Lancer Luck

In a flash of light I transcended Dio, I transcended Arthur, I hooked up to Akasha and downloaded a new playable skin. Looking down at the finely articulated and angled sapphire plate armor I felt mighty fine. I'd tried plenty of times to pull off the paladin look, but the work of my hands can't help but be… brütal. I took off the helmet and spotted a neat feature, rather than the Artoria lion helm, mine looked more like Shield Liger. The Grail has good taste in it's DLC reskins. 10/10 would eat Artoria again.

I was all for the white cape after I determined it would tear right off after someone gave it a yank, but the fur decorations had me worried right up until I tried to grab it and my finger slipped right off it like a greased pig. Fucking slick, pun intended, but the cape and the fur mantle and head piece were all traps, and I am all about clever shit like that.

"Archer?" Rin asked with uncertainty.

"Yeah?" I answered, not the type to act like something is wrong to a genuinely concerned partner.

"What happened?" she inquired of my new knightley image.

"I took enough of King Arthur's kit to merit a reskin. Maybe a class change. Don't start calling me SAIBA unless you want to sleep on the couch when we get back." I chuckled as I transferred both chain daggers to my left arm and snatched up Excalibur with my right.

The thrill of power as the sword entered my grasp felt like raw sexual lighting coursing through my veins. And then the sword changed in a flash of light to it's Proto-Excalibur version.

"Mother fucker!" I shouted.

Proto Excalibur is the regular non genderbent King Arthur's sword. Way more ornate and beautiful, way more powerful even, but with thirteen mother fucking seals on its EX power. Seven of the thirteen conditions have to be met to use the True Name of Excalibur.

If this motherfucking beat stick thinks I am going to let a bunch of losers wanking off to chivalry stop me from achieving its ultimate power, then it has another thing coming. Challenge accepted, sword!

At least I was able to get Avalon out of Shirou after digging him out of the rubble no problem, the wonderful sheathe providing me with Wolverine style healing and a Fuck Off Barrier no muss no fuss. Take notes sword, this is how a proper Noble Phantasm do.

After making sure the kid would live long enough to fix his fucked up shed, Rin and I left for home and on the path encountered a man in a blue body suit with a blood red spear resting accross his shoulder.

"Already killed two servants today." I grinned and drew Excalibur Disappointment in one hand, "And the bog bastard has come for the hat trick!"

"A FEB hitting me right in the Irish. Who'd have thought the dull fog-breather would have the wit for it." Cu Chulainn laughed, "Nice bit with bringing up the other Servants. I'm shaking in my boots over here."

"It's quite the chatty lamb." I grinned a happy cannibal smile, "You got anything going for you other than foot speed?"

"I may have a trick or two?" he grinned and spun his spear around to point at me, "Too bad I was only sent out to 'observe'."

The lying bastard's spear lit up with a murderous red aura and he charged out while screaming 'Gae Bolg!'

Despite the flashy lead up, the strike itself was a thing of beauty, rewriting causality to have his spear pierce my heart despite me blocking the attack. But then luck came into play.

Cu Chulain's eyes widened in shock as his thrust traveled over my shoulder through the white fur color around my neck, and his face grimaced as he looked down at the positioning of my sword in his belly.

"A rank luck." I told him.

"Fucking… E Rank… Lancer Luck." He growled and gasped as I twisted the blade and wrenched it out of his side.

"If you'd shown up this morning you would have wrecked me." I grinned as he collapsed to his knees, "I rolled Archer on this go around, but get to keep what I kill."

"Damn…it." He gritted out his final curse before I opened his chest up with Excalibur and pulled his heart out to devour.

"That's three down." I grinned at my master as I sheathed Excalibur and kicked Cu's spear up over my shoulders like a yoke, just like he'd had it.

"At this rate, this will be the shortest Grail War ever." She yawned as we walked home in the predawn darkness.

"Especially since we will get Assassin and Caster two for one later tonight." I grinned at the easy kills.

With my magic resistance and Atronach Noble Phantasm I could walk through Medea and Kojiro literally wasn't strong enough to cut through my skin. Easy stat points.

"Have you thought of a wish for the Grail to fulfill?" Rin asked me.

"Not anything worth releasing the corruption of the Grail on this world." I sighed.

"Repeat that last bit." Rin ordered.

"The corruption of the Grail." I told her, "Basically the Einzburgs gave the Grail cancer during the Third War, and now if anyone wishes on the Grail it will release that cancer back on the world with the full power of the servants it has consumed during the ritual."

"The fire at the end of the last war!" Rin gasped in realization.

"Mhmm." I nodded, "And it did that with only five Servants."

"Then we need to stop it!" Rin announced, "Stop the ritual before even more power is accumulated. How could you have participated knowing this?"

"Because if we don't fight, the Grail will summon more Servants and masters to finish the job. Then it would have even more power to unleash." I answered grimly.

"Then what can we hope to do?" Rin spat in exasperation.

"We can kill it, like they tried and failed to in the last war." I said, "Or we can try to exorcise the Grail cancer. I can think of a couple of rituals that would get the job done, but we need your sister to do so."

"Sakura? Why?" Rin's face pinched at the sore subject.

"Zouken has turned her into an alternative Lesser Grail. A Dark Grail." I answered, "Through Sympathetic magic we can purge the evil from your sister and strike out at the Grail at the same time. Also finish off Zouken when he manages to survive the murder I am going to do on his decrepid old man bod. Fucking winning!"

"If you save my sister… I'll let you fuck my ass." she nodded her head in determination.

"It's cute that you thought I wasn't going to raid those cheeks when we got home." I laughed and threw her over my shoulder after shifting Gae Bolg.

"You beast!" She cried and pounded my head with her fists.

"Call me Daddy."

Servant: Dio (Archer)

Parameters

Strength: B+ (47)—>A+(51 Surpassed Grail War Imposed Cap)

Endurance: A++ (56 —>61 Surpassed Grail War Imposed Cap)

Agility: C (34—>39)

Mana: E(19)—>D(22)

Luck: A (50)—>A(52 Surpassed Grail War Imposed Cap)

Noble Phantasm: EX

Skills

>Divinity: B<

Magic Resistance: A

Independent Action: A

Aim: A

Battle Continuation: EX

Charisma: A

Monstrous Strength: B

Mana Burst: A

Instinct: A

Thick Skin: C (Nullifies Strike and Projectile Damage C rank and Below)

Blood Rage: A (Upon Entering Battle can temporarily +Strength and ++Endurance, becoming incapable of feeling pain and regenerating rapidly at the cost of massively increased prana consumption)

Noble Phantasms

Cannibal King: EX (Servants do not dematerialize upon death, allowing Dio to consume them to pilfer 10% of their true stats and possibly take Skills and Noble Phantasms. Upon Master kill, the servant quickly loses energy until left as a normal human performance wise)

The Atronach: A (50% of incoming magic attacks are converted to usable energy)

Dragon Piercing Shot: A (Anti Fortress, launch one Energy Beam style attack)

>Proto Excalibur: C-EX<

Avalon:EX

Gae Bolg: Soaring B+ (The one that explodes, not the one that auto stabs hearts)