1 Chapter One

You stop. The world goes dark. Like a blink. But you don't remember closing your eyes. Light returns a moment later but something seems off. You can't quite put your finger on what it is, just a lingering sense of something being wrong. You look around you and see that you're standing in place even though you're sure you were walking a moment ago.

Turning your head you see that everyone around you is the same. A general sense of confusion settled in your area and everyone is standing in place wondering what happened.

Yet nobody seems interested in questioning it. Most people just shake their head and return to what they were doing. That is when you realize something:

Even the cars in the middle of the street have stopped dead in their tracks, their engines turned off. One by one the drivers recover from their confusion and things get back to normal as they start their vehicles and honk at each other to get moving already.

Whatever this sensation was, it can wait as you have more pressing matters at hand. Like putting some food down on the table.

So hopping back on your scooter you get to finishing the rest of your deliveries.

Being a pizza boy is not a glamorous job, nor is it something you like to brag about,) But it's something.

One by one you deliver the boxes filled with greasy goodness and along the way you notice some oddities. Every delivery strangely went the same way. The people inside stuck in some sort of stupor, barely even remembering they ordered pizza. It doesn't really matter though. You have their names and their address and they each end up paying you. Your shift ends a few hours later, your suspicion growing with each completed delivery culminating in your arrival back at the local pizzeria where you found your boss in the same state. You ask him if he's feeling okay to which he responds with a tired nod.

After clocking out you head home, the oddities of the day clinging to the back of your mind gnawing at your psyche.

The flat you call home is not truly yours, instead you rent it with two other flatmates.

Sam, the only friend you ever managed to make in high school and stuck with him up until now and Dominika, the girl who was the original renter of this place. Though born and raised here in the US she takes immense joy in pretending to be a stereotypical Russian gopnik.

Judging by the quiet you'd guess that Sam isn't home yet and Dominika is in her room playing on her laptop.

You move over to the couch and unceremoniously throw yourself on it.

The old springs in it creak as you get comfortable and turn in the TV. Changing the channel you start looking for any news networks to see if there is a mention of this anywhere.

To your utter shock no matter which broadcast you watch the same thing comes in. "According to experts todays event was histories largest recorded case of Mass Hysteria. Even now more and more reports are coming in from all over the world. From America to Asia, each continent and country was affected in the same way. People describe having the same symptoms all across the globe. Even the research centers located at the north and south poles were not unaffected by it. Disaster experts had this to say regarding the incident!"

"It's a miracle that nobody died!"

"Even planes which were in the air, before the phenomenon dubbed by the populace as the Blink, were found safely landed on the ground or floating on large bodies of water. Currently there's no explanation how that's even po-"

You turn off the television and bury your face in your hand not knowing how to react to this.

Your breathing gets quicker and quicker as reality settles in and you're left with the terrible truth. "All over the world?"

But as you're wondering about the implications of this you hear the door creaking open behind you and a familiar voice snaps you back into reality. "Hello cyka!"

"Jesus Christ Dominika! Don't scare me like that!"

"Watched the news? Scary stuff huh?"

"Yeah..."

"Know what else is scary? That I haven't been fed already! So get your pretty little ass moving and do your job!"

"Does this not bother you at all?!" You ask her in anger.

"It does. But why should I worry if it won't affect anything? You just gotta learn to let go things beyond your control."

Sighing you stand up and go to the fridge.

"Okay, okay. I get it. What do we have in the fridge?"

"Nothing! You gotta go shopping!"

Feeling frustrated you slam the door of the fridge shut and look at her.

"Fine. "You grumble and as you head for the door you start assuming your most offensive russian accent.

"No I still have some."

"Okay. I'll get out of here now S.T.A.L.K.E.R.

I'll be back in a cheeki breeki."

After spewing some more stereotypes at her you leave for the grocery store to make your rounds and fill up your tragically empty fridge. Sadly being a wageslave means this is often an issue and the long trip to the store only makes it more painful. However it also has its one major upside. Namely that you have enough time to think about some stuff.

It took about an hour to get to the store and get what you needed during which you thought this so called Blink through.

This wasn't even the first time something... odd happened to the world like that. There was that other time. When someone ill suited assumed the position of a countries leader. This rather special individual thought it'd be a good idea to threaten others with nuclear weapons... and follow through with his threat. Whatever his intentions were didn't matter at that point.

When one rocket was fired many followed suit from hostile countries, all of whom had enemies of their own who also retaliated to the nuclear strike. Long story short: MAD happened. Some survived the initial kaboom. Mostly in countries that didn't get glassed by direct nuke hits. They... were the unlucky ones.

The utter destruction of the ecosystem meant that a slow and painful death awaited the survivors. It was at this point, when the last human died that the true nature of the universe was revealed to the citizens of Earth. In the end nobody really got it right. Some religions guessed bits and pieces correctly, the most accurate being somehow the asians of all people. But in the end it was very simple: If you were good, you went to heaven. If not you visited hell.

It was... certainly an interesting time.

You got to meet with dead aliens from other planets, effectively confirming that you weren't alone after all. But just as you got comfortable with eternal bliss something happened.

A light enveloped all the deceased humans and in a flash of brilliance you found yourselves all back at a restored Earth.

Nobody knows how or why it happened but for some reason humanity was given a second chance.

And through the cosmic apotheosis of experiencing the afterlife humanity realized its place in the universe and became set in learning from its mistakes.

Since then crime rates have plummeted and a new golden age has begun.

But nobody knows why.

"And now this..."

You mutter to yourself and ponder on the possibility that the two events might be linked.

Walking through the streets however you're quickly stopped in that train of thought as you arrive at the crossroads and must wait for the lamp to turn green. You wait and wait, feeling like this thing is taking an hour to switch.

When all of a sudden a brilliant beam of light strikes the ground in front of you just as a car is about to go past you.

The driver hits the brakes hard but the vehicle isn't stopping quick enough.

A loud crash assaults your ears as the car suddenly stops dead in its tracks and the beam of light subsides.

In the middle of it you see what it was that the car hit: A fat, purple cat person standing besides a blue woman.

It looks to the side and at the driver who's currently struggling with the airbag.

"Damn it Vados! I told you to be careful!"

"My apologies my lord."

The cat person then looks around searching for something before his gaze stops at you.

"You there... earthling... your name, what is it?"

You crack an amused smile as you get to do your introduction you speak up. "I am Eric Asulf Proud Scandinavian descendant of Vikings and Inheritor of the Berserker Rage! And I must say... my grandpappy always told me it's not nice to judge other peoples life choices but a man walking in a fur-suit and a genderbent member of the Blue Man Group is NOT what he had in mind!"

"Vados... Is he... mocking me?"

"I don't think so Lord Champa. I don't feel any hostility coming from him. I think he's simply mistaken you for someone else."

"Hmph... very well! I shall ignore it this once.

Listen well Eric Asulf. I don't care about your titles. I-"

"Dude... it was a joke.But seriously that's my name and I must say this is the most lifelike costume I've ever seen. Almost impressive really." You look over his garbs and see that it almost looks like something an Egyptian pharaoh would wear. "Very nice... Hey is that actual gold? Kinda looks like it!"

"ENOUGH!" He shouts in anger." I did not come to this planet to partake in some conversation with a mortal! I came here to-"

You snicker. "This planet? Seriously, I don't have a problem with you otherkins as long as you stay the hell away from me but you're kinda making a fool out of yourself. So how about you take that thing off so we can ta-" You reach forward to grab his "head" and find it strangely... alive. You recoil in fear and start trembling immediately. Though your mind was desperately fighting you to convince you otherwise the truth is now known to you. "Holy shit you guys are aliens!"

The fat "cat" sighs. Yes, yes. Very observant."

"Oh shit! I am SO SORRY! Please, tell me anything you want! I'll get you an emissary and-"

"There will be no need for that Earthling.

I came for one simple thing which even you can provide."

"What is it? Name it!"

"I want..."

"Yes?"

"To eat!"

"...What?"

"You heard me correctly! I'm aware that your planet has some fine culinary achievements under its belt and I came to sample them! Is there a place where I may eat? I am drained both physically and emotionally and I NEED to eat something NOW!"

You blink for a few seconds trying to fight off the whiplash you just got. First contact with an alien lifeform and he asks for a meal. It's like E.T. wanting a cigarette instead of phoning home.

I uh... I was actually buying some groceries to cook something. You're free to join us for dinner if you'd like..."

"And what am I supposed to do until you cook it, huh? You don't happen to have an appetizer on you, do you?!"

"No erm... but I have this! It's a delicious egg!"

You hand the big talking cat something which he begins to analyze curiously.

"Is this really produced by a bird? What a strange planet..."

"N-No it's a kinder surprise. It was legalized not too long ago. It's made of chocolate and has a little surprise inside."

"Ooooh!" The fat cat then eagerly unwraps the tasty treat and devours the thin chocolate shell around the toy. Much to his chagrin you informed him that he shouldn't open it just yet otherwise he might scatter the pieces of the toy.

Upon arriving back home however he immediately got to cracking the plastic capsule and assembling the little car that laid within.

But as you're busy unpacking your bag of foodstuff you hear a familiar creak as Dominika enters the room with much fanfare.

"HEEEEY ERIC! What did you bring me-

Oh..." She stops as she spots your two "guests". "Hi..."

"Hello!" The lady greets her while Champa doesn't even acknowledge her existence.

"Erm... Eric? Who are these people?"

"My guests Dominika." You answer her coldly. While looking at you she cocks her head and silently questions you with her eyes. In response you just shake your head, signalling her that she better not say a word.

Once she got the picture you turned back to Champa and spoke up. "But I must warn you... I'm not a professional chef or anything..."

Not knowing what the hell a fucking cat man would like you simply shrug and go with your original plan: Spaghetti Bolognese. Simple, cheap and tasty. Hopefully that'll be good enough. After a few minutes of working your magic you place down the plates and serve your new guests a portion each.

Champa first starts sniffing it, much like a regular animal. "Ooooh smells good!" He grabs hold of a fork and with some help from your part manages to work some food into his mouth after which he practically explodes. "THIS IS AMAZING!" Without hesitation he begins scarfing down every single bite and even asks for seconds which annoys Vados.

"Lord Champa... Need I remind you that you should exercise some temperance?"

"Screw you Vados! I just came back from annihilation! I NEED THIS RIGHT NOW!"

He shrieks in a high pitched voice.

"Excuse me, WHAT?!" You ask them and get nothing in turn from Champa. Vados however seems keenly interested in your comment.

"Hmmm? You did not feel it? That sensation of being... gone?"

"I don't know what you're talking about! What sensa- oooooooooh... Ooooooooh. Shit."

"That's right. What you must've felt like a brief second was in fact several minutes where you, along the rest of the universe, including Lord Champa were annihilated!" She says in a cheerful tone as you fall back in your chair and slowly start sliding down.

"I... died again?"

"Hmmm? Oh no no no. You weren't dead.

You ceased to exist. Your body, your soul, your mind all disappeared in a blink. Only thanks to a wish similar to the one that resurrected your race were you able to resume existing!"

"F-Fuck..."

"Oh don't be so gloomy! All's well that ends well after all! So don't worry about it and enjoy the fact that it was temporary!" She gives you a smile that appears warm but it's in fact strangely cold.

But that got you thinking. "Wait... Wish? You KNOW how we got brought back?!"

"Why of course! It was-"

"ME!" Champa butts in. "It's all thanks to me that you and your miserable little planet were brought back!

Me, your gracious god Champa!"

You let out an awkward chuckle. "Heh-hehehe... Good one!"

"He's not joking." Vados replies.

You swallow nervously and look at the fat cat in front of you. "A-Are you telling me you're-"

"A god. Yes. I am formally known as Lord Champa, God of Destruction. The god of this universe." You swallow yet again and feel like somebody jammed a hundred needles in your throat.

"But don't worry. I am pleased with your hospitality.. You provided me with a most enjoyable experience in my time of need and your hospitality is appreciated. As such, I'd like to reward you..."

"My lord, are you sure it's appropriate to make such a decision so hastily?"

"It is my choice Vados. I can make it however I want! Listen well earthling. I came to this world looking for good food. It's the reason I brought you all back. And I wasn't disappointed. As such I'd like to offer you a job!"

"A... job?"

"That's correct! I'd like to hire your services! You shall be my servant and prepare me meals worthy of a god every day!"

"And... if I refuse?"

The cat sighs. "I'll overlook this insult just this once and I WON'T blow up your planet. But you'd better hope the next person I make this offer to doesn't refuse!"

"W-Well..."

"Just a question before I give my answer.

Will cooking be my only job erm... Lord? Lord Champa!"

"Hmmm yes, that's the only thing I require of you."

"But erm... how are you gonna pay me?"

"Pay you?"

"You know... for my services? You don't have any money... Since you... you know. You're from space."

"I'm sure we can come to an agreement regarding monetary compensation." Vados steps forth.

"Then... Of course!"

"Good!" Champa speaks up. "Vados. Get him."

"Wait wha-"

Without much warning the blue lady steps over to you, touches your shoulder gently and as soon as Champa puts his hand on her back you feel yourself being flung deep into space at an unbelievable speed. In your fit of panic you look behind you and see that the Earth is not even visible even though it was just a couple of seconds. You scream and scream as loud as you can before you hear Champas voice behind you.

"Could you shut up? You're so noisy!"

"Worry not-" Vados continues. "As long as I'm touching you everything will be just fine! And while we travel, do try to enjoy the scenery. It's lovely the first time!"

It takes you a while to calm down but once you do you manage to do as Vados told and look around you and see oceans of stars dart past you like little lamps in the night. The larger celestial formations that are so unbelievably huge the human mind can't even comprehend them appear almost stationary and lets you take in the breathtaking sight of stellar clouds.

"It's... beautiful..."

"See? Nothing to worry about!"

"Y-You know... I always wanted to visit space.

But... I thought someone like me would never have the chance."

"I'm glad I could help!" She concludes.

"HEY! You two! Aren't you being a little overly friendly? And hurry up Vados! I'm tired after all of... THIS!"

"Still cranky after being erased Lord Champa?

I must remind you that sleeping right after a meal will cause you to gain weight."

"I'M NOT CRANKY! I just hate the fact that I'm indebted to my brother... AGAIN! DAAAAMN!"

"Brother? You have a brother lord Champa?"

You ask him.

"None of your damn business!"