7 Lighting Shark Attack

You aren't supposed to see the bride in her dress before her big walk down the aisle, but when have I ever cared about other people's traditions? I do what I want, which is why I am currently helping Rias very slowly and with maximum contact into the the white gown she chose for our wedding.

The handful of days we have spent in Sobotka had greatly eased the hesitancy and tension she felt towards acts of intimacy with me, and she'd even begun initiating them herself such as right now. We kissed as we performed a reverse strip show, languidly covering up her ridiculously sinful body.

We may have lacked that easy chemistry I had with Seekvaira, but Rias truly was the easiest girl to romance and manage in the setting. She'd built up such an unrealistic image of Riser Phenex that literally anyone would be a step up from him so long as they weren't some word salad spewing talkative loon and she felt like she had chosen him for herself.

She honestly believed the guy would pimp her out as a party favor, like somehow after the wedding she would suddenly stop being Sirzechs' sister and a descendant of Zekram Bael. Humiliating her like that is a death sentence. But lets not forget that the villains of DxD tend to be completely suicidal morons, so maybe she is right.

At least they have the good grace to fight and die, unlike other franchises where the villain always gets away to drag out the drama for as long as possible.

Talking about you Kai mother fucking Lang you cutscene bitch.

God, I still hate that guy and I destroyed Cerberus in my verse before he was ever a participant in the war against the Reapers. He is just that unlikable.

Anyway, our pre wedding fun was interrupted by an inbound Devil teleportation and the reveal of the sexiest milf maid in the setting, Grayfia Lucifuge. I've never been a fan of the maid schtick, as I prefer my partners to be strong and confident and passionate. Demure and cold just don't do it for me, but damn. Girl could get it up with just a smile.

"Ah, Grayfia, all according to plan." I channeled my inner Ultra Chad Sosuke Aizen.

"Truly?" Grayfia questioned faintly.

"Of course." I insisted.

"I found you by coincidence." She revealed.

"Ah coincidence. My old foe." I nodded, "Just as planned."

"You believe coincidence is your personal enemy?" If Grayfia was inclined to intone, her voice would be full of doubt.

"Why else would she seek to foil my plans so often." I told her while still holding on to Rias, as a lover or a live shield was up to the interloper's interpretation.

"Well your plans have been foiled this time. Release Princess Gremory and submit to arrest." Grayfia ordered.

"All according to plan." I continued my charade, really wishing that I was wearing my armor right now.

With a waive of her hand Grayfia cast a diagnostic spell on Rias and we both stiffened at the result.

"All…" I started.

"If you say this was a part of some plan I will destroy you." Grayfia interrupted.

"Okay." I broke character, "I admit that none of this was a part of any plan and that I have been flying by the seat of my pants this entire time. And I regret nothing."

"What is going on right now?" Rias spoke up for the first time, finally unfrozen from her initial dread at the sight of her brother's wife.

"You are pregnant." Grayfia announced, "Congratulations. You have not only dragged the name of Gremory through the mud by sleeping with this rapscallion, but you have the added dishonor of breeding with him while engaged to marry another. Truly the House of Gremory weeps this day."

"Pregnant?" Rias squeaked, "How?"

"Ahh. Wow." I sighed, "If I had known I needed to explain to you where babies come from I would have definitely not fornicated with you. I am a man of discriminating taste."

I definitely deserved the slap that came swiftly to my face. Never turn sex with your lover into a joke. After rubbing some of the pain out of her hand I took both of them into mine and smiled.

"Take a deep breath." I told her, "This is a very good thing. A very happy discovery."

"Really? Because it feels…" she started.

"Like the happiest moment of our lives to date." I interrupted her, "Don't worry, don't overthink, just be grateful. Most couples in our species try for centuries to produce a single child and fail. That's not a fate we will suffer."

Rias finally took that deep breath and nodded her head as she looked me in the eyes.

"As…" Grayfia hesitated as she found the proper way to describe the situation, "touching as this has been to see. This changes nothing. The pair of you will come with me to Lord Lucifer."

"I will need to readjust the various mind magic I have placed around the city then I will return to my bride's side." I told the 'strongest' Queen, "I do not care for whatever deals have been struck and whatever stories have been fabricated. I will come for Rias and the child, even if I have to do so over the corpses of the entire Phenex family."

"Big talk for a man who has never seen true combat." Grayfia passionlessly snarked as she took hold of Rias and gently yanked her from my grasp.

"You feel my power." I said to her, "This is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Handle your business, Astaroth." Grayfia commanded, "My King awaits your presence."

Both women left in a flash and I sat on the nearby bed and laughed. What were the odds… completely infeasible. Somehow in a race full of lazy swimmers and barren wombs I had somehow impregnated one of the most beautiful, connected, prestigious girls in less than a week of sleeping with her.

What a day.


After fixing the minds of the people of Sobotka to believe that Rias and I were called away due to a death in her family, I arrived home on my porch and saw a small familiar waiting for me. It silently sent word back to its master of my arrival and in a flash appeared a grinning Seekvaira.

A roll in the hay with the gorgeous glasses wearing girl was exactly what I needed right now to take my mind off the glorious mess I made with the Gremorys.

Not that the mess didn't excite me. Each level of drama created with that action made life just that much more worth living.

"I have great news!" She squealed and threw her arms over my neck.

Huh. This feels familiar.

"I'm pregnant!" yeah, that's it.

I will need to run experiments on the level of combustible drama created and Devil impregnation. There seems to be a strong correlation, but if I can prove causation that would sure be something.

"You don't seem very excited." She frowned.

"No no." I denied, "I am absolutely thrilled. I just have some big news for you too." I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a quick kiss.

"I don't see how any other news could possibly compare at this moment." Seekvaira stated.

"Rias is pregnant too." I told her bluntly.

"How exactly does that matter to us?" Seekvaira gritted her teeth.

"It's mine." I answered.

"Well isn't that just something." Seekvaira growled, "Diodora Astaroth the Allfather. Lock up your wives and daughters because he is knocking up everyone out here."

"You have to admit the odds I overcame are incredible." I nodded, "It's like I got hit by lightning and then attacked by a shark."

"I am so happy for you and all you've overcome. It must have been truly hard work." she snarked dripping with acidic sarcasm.

"Married to two tight windows of opportunity." I agreed with her like a jackass, "Speak the truth about how you are more pissed about sharing the spotlight and I will make it worth your while."

"Damnit!" she shrieked, "She always has to be the center of attention. I finally thought I had one thing to hold over her besides the whole not getting married to a loser thing, and she goes and does this. Now no one will care that I am the first girl in our generation to get pregnant. Fuck Rias Gremory!"

"I did." I smirked and then showed off her reward by hanging my tongue out of my mouth and using magic to grow it longer till it U-turned around my chin and came back up to touch my forehead.

Seekvaira looked at my magically enhanced tongue, shuddered, then said, "Fuck the hell yes."

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