31 The Lord's Howitzer

(A/N: Happy Orthodox Easter - I hope you all enjoy your lamb. Also, back to Ioann's POV now. A little while has passed since the last chapter, around a few months probably, so it's not a direct segway from that one's final events.)

Our ears filled with the whirr of mechanical tools, the poundings of hammers on anvils, the hisses of forgery in process, and the rowdy shouts of territorial Alchemists, Wojchiech and I stood in front of our recent… business partner.

"Wan' some fried gizz'rds?" the man asked with a toothy smile, thrusting out a plate of browned, crusty chicken bowels. "Made 'em myself in prep'ration o' y'all coming here on this fine day. Quite proud, I'd say."

He may be particularly distasteful company - crass, vulgar and Protestant, though perhaps the latter descriptor is redundant, given the former two - but he is the only Alchemist willing to entertain our ideas of creating modern weaponry enhanced by whatever supernatural means there are. Thus, we have borne his company and redneck visage for the past few months in hopes of finalizing the product before the war's eve.

Well. I have come all the way from the Holy See to Tennessee, of the United States. I suppose I can indulge myself in this eerie nutriment, if only to maintain our working relationship with the man. I doubt he would poison it, especially considering that he has already eaten one.

Plucking one of the pieces off of the plate and placing it in my mouth, I decided, after feeling the juices released with one bite, that this food was a four out of ten - at most. The taste itself was alright, yes - but texture, presentation and such factors are equally important, no? Hillbillies, I suppose, would not understand such intricacies of fine dining - but that is no justified excuse for my noble palate.

"What'cha think?" he, John Joseph Jones, asked, placing the plate back on a nearby workbench. "I always love the crunch, me pers'nally."

I suppose I can be benevolent and forgo the ad hominems, warranted as they are. My wish is to leave this place as soon as possible, and a lesson on proper cuisine would not be conducive to that.

We shall get our weapon of mass destruction, and after that, our interactions with this man will be minimal - perhaps a request for a feature or update that has been brought to our attention every once in a while. He is not worth the trouble of redemption.

"I would not eat it often," I replied, wiping my mouth with a handkerchief Wojchiech had offered in pity, "but the taste was decent."

"Glad ta hear it," John hummed, pounding his chest before rolling up his sleeves. "Now, let's get ta bus'ness. I got it righ' over 'ere."

We followed the red-haired, stocky man through the large workspace of the Saints Peter and Paul Alchemist Order, based in the Saints Peter and Paul Basilica of Knoxville, Tennessee. The area was like a mechanic's shop, except much, much bigger, with forges, cauldrons, Magic Circle arrays and all sorts of tools and things scattered about for each Alchemist to make use of.

Alchemy is a very mixed art. There is no specific practice of 'Alchemy' as its own individual power and system separate from all others - no, Alchemy is Alchemy when two or more arts are concurrently used to manufacture a product. Armor made with supernatural blacksmithing and dunked in potions to impart a certain effect onto the suit? A product of Alchemy. Swords forged with Elinium, Blessed with Light, enchanted with spells and inscribed with runes? Products of Alchemy.

Although, the Church does not use runecraft. That is a territory of the Norse, and doing so is obvious heresy. Similarly, there exists human sacrifice Alchemy, which we do not partake in.

Perhaps, if the respective pantheons who created these certain forbidden arts were exterminated, those arts would be justified in use?

Something to think about.

"Stop working on that godforsaken thing, John!" a man working a cauldron yelled while we walked toward John's workspace. "We've got a war to prepare for! Think o' how much more shit you coulda made if ya didn't waste your time on it!"

"Quiet, Sam! I'm out 'ere inn'vatin'!" John barked, giving the man a less-than-appreciative gesture with his meaty fingers. "Is it 'cause I'm Irish?! You wouldn' see me fussin' over your work in a million years, no sir, so screw off! Back to yer thousandth Light Sword!"

The man, Sam, scoffed and returned to his cauldron.

"'Scuse him," John added, turning his head to look back at us. "Y'all know 'bout how antsy everyone's gettin', not ta mention that taboo of ex'cising our Second Amendment rights in th' Church. 'E's not in 'is right mind," he mock whispered, making 'cuckoo' twirls with his finger near his yellow hardhat.

Giving the man a once-over, I noted the construction worker hat with a flashlight he wore on his scraggly auburn hair, then the large, thick goggles over his brown eyes. Looking further down, I saw grease-stained, raggedy overalls over a hairy chest, and finally, sandals on his large feet.

Who is not in his right mind, again? This man belongs in an asylum. He wears goggles and a hardhat for protection, but then dresses in sandals and relatively thin overalls with, apparently, nothing underneath. It looked especially strange with his height - he reaches just around my chin.

Lord, give me the strength to endure through this humiliation. The fruits of his labor shall be used to enact Your will - this bumpkin is uninvolved past the creation process.

"But tha's not impor'ant. We're 'ere."

The unfortunate corner relegated as John's workshop had practically everything - cauldrons, a forge, some pre-made arrays, stocks of special materials and tools, all of which reminded me of how this man is apparently one of the best Alchemists in the west - but the main focus was the large object in the middle covered with a tarp.

"Behold!" John exclaimed, ripping off the tarp and revealing a large, green artillery gun - a howitzer. "The Lord's Howitzer in all its glory!"

Wojchiech, who had remained largely quiet throughout this escapade, spoke up while walking around the contraption, inspecting it. "Brief us. What are the changes? Act as if we have had no access to any of the prototypes or plans."

"Well, shoo'," John said, reaching his hand underneath his helmet to scratch his head. "Tha'll take a while. I got the schematics 'n' notes right 'ere if y'all want 'em - they'd do a bette' job explainin' than I ever woul'."

"Hand me them," Wojchiech requested, holding his hand out from his position at the front of the gun's barrel.

"Wait righ' 'ere fer a sec'nd," John grinned, jogging over to a table whereupon which rested a Magic Circle array, sorting through a few papers before arriving at a manila folder. "It's got a pap'r clip. Catch."

Wojchiech caught the folder and began reading out from the beginning of John's finalized, collated document of the weapon as a whole. "'The weapon, in general, is based off of the design of the M1918 155mm Howitzer - the acquisition of which was the most bothersome part of the project as a whole. The first prototype (henceforth referred to as P1) was less so an alteration and more so a test, simply being the original design constructed with supernatural metals, various potion supplements, Enchantments, etc. From there, P1 was tested to see how such additions affected the gun's performance, the results being that much of the design could be streamlined and optimized because of the benefits of an Alchemical construction, with certain additions being made to take advantage of some facets of the results. The second prototype (P2), thus, was the first version to have true alterations made to its design (see file LH-74).' Do you have anything to add thus far, John?"

"Not pa't'icula'ly," John affirmed, scratching his beard in thought. "Th' recoil syst'm on the sec'nd prot'type was mostly taken out 'cause of th' alterations made 'em redund'nt, but the notes'll tell y'all later on tha' my attempts ta make bigger, stronger rounds need'd some 'f it back. Y'all asked for the bigger rounds for more 'juicin'', whatevah that means, so yeah. Th' streamlinin's 'n' such with all th' 'Chantments, metals, potions 'n' whatevah were mostly fer fastah firin', a stronger frame 'n' all tha', which I'm sure you gentlemen can figure out."

The disparity between the eloquence of his speech and writings is harrowing. This man is, apparently, one of the best Alchemists in the west, so I suppose his ability to create well-made schematics and notes is not bending the mind too much.

It is still jarring, though.

"Very well," Wojchiech replied, turning back to the notes. "'Testing of P2 revealed minor oversights in the designing phase that were, frankly, not worth the material expense of making a new prototype to iron out and would thus have their ratifications included in the next prototype. The clients…' I suppose that is us?" Wojchiech asked. John nodded with a thumbs up. "'...made their first request: bigger rounds (liberties were taken to translate that to 300mm, which would snugly fit the calculated theorized capabilities of the strengthened design), a faster method of operation (a request which was unfeasible on further analysis; the ordinary engineers of artillery designs had already optimized the process to the extreme without sacrificing various critical factors), and a smaller design. The third prototype (P3) thus had its main goals: larger (300mm) rounds (see page 6), ironed out design details for streamlined operation (see page 9), and a more mobile, smaller size (see page 9).' Anything to add?"

"Other 'an tha' I'm sorry 'bout bein' unable to make th' reloadin' 'n' all fastah? Nope."

"'The results of P3's creation were better than theorized, even with the readdition of a recoil system to accommodate the larger caliber rounds (they were removed after P1 demonstrated that its Alchemic alterations made such a function redundant). The smaller size (a mass reduction of 19.498%) was an astronomical achievement; around a fifth of the weapon's mass was shaved off, a worrying amount for the first prototype to include such a factor, and yet it functioned just fine - even with the larger barrel and other related alterations for the new rounds (see file LH-84). Long-term testing only found one noticeable issue, that being that a certain part (see page 11) would break down after the repeated stress of handling the larger primer detonations of the rounds, which was later ratified with stronger, thicker metal and other such Alchemical alterations (see page 12).' Anything?"

"Keep readin'. Next part's good."

"'To move on from the design changes, the 300mm rounds had a much more devastating impact, being more than double the size of the last caliber (155mm) and increasing the weapon's range with the special materials used in their construction (about 40,000 meters maximum), although the Enchantments involved certainly helped in the latter manner. The clients' last request was a better, 'perhaps detachable', wheeling system for easier maneuverability and transport of the weapon - one that would be suitable for one with beyond-human strength - and a few changes had to be made to accommodate this in the fourth prototype (P4). For other alterations of P4, the prospect of another prototype led the engineer to make a few minute changes that would increase accuracy, reliability, and power (see file LH-90). The testing of P4 produced such phenomenal results that it was proclaimed to be the finalized version, no longer a prototype (after consulting with the clients in case they had further requests, of course), and its creator took the liberty of naming the weapon. It was officially dubbed 'E1939 300mm Howitzer', AKA 'the Lord's Howitzer', or, as another colleague suggested, 'the Sixth Seal'.' [1] [2] That is the end of the base report. You chose fitting nicknames, I suppose, although a mention of fire and brimstone would have been better." Wojchiech tossed the folder back to John, likely not wanting to track down all of the file and page citations mentioned throughout.

"Ooh. Yeah, that woulda been nice," John said, shaking his head and plopping the folder back down on his workbench. "So, you gentlemen need anythin' more from me? Y'all're the future o' warfare, I can tell what with your open-mindedness ta things 's obvious 's usin' guns 'n' all," he scoffed, "so I'd like ta keep in contact. Need any repairs or updates? Call me! Got any more new-fangled, crazy ideas? Call me! I ain't gonna slave away making swords 'n' armor ad nauseam fer the rest o' my life, I'll tell y'alls that, so any inn'vations're more 'an welcome. This here project was some o' the most fun I've had in years, and the Holy Spirit must'a been by me all the way with how few prot'types we needed, so I can tell the Lord's with us!"

Wojchiech smiled - not at John, but at the prospect of having a weapon like this on our hands, I could tell. "Your work was exemplary, and you continued on with us despite how much of a hassle procuring the required materials for four prototypes, especially during these times, must have been. I'm even contemplating enlisting your help for Alchemically-amplified firearms and ordnances for regular use. Re-engineered, stronger, more powerful Alchemic products for every mission would be very useful, hm, Ioann?"

I can read between the lines. He is laying it on quite thick - he does not want to be in debt to this man or owe any payment, hence our undeserved hospitality throughout our interactions.

"Indeed," I replied, helping to try to make sure the man didn't ask for any sort of repayment for his services. "And John, have there been any changes to the recharging system? Actually, explain like I don't know anything about it."

The man enjoys boasting, so I may as well provide him a way to do so. Typical American. Perhaps I can cite that as his payment, if he asks for any?

"Sure." He marched over to the workbench once again and, after sorting through the mess, found the folder he was looking for, handing it over to me. "Tha's th' genius o' th' design, ya see. There's a slot near th' base. Open it up 'n' drop in an object that ya pumped some Mana into. After tha', just close it, wait about five sec'nds, 'n' you're golden! I spec'f'c'ly crafted all these here 'Chantments ta have a little centr'l spell they're all linked to, 'n' tha' spell all'cates any Mana in that there slot to the rest o' the Enchantments 'n' itself, keepin' it all powered. Do it once before ev'ry shot, and if ya forget, that folder I jus' gave ya details the instr'ctions more clinic'ly. Y'all alr'dy got a feel for how much Mana to use with all yer testin', I'm sure."

"No change, then," Wojchiech remarked. "Now, demonstrate how we should go about wheeling this to the Vatican. His Eminence Abercio has stated that he would give a declaration or speech of sorts in seven days, and we must be ready by then."

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[1] The name 'E1939 300mm Howitzer' is formatted in the same way militaries (especially the American military) name their stuff. To use the M1918 155mm Howitzer as an example, the M stands for 'military', the 1918 shows when it was accepted into military use, the 155mm shows its caliber, and the Howitzer is what it is - a howitzer. The E in this one stands for 'Exorcist', and the rest is fairly self-explanatory.

[2] The name 'the Sixth Seal' is based off of how, of the Seven Seals of Revelation, the sixth seal did this: 'And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of the heavens fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.' The main thing I based it off of was the mention of earthquakes and falling stars, as well as the mention in some other translations of moving/obliterating islands and mountains, all of which fit into dramatic descriptions of a super powerful artillery gun in action.

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Maybe my portrayal of Alchemy isn't what the DxD author intended, IDK. His fault because he just yelled 'Alchemy' at any feat of human creation without ever explaining or showing anything about it, so I just took the liberty of making it when two or more arts are used concurrently to produce something, rather than making something entirely new. I assumed that were it something entirely new, anyway, there would've been a demonstration of it or a character who used it.

Also, don't blame me if the heavy southern accent was inaccurate or something. At the same time, don't blame me if you needed to inspect every word to figure out what John was saying. Additionally, don't blame me if the big paragraphs were hard to read - I couldn't be bothered to separate them, despite what my readers with early access said.

And lastly, normally MC would be throwing out insults and ranting at every opportunity, given how much this guy is Protestant and annoys him, but I didn't really feel like writing all that. The suspicious lack of inner ad hominems is easily justified in writing - he was thinking them, but the focus was on the physical actions of today's chapter - and the lack of outward insults is justified by saying he and Wojchiech don't want to have to pay this guy. Being 'friendly' is the easiest way, and it worked - the guy even said he would help them do whatever in the future. Not like he has many other options that don't involve mass-producing generic equipment and potions.

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