Drown #11

"Fuck you" That's the only words that came out from my mouth. I laughed dryly.

Damn you, Zach. Can you believe it? in the past you're already a flirt. And i'm already that whipped on you.

Because i felt that my love for you is the only thing that makes me live. That our relationship is what makes me happy.

I made this book when i first met you, Because i couldn't contain my feelings that it's making my heart explode.

This is not just my diary you know, this was the story of us. This is where i write our journey, Our memories.

But maybe... Writing in this notebook was one of the biggest mistake in my life yet it's the only thing im holding on right now.

How can something be so sweet and real turns to be chaotic?

How can your love that seem so genuine can be unreal?

We shouldn't have been together, we shouldn't have made memories so it won't hurt like this.

I wish i didn't risk it, i wish i didn't gamble for your love.

But why? No matter how deep the pain i am feeling, no matter how bitter it tasted, Im still not regretting meeting you.

Because i started it didn't it? i was the one who tried, the one who insisted to enter, the one who fought to fit in.

And now that you left me and set me aside, all i can do is to blame myself for letting you destroy my heart willingly.

Tell me zach, tell me. How can i unlove you? how can i fix my heart? How can i do that now that you're gone?

"Eonnie" Someone called me then i saw Audrey blankly staring at me.

"You have so much time to reminisce things, you have so much things to do and fulfill. Many patients are waiting for you... Doctor"

"Not really a Doctor" I said. Without finishing my specialization, without finishing my residencies, i can't say im already a doctor and for a fact that i left it, it feels like i gave shame to that profession.

"Soon you will be" then she smiled. I was shock that she even smiled at me, i expected her to throw tantrums and shout like a mother nagging her foolish daughter.

"Eonnie"

"hmm?" I now smiled at her, but all she did was run to me and hugged me tightly.

"You'll be fine" I don't if it's because of what she said or her hug that made me cry.

I cried so hard and kept on weeping away  my tears but it seems like there's a dam and they keep on falling.

"Promise me, promise me you will try. Promise me Wyett Audelia Roan will be back" I couldn't help but to chuckle despite with my runny nose and puffy eyes.

"And why are you crying too? I'm the only one who's allowed to, you know"

"I'm also Broken hearted"  She whined, we were still hugging each other and we look stupid but i don't mind. I need Audrey's  warmth.

"Why so?"

"Malibu nights" I shook my head with her answer, Her frustration with Paul Klein and Dua lipa break up is still in her i guess.

I sighed. "I love you, baby" . She stared at me for a moment then smile genuinely.

"I love you too Roan's eldest"