The Desert

I appeared in a pristine desert. No plants ruining the sand piled up into dunes for me. It was coarse, rough, irritating, and got everywhere. Reminded me of the time I killed my step son in an unarmed duel to the death.

Good times.

A purple skin tight lancer outfit adorned my ultimate chad bod, complete with what appeared to be a black dragonhide leather shoulder harness that crossed my pillowy man bosom. It came with a matching wide warrior belt and calf high boots which between them held a pair of black and gold silk brocade pantaloons.

I usually preferred more armor, but at least I had numerous throwing daggers strapped around my body, though the bright red spear just screamed LANCER, so no one will be surprised by my primary fighting style.

Nearby my daughters stood clutching their heads in similar outfits just with padded silk vests and skirts over their skin tight lancer outfits . Emmy wielded a short golden spear wrapped in sealing linen, and Kunou carried its longer red brother similarly wrapped.

"Oooo… Daddy, it hurts." Emmy complained.

I knelt next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, "Sorry baby, but we came to this singularity as a singular Hero, meaning you and Kunou are getting a crash course in how to use all of Daddy's skills and abilities as a Lancer."

And what a list those were. This time Cannibal King was my only innate ability from foreign sources and everything else came from in verse. Namely, Magic Resistance A, Divinity A+, Riding A+, Eternal Arms Mastery A+, Instinct A, Mind's Eye Fake B, Mind's Eye True B, Throwing/Retrieval A, and Battle Continuation EX. For Phantasms we had Gae Bolg, Gae Buidhe, and Gae Dearg.

As a side hustle I could summon Bucy for our cannibal extravaganza so we didn't need to hike through this desert. With a whistle, the big black horse that once bore Iskandar trotted up after magically appearing off screen.

"Good Bucy. Gonna eat some folks soon, buddy." I assured the horse as I mounted him and pulled my daughters up in front of me.

The wild black stallion let out an eerie chuckle and we began trotting to the immaculate White City in the distance.

"It's a shame we couldn't have arrived sooner and got the whole Round Table." I sighed as we traveled, "But at least the ones left are all incredibly powerful, and there are still the Egyptians and Assassins to consider. It's a goddamn feast, girls."

"Are we really here to eat people, new Daddy." Kunou asked filled with uncertainty.

"Yes we are." I smiled, "We are going to eat lots of tasty people, and help save the human race while we are at it."

"Who are we saving them from?" Emmy asked.

"Remember your brother, Goetia?" I led.

"Yeah. The golden deer guy." Emmy nodded.

Indeed, Goetia was a super swole golden deer man hybrid with ape like proportions and a weird bloodshot eye in his chest. Honestly I don't even know why the Queen of Sheba wanted to make him so bad. Sure he has some kick ass clairvoyance and magic and is probably the only one of my kids with any chance in hell of beating me in a fight…

You know what, I'll stop right there. Kid can fight me, so he is worth the hype.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a sail cart fly through the air and crash after it launched itself off a dune. Bucy turned course with just a small squeeze of my leg, taking us to the man, the myth, the self-insert protagonist, Ritsuka Fujimura and his pair of servants: everyone's kohai, Mash, and the genderbent genius, DaVinci.

And the most adorable of murderbeasts, Fou. Can't forget him.

"Need some help there?" I called out as Ritsuka failed to pushed the sail cart back over.

"No need. I will handle it." Denied Mash, the pink haired demi servant who reminded me all too much of Ram and Rem from Re: Zero.

Come to think of it, Fou and Puck are also very similar. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

Mash had little trouble getting the cart back on its wheels, and DaVinci called us over to the top of a crater, overlooking a recently destroyed town.

"Hey there, beautiful." I grinned as I dismounted and walked to the woman sporting an America themed outfit with a big robo fist, "How about we let the kids handle this singularity and you and go out for drinks, get to know each other more… intimately."

"I used to be a man." DaVinci tried to stop me with that tidbit.

She failed.

"I used to be a krogan, but alas, we must make do with the fleshy bits we inhabit in the now." I sighed, "And currently your fleshy bits are set to fuckable. Mind's Eye True girl. That body is all woman and damn fine."

"Sir, there are children present." Ritsuka complained and tried to cover Emmy and Kunou's ears, but failed as he only had two hands.

"How do you think I got them? Game, son." I side eyed the attempted cock blocker.

"Tell you what." DaVinci smiled, "Help us handle this situation and I'll get you summoned so we can get that drink at the bar back at Chaldea."

"How bout I raise you and pinky become my concubines and I'll put the Beasts in their place and save the Human Order?" I countered and put my hand out, "Put'er there, we can shake and make it happen."

DaVinci's face twitched at the offer and Mash turned red from her atomic blush.

"That's quite the claim." DaVinci sounded unconvinced.

"Tell you what." I smirked, "I'll keep the offer open till the end of the singularity and when I once more have the Grail in hand, you get to decide the fate of Humanity. After all, I am a reasonable man. Right now it just sounds like a lady's man working his angle to get in your panties, but I assure you now..."

I grinned as I put my spear across my shoulders, "You ain't ever seen a Servant like me."