent. He's also wielding a sword, though his stance is different from mine.

My arms shake from the weight of the sword, showcasing just how tired and weak I am at the moment. A good dose of fear is probably in there as well, but mostly exhaustion.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

"Begin, in 3, 2, 1," he slams down his high hand, and my opponent, David, disappears.

All the hairs on my body stand up, and I instinctively crouch down, my eyes tightly shut in preparation of pain. But it doesn't come as I feel my hair billowing due to the force of the sword going overhead.

Belatedly realizing I'm in a duel, I open my shut eyes. And try my best to slash at David who's right next to me.

'Have I hit hi-' I can't even finish thinking as my world suddenly blackness, but only for instant, before exploding in a flurry of pain and red. My ears ringing, with the world doubling in my vision as I struggle to scramble to my feet.

My opponent patiently waits for me to get up, but I am unable to appreciate his courtesy. I close my eyes, and take in a deep breath, trying to calm my pounding heart and ringing ears.

My nose smells a multitude of scents. The grass, dirt, the wooden sword in my hands, and sweat. A lot of sweat. None more prevalent than my own, a salty taste in my mouth due to the constant streams of sweat flowing down to my lips.

"Are you alright?" David asks, I open my mouth, the word forfeit nearly emerging fron my throat, but stop, closing my parted lips. I gulp as I tightly press my lips together, and can only give a small nod.

And in the next moment, I can't even breath. My chest suddenly decompresses as the tip of his sword slams into it. All the bones in my torso shaking from the contact, and constant, throbbing pain fills my head.

But I bite my lower lip so hard it bleeds, my knuckles white due to the strength of my grip on the hilt, and as I taste the pennies in my mouth, my head slightly clears. I stop biting my lips, and instead grit my teeth, before swinging my sword at David.

He blocks it with contemptuous ease, seemingly not even the tiniest bit stressed. But just from the blade of my sword slamming into his, I nearly drop it as my palms start stinging and I feel the vibrations from where the sword hit, my arms rattling due to the force with which I struck.

The next moment, the right side of my vision is full of brown, cracked wood, of David's sword. I flinch back, my eyes tightly shutting. A myriad of lights flash in my black vision as his sword contacts my head.

White. Gray. Red. Orange. It doesn't hurt at first, everything feeling floaty, and dreamlike, only for reality to set in a split second later. My brain bounces against my skull as I'm sent to the left. The ground slams into me, no, I slam into the ground.

The smell of dirt, sweat, and grass intensifies within my olfactory. A crumbly, texture in my mouth makes itself known.

'Dirt,' I realize. I can't breathe, every breath in sending ungodly amount of pain to my body. I can only let in quick, short breaths, and sickly wheezes out, coughing and sputtering as I do so. I cradle my chest, tears falling from my eyes.

"You should forfeit," I hear what I presume to be David's voice tell me.

I agree. I should give up. I don't even know why I'm doing this. A one-sided beating isn't going to help me in any way, only hurt.

I think that, yet I... I push myself up. My entire gait is unsteady as a blowing leaf as I lean down to grab my sword.

"I-I'm fwine," I groan. Through my messy sight, I can just barely make out his troubled expression. He's hesitating, and so...

I strike first. I rush towards him, completely leaning and stepping into my swing, he goes to block, and I let a small smile appears on my face.

My grip loosens, and the sword falls from my hands as my fist clenches. I barely manage to duck, more like fall, under his swing, and throw my fist forward.

My knuckles slam into his stomach. My knuckles, wrist, forearms, and shoulder all clatter with intense pain.

I didn't know hitting someone could hurt so much. 'I got... a hit in,' I think as I fall forward, slightly sliding against the ground.

I feel a new, burning pain as my hands and knees scrape the dirt. I had done it.

'I should give up now,' I think to myself.

But...

Again, my thoughts and actions diverge. I get up, and look to David. His expression is neutral, my pathetic punch not even changing his expression by a miniscule amount.

'I think I hate myself,' I muse as I bring up my hands into a sloppy posture. My hands are slightly wet with a warm liquid.

I rush towards him, and get sent tumbling, again and again and again. By the time Kenneth calls off the duel, my hands and knees are all bloody and bruised with how many times I hit the ground. But that's small with all the amount of pain littering everywhere else on my body.

Kenneth advices me on wincing and closing my eyes when a strikes is coming towards me, as well as knowing when to give up. All his advice goes in one ear and out the other, I am in such severe pain that I'm unable to even think.

The school day is over. I struggle taking a single step forward, nearly sent falling forward. As I smell all my sweat, it reminds me of something.

"T-That's right... my job..." I don't want to disappoint Matthew, so my day doesn't seem to be quite over yet.

Cradling my stomach with one hand, and supporting my head with the other, I limp forward. I force, and force, and force myself forward, practically dragging myself out of the Academy.

I can't even feel self-conscious at the strange looks I'm being sent as I drunkenly stride on the cobblestone streets of Rhea. Somehow, I manage to make my way to his restaurant.

I stumble may way through his glass door, leaving a bit of blood on it. He looks up from his counter, only for his face to contort in horror, paling a surprising amount.

"C-Callum! Are you alright!?" he asks, his voice full of concern making me feel a tiny bit of warmth in my chest.

"I-I'm a-alwight," is all I can tell him.

"How can you say that?!" He looks at me incredulously.

"Come here! Let me fix you up," he grabs my wrist, and starts pulling me somewhere. But I can't let him do that. With the little strength I have left, I pull my wrist from his grip, it being a bit easier than I expect it to be due to all the blood still wetting it.

"Pwease... Mattew, I need to work..." I barely manage to squeeze out. He turns to me, his expression full of concern and terror for me.

He doesn't seem to be willing to let me work. My throat tightens, and I feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

I slowly, and steadily get onto the floor, and bow before him, unable to even look at his face. "Pwease... I won't wait, or show myself before customers, I'll just work in the back and cwean when it closes... but I reawwy need to work...!" I beg.

I close my eyes tightly. 'Please accept, please accept, I really, really, need that talent...' I pray.

I feel pain in my armpit as he pulls me to my feet. I look at him, the contours of his face are soft, and his eyes are downturned, looking upon me sadly.

"Alright, you can work. I won't ask question," he tells me.

I feel terrible for exploiting his sympathy, but I need all the talents I can get. If I learned anything at all today, that's certain.

*****

I cook in a daze, making sure to wear gloves, a face mask, and a hair cap to prevent any blood to get in the food.

By the time the store closes, Matthew practically pushes me out of the store. I look at the quests, and relief fills me, nearly to the point of tears.

'It's still there! I didn't fail it!' I'm so glad, over such a simple thing.

With all my injuries left still untreated, I walk all the way back to the dorm. At this point, everything feels numb as I stumble like a walking corpse through the girl's dorm hallways.

I stand before the stairs. Pushing all my bodyweight onto the handle bars going up the stairs, I take a step. And another, and another, and another!

My legs shake like a newborn giraffes. Many times my knees just don't have the strength to support me up a step, folding, and nearly causing me to fall down the stairs, the only thing saving me my grip on the bars.

After an anguishing time of basically dragging myself up the stairs, I am before my dorm. My hand struggles with pulling out the key within my pocket.

I fumble with it, nearly dropping it countless times before managing to slot it into the keyhole. I turn the doorknob, my arm and wrist throbbing as it twists.

I weakly push open the door, it creaking as it does. I close it by sliding against the door, just sitting there.

I stare at the air. My mind is cloudy, a storm of sensations assailing every part of my body. I didn't know such pain could exist.

Everything, even muscles I didn't know exist, hurt. From head to toe, it feels as though a sledgehammer is slamming into me with each throb.

My body is one giant wound. And it's all because I can't use Ki.

I thought today would be hard, yes, but not... not this much. Without Ki, I won't be able to heal my injuries and reinforce my muscles, leaving me in an even worse state to go through tomorrow.

'I need Ki,' that pressing thought fills my mind. I know only one person I can even possibly ask. She may not act like it, and try her best not to show it, but she's a good and kind person. I need that kindness, desperately.

Barely manaing to crawl myself over to Blithe's door, I hesitate as I lean my body against it. In the end, all I can do is be as honest and sincere as possible.

"Blithe? Are you there?" My throat is dry and scratchy.

"Blithe, are you there!?" I say louder. Still no response. My throat swells. Nausea.

"Blithe, please...! I know that you're probably asleep, and that you don't like me that much, but, I-I need your help! Please!" I cry out.

The door swings open, and I nearly fall forward, barely managing to balance myself by grabbing onto the sides of the doorway. She has a scowl on her face.

"What?" she hisses, only for her eyes to widen as her face morphs into a look of shock. Though as if realizing her reaction, she quickly manages her expression.

"I... really need your help."

"Maybe you should sit down," she tells me, unable to hide the tinge of concern in her voice. I nod, and slowly lower myself onto the floor, using the doorway as support.

"Uh, I meant on my bed, or the couch," she blankly responds, and all I can do is grimace.

"I don't want to get them dirty..." I answer. She looks at me as if I'm unbelievable, and I have to agree.

"Anyways, what do you... need my help with?" she finally asks.

"Ki, I need your help with Ki." Blithe looks at me, an eyebrow raising inquisitively.

"Ki? Why?"

"I don't know how to use it," I briefly explain, and her eyes become as wide as saucers.

"You don't know how to use Ki? How'd you even get into Rhea Academy?"

"..." I stay quiet.

"Okay, fine. Don't answer," she asserts, a scowl forming onto her face.

"Sorry..." I apologize.

She let's out a deep sigh, and massages her temples. "Alright, Ki... the first step of using it is feeling it. Everyone's Ki feels unique to them, so... I honestly can't help you with this." My heart drops.

"What does your Ki feel like?" I ask, hoping that an example will help.

"For me? It feels like a cool stream of water. One of the most common examples in textbooks is that it feels hot, like a fire," she replies.

I close my eyes, and do my best to even my breaths. I search inside myself, and search, and search, and search. But nothing comes to me.

I feel nothing. Empty.

"..." As I open my eyes, I look up at her.

"So?" All I can do is shake my head, despair filling every corner of my mind. She frowns.

"You should shower, I'll patch you up afterwards," she states. I dimly nod.

I make my way to the bathroom. I lean against the sink, slightly bloodying it.

The face in the mirror is purple, and yellow, and dark red. I take off my torn and bloodied school uniform, seeing just how many injuries my body is littered with. I can't understand how I've even been able to walk this entire time.

My body is covered with cuts, bruises, gashes, and dirt. I step into the shower, and turn it on. I sit on the floor of the shower as rain washes over me.

I stare at the drain I see the water color red due to all the blood.

For not the first time today, I think why this is happening to me. Why I did all those things. I come to a few conclusions.

The reason why I kept getting up, forcing my body to move when I obviously shouldn't... is because I fucking hate myself, and that this is necessary.

'All this pain is necessary?' I bring my knees up to my chest, and push my head into them.

After a long time, I step out of the shower. I grab a towel, wincing with every pat to dry myself. I put on a loose, bag shirt, and underwear.

I walk out of the bathroom, Blithe is waiting for me on the couch. The TV is on.

Her eyes flicker to me. "How did this happen to you?"

"No Ki," I simply reply.

"Hm... I... I think you should dropout. Especially so if this is how you are after the first day."

I swallow the lump in my throat and say, "I can't."

The emotions on her face are unreadable. Eventually, she sighs again, and pats the couch besides her, saying, "Come here."

I obey her words. All of my movements sluggish, every one of my steps resounding loudly as my bare feet hit heavily against the floor.

I am utterly devoid of energy. Even as Blithe disinfects and cleans my wounds, it barely does anything more than sting, unable to make me flinch in the slightest. I just sit there, like a statue.

Before I know it, it's over, and I'm lying in bed. Bandages all over my body. Patches covering my face.

I curl up into a ball, and cry as everything I went through today explodes forth.

'I'm so weak.'

'This hurts all so much.'

'Why is this happening to me?'

Thoughts such these accompany to the end of my first day at Rhea Academy.

I dread tomorrow.