58 An Inner Monologue

Here's a big chapter to make up for my absence. 1571 words.


"…..This is outrageous!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, the air leaving my lungs and scarring my throat only helping to worsen the mood. First, some guy comes in mysteriously, shows me his future, and then the apocalypse.

"Anger will get you nowhere little girl." I heard a small whisper from behind that was yet again mysteriously clear despite its volume. I didn't even bother to be curious by now.

"Oh SHUT IT!" Thus I snapped back at her. The bald lady in yellow robes, standing above a green painting.

'I'm done with these cryptic bastards!'

"Can you get me out of here!?"

"That I can do, but why should I?"


"Why should I help you? You have nothing to offer. What happens to this universe is of no concern to me."

"Then what do you want?"

She smiled faintly at my question and extended her hand out to me.

"I want you to see Eren's life."

"…..Whatever, I don't even care anymore." I reached out to her and a green light emerged from the bald lady's necklace to travel up to my hand.

Unlike the last time, I was no longer watching images of the past or future. It felt as if I was living through the life of a particular boy.

Stripped of my freedom of mobility and speech, I could only live like a puppet, however, I didn't dwell on it for long and focused on Eren's life.

It started slowly at first but he soon picked up the pace as every day felt like the gateway to a bigger mess for tomorrow.

I realized how broken he was when he first destroyed the world of Naruto. I remember asking him about his apathy to the crying bullies kneeling on the ground on my 7th birthday. No wonder he's unfazed most of the time, he killed billions!

The pirate world was unique with its own set of specialties. I was a little peeved at the fact that our world was the weakest among them so far but didn't let it distract me for more than a few seconds.

It was absurd how prone he was when it came to getting in a sticky situation. Though he did take it down a few notches after coming to our world. I wonder how I'll even kill him now that he is immortal.

The next world had a very cultural vibe to it if you exclude the demons coming straight out of a fairy tale. I was living Eren's life in a relaxed manner until 'it' happened.

I felt like my eyes would pop out of my skull when I saw it. Eren was being chummy with a girl. The guy sitting on top of countless corpses was playing house with a girl.

From then on, all I saw was a blur, my mind was still stuck on that part of his life. By the time I caught up to my senses, my vision was Red, I couldn't even hear myself think. I saw him sitting beside that woman with a child in her arms.

That baby was the last straw.

"I need to stop this."

"You've already stopped it." The bald woman spoke with an impassive face. "Explain." I didn't even bother to be polite anymore at that point.

"What I showed you is the possible past without your intervention."

"Possible 'past'?"

"Well, in normal cases, interfering with the past to change the present causes the branching of a timeline as well as a fault formation in reality, in simple words, it would cause a paradox. But you are from a different timeline that in itself is a paradox."


"…you can do things no one cannot due to the nature of your world."

"What kind of things?"

"I can send you to the past and let you get inside his head. You will not be able to do much other than talk to him. The whispers would not have any magical influence on him. You will have to persuade him to do your bidding just as any person would do."

"Do it."

"Very well then."

A green light structured around me, spinning on a horizontal axis. The baldy cupped her hands and some green liquid spilled out. They soon took the forms of various animals to begin hopping around the light until it converged into a fog.

It stayed on like this for quite a while until I felt a pull on my ankle and the clouds parted away, revealing the vision of Eren. He was talking to the Hokage.

Unbridled joy rushed through me as I saw it. I've already seen what happens next but unlike the last time, I was not completely caged. I could see everything he could and also find out what he is thinking just by willing it.


Time passed by and my anger toward him faded, replaced by curiosity. I realized how devastated he was when he saw an entire world collapsing by his actions. The cold silence in his mind was something that seldom happened.

As the planet sunk in through the epicenter caused by a colossal wood golem, he could see thousands perishing under his foot. Their miserable cries rang clearly amid battle. It was as if Kel was trying to focus on every person dying.

'Pathetic.' He condemned himself for feeling guilty.

It was bizarre.

He could think of himself as a third person. The cold calm voice of reason didn't help to cool his head but further pushed him to disparity.

The curiosity soon turned to sadness.

I saw him live through the days without any purpose. He had trained his mind to feel numb to pain. As his strength grew, so did his anxiety. I didn't wish to continue this any longer but a part of me knew it was impossible.

Him accepting me as his inner monologue was too off-putting. It was more like he was convincing himself.


"What a dirty mouth."

Kibutsuji chastised his language as he flailed on the ground, transforming into a demon. It was a scene my past self would've surely relished. But with time, my feelings for him changed.

It started as a wish.

A wish to touch him. A wish to be there for him when he is crying, to hug him from the back and pass my fingers through his wavy hair.

The desires soon became frequent but sadly, I could only talk to him. I wished to talk with him every second. Tell him that he was not alone, but even a few sentences exhausted me.

Oh, how I wished to choke the life out of that harlot. How dare she look at my yuuji.

You don't even know him as much as I do! So what gives you the right to wedge yourself between us?


You think your flimsy title of a way could hold a candle to my greatness.



Why did you have to get married yuuji?...


I need to stop this.

Alarm bells rang inside my head as I saw Koko embracing yuuji.

This cannot happen. You can't have kids with another woman yuuji.

I forced every ounce of my being to break through the restrictions.

I have to take control of your body, no matter what.

"That would be impossible." The familiar voice popped up inside my head.

"I don't even care how you came here. Just help me."

"Well there is a way but it is a one-time thing."


"As you have seen he has an abnormal adaptation, however, he adapts against harmful stimuli rather than to it. Once we do it, he would start adapting to nullify its effects."



A wall made of glass broke into pieces and I came out of it.

"You are now standing inside his mindscape."

"I DON'T CARE BITCH! JUST DO IT" I yelled out at the top of my lungs and saw a purple light come out from her, turning everything to dust.

Unsurprisingly, his regeneration kicked in and started healing his mind!

How does that even work?

"He's not regenerating but adapting to reverse the effects. Sadly, he does not have enough time."

The place eventually turned to ash and so did his physical body.


"HAHHHH!" I jolted awake to find myself back in the desert.

"So what do you wish to do now."

It didn't take a genius to know what she meant by that.

"What do you need me to do? I'll do it as long as it does not go against my interests."

"Haha, silly girl. I'm asking what YOU wish to do now. Showing you his life was my only purpose for coming here."

"…..I want to stay with him."

"You wish to go back?"

"Yes and no."


"I want to go back but also stay inside his head."

"That…is possible but only if you split your soul in two."

"Do it."

"Would you not like to hear the drawbacks?"


"Ahahahaha….. alright then.

I blacked out after hearing those words and opened my eyes to the real world.

My world, with normal houses.

Normal dead parents.

And an extraordinary boy carrying me on his back out of the house.


My Eren.

Let's stay like this forever.

Let me feel your touch, let me feel your breath.

Let me breathe in your scent.

I want you.



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