An end to the suffering of the squires

Hello. Long time no see.

It's been about 2 months since the last release of the chapters under the Demon and a little more since the last chapter of the Heretic.

I want to justify myself a little, although it is not interesting to anyone, but I fell ill in early February. Fuck knows what I was sick with, but I was sick all my vacation, suffering from fever, weakness, cough, and other delights. (Don't ask about the hospital, because I'll die faster than I'll stand in line among grandmothers on coupons that are booked for several days in advance.) And when I was sick all my vacation, trying to recover on time so as not to take sick leave, because in my company this is a whole bunch of problems with the unknown date of payment of this very sick leave, I went to work. I went exactly at the moment when the full sh... started at my work.

In general, February was solid, big ass, like the beginning of March.

Well, I justified myself, and now let's get down to this chapter: Firstly, there is a lot of water, as usual, I could not resist, trying to outline everything, express my thoughts, in short, water for many.

Secondly: Finally, from the next chapter, the action, and gradually increasing timeskips will begin.

Thirdly: There is a lot of sarcasm here.

So I kind of mentioned everything.

Therefore, enjoy reading. And write your thoughts and suggestions with questions.

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Pride is an extensible character trait with many manifestations. Someone proud is nobly and always tries to be a rock so that the weak can lean on him. And someone, on the contrary, is proud only because of their nobility or purity of blood, such people do not see beyond their nose.

Pride in one's family or pride in one's family's glory is not bad. Everyone would like to live in a good family that they can be proud of.

That's just ... What if this pride stops at you? What if you become not the pride of your family's generation, but a disgrace?

…Then it won't be fun anymore.

If every generation before you has been great, and you haven't achieved similar results, then this marks you as worthless, not only in the eyes of the public but also in front of your ancestors.

Among the nobles, this is a shame that cannot be washed away. You will become a mistake in the family for centuries.

Among the elite, this will make you prey and a tidbit that all the smelly vultures flying around will try to bite off.

[An ordinary pendant that carries a burden of responsibility and problems that, like a rock, will put pressure on you. Family pride - cursed fetters that do not allow you to go your own way and will lie like a mountain on your shoulders. The cruel fate of great families and royal dynasties.]

Many noble and royal families have fallen because of one foolish generation. All the glory earned by centuries of labor has disappeared in a few years of the rule of a fool.

[No matter how long the pride of the family is, everything will collapse sooner or later. I will probably cause the family pride to fall ... But I will not be weaker than my ancestors, I will surpass them. I will become so brighter than them that I will simply cover them with my presence. I will break this vicious circle of eternal pressure, existing for the sake of glory and pride. All this pressure from the shackles of the Baret family, I will take with me to the grave. Let the next generation remember the greatness of the family and strive for the strength of the ancestors, but without the pressure of the mountain of the past and without the collar associated with this mountain.]

Looking at the black round pendant, on the same black rope, many thoughts visited my head. I've always disliked being limited by something, and I especially disliked having high expectations placed on me when I didn't want to.

I do not mean that one should simply give up the pride of the family and throw everything that the ancestors have achieved into the furnace, no, I just think that it is unnecessary to psychologically put pressure on the heirs and that excessive pride is not good. At least, I think so about the reasons for the pride of my family.

The fact is that each kind of family pride is different, someone is focused on making money, someone is interested in the industry. In general, each family has its own pride and hopes for the next generation.

In my case, the pride of my family is fame, or even more precisely, it is the achievements that a descendant has made during his life. For example, achieving the power to kill adult wyverns with their bare hands, as did the family's founder, Zoren Baret.

In short, defeating a strong enemy or winning a great war or battle is the pride of my family.

And this damn black pendant in my hand is a kind of psychological collar that fetters me with the responsibility to my ancestors and all so that I do everything like them, strive for crazy achievements.

… And to be honest, I don't mind it… Even more… I don't give a damn.

I am the kind of person who enjoys fighting. For me, being on the verge of death is a pleasure.

But I don't want my brothers and sister to go that way. I want them to choose how to become stronger and just follow the traditions of the family. And these fetters must be carried by a person who is able to overcome all difficulties by doing crazy things.

But then, without the pressure of ancestors, there is a possibility that the family will fall in such a case ... some would think.

Yes, there really is such a possibility, but it's definitely not about my family.

Family Baret are warriors to the marrow of bones, we have hot blood, which requires to become stronger. It's like an instinct to become the top predator in the food chain.

For example, my father, grandfather, and uncle, even without that damn pendant, have become stronger. They did not make great achievements during their lifetime, but still, they do not disgrace the family. Their strength can equal that of their ancestors.

In general, the only difference they have from their ancestors is the absence of a collar around their necks.

A black round pendant, on which, on one side, an evil dragon is depicted, which seems to be holding a black gem in the middle of the pendant, and on the other side, many ravens that circle from the other side of the black stone and create an optical illusion of a mouth with fangs that want to bite the stone in paws of the dragon - this is the look of the pendant "Pride of Life".

Looking at this pendant, I have already spent an hour of my time, having managed to think about many psychological and philosophical arguments, but I still did not understand the meaning of the engraving.

This is definitely not like a bauble from the modern world, which was created and decorated for the sake of pathos and farce. In such creations of the Middle Ages, there was always a meaning, but I just don't understand it.

On the back of the pendant, there are runic symbols - a small sentence, an unusual engraving of tree branches, and several intertwined weapons, also in the form of an optical illusion. Here you can see the combined sword, ax, and spear, and if you turn it at different angles, this weapon becomes a halberd or, in some way, a hammer. Many different types of weapons can be seen from different angles. For the first time in my life, I see something so unique and so unusually created.

…I like this pendant, it looks crazy and at the same time, it has a wise meaning. A dangerous and wonderful combination at the same time.

And yet I'm wondering what these runic symbols mean, maybe it's the language of the Celts, or it's the language of the ancient Irish, or maybe it's the language of the Normans. I'm not very good at this, for me they are all similar and I still can't read them. Maybe this language, something even older.

In general, I'm at an impasse. This pendant is a complete mystery.

...I can assume that the fanged mouth is greed and insatiable desire. This greed is trying to take the dragon's treasure, and he is angry and is about to fight back. At the same time, the crows that represent the mouth may be associated with the desire of these birds to collect shiny things.

But then the question arises: "Why is the name of the pendant - "Pride of Life"?"

Weird.

My curiosity about this strange pendant is like fanaticism, but it is only due to the desire to know the secret of my problematic partner, who will be with me until the end of my days.

In general, the main meaning of this pendant may be in this small sentence, and in order to understand it, I have one option that I don't really like, but sooner or later I will have to return to it - this is the study of the Viking languages.

These savage tribes of the seafarer, still attacking coastal towns and villages like mad beasts, sometimes even have the courage to go further inland. Their temper will not allow them to simply accept defeat. It seems to me that one day I will have to fight them because the knights from Henet are quite often mobilized to help at the front as an additional unit of strength and support. Coastal lands are no exception, this area is also included in our zone for assistance. If there is a large-scale attack, we will be like the last force to strike, even if we come to the end of the battle.

So I'll have to learn the damn runes to understand what the enemy is saying or what orders he's giving.

Also, since talking about books, will need to read books on the anatomy of magicians and the structure of Magic Circuits.

There is one thing that haunts me for a long time.

In the book, about the basics of magic, it is said that in the body of a magician there are pseudo nerves - Magic Chains and they look like a circulatory system, flowing in the body like cyclic threads.

If what is written in the book is true, then why, using my ability to "see the spiritual body", can I clearly see that my Magic Circuits are connected to the white clot of energy that is located in the place of the heart?

At the same time, Meris Forz has exactly the same clot of energy in the heart area ... although it is smaller than mine.

Unclear.

Why is everything so difficult?

Give me a higher sweet being who will explain everything to me so that I don't have to look up so many answers on my own… Please.

[Eh. Desires. So beautiful, but difficult to implement.]

I have no one who could guide me and explain to me all the secrets of the world ... Oh. Mistake.

There is Sir Licht, but I don't think he will tell me anything just like that. Even the past knowledge and the book were given to me for some purpose of his. He used to even ignore my questions about magic, but now he abruptly gave me secret information and a book of ancient magic. Not everything is clean here, I feel that vile mold is growing somewhere.

In general, I'd rather take the difficult path of learning the structure of the Magic Circuits, instead of the simple path of testing other people with my ability to "see the spiritual body."

Why?

Everything is simple. I don't want my brain to boil.

My ability "Spiritual Gaze"… I will call it that now, the former name has no elegance. And this name is cute, beautiful, magnificent, like me ... Ahem.

Ahem... Ahem... A slight narcissism got stuck in my throat.

That is, "Spiritual Gaze" is a dangerous ability that I can use on myself without harm, but if I use it on others, there is a high probability that my brain will burn or turn into a beautiful broth.

A brain boiled in brain fluid. MMM. It's like a duck in its own juice ... In general, it sounds incredibly disgusting. And I'm not talking about the duck.

In short: When using the ability, my perception is used to the fullest, even all my senses are turned off so as not to waste brain capacity on them. And all because I am trying to see what is not in the physical world, you can say that I am trying to see the soul of another person, his spiritual form of the body.

I can freely see my "Spiritual Body" because I am its owner, I have to meditate and go into a trance for this. But even so, it requires incredible concentration. And in the case of other people, and depending on the distance that separates us, this requirement for concentration increases many times over. The fact that I didn't die when I looked at Meris is the incredible luck of my several future rebirths or all of my future children and descendants. I am ready to pray to God, from the fact that I was so lucky to survive.

And it's not a joke at all...

The second time I tried this ability trick, blood flowed from my nose and I passed out, convulsing with foam at the mouth. And when I woke up, I felt that I had come out of a year-long binge. My head ached and my insides turned inside out, I thought my stomach would leave me and come out for some fresh air.

After that incident, I wanted to become a priest or a monk in order to thank the higher powers for not dying the first time.

It was a stupid gamble that almost cost me my life.

Others would chalk it up to the human factor, as I remember it was used as an excuse for being stupid in today's world.

But I think I'm an idiot, no excuses, crazy, beautiful, but a complete idiot.

The brain is the first most important organ of the body, and I played so risky with it.

Therefore, the safest path is simple learning and a gradual understanding of the mystery, and not the risks of becoming bedridden forever.

I stopped playing with the pendant and hung it around my neck, then got out of bed and went to the window.

It was now about 10 o'clock, as I can tell by the shadow, and at the beginning of the day, the ceremony of becoming a magic knight awaits me. Again there will be a lot of farce and simulated joy, coupled with false politeness.

Although it will be interesting to see how the bastard tries to be nice to the "Saint". That pig will look like an affectionate dog. If I had a phone, I would capture that moment.

Eh, sometimes I miss modern technology... and especially normal toilets.

Even after such a long life in this world, I miss the comfort of modernity.

Today, in the morning, the squires have been relieved of their duties and we are not allowed to leave the dormitory, probably so as not to look for us all over the territory of the church.

I'm so bored right now just sitting in my room. Already slept in bed, and cleaned the weapon, and admired the pendant. I have nothing to do.

Looking at the boring view from the window, I noticed a cobweb swaying in the corner of the building. And I remembered something. It hit me like a light bulb on the head.

"Totally forgot."

Quickly running to the closet, I took out a small box and opened it. The box contained balls of thread and sewing supplies that I had stolen from thieves during my walk.

"Here's something to pass the time."

Taking black thread, I began to knit, trying to create another black scarf.

[I remember the times when I watched my mother knitting, it was a quiet time.]

Calmly starting to create a scarf, I was immersed in peaceful memories, waiting for the moment when the messenger would call me.

…

*Knock Knock*

"Order! You need to report to the main building."

" Understood."

While I was knitting, there was a knock on the door, and an unknown person gave me instructions from the top.

Having received an order that could not be refused, I dressed in leather armor and full dress. Since this event is considered noble, it is necessary to look as solid as possible.

After leaving the dorm, I quickly reached the main building with the rest of the squires, and after about 10 minutes, everyone was fully assembled.

From the outside, the building looked like an ordinary stone Catholic church, before the Gothic modeling, only inside it was decorated with statues of angels, carpets, and unusual wall carvings. There were even golden inclusions in the wall paintings.

Majestic and elegant. That's just, I think it's a waste of resources.

After several minutes of waiting in silence, the rite of passage began.

In general, as I expected, it was again a boring event. As we stood with our hand on our hearts. Chief Bishop Jacque preached the way of the magical knight.

"By becoming knights you become faithful servants of God. From now on, your duty is to bring light to the world, overthrow filth and demonic antics. Following the instructions of God, as warriors of light, you will protect this world."

He told all the nonsense that I did not notice so that at least someone here was inspired.

For example, there is no person in this room who would seek to protect ordinary people just like that. Everything is here for selfish motives. Even the "Saint" kills bandits only because he follows his idealism, wanting to rid the world of evil.

And this fat bastard who seduces boys and guys with blackmail and power talks about the path of goodness and about "God's intention", this is very disgusting and very ironic. Although all his words "On the fight against evil" were said to suck up to the "Saint". When he started this topic, the bishop always looked at the reaction of the "Judgment".

After listening to long tirades and "having received a vat of water in their ears", an hour later the squires were released, ... oh ... or rather, the knights were already released.

Having become a knight, I did not feel the changes, as they considered me a slave and cannon fodder, they still think so now, only now all this is hidden behind a screen with the golden words "Servant of God".

YEE.

Now I am cannon fodder and a servant of God rolled into one. This is career growth.

The next step will make me Elite Cannon Fodder.

This is the best career progression I have ever seen.

Mmm. Looking forward to being "Important Cannon Fodder", it's such an honor. It's just a pity that the prefix "Slave of God" will not change throughout my career.

Eh. And I really wanted to become "Slave of God No. 1."

*Crack*

This crack means that the edge of reality breaks from my perfect sarcasm.

*Crack*

Ah, no. Wrong. It's Meris's teeth that are cracking from the fact that I hit him with my shoulder when leaving the main building.

Leaving the boring event without receiving an important blow to the shoulders with a sword, we, the new knights, were taken to the training field.

Lined up in several rows, in front of the commander Meris Forz, we waited for grandiose words:

"You're all shit."

Meris shouted grandiose words loudly. (I couldn't resist.)

In principle, I expected that Meris would not be able to say something more adequate. It's good that he didn't continue ... or rather, I just thought so:

"You are pieces of shit that came out in the wild convulsions of a dying orc, due to the fact that he ate rotten meat. Clearly hammer into your stupid head that you are shit with rotten, obtained in the process of dying of a stupid creature."

OU. How nastily. Sounds like a description of an abstract painting by a second misunderstood Austrian artist.

Looking at us with a haughty look, Forz did not intend to stop, on the contrary, his voice became rougher and louder:

"From now on, you stray dogs will have your own patrol zones. If I see that some creature has left his post, I will personally break this idiot's legs, tie them in a knot and throw them into a pigsty. Then the pigs will decide your fate. Although there are only two options for further events, you will either be fuc*ed or devoured. Therefore, squeeze your ass tight and stand on your guard to the last, even if you want to take a shit. Otherwise, I will personally watch the animals eat or tear your intestines. Did I make myself clear?"

[Hm. Meris has talent as an announcer.]

The young knights around me trembled with fear at such a detailed description of the punishment for disobedience. They are afraid because our commander has a very bad reputation and is quite capable of carrying out the promised punishment.

But I don't quite understand where the guilty will be sent, to the house of Bishop Jacque or to a real pigsty?

And there are pigs, and there are pigs - there is no difference. And judging by the rumors that go around about the bishop, he and the pigs are able to do the same actions.

Jacques' complicated riddle, to which I do not wish to know the answer.

"If you understand everything, the fruits of the work of a prostitute, then we will immediately begin the distribution of roles. In short, you, pieces of shit, must have a leader, he will replace me and his every order, and his every word - will be my order. I'm not going to be your babysitter, so I'll appoint the best student who passed the exam as the leader of your squad of 29 suckers."

[Truth? Is it really me? What an honor.]

Of course, it's me. How could it be otherwise?

"The best of those who passed the test was appointed my deputy in your squad. Ker come out and come here."

[What? How so.... I need to get rid of the habit of talking to myself, it looks weird when I'm being ironic.]

Well, overall I'm not surprised.

This is Meris. You should not expect anything else from this piece of rotten carcass.

Ker is the best? Do not make me laugh. It's a damn Rat that dances to Meris's tune for a piece of trash, even though he came in third place, he's still no match for me or Clem.

Then why is he deputy in command?

Haha. He has a rich dad. He is a faithful puppet.

That's enough for Forz to make him his second in command.

But then the question arises: "Will the "Saint" agree?"

The "Judgment" saw our skills in practice, it may be against it.

"May be." - what a funny phrase with many opportunities to get around it or interpret it differently.

So what am I on about?

Oh, that's right, I was talking about Meris's skill at finding workarounds.

In fact, everything here is simple. It just needs to be said that the Rat has better command skills than Clem and me.

And that's it.

On the battlefield, strategic thinking and the ability to properly manage a squad are much more important for a commander than the ability to fight head-on. Proper distribution of resources at hand is also a weapon in some way.

Having presented evidence to the "Saint" that Clem and I cannot control people well, and as evidence, bring our test, where we were eager for direct combat, unlike Ker, who attacked from a distance with magic and sometimes struck with a sword.

With such a simple verbal manipulation, the "Judgment" is unlikely to be against it. Even if I were in the place of the "Saint", I would have believed it.

But these are just my assumptions, in reality, I do not know the full picture of what is happening. I logically thought about the possibilities and chose the best possible course of events, imagining myself in the place of Meris.

I would do this in his place, so that the faithful dog, oh, or rather the rat, would be at my fingertips at any time.

If you want to control others, without personal interference, put a puppet loyal to you in the place of their commander. This is the simplest and most obvious truth. At the same time, in the Middle Ages, this is a GENIUS move, and in the 21st century, it is a common practice in any company and life.

After all, this was not the case under Caesar, and here it is again. And Alexander the Great ruled the Empire on parole from the people.

But seriously, without stupid humor, thick sarcasm, and communication with my schizophrenia, I don't want to be a squad leader.

I don't need it at all.

I don't want to follow a bunch of juvenile imbeciles at all, never.

Ker, of course, having gained power, will now become arrogant and will order us, but I can challenge his order because becoming a magic knight, I have the right to challenge him to a duel. In the Middle Ages, the strongest rule and the weak are not worthy to command the strong.

And this is done in order to somehow be able to control the anger of the knights, who are able to use magic equal in power to a strategic air-to-ground missile.

Does it work?

A little, in a sense, yes.

In general, I have the opportunity to challenge the order of the commander if this order is not issued during hostilities. That is, I can freely beat my boss if he orders me to clean the toilet, but if he orders me to flee as cannon fodder, I won't be able to refuse, and if I try, I will go to court as a traitor to the motherland with subsequent execution. Para-para-pa.

A wonderful straight-line world of the wild Middle Ages with stupid dictators who consider themselves dark cardinals. And this is where I live.

Well, on the other hand, has become a magical knight, I am now considered almost a full-fledged person, unlike the life of a squire, when I was a couple of microns taller than a slave.

Eh. Social hierarchy. How wonderful it is. Like Ancient Egypt with or without Caesar... there's not much difference, except for the loss of several tons of gold.

But that's just a whole different story.

Now, Ker proudly walked out of the squad, pushing aside the nearby people, and walked towards Meris, standing next to him.

"This guy is taking command from now on. Today he will lead the night patrol of your squad. If I find out that any of you dare to violate the established order, then… Hahaha. This person is waiting for a long date with pigs with an unknown outcome."

[Aaa. So he is not even a warden, but an ordinary "six". His task is to constantly report our mistakes.]

It is unchanged at all times. The impostors are always among us.

"If everyone understood, then you can crawl away, miserable insects. I need to get Ker's responsibilities across. This will be too difficult for you stupid creatures, so go do what you can only do - carry bags. Haha."

[Finally. Already tired of listening to the slop that pours out of his rotten mouth.]

For 3 years of my life as a squire, I'm so used to being compared to the shit that I don't even consider it a provocation. Although I don't want to get used to this, because these are direct insults addressed to me, but I simply ignore them. Why would I be like this bastard with trash in his mouth?

I am an adult rational person, the hot blood that was at the age of 12 has cooled down a bit. Yes, now I am affected by hormones in the process of growth because I am 15 years old, but they cannot be compared with the constant adrenaline of childhood.

For the most part, I'm more cocky, headstrong now, and want freedom from restraints like any teenager, but I lost that childish desire to constantly move to expend energy, and I stopped acting on strong emotions.

In general, as a reborn 34-year-old man, I don't like this at all. Going through childhood and adolescence again is unpleasant. The body seems to not belong to me and all sorts of nonsense creep into my head, which is embarrassing even to think about and I want to grab my face with my hands in a scream. At the same time, it is very difficult to maintain rationality and control yourself, because sometimes you want to do stupid things unconsciously.

*Sigh*

Constant self-control is the only way not to lose yourself in this chaotic flow of emotions. Controlling every action, thought, and emotion… I would like to say so, but I still can't control my desire to fight to the point where my consciousness falls into it. I'm not perfect, I'm a combat maniac, but I can easily ignore provocations.

With gestures as if he were chasing away a swarm of pesky flies, Meris signaled that we should go about our business while he trained his trusty rat.

Which I did with his permission.

Well, I'm not interested in training domestic animals, it's not my business.

Therefore, with my soul soaring on the wings and the desire to beat someone, I ran to look for the "Saint" in order to arrange the promised sparring.

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According to the standard tradition: How do you it?

Your opinion matters! If you have any suggestions or questions, I would like to hear them.

Thanks for reading.