Jolly Good

I sat in my chair with a sharp toothed smile and wine glass as lil Illya ran off the private jet squealing in joy.

"We're in Japan!" she screamed as the new and improved members of the Einzbern family moved around her.

I took in a deep breath and laughed, "Smells like a war's on. God, I love Fate. Just me and some other big name killas locked in a little city with nothing to do but hunt down and slaughter each other night after night. Tres magnifique."

"Are you sure you don't want Kiritsugu's help in the war?" my mother-in-law asked with polite concern.

"Absolutely not." I grinned, "I am going to take a very enthusiastic walk through Fuyuki, and you all are to use the command seals as soon as it seems trouble has found you to teleport me and for no other reason. I am a proven winner, just enjoy your family's new freedom and leave the war to me. I live for this."

"I'm not very happy that Illyasviel is married to such a violent man." Irisviel sighed and Kiritsugu and I looked at her like a pair of poleaxed fools.

Did she forget that her husband is a globe trotting contract killer?

Stepping off the plane I adjusted my white tie and purple sunglasses to begin my hunt. First stop the midnight docks.

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"Welcome, welcome." Diarmuid Ua Duibhne greeted me as we faced off between the sea side shipping containers, "All day I searched the city as you have, and all the others simply slinked back into their holes, but that violent energy surrounding you… I knew you were the one, THAT WOULD TAKE UP THE CHALLENGE!"

He pointed his red spear at me with the shorter golden spear resting on his shoulder.

I clapped my white gloved hands a few times and grinned, "Jolly good."

I burst into motion materializing my golden sword, tower shield, and sapphire and gold armor. I came at Lancer like a man shaped jet, easily tearing the sound barrier to shreds using Mana Burst and my own natural A tier agility.

The longsword Excalibur fit in my bear paw of a hand like a bastard sword, its length fitted for the much shorter King Arthur. Despite the lethal edge of my sword, I led with my shield, swiping his spear out of my way forcing him to deflect my sword with his shorter weapon while dancing to get back into the ideal range of the longer, preventing him from pressuring me with either on the approach.

"You are dressed like a valiant knight, yet you seem completely uninhibited by these rules under which we battle that prevent us from even exchanging names." Diarmuid scoffed as he struck from twice with his spears failing to get around my shield.

"My honor can be found in the intensity in which I hunt my foes." I stated as we made a few more high speed exchanges, "In the dogged pursuit." a shield bash followed by a thrust that opened a cut on the Lancer's face, "In the unrestrained battle." a bright light shone from my blade as I released a weak arc of sword light that caught the Lancer off guard and landed a cut on his outside calf, Diarmuid charged in and I slid my sword and shield along the inside of his weapons before we traded kicks that bounced him back into his preferred distance.

"And in the post fight feasting." I grinned under my completely enveloped helmet which bore six runes for 'sight', two more for 'sound' and two for 'breath' and 'scent', completely protecting me from blinding, deafening, and poisonous or toxic fumes and smoke.

"At least you have the heart of a real warrior, if not the manners." Diarmuid grinned as we traded more blows and he walked away with a shallow cut along his hip, "And your swordsmanship is impeccable."

"I trained and studied for ten years with excellent instructors and manuscripts, and fought the greatest swordsman of my time, a man of incredible strength, speed, skill, and force of will." I laughed, "I battled him for many hours but could not prevail against him, for he wielded a powerful magic that pulled his wounds together so tightly that it did not matter how I cut or stabbed him. Eventually, I drove him into a fire and he burned to death, his magic unable to keep the blaze from consuming him."

"A fine tale of an excellent battle." the Irishman grinned, "How do I compare?"

"You would defeat him." I declared without hesitation, "Those magic spears of yours would have countered him perfectly."

"So you have seen through them, " Diarmuid smiled as he executed a retreating spin, stabbing each spear at me multiple times at high speed, "As I have seen through you and that sword, King Arthur!"

Kayneth Archibald appeared above us atop a nearby building and demanded that Diarmuid use his Noble Phantasm to finish the fight.

The Irish hero dropped his golden spear on the ground and the runic bindings on his long red spear turned to smoke in the wind.

"You hear the command." He smirked, "It is time to finish this."

Diarmuid wielded his single red spear with far greater force in both hands than he had with his previous dual wielding efforts, but it all came to not when his spear failed to get past my shield.

"That is a wondrous weapon. So deadly to the many enchanted weapons and armors wielded by our contemporaries, but the defensive qualities of my armor and shield are not magical at all, I am simply garbed in metal of the highest quality."

Diarmuid retreated as I charged with the last word, but I was far faster than him this time and my sword's pommel came down on his head, breaking open his skull.

"Come on!" I cried as I stepped away from the brain damaged man and pulled off my helmet to watch him spasm as he tried to keep his feet and step to me, "Come on! Come on, Diarmuid! COME ON!"

Diarmuid flopped to the ground in defeat and I shouted at him.

"You're no daisy! You're no daisy at all!" then I knelt down beside him and pressed the tip of Excalibur to his chest, "Poor soul, you were just too high strung."

Carving out his heart I began the post fight feast and my eyes widened in shock as for the first time ever, I gained the fullness of a Servant's abilities. My senses all sharpened with the increase to my powers of observation and a single perfect mole appeared under my eye. I became the master of Gae Dearg and Gae Buidhe.

With a roar and the clashing of lighting and thunder, Iskandar appeared in his divine bulls pulled chariot, the Gordius Wheel.

"Cease this terrible desecration of our noble foe!" he shouted with arms upheld, "For I am a king! I am Iskandar, King of Conquerors! In this battle for the Holy Grail I am of the Rider Class of Servants!"

I clapped my armored hands and smiled a smile of bloody fangs.

"Jolly good."

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Servant: Dio (Saber)

Parameters

Strength: A+ (50 Holy Grail War Imposed Limit)

Endurance: A++ (50 Holy Grail War Imposed Limit)

Agility: A+ (50 Holy Grail War Imposed Limit)

Mana: C (37---> 39)

Luck: A (50 Holy Grail War Imposed Limit)

Skills

Divinity: A

Mana Resistance: A

Mana Burst: A

Instinct: A

Mind's Eye (Fake): B

>Mind's Eye (True): B<

>Love Spot: C<

Battle Continuation: EX

Thick Skin: C (Nullifies Strike and Projectile Damage C rank and Below)

Blood Rage: A (Upon Entering Battle can temporarily +Strength and ++Endurance, becoming incapable of feeling pain and regenerating rapidly at the cost of massively increased prana consumption)

Noble Phantasms

Cannibal King: EX (Servants do not dematerialize upon death, allowing Dio to consume them to pilfer 10% of their true stats and possibly take Skills and Noble Phantasms. Upon Master kill, the servant quickly loses energy until left as a normal human performance wise. No longer capable of breaking imposed stat cap.)

Phrik Armor: A (Reduces all damage by 90%)

Excalibur: A++

>Gae Buidhe: B<

>Gae Dearg: B<