4

This time I woke up to a warm body wrapping itself around me and all I could smell was strawberries and cream. I can't say I have ever felt more relaxed in my life. I opened my eyes to see that Deku had crawled on top of me, his face was snuggling into my chest and I saw the light coming in my window hitting him on the head. Ah, it must have been in his face. I look at my alarm clock and see that it's still only 5 in the morning, normally I would have been up already working out or studying trying to forget whatever nightmare I had while I was at it. 

For the first time in years I didn't wake up screaming in a panic covered in sweat. I take deep breaths willing myself to fall back asleep for another hour but it wasn't happening. I turn careful not to disturb Deku, his body sliding off of me onto the reverse side as before, so now he is facing the wall. I was about to get up and let him use my pillow instead of my chest when I felt him grab me.

I looked down to see his face all scrunched up as he held me with a death grip, I wonder what he is dreaming about? I relaxed again and slowly ran my fingers through his hair, he seemed fine with it last night so this should be fine now. Right? It didn't take long before he relaxed his hold on me again and he was snuggled into me like before. 

Fuck this is bad, my crush was laying in my bed on my chest holding me. He is gay and he knows I am gay. What happens if he figures it out? I mean I don't have to worry about him judging me for being gay obviously because he is too but I bullied him. I was like his own personal villain growing up, for fucks sake I even told him to take a swan dive. 

I don't even know when I started crying, I was just clinging onto him like my life depended on it breathing in his scent trying to calm down it just wasn't working. I don't know when he woke up or when he started rubbing my back and shushing me. All I really know was that one second he was asleep and the next he wasn't. I didn't get mad, I didn't act tough or blow up. I just cried, why did I have to lose my best friend? Why did I have to fuck it up so badly? When this quirk wore off things would go back to the way it was and I would be all alone again. 

I can't stand the way the Bakusquad were so pushy all the time. Or how they were always praising me for the bare minimum. Can't they see I can do better? Why can't they help me grow or get stronger? Kirishima is the only one who even tries by dragging me off to go work out. Maybe that's the reason I tolerate them. In their own way they are trying. But Deku is willing to take me head on. He could pull it all out of me, make it to where I need to catch my breath when we are done. Deku makes me want to be better. 

'I'm here Kacchan, I'm here.' His voice whispered in my ears. Somehow my face was now pressed into his neck and his mouth was right next to my ear. I almost killed him, the thought was terrifying and I could feel my heart racing, no I need to calm down. I was spiraling and I knew it, a panic attack wasn't far off. 

"Kacchan, I'm here. Do you feel my heartbeat? Listen,' his words made me choke, do I feel his heartbeat? I almost stopped it! What right do I have? Before I could finish the thought I felt a hand in my hair holding me closer and actually pushing me against his neck. I could feel his heartbeat, just barely but it was there. I take a deep shuddering breath and press harder against him. 

His heartbeat was strong and slow. Doki-Doki, Doki-Doki. I concentrated on his warm body still holding me, his heartbeat playing a lullaby only for me. I want to hold him tighter, closer but instead I could feel myself drifting off again. My mind slowly covered in darkness, 'Don't leave me again, please?' I whisper and even this close to sleep I feel him nod before nothing. 

***

*Beep*Beep*Beep*

I groggily reached up searching for that damn alarm clock but when I found it another hand was under mine. 'Good morning Kacchan,' my eyes fly open and I see Deku cuddled on my chest slowly rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

'Morning,' I hum and for once I mean it. I feel great, like something huge was taken off of my chest but I couldn't really remember what? Wait, I actually slept until 6? When was the last time that even happened? 'If sleeping all night like this is a regular thing maybe you should sleep over more often?' I say not thinking while stretching. My body just feels so much lighter even if I'm a little cramped up. 

'Yes! I'll come over every night!' I look down to see Deku smiling that 100 watt smile of his. Damn he can really put the sun to shame. 

'Don't push yourself, besides what will the extras think?' I actually chuckled. 'Not going to lie though, I haven't felt this good waking up since...' I trailed off my movements stopping as I did. 

'Since when?' I see Deku looking at me with those big worried eyes of his. Should I tell him? Should I really tell him the truth? If there was a chance that I could get my friend back, shouldn't I take it?

'Since the sludge villain attack, it started out small, you know, nightmares of suffocating mostly or people laughing that I was so weak that a quirkless kid was the one to save me. But then we came to UA and the USJ attack happened. And then camp and...' I tried to explain but I ended up trailing off again. I shook the thought from my head, 'Well life just kept throwing shit at me and now the nightmares are just a part of my life now.' 

I look back down at the greenette still curled up on my chest. His eyes were big like he couldn't believe what he was hearing and I started getting uncomfortable. 

'Look forget I even said anything it was stupid to anyway.' I started to sit up trying to pull away from him, I never thought I would see judgment in his eyes, out of everyone he was the last person I expected. 

'No, tell me more. I want to understand, I miss talking like this like when we were kids. Please? I want my best friend back?' I freeze at that. 

'You still see me as your best friend? After everything I did to you? Deku that isn't healthy,' I couldn't understand. How is this even possible?

'Well I mean? I-I-I...' He was fumbling with his words and I laid back down letting him curl up back on my chest. 

'Deku, I hurt you. I hurt you in a way that no one ever should. Like a villain.' I spoke slowly trying to make him understand. 'I don't deserve your forgiveness, I don't deserve to be your friend. Hell I don't deserve to talk to you so how can you still look at me like that?' 

'But I need you,' I see him starting to cry again, his arms around me refusing to let me go. 

'But do you want me? Do you want me in your life?' Why in the fuck am I asking him this? He is basically giving me the very thing I want more than life itself and that was a chance to be better. 

'More than anything else in the world.' I stare down at his big beautiful emerald green eyes for a long time. 

'Okay, when this is all done we can just... Keep going?' My heart was in my throat and I could feel my heartbeat picking up. Is this real? Does he really want me? Why me? 

'Thank you so much Kacchan!' He threw his arms around my neck. Is this a good idea? Is it the right thing to do?

My alarm started blaring again and I see it's 7:30. My time to leave for school. We both shot up in surprise and jumped up getting ready for school faster than ever before. We raced down the stairs and ran out the door. We ran into class just as the bell rang signaling the start of the day. 

"So glad you two could join us, take a seat." Aizawa Sensei sighed looking at us. 

"Well maybe if someone wasn't knocking on my door at fucking 2 in the god damn morning I wouldn't have slept through my alarm!" I growled back at him before walking to my seat. I see Deku bow politely to him before sitting in his seat behind me. 

"Oh and what's Midoriya's excuse?" He turned his eyes to him and I scoffed getting it back on me. 

"He literally only wakes up to the All Might theme song, since we were brats. I made him turn that shitty alarm off last night," I rolled my eyes hoping that my lie didn't raise any suspicions but everyone seemed to buy it and we started with classes. 

At lunch time Deku again followed me to the cafeteria and sat down next to me. His squad sat next to him and mine next to me. I find it funny that even knowing he can't talk to them they insist on trying anyway. Icyhot was the only one who seemed to give him his space and I have to thank god that he was the one sitting next to him today. Yesterday Pink Cheeks was almost sitting in his lap!

"Bro, I still don't understand why you let him sleep in your room last night?" Kirishima was whining and I couldn't help rolling my eyes. 

"Why does it even fucking matter to you?" I groan. Seriously, how long is he going to keep coming back to that? I take a bite of my noodles trying to ignore the whole thing. 

"Kirishima is correct even with your bet Midoriya should have been in his own room not yours. It's unbecoming of a hero to break simple school rules like this." Four Eyes lectures doing his weird robotic arms and Deku saw the movements and the fact he was looking at me before throwing himself in front of me before I could send an explosion at him. 

'Deku don't you fucking dare! He deserves it!' I started screaming and he responded yelling back. 

'Kacchan he is my friend and a good person!' He managed to keep his voice down but I already gained almost everyone's attention by shouting what sounded like gibberish. I grumbled before taking my only half eaten tray to dump and put away. I sat back down still growling unhappily next to Deku who was still eating. Kirishima on my other side. 

"Bro if you're that upset about not exploding in someone's face just use mine. It's not like I can't take it." He said around a mouthful of his own food and I sent an explosion in his face. 

"Happy now?" I asked him only for him to smile back at me. Why does he even like me? Why do any of these extras like me? At least Deku knew me when I was half way a decent person. What about the rest of these extras? They don't know the first thing about me. We've spent almost three years together and I don't think any of them know my favorite color is green. Let alone anything else about me.

We end up going back to class and finishing the day out. Today Deku and I had extra training with All Might but he sent a text saying he got roped into a staff meeting and wouldn't be able to make it. Well that's one headache I don't need to figure out for now. Tomorrow Deku and I had our internships to worry about but it should be fine. They always pair us up anyway. 

We made our way to the dorm kitchen and I threw the food in the oven while I started preparing for tomorrow night's dinner. Did I mention none of them knew how to fucking boil water? I put the food in a slow cooker on low. Chili, it will be ready come dinner time tomorrow after cooking all night and day. I turn back and motion towards the stairs talking normally because Kaminari and Mineta just walked in. 

I knew he couldn't understand what I was saying but he quickly picked up his things and walked towards the stairs like he did. I followed ignoring Dunce Face as I do. Maybe he just likes horrible people? Even I think the purple grape is disgusting and disturbing. I shake the thought from my head before pulling out my phone and sending a text in the class chat. 

Dynamight: Oi Four Eyes take the food out of the oven 10 minutes before dinner to cool unless you want to eat burnt food. 

I watched several people respond with nonsense until I saw him respond with just understood. I can practically hear him sighing from here. Because of our training with All Might the class was used to us not coming to dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays so they were just happy I bothered to cook. Of course they didn't know why we weren't here but they knew it was an every week thing.  They always set a plate out for each of us too so when we got back late we could still eat. I cooked, they cleaned, that was the deal.