Chapter Sixty-five

Frigga screamed, her eyes shut tight as the tears streamed down her face and she cried and cried. Each tear made Enid's heart break, each scream had Enid fighting sobs of her own as she watched Ivar walk around the room with the girl clutched in his arms.

"It's alright, Frigga," he whispered.

"Let me try," Enid said, climbing out of bed and holding her arms out to Frigga.

Ivar went to hand her over, his face scrunching up in a tight wince, but Frigga only held onto his shirt, screaming louder and kicking her legs.

"No, no! Bap, far!"

"Alright, alright…" Ivar held her close, swaying side to side as he kissed the top of her head.

"What's wrong with her?" Enid asked.

"I don't know," he said, and when their eyes met, Enid felt his pain.

She saw it shining in his eyes, saw that sadness tear through him and hang from his shoulders. She wanted to look away then, she wanted to make everything alright and to save them both, so she reached a hand out, smoothing Frigga's forehead and the back of her neck.

"She doesn't have a fever," she said.

"Red, 'Nig."

"You want my hair, Frigga?" Enid asked, coming closer so the girl could grab a handful of her curls and Frigga yanked at them, pulling Enid's hair in her little fingers, but she closed her eyes again, screaming and crying fresh tears that turned her cheeks bright pink.

"Red, 'Nig!"

"Let's go out to the hall," Ivar sighed. "You two try to get some sleep."

Freya and Tyr nodded, both of them lying still and quiet as they watched the three of them and somehow that made it worse. That they didn't laugh, that they didn't smile and brush this away with a wave of their hands made Frigga's cries somehow heavier. Enid tried to smile to them as she kissed their heads. She tried again as she stepped out of the doorway, but somehow it didn't feel right, like her face suddenly didn't belong to her, like she had to remember the feel of each of her muscles and try to push and pull them into place just so that she could pretend to smile.

Little Frigga didn't stop. She only cried and cried as Ivar walked the length of the hall and came back to the firepit time and time again. Each time the girl grew quiet, Enid would fill with hope, her heart would grow lighter and her shoulders would rise, and then Frigga would start again, kicking and screaming until her voice was cracked and hoarse and Enid would feel that crack in her heart grow a little deeper.

This time around Ivar stayed at the firepit, crouching down and grabbing Enid's hand in his own and Enid squeezed it back, hoping that at least did something for him, hoping that small smile that curled at the corner of his lips was at least more real than her own.

The sun was up by the time Freya fell asleep, her hands finally letting go of Ivar's shirt, her cheek resting against his chest, and Ivar sighed quietly, rubbing Frigga's back and jerking his head towards the thrones. He laid Frigga down on Enid's chest when they got back to the room, wrapping the furs around them and kissing Enid's forehead.

"Let her sleep," he whispered. "Sleep as long as you want. I'll let the others know not to expect you."

"You should sleep too."

"I can't," he shook his head. "Not after that. I'll go speak with the healer and see if he says anything."

Enid reached for him then, grabbing the back of his neck and pressing her lips to his. She wanted to tell him that everything would be fine, she wanted this all to be a bad dream and for them to wake up, happy and smiling, but Ivar sighed again and this time there was little comfort in feeling his breath warm her skin and all it did was make her heart break even more. He'd already lost his wife and Enid didn't think that she'd survive his pain if Ivar lost his child as well.

When she woke, the sun was high in the sky, her limbs were aching and her heart was heavy, but Frigga was smiling, sitting on Enid's chest, her hands buried in Enid's hair and twirling it between her fingers.

"Hungry!" she said, and Enid laughed, wrapping her arms around the girl and fighting back tears.

"Are you feeling better, Freya?"

"Hungry, 'Nig!" she said again, and Enid hurried then, jumping up from bed and slipping on the second layer of her dress, not even stopping to make sure that it was straight as she rushed to the main hall with Frigga clutched to her chest, searching for a slave to ask for fresh food.

"There you are, Enid," Gro said, her head tilting to the side as a smile sprang to her lips.

"Could we get some fresh food for Frigga?" Enid asked.

"Of course," Gro waved to one of her slaves and then she stood, reaching a hand out to Frigga. "I heard the little one is sick. Please, ask me if you need anything else, Enid."

"Thank you…" Enid said, but that was all she could say before Frigga started squirming, her face going pink and her eyes shining with tears as she shied away from Gro.

"No! No, 'Nig, no!" she shook her head, and Enid held the girl tighter, cupping the back of her head and burying her in her neck.

"I'm sorry," she said to Gro. "I don't know what's wrong with her."

"That's alright," Gro laughed. "It's only natural she wants her mother when she's sick."

"But I…" Enid started, but then she could not finish.

It was true, Enid was the only mother Frigga would know. She would have no memory of Helga. She didn't even understand that Hilda shared her real mother's face or even that her cousin shared her name. Somehow that broke Enid's heart all over again. Somehow that made her feel happy, like Frigga was truly hers and she was free to love her as much as she wanted. Somehow her happiness was bitter and sour and had her asking for forgiveness.

"Out, 'Nig!" Frigga shouted later on, and Enid tried one more time to get the girl to eat another bite, but Frigga pushed the spoon away, pointing her little finger at the door and laughing. "Out!"

Enid sighed then, eyeing the bowl in front of her and deciding the girl had eaten enough, so she held her to her chest, enjoying the feel of her feet tapping at her stomach and how she pulled at Enid's hair. They were strong kicks. They were strong fingers, so strong they almost hurt. Surely she wasn't sick.

She let Frigga down in the street, following her as she walked around the marketplace, pointing and talking at the people behind the stalls. She was so different then, so young and carefree, and Enid found herself smiling, found her heart mending and growing warm as Little Frigga raced from one stall to the other, and then she was swept up into big arms, arms that held her to his chest and laughed loudly as she poked at him.

"How's my niece today?" Rolf asked, and Enid felt something dark, something twisted. grip her stomach then, her teeth gritting, her jaw clenching to stop herself from tearing Frigga away from him, but she saw Frigga rubbing her eyes, saw her smiling and leaning her head against his chest as she fell asleep.

"Slave," Rolf said, turning to her, that smile falling from his face as he glared at her. "Why didn't you tell Ivar that I'm looking for him?"

"I did."

"Don't lie."

"I did," Enid said, her hands clenching into tight fists at her side.

"So why hasn't he come to see me?" Rolf asked, and Enid stared at him, not knowing what to say, not knowing if she really cared about what he thought of her answer.

"I don't know," she said. "I just look after the children."

"Hhhmm…" Rolf hummed. "Or you're lying and you didn't tell him."

"I did tell him, Rolf. Maybe he's just upset with you," she said, and his eyes went dark and sharp and seemed to pierce Enid's skin like blades.

"Watch how you speak to me, slave," he warned. "Just because Erik likes you doesn't mean that you're free."

For a moment longer Enid still wanted to fight and her face was still scrunched up in a fierce scowl, but then she shook her head, hearing Erik's words in her ears and saying, "Sorry, Master… I don't know why Ivar hasn't come to you. I did tell him. If you don't believe me, you can ask the children."

Rolf tutted, turning his head to spit on the ground before he looked back at Enid. "Make sure you tell him again," he said. "It's important. Tell him I'll be waiting where my father used to take us fishing tomorrow morning."

Enid stared at him, wanting so desperately to ask him so much, but she couldn't find it in herself to trust him, so she nodded, reaching for Frigga and trying not to touch him as she pried the girl away.

"If you're smart, you'll walk around the market a little longer," he said. "And you'll turn right here."

She watched him go, watched him turning left and disappearing into the crowd though he stood a head taller than most, but it was those final words that confused her the most, that had her shoulders rising and her forehead furrowing in a slight crease. For a moment longer she searched for him, trying to catch sight of him if only to still that jittery, aching feeling in her stomach, but he was gone, so she shook her head, sighing as she turned right at the stall she was at and held Frigga a little closer.

Enid walked until her feet ached, stopping only to look at a stall now and again and always with her back facing the crowd. It felt like he would reach for her at any moment, that she would feel his fingers in her hair and him pressing up against her, but every time she looked out she saw only strangers.

With one last sigh she turned back, reaching the longhouse and feeling that tension ease from her shoulders. When she opened the doors, she saw them, Erik sitting there and smiling at her, Jarl Knut just beside him. She'd forgotten, forgotten what she'd learned about him, forgotten about that burning pit in her stomach, but now she couldn't think of anything else and she had to keep her eyes fixed to the floor for fear that she would find herself doing something to save the Princess.

"Slave," she heard him call.