Chapter Fourteen: “Tell me”

I don't want to have the pills on the desk anymore, but my body aches for them. I keep hating myself, my life, my soul, and this weak body. Hating is all I can do for myself. My fever won't heal; I can't go to school today. Isn't this what I was always hoping for? But why am I annoyed about this? Is it because I can't see him today?

"Don't be attached to him; people are scary, Mara." This is what my mind is telling me.

But why is my chest hurting? This doesn't make sense; we were born alone, we died alone, we don't need anyone, but why do we keep seeking that pain just to be with someone?

My cousin left the house for work. I was just lying in bed, staring into the wall. Until the room started to get dark, why? It's still evening; I took a look from the window, and no, it's the clouds. I'm sick enough; I don't want it to rain, and I don't want that feeling again. The door is knocking, and my cousin has the key. Who is this?

"Mara, I know you are there; open it, RAZA".

What is he doing here? I can't think straight. My head hurts so much standing in front of the door, but I can't open it. My chest is burning. He is here just in front of the door, but why am I not strong enough to open it? I'm not strong enough to have him. I want him so bad that it hurts so much.

"You are crying right I can hear it; it's okay. Cry as much as you can. I'll wait for you until you open this door, MARA."

I was crying so hard that I could no longer breathe.

"Leave," that is the only proper word that my mouth said.

"I won't let you, ever".

"I'm in pain, Raza."

I want him so bad, but I can't have him. I'm scared of having him.

"I knew that you would do that; you are really scary to push me away. I want your eyes, I want your smile, I want your pain, and I want you, Maria."

Don't say that I beg you; I was crying so hard that my lungs hurt. Stay away from me.

"It's raining, Maria; let me protect you".

I can feel him behind the door; he is just silent.

"Why? Why, Raza, do you want to have someone that you can't even touch"

I can hear him moving; did he just sit down under that rain?

"I want your existence, I want your love, and I'm living for this".

I opened the door, stared into his eyes, and said:

"Those eyes, that stubborn look, they never changed".

While I was drowning in his eyes, he dragged me from my shirt, and we ran under the rain. I was out of breath, and I stopped to catch my breath when RAZA held me from my shoulders and said:

"Feel it, MARA; it scares you right; let it dive into you; let it enter into your skin; let it cover your soul so it won't scare you anymore; let it take your pain away".

Is that what it means to love someone?

"Raza, tell me, why?

"Simply because I love you" he said, and he kissed me.