Out with the mundane, in with the unknown

Someone once told me that if you blink then you miss it. I have always questioned that notion. Why is it that if you close your eyes for a few milliseconds that you can can see of experience something ever again? When I went to New York city I saw the statue of Liberty. I blinked and I did not miss it.

Just saying.

I stand in my blue gown wearing this stupid blue hat, cap , or whatever the hell they call this thing. Today is of course my high school graduation. I swear that I have never seen so many people so excited to take a walk. To be fair, it is a walk that means tat we never have to enter the God forsaken school that is Albert Lewis High.

"This is so cool!" Hilary, my best friend since the seventh grade said. "I feel so fancy! Don't you feel fancy?"

"If by fancy you mean trapped inside a monkey suit then by all means I certainly do."

"C'om Elizabeth!" Hilary let out. "It's our last day! It should be fun?"

"I think you and I have a different definition of what fun is."

"Elizabeth Jackson!" Principal Watermeyer called out.

That was of course my cue to be a good dancing little monkey. And like all good little monkeys I did what I was supposed to do. Walk the stage, smile, wave, and take my high school Diploma. I hope that people could not see through my smile. I tried my best, but I may have laid it on too thick. I was trying to hide the amount of not giving a fuck that I have found myself afflicted with.

"Elizabeth!" Mother shouted, coming over to give me a hug as father snapped a picture Being an only child, I was the only apple of my mother's and father's eye. Being that my mother was black and my father while up to this point I have not been able to figure out just who the hell I am, we always stood out. But don't worry, we're used to it.

"Great job kiddo." Father said, embracing me into his arms.

"Can we go home?" I asked.

"What?" Mother said. "We got a dinner lined up with all your friends.

"Yay." I said in my most insincere tone.

"Lizzie." Father interjected. "You only graduate from high school once. The kids call this yolo, correct?"

"Please, stop." I said, wishing for this moment to be over."

Begrudgingly I went to dinner with my parents, Hilary, her parents, Katie and her parents, and Molly with her single father. We decided on P.F Changs as it was Chinese food that was not super upscale, but a step or two above take out. There were nice Chinese murals all over the walls. Apparently each P.F Chang's murals are unique to that particular location. Who knew=? But more importantly, who cared?

We all sat at this large round table. It was cool but felt a bit too much for the moment. You would have thought that well, you know, that we had accomplished something. I mean sure, graduating high school is nice, but the bar is so low for that at this point you would have to be brain dead not to get out after four years.

"Congrats everyone!" Sam, our waiter said. "I can feel the excitement radiating from everyone!"

"More like hunger." I allowed to slip. While I was not looking to be rude, when you get those hunger pains, all courtesy goes out of the window.

"Ya know what they say, a mind without food is out of my mind." Sam responded with.

"I don't think anyone says that."

"Oh? Then it looks like I coined the phrase."

"Whatever gets us served quicker."

"True that." Sam replied. "What can I get started for ya'll?"

After taking everyone's order Sam left and now it was back to this nonsense. I know that I should be in a better mood and at least try to have fun. But all the same, I did not ask for this. Hell, I did not asked to go to high school. If I had my choice I would have stayed home, played league of legions and eat Cheetos. I guess I could have stopped once I turned 16, but I figured since I was already past the half way mark that I'd might as well continue. Not too sure what to make of that decision.

"This is so special." My mother began, making me already want to throw up even before eating. "To think that you all had no clue how to apply eye liner. And you still don't. But you are all grown up!"

"They grow up way too fast!" Molly's father butted in with.

"They sure do Bill." My mother replied. "They sure do."

"Where is Elizabeth going to school anyway?"

"Princeton of course." My father proudly proclaimed. "Only an IVY league school for my little girl."

"Dad…"

"What? You should be proud! Not everyone is as gifted and talented as you are!"

"Molly got into NYU."

"That's a solid start."

"Dad!"

"What? It's a compliment."

My father has this chip on his shoulder and wants to keep the family line of IVY league students going. He went to Harvard, his father went to Yale, and so on and so forth. To him this is the most vital thing for the family. But of course, I was never consulted on this. All I have to do is show up and do the work. Oh yeah, and do not forget to look effortlessly pretty while you're at it.

Having enough for this bogus bourgeoisie nonsense, I excused myself to go to the ladies room. On the inside I look in the mirror and I get this sense that I am just a fake person. Sure, I may be making sarcastic remarks here and giving a "tsk tsk" there, but in reality I am not truly speaking my mind. I am no worse than the girls my age who actually but this shit because I have decided to be an observer versus an active participant.

This revelation is not the kinds that make great dinners, and it is certainly not what anyone is else is currently thinking of right about now. It's all about having this bright future and all of the possibilities that being a young woman in America entails. That all sounds well and good on paper, but what if the truth of the situation is filled with bullshit?

With all this in my head I left the bathroom and bumped into our waiter Sam. He literally had his hands full. Carrying plates of food with him. Luckily he has the art of balance down pat so nothing dropped. He hardly seemed to have any anxiety over the situation at all. Having worked as a server at the local diner during the summers I know the stress is real.

"So sorry!" I blurted out.

"Hey, no harm no foul." Sam told. "By the way, I overhead that you are going to Princeton, that's awesome!"

"Yeah, my parents think so too."

"It is certainly a life changing opportunity."

"That's what I hear."

"But not your cup of tea?"

"I am not sure what my Cup of tea is."

"I understand. I was the same way. I went to college and after a semester I hated it. Took a break and traveled around Europe for a few years. I have only been in town for a month and will be leaving in another three months."

"That quick?"

"That quick."

"But why? Isn't that rash?"

"I could see that my life was going to go on a linear path. I don't know about you, but that freaked me out way more than not going to college. When I was a child I wanted life to be an adventure. By hook or by crook, that is what it has become for me."

Before this moment I had never taken the idea of taking a year off seriously. Seemed like something with people with low ambitions would do. But looking at Sam, he is enjoying his life. He is traveling, meeting new people, and gets to decide how long he stays in a place and what he will do there. I never considered such a freedom to be a possibility.

"Thanks for telling me that." I told Sam.

"I hope that helped." Sam replied. "I got to get going, people are hungry. See you soon!"

After Sam went about his business I went back to the table. I may have looked the same, but on the inside, I was already changing as a young woman. I had already somewhat began questioning this set route of being a modern independent woman and how it did not seem to have much independence at all. What was the point of all this.

"You okay Lizzie?" Father asked.

"Yeah, I think so." I spoke. "I think that I'm going to backpack through Europe next year.