chapter 1 school
Exhale deeply...Yet another monotonous day in this unpleasant environment.
"Mr. Flynn"
What is the purpose of my attendance? As I gaze through one of the three large glass windows, I am disturbed by the unpleasant view of contaminated gas.
"Mr. Flynn"
From a neighbouring factory situated opposite the school, my gaze descends to the street below, where vehicles traverse the road incessantly. It is a quite unpleasant sight.
Mr. Flynn!
I am abruptly interrupted from my introspective musings as I raise my gaze to the unpleasant sight and origin of that piercing sound, only to behold an even more disagreeable presence in the form of my mathematics teacher. Mr. O'Shea is a middle-aged man in his early 40s, characterised by his short stature, bald head, and distinctive physique, which includes a prominent beer belly that is fortunately hidden beneath his suit. His face is marked by numerous wrinkles, a result of his constant frowning throughout the day. Although I wish I were exaggerating, his current expression reveals a combination of suppressed annoyance and resignation.
"Yes, sir, what is it?" I inquire with a poker look.
As the Sir responds to my words, he instinctively brings two fingers to the bridge of his nose and releases a substantial sigh of resignation. Meanwhile, my classmates respond with giggles, as if this were a common event, which is not far from reality. In fact, such occurrences happen more frequently than I care to recall, although not as often as with my other subject teachers, who can be particularly tiresome to handle. However, I must clarify that my actions are not motivated by malice or a desire to please. Rather, I simply detest the constraints of the school environment and the obligation to spend six hours a day in this unappealing place.
"Mr. Flynn" For the sake of utmost reverence, I implore you to listen to my words and devote your full attention during class. This marks the final occasion where the majority of you will partake in a mathematics lesson before undertaking your ultimate mathematics General Certificate of Secondary Education (GCSE) examination. Mr. Flynn, I trust you are mindful of the fact that you barely achieved a passing grade in the previous year. Consequently, you cannot afford any errors, as even a solitary mistake could be detrimental
"I am well aware, sir. Trust me, it is difficult to forget, especially since you remind me in every class," I retort sarcastically.
The pupils surrounding us burst into laughter as my teacher and I exchange a prolonged gaze, just before he has the opportunity to respond. However, my saviour arrives as the classroom bell rings, indicating the conclusion of my school day.
"I hope everyone is prepared for the upcoming exam. For those who are returning to A level, I look forward to seeing you soon. For those who have chosen different future paths, I wish you success. Thank you all for allowing me the privilege of teaching you and watching you grow into remarkable individuals."
As he graces us with an exceedingly rare toothy smile, the classroom is overcome with disbelief and silence, including myself. Many had believed that the teacher was incapable of displaying such an expression. However, the smile quickly fades, returning to his usual frown, as the students bid their farewells and exit the classroom. I, too, finish packing my bag and approach the door with the clear intention of leaving. A sense of satisfaction washes over me, perhaps the first genuine grin I have had in this dismal place, as I am now officially free.
I express my gratitude to a higher power before taking a few steps towards the exit, only to be halted by the soul-crushing words, "Mr. Flynn, could you please remain behind momentarily?"
As I endure inside anguish, this detestable individual needlessly extends my suffering. He sadistically observes me as I approach his desk, attentively monitoring my every step until I reach the edge of his workspace.
"May I inquire, sir, as to what it is?" I inquire with a sense of inquisitiveness, yet also a subtle hint of irritation, uncertain if he perceived it or simply choose to disregard it.
"Mr. Flynn" Unfortunately, it seems that my previous idea is no longer suitable. Now that your schooling has officially concluded, I would like to address you as Liam. I acknowledge and value your apparent aversion or dislike towards education. Unlike your other instructors who may perceive you as a troublemaker or even a delinquent, I comprehend the challenges and difficult circumstances you have faced in life, particularly as an orphan. This is an experience that few can truly empathise with, including myself, and it is often overlooked. I can imagine that it is not easy for you to be in a classroom where classmates openly discuss their families, as if everyone has them. However, I want to emphasise that you are not a bad student. While it is true that you neglect your homework, disregard your teachers, and barely pass your subjects, you have never shown disrespect towards your peers, instructors, or staff members. Furthermore, despite your disdain for school itself, you have never skipped a day of attendance. In all honesty, you have never been deceitful or manipulative. I comprehend your aversion towards school, which appears to be both prevalent and justified based on my observations, Liam. It is evident that you lack companionship from fellow students and have encountered a lack of understanding from most teachers regarding your particular situation. Therefore, I am curious to know, Liam, what course of action do you intend to pursue at this point?
My current state of mind can only be described as shock as I gaze at my heartless and cruel maths teacher. This teacher would often berate me for not completing homework or not paying attention. However, I am not oblivious to the fact that regardless of how many homework assignments I missed or how often I daydreamed during class, Mr O'Shea deserves credit for...
The teacher never reported my behaviour or compelled me to complete the deliberately neglected assignments, which has garnered some of my respect. It never crossed my mind that one of my teachers would be interested in my future plans. Most teachers had already assumed that I would not pursue higher education, and they were not mistaken. They believed that I would likely go straight into a retail job or a similar occupation immediately after school. While I did contemplate this possibility and was not opposed to it, I have already secured a job opportunity.
"I have secured a joiner apprenticeship, sir, which I will start when September arrives again," I respond, aware of his attentive demeanour.
"Ah, carpentry," he affirms, nodding in agreement with himself before continuing to speak. "Unlike many teachers in this school, I do not discourage students from pursuing trades. Unfortunately, there seems to be a misconception among some that trades are only for individuals of lower social status compared to those pursuing academic paths. However, this belief is completely unfounded. As a teacher who has personally attended university and paid a significant amount for my education, I can attest that many tradespeople earn more than me despite my academic achievements. They are the unsung heroes of our society, as they contribute to the construction and development of our country, allowing it to thrive and progress. Sadly, their contributions often go unnoticed and unappreciated. I wholeheartedly support your decision to pursue an apprenticeship and strongly encourage you to do so, unless you have a strong desire to attend university. If you have a passion for a particular subject or a job opportunity that requires A-levels or a university degree, then it is possible for a person to change their path at any given moment. Ultimately, the choice is yours." This encapsulates the genuine essence of pleasure. Enjoyment begets elation and elation begets contentment.
I gaze silently at Mr. O'Shea, carefully considering his advice and guidance before responding, "I am resolute in my decision to become a joiner. I have no intention or motivation to pursue further education. I fail to see the value in learning solely from books every day. What purpose do dreams serve if one's existence is solely focused on work? There is more to life than studying. I hope you understand." With these words, I sling my bag back over my shoulder, feeling that the conversation has reached its conclusion. With unwavering determination, I make my way towards the exit, fully committed to leaving this time, as each step I take reflects this conviction.
As I depart, I hear the gentleman utter one more remark: "Liam, bear in mind that the conditions surrounding one's arrival into the world hold no significance. Rather, it is how one utilises the talents bestowed upon them that truly defines their identity."
It is ironic that my final day of school is marked by a sense of respect. I jest to myself, but I am relieved to be liberated from the oppressive grip of education. As I cast a final gaze upon the school, I cannot help but notice its dilapidated state, resembling a mental institution. It appears devoid of natural light, which is not surprising given the perpetual rain and overcast skies of Ireland.
However, when reflecting on my past five years at school, I cannot recall any specific good days or moments that bring me joy. I did not actively seek friendships or socialise, which may have prevented me from forming long-lasting friendships or finding a girlfriend. Despite this, I do not regret my decision. I often observed my classmates engaging in crude behaviour, humour, and gossiping about their friends and partners behind their backs. Therefore, I firmly decided not to subject myself to such low standards and behaviour.
Although I may lack parents, I am indifferent towards this fact. I have no desire for a family or friendship, as I consider these pursuits to be pointless. In my perspective, the only dwelling place a person truly requires is within their own heart. I possess a self-centered attitude and perceive myself as superior. However, this does not necessarily categorise me as an egoist or narcissist. It is inherent in human nature for individuals to consider themselves superior to others, whether consciously or subconsciously. The distinction of conscious or subconscious belief is inconsequential; what truly important is the presence of this belief.
Individuals often contemplate the future extensively, considering how they will achieve a set of objectives in order to avoid any feelings of remorse. It is an unwise assertion to claim that one will not die with regrets. Regret is a universal human experience that persists throughout our lives. The intensity and nature of regrets may vary among individuals. For instance, I personally regret selling my match attacks for a mere 50p when I was younger, while others may regret not being able to save someone or something on a much grander scale. However, the experience of regret is something that we all share, albeit in different forms and magnitudes. Even if one has achieved remarkable feats such as curing cancer, ending world hunger, or accomplishing a list of personal goals, regrets will still exist.
Many individuals commonly assert that we exist in the present. Personally, I strongly dislike hearing someone proclaim that there is no time like the present because they are mistaken. Consider this: when I contemplate a thought, even that thought from a few seconds ago is already in the past.
Furthermore, the current moment, which we often perceive as the present, is also swiftly becoming the past. Time is in a perpetual state of motion, causing us to constantly transition from the present to the past. This notion can be quite perplexing, and I, too, find it challenging to fully grasp. Ultimately, in life, we are certain of two certainties: birth and death. However, people tend to be afraid of death due to our inability to comprehend what occurs beyond it. Life and death can be likened to the relationship between light and shadow. Both death and people's aversion to contemplating it are constant, although individuals tend to unconsciously divert their attention from this topic.
Certain individuals have a tendency to overlook the fact that all things possess both a commencement and a conclusion. Existence is merely a repetitive sequence of beginnings and endings. There are certain outcomes that we do not wish for, but they are inevitable and must be confronted. Being human entails embracing our inherent imperfections as a species.
We frequently find ourselves idling, anticipating opportunities or desiring certain things, yet we fail to proactively take action. Instead, we rely on others to provide us with what we seek, solely for our own benefit and not theirs. It is imperative that we comprehend the fact that achieving success requires active participation rather than passivity. If someone else secures victory on your behalf, you have not achieved anything of your own accord. Life follows a similar pattern.