Sinner

[CONTENT WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE]

I slowly opened my eyes, the bright light of the room piercing through my eyelids. Blinking, I tried to sit up, but my body felt heavy and unresponsive. It was then that I noticed the throbbing pain in my head, a dull ache that made my temples pulse with every heartbeat.

Looking around, I saw myself in a small, dimly lit room. The walls were made of rough stone, and the only window was tiny, letting in a sliver of light. I tried to remember how I had ended up here, but my memories were hazy, like trying to grasp at smoke. There was a fire. Then a dragon. And then... And then it was black.

"You're awake," she said, her voice soft and soothing. "How are you feeling?"

"Confused," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. "What happened?"

"Sorry, I actually don't know either," she confessed, sitting down next to me. "A couple of adventures found you lying almost dead in a forest where a firestorm had occurred. You were brought here, and after several days of rest, your condition improved dramatically. It's funny, you had a hole in your chest, but it has somehow healed, not even leaving a scar."

"...What?"

"Oops excuse me, that was inconsiderate of me. But either way, your body seems perfectly fine even with the injuries you suffered."

"You said… a firestorm... and…?" My eyes shot wide in dread, remembering the events. "W-w-were there any other injured?!" I stuttered, a little too loud.

Her eyes glued to the floor, and she sighed. "You're the only one alive. Everything and everyone else was scorched beyond recognition. Your home village was completely wiped out in less than half an hour. So sad, so tragic. No survivors. Nothing survived the inferno except for a few livestock and pets who ran away."

"No, that... That isn't my home..." I trailed off, my mind struggling to comprehend the calamity caused by my flames.

"Right, sorry," she said apologetically, rubbing her neck nervously. "Anyway, they believed it was a miracle that you weren't among the deceased. They thought maybe you escaped the flames, though no one knows how. Currently, they're searching for the culprit, but perhaps it was just a force of nature."

I took my eyes off her and glimpsed at the vivacious city outside through the window.

"Could... Could you leave me alone for some time?" I asked.

She seemed surprised by my request. "Uh, sure, okay," she said hesitantly. "I'll come back later."

With that, she stood up and left the room without another word.

I gazed down at my hands, examining them closely as if they were foreign objects. Most people would say they were smooth, devoid of blemishes or scars, but I saw the dark tragedy behind them.

They were covered in blood, dried, and caked onto my palms. Not mine, however—the villagers. Their flesh had been seared away, and their bodies burned to nothingness. If I could turn back time, I'd never let that happen. If only I had never awakened my powers. If only I didn't exist.

I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head. A tear dripped from my closed eyes.

I couldn't live like that. I had to atone.

"Mind if I enter?" sounded a semi-deep voice, followed by a few gentle knocks.

I snapped out of my daze and looked over to the door. Standing before me was a middle-aged man wearing a simple chain vest and a pair of brown leather pants. His wavy white hair hung loosely about his shoulders, tied together with a thin strip of cloth. He smiled warmly upon seeing me looking up at him with surprise.

"Oh, you're crying. Are you okay?" he asked, leaning forward to inspect me with curiosity. "I'm Joacim, by the way. My friend and I found you during a trip through the woods."

With a shaky hand, I cleared the tears from my cheeks and took a deep breath. "I need to ask you a question."

He chuckled lightly at my comment and motioned for me to continue.

"When you look at me, what do you see?" I inquired, looking directly into his eyes.

His brow furrowed slightly, puzzled by my sudden change in demeanor. "Well, I see a pretty elf girl with some interesting horns. Maybe a bit older than my lovely dovely daughter, but I wouldn't dare guess your age since my wife would scold me for being thoughtless, haha.

"That's not what I meant."

Joacim tilted his head curiously, waiting patiently for me to explain myself further.

After a brief moment of silence, I finally spoke again. "Do you see a monster within me?"

He narrowed his eyes and leaned in closer, scrutinizing my face with a perplexed expression as if trying to read a foreign language. "No, I don't see a monster. What do you mean?"

"If you look at me, does that make you feel uncomfortable? Does it give you the creeps?"

"It doesn't really bother me, no. Why should it?" he responded nonchalantly, scratching his chin.

"That's... great. I think," I muttered under my breath.

He sighed, clearly confused by my response. "I understand if the sudden attack might've given you trauma, but I can promise you this: I will find the culprit who did this to you."

I didn't respond. Instead, I turned my attention to the window and stared outside again.

"Listen, I don't know where you're from, but if you need anything, I'll try my best. There is a bar down the road that I visit often, and if you tell the owner that you're looking for me, he'll be sure to notice me."

I nodded quietly.

"I'm sure you'll get better with time. Your body's got some crazy regeneration properties, you know that?" he added jokingly, chuckling softly as he watched me fidgeting with my fingers. "Alright, I'll get going. Get well soon."

And with that, he slowly rose to his feet and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Feeling the strength return to my body, I sat upright and stretched out my arms. After examining my wounds one final time, I stood up and walked toward the window. My forehead and fingertips pressed again the cold glass pane, observing the bustling city below.

I should just kill myself.

My thoughts drifted away as I pondered on the idea of ending my life. Wasn't it easier than dealing with such misery? Wouldn't it end all this torment once and for all? I didn't have to suffer, and nor did the people around me. Everyone would be happy. Joacim didn't have to waste his time searching for a culprit either. My tribe wouldn't care either. I have no one left in this world.

Opening the window, I stood on the window ledge, ready to end it all. Death loomed before me, inviting me in, while life soared behind me, ready to catch me with the soft bed.

But all this thinking led to one conclusion—I wasn't ready yet.

I was a sinner. I can't die yet. Not before I've atoned for the deaths in the village.