Drown #27

"I don't think people realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place  mentally.

So if you done that today or any day, I'm proud of you.

If not, please keep going, we're in all this together,

fighting. I know it's hard to open up, some really couldn't understand and refuse to understand, but always remember someone does. We are doing a great job, let's carry along"

-BZ

**

"Bad move" I muttered.

Zach looked at me, his brows are curled up. He look pissed.

I'm laughing mentally, was he that pissed coz Flame hit his wound? Flame spit fire right. Like her name.

I mean, That's the truth. Let's stop fooling ourselves. Flame just spoke the reality we both refuse to acknowledge.

I stared at him, waiting for his next move. But he just gave a loud sigh.  I shook my head.

"I lost my appetite" He spoke while looking at the food that just got served. This time by a different waiter .

"Just eat" I said, because I'm done eating, thank god i already ate with that cousin of mine, if i didn't i might be like him too.

He can't skip lunch. Skipping meals is not healthy to the body, even a regular person knows that yet some people are still hard headed and refuse to take a regular meal.

He knew i will nag him about bad eating habits, so in the end he ate silently. I waited for him to finish. And when he did, i lean on his shoulder. I admit, my mood was destroyed.

But no, I'm not mad with Flame, i understand her reaction.

She saw how mess i am, she was there and she knew what i've been through.

Her madness is understandable.

And between the two of us i am the mad woman anyway.

"Work after this?" I asked him

"Yeah"

I bit my lower lip, I wanna go with him but i don't have the courage.

It has been months since i last visted and the last time went pretty bad.

I begged him to stay there, most employees saw what happened. It's very embarrassing and humiliating now that im looking back to what i did.

But that time i don't give a single fvvck, the only thing i want then was him, and i was desperate.. too desperate to even care about the crowd.

But part of me is saying i did it because of the crowd. That maybe if there are a lot of people watching, he won't leave me, because i know he's not the kind of person to embarrass me in front of others. Yet he still refused to stay then.

That's how much he loves her.

I didn't realize a tear fell but i immediately brushed it away before he could even notice.

He was staring at my face so i think he still saw it?

I heard him inhaled and sigh.

I felt his hand entwined with mine. Like comforting me, i smiled with that. Nothing change anyway.

I'm good with this, our situation? I'm satisfied.

Happy? No.

Because the damage has been done. The pain is too big, the wound is too painful that it refuse to heal.

Why?

It's like no matter how much you turn the world upside down you cannot turn back the past, so what changed? you're already..

Broken.

Right, both of us are just being stupid.

He's still too caught up with her yet he can't totally leave me because I'm his comfort.

And I'm caught with too much pain caused by him yet i can't turn my back because the feelings is still there.

It's still powerful. And i hate it.