29 Seeing Reality

Karni was staring at the ground. It was just a normal cement road, yet not 20 minutes before, he was staring, in a similar manner, at a much bloodier scene.

The outside felt cold, but at least he had a blanket over him. The sky was already getting dark. Karni was mostly absentmindedly looking at a blank space.

His mind was trailing off back to the restaurant. Siduo got shot, there was a gaping hole next to where her heart should be, he panicked and got close as he wanted to treat her.

But the thief almost shot at him. So he dodged and attacked him and then… and then…

He can't actually remember that well, even though it just happened. As he sees the road outside of the restaurant again, he takes a big breath as he tries to calm himself down. Siduo stopped him from hitting the guy at some point. Yet despite that, was the guy even alive?

He hurt Siduo, and Karni acted upon it, but Siduo is alive. Karni looked towards the ambulance vehicle in which Siduo was currently being treated, he wasn't sure when she was going to get out.

He turned towards another ambulance, which was also surrounded by policemen. The assailant was currently being treated there, it was unknown whether he was alive. Based on witnesses, his face wasn't even recognisable. Sometimes… sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to violence, it simply happens. The nature of humans is to be inherently irrational when it comes to emotions. The man was unstable while robbing, but Karni was equally hysterical when he attacked him.

He remembered mostly the railgun, which was pointed at him in those final moments. Everything else was mostly blank. Did that guy deserve this? Karni wasn't sure. The person seemed desperate and out of options, who knew what kind of circumstances he had.

He held his face. No matter the circumstances, there's no excuse to kill people or attack them in such a manner. There was none for Karni, and there was none for the guy. It was good he stopped him, but Karni didn't feel accomplished at the moment.

He looked around and saw faces of the people who were in the restaurant at that time. He also saw the other soul master who was shot. The middle aged man was already patched up. He was hit in the stomach and with him being a soul master, it wasn't the worst injury out there.

The man noticed Karni looking at him and he simply gave Karni a neutral nod. Karni awkwardly returned it, then he looked away again toward the other people who were still giving statements to the police.

Some of them noticed him and they all had different looks to give. Some were those of fright, others that of pity and some, most of them, appeared thankful. He was wondering what was going through their minds.

On one hand he wanted to see what they saw. Did he look like a monster? Or was he more like a typical child who went crazy, who threw a violent tantrum. He was a child here in their eyes after all. Currently, he is just 10 years old. Was this why he himself felt more affected?

No. He didn't feel that was the case at least. He was a 20 year old young adult inside, even if he felt like he was more childish due to his body's development. He was shaken up exactly because he was a 20 year old young adult on the inside.

He lived on Earth, in Europe which was mostly peaceful. He was someone who was content with his life there. He wasn't ambitious, he didn't look for trouble and he was the guy who knew how to avoid it as well. All he wanted was a peaceful life there.

The most he ever hurt someone was perhaps a slap in anger, shouting at a former friend during a falling out. Yet now, he wasn't even sure if the guy he attacked was alive. And he did this with his own hands.

He felt conflicted. On one hand he understood that this was acceptable in this kind of world where power ruled over everything, on the other hand he was absolutely horrified and scared of having to do this again to a human. He'd be willing to if it meant protecting other people, but he already achieved that. It was he who went beyond that point and continued attacking afterwards.

This wasn't some evil guy after all, he wasn't torturing people, he tried to scare everyone as he tried to rob the restaurant. Why did this have to happen in a restaurant? He wasn't even a soul master! He hurt a robbing civilian. A single hit was all it took for the guy to almost lose consciousness. It wasn't even strong.

Before Karni could go deeper into this downward spiral, a policewoman approached him. She calmly sat down next to him with a soft smile on her face.

"What's your name?"

Karni got shaken out of his thoughts. "Karni… Err… the surname is Val."

"You don't have to be afraid. We already got most of the story, we just want you to confirm everything since… Well, you were in the middle of it." The policewoman tried to give him a reassuring smile.

Karni could only nod. He truly felt like a small ten year old child at this moment. Like someone who needed to depend on a grown up to even function.

"If you can just give a quick summary of the events to me. I'll tell you if I need any more information so you don't have to worry about that. Just tell me at your own pace."

Karni felt a bit awkward as he could tell she was speaking to a child to try to calm him down. He took a big breath as he started explaining.

"We were just having late lunch after some training and we decided to stay late. Ah… Um… "we" means me and Sisi. Wu Siduo… the girl who got shot near the heart…"

Karni shook his head a little bit to put his words together.

"The guy came in shouting. He shot a railgun to scare everyone. Wu Siduo and I were silent. She was actually getting ready to attack at the right moment until I convinced her not to. Then he shot towards Wu Siduo."

Karni said everything in a single breath. He paused, and took another big breath. "After that, no one dared to do anything. But the guy got hysterical when another customer was looking at him and he threatened him. He knocked over the money bag and almost shot the clerk. Siduo was faster, she protected the clerk and… got shot."

Karni could still vividly remember it. And how couldn't he? He felt like everything ended at that moment, she looked to be shot in the heart from afar.

"I panicked, and wanted to check up on her, but the guy aimed the railgun at me and… another man attacked, he got shot. I got closer to Siduo, then he attacked me. I realised I was in danger and attacked back. Got him on the ground, but he still aimed… so… I started hitting… I don't know how much I hit, just that Siduo stopped me after."

Karni was staring at the ground and the policewoman wasn't quite sure how to proceed. She wanted to say something, but was hesitating. She made up her mind and softly asked.

"May I ask you some more questions?"

Karni nodded. "Mhm." He calmed down a little now that he said it out loud to someone.

"Do you know the assailant?"

Karni shook his head.

"Did you happen to overhear why the assailant would attack a restaurant in particular?"

Karni actually went in thought. Replaying the scene up to him attacking.

"No. The guy just appeared, but he did appear weirdly desperate about, well, everything."

The policewoman wrote something down, before she asked the next question.

"How did you come to the conclusion that his weapon was a railgun?"

"I'm a Mecha Engineer, a designer to be exact, so I dabble in researching all different types of soul tools until I find a field in which I specialise in."

"Isn't a railgun something that only 3-star and above Mecha Craftsmen know about?" The policewoman questioned.

"Well, I'm a 3-star Mecha Designer, so yes. Though if I were to guess, based on the power of that railgun it was probably a 4-star soul tool."

The police lady had trouble hiding the shock. This child was just about 10 years old. She's already done a basic background check on him, but she wasn't aware of this. She'll have to confirm this later on.

The policewoman composed herself quickly as she closed up her notes and gave Karni a card.

"Thank you for your cooperation. We might call you again, if anything new about the case shows up. We might require witnesses. My name is Lu Diu, you may contact me if you ever wish to tell something to the police. All of the necessary information is on that card."

Karni thanked the lady and she started going away. He stared at her, hesitant. After a few seconds he decided to ask something that has also been bothering him. "May I ask a question?"

Lu Diu turned around. "Of course."

"How… is the man doing?"

Lu Diu sighed but decided to tell the truth.

"If he survives, he'll probably live the rest of his life without being able to move." She wanted to add something, but held herself back, probably deciding it was too much to say to a young boy.

Karni took a deep breath. He expected this but his mind still jumped back to that image when he got him to the ground. "Do you know who he is? If he has any family?"

The woman shook her hands. "No, the face was unrecognisable due to damage sustained, so we're waiting for them to stabilise him. Only then can we get his fingerprints."

When Karni heard this, his face became completely distorted. He was horrified. Lu Diu immediately realised she said a bit too much and wanted to apologise, but Karni regained his composure faster.

"Thank you, Miss Lu." Karni said with a bit of a pale face.

She simply nodded and went away. She had no way to comfort him and she had other business to attend to.

Karni bit his lips. He figured that the guy being unable to move for the rest of his life might imply that he'll live the rest of his life as a vegetable. If he can't move, he sustains damage to his brain. By itself, it would be a miracle if he can survive this, but the consequences would still stay. Brains are the most fragile part of a human after all.

He wondered what would've happened, if Siduo wouldn't have stopped him. He was subconsciously applying Stacks on his martial soul, when she took him out of his daze, he'd just applied the tenth one. Against a normal human, just a few hits should be deadly. He doesn't know how many in total he got in.

What would've happened if she stopped him sooner? She should've stopped him sooner.

Karni shook his head, realising what he just thought. He can only blame himself for not being able to control his strength, the only thing he can do is be thankful to Siduo.

Thinking about her, he looked towards the ambulance in which she was staying. She still hasn't come out. He wondered how long it would take. She was in quite the critical state when the ambulance arrived, so they treated her then and there immediately. They had no time to take her to a hospital.

Karni waited for about thirty minutes. To Karni, this felt like an eternity since Siduo still wasn't out of the ambulance vehicle. He was beginning to worry the worst had happened.

The people were still being asked questions by the police and even some reporters have arrived by now. But this tense atmosphere frizzled out immediately as there was some commotion on the border of the crowd.

"Sir, you can't enter right now, this is an ongoing crime scene investigation!"

"Move!" A domineering voice could be heard from the opposite side. Suddenly, colours appeared from there as well.

Seven soul rings rose up into the sky as an intense atmosphere surrounded that part of the area.

Five Purple and two Black soul rings appeared, much to the shock of everyone. The policemen who were previously shouting at the intruder, suddenly went completely quiet.

Karni saw from afar two people who forcefully entered. One with a furious face and one with a worried face. It was Wu Jianguo and Ta Siyu, but they didn't notice him. They went straight for the ambulance in which Wu Siduo was located.

Jianguo was about to enter the ambulance by force before he was stopped by one of the medics.

"Let me see my daughter." He roared again, he still hadn't put away his martial soul so his mighty display of power was witnessed by everyone.

The medic appeared unfazed. "We can't let you do that, she's still in the middle of treatment."

Karni could swear he heard something pop inside Wu Jianguo. "You bastard! Let me see my daughter at once, otherwise don't blame me for what I'm about to-" He was interrupted by a slap from his side. It was Ta Siyu.

"Do you want our daughter to stay injured?" She was furious at him.

Wu Jianguo gained some clarity, but he didn't answer, there was only frustration on his face. He felt useless that he couldn't help his daughter in a dangerous situation. The most he could do was shake his head towards Siyu.

"Then let's wait outside, she's in the best hands she can be."

Jianguo could only nod his head as he sat on one of the empty benches beside the ambulance.

Ta Siyu sat next to him. The two were looking at the ambulance with frustrated and hopeful eyes at the same time.

Karni was looking at the two for a solid five minutes when suddenly Jianguo looked at him straight in the eyes. He finally noticed him. He walked over with aggressive steps as Ta Siyu tried to calm him down.

"Val Karni! How dare you! If it weren't for you, she'd be okay!" Wu Jianguo started yelling at Karni.

"Wait dear, let's wait and see what happe-"

"Don't think you're ever welcome again in our house. Any interaction with our Sisi from now on is forbidden, we'll tell the school about-"

"About what?" Suddenly an aggressive young voice came from behind.

Wu Jianguo and Ta Siyu turned around almost instantly, Jianguo started dashing towards the person who just had the aggressive tone, but his face was full of relief. Before he could reach her, she said something else.

"If you ever want to be considered my father again, you'll apologise to Kiki right now." It was Siduo who approached, her whole left side was bandaged up, but that only served to amplify the pure anger she was showing towards Jianguo right now.

"I refuse." Wu Jianguo said. "That boy has been getting you in trouble one too many times, you're forbidden from any-"

Wu Siduo interrupted him. "That's a lot of fucking assumptions you're jumping to right there Wu Jianguo."

She didn't call him dad. Wu Jianguo was shocked. The darling daughter of his just cursed at him and called him by his full name. He was speechless.

Siduo ignored Wu Jianguo and walked past him. Ta Siyu wanted to say something, but Siduo gave her a cold look. "Next time he does shit like this, and you don't stop him, I'm leaving the house."

Siduo was absolutely furious at her parents at this moment. It started when she heard the commotion her father made, but what truly angered her was her father's baseless accusation on Karni. She spent more time with him than her parents for the past one year after all. He was the one who had the 'safe' plan in his head, even if it wasn't for those exact reasons. He was the one who had to step in, after she was reckless, but her father immediately jumped at him. Does he think she's some perfect being? The answer to that would actually be yes.

She refused to be associated with someone as idiotic as her father at that moment. She herself got her temper from him, but she also inherited her mother's much higher intelligence. Tempered, but single minded, and intelligent, but mild. Those were her parents.

She also refused to explain herself to them right now. She showed them her stance and how serious their accusations were. They can find the truth of the matter out themselves.

She approached Karni with a much softer look, but her face was still agitated. Meanwhile Lu Diu approached Siduo's parents and started to explain what happened, she had the whole story by now after all.

"Do you blame yourself?" Siduo asked Karni before he could say anything.

Karni stayed silent. He only hung his head low, she didn't need to hear the answer.

"I bet you're thinking about what you could've done differently." She then imitated Karni's voice. "What if I wouldn't have stopped her that first time around? What if I would've reacted sooner? What if she would've stopped me sooner? What if I would've controlled myself better? Right?" She finished with her normal voice.

Karni had a small look of surprise as he met his eyes with hers, her eyes appeared kind, but fierce.

He felt warm when she stood up against her parents before, relieved. But her eyes at this moment seemed like they had a different purpose.

"You're right to think of all that," she said, "but you're making a mistake. You forgot to think of something else." She paused.

"I would've died if not for you. The store would've been robbed. Maybe someone else could've gotten injured. Have you asked yourself that?" Her words were comforting, but they didn't sound so.

"Those are all indisputable things."

"So is the fact that that guy might have had a better result if I did things differently." Karni has been brooding for almost an hour by now after all, a few words, no matter how true he knew they were, wouldn't suddenly change his mindset.

Siduo slapped him. "You dumbass! So what! He was asking for it!"

Karni didn't care about the slap, but he had a different mind than her. "Did he, though? Did he? What do you know about him? What do I know? Do we know why he did this?" Karni was yelling back at her.

"Who cares! Actions speak for themselves, his are inexcusable!"

"Who cares?" Karni asked as if mocking her. "I do! I can't just decide what actions deserve what consequences! I'm not a judge or executioner, but he for sure didn't deserve this! "

"Yet you are! You were a judge! You did decide! Your decision saved people!"

"It might have killed one as well!" Karni shouted back.

"Kiki! You're a soul master! It comes with the job!" Siduo stared into his eyes.

Karni stared back at her, his eyes were refusing everything she was telling him, he refused to agree to what she just said.

She was frustrated with him. With his way of thinking. She couldn't look at those eyes anymore. She turned around and walked towards a nearby bench as she sat down. It was quite a way away from Karni.

"How's the injury?" Karni asked after a minute of silence.

"I'll live."

… … …

A whole weekend has passed. Karni hasn't talked to Siduo since the incident.

Siduo has also been giving her parents the cold shoulder during this time, despite the two being in the middle of a heavy disagreement, she still stood up for him.

Karni hasn't even visited their family since the incident. He didn't have the courage to do so. Despite the accusations of Wu Jianguo being too much, in his heart he agreed with some of them, even if he knew he shouldn't.

They were currently just finished with classes and the two didn't speak the whole time. The teachers heard what happened, so they didn't want to meddle either. It was the most uncomfortable class in Karni's life.

Currently, the two of them were walking about three metres apart towards their dorms.

Karni felt his soul communicator ring. It was a number unknown to Karni.

"Did we reach Val Karni?" A familiar voice sounded from behind.

"Yes." Karni answered quickly. Siduo seemed to notice Karni talking as well.

"This is officer Lu Diu, who you talked to after the incident in the restaurant on friday. Do you have time at the moment?"

"Officer Lu Diu? I remember. Yes, I have time."

"Since you asked me about the assailants' family last time we wanted to inform you about it. The assailant, Shi Qiang, has a single family member, his mother, Shi Ying. We thought you'd want to know."

Karni stopped walking and took a big breath, his guilt felt like it was growing by the second. "Did you tell her what happened?"

"Of course, it's our job to do so. Though due to privacy reasons we retracted the names of the people involved. I'm doing this out of my jurisdiction. I hope you don't tell anyone."

"Thank you." Karni said. He learned over the weekend that the assailant, Shi Qiang, lived, but he will essentially be in a vegetable-like state for the rest of his life. Karni volunteered to fund the medical debt so that Shi Qiang could stay alive. He was a soul master and a Mecha Designer after all, he wasn't short of money. His guilt made him help Shi Qiang.

There was just one thing that was giving him some hope. If the guy were to be some evil soul master, or if he'd have done some terrible things, at least his guilt would be free. Family or no family, evil soul master's were not to be let alive. He'd have no qualms about killing someone like that.

"Have you found out if there was anything shady behind him?"

The woman on the other side sighed. "If there were, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you, but there wasn't. He was just a normal civilian. He wasn't a soul master. He got his weapons from somewhere unknown and based on witnesses, we're guessing his actions weren't voluntary."

Karni's heart sank. What he feared the most was the case. This guy wasn't some evil soul master, he wasn't even a soul master at all. He was just a civilian and they're guessing he didn't want to do this? His hysteria made sense now as well. The guy wasn't used to doing this. This guy… He didn't deserve for this to happen to him.

"Do you know where Miss Shi Ying lives?"

Lu Diu clearly hesitated to tell Karni, but she knew what Karni did for Shi Qiang's treatment. She conceded. "She's currently staying in the Holy Tiger hospital at the outskirts of Star Luo City."

Karni thanked the officer and quickly left, he went straight for the hospital. He forgot about Siduo next to him at that moment.

He entered the hospital a bit absentmindedly and walked towards the reception desk.

"May I see Miss Shi Ying?"

The receptionist gave him a weird look, it wasn't everyday that a ten year old child comes alone to ask for a specific patient to see.

"Your name is?"

"Val Karni. I'm not related but… I was at the incident the other day and… wanted to speak to Miss Shi about it."

The receptionist showed surprise, before she thought about it and decided to agree. It wasn't against policy to do so, and she didn't see any harm happening with letting a child visit an older lady.

She led him to the room in which Shi Ying was staying.

"Grandma Ying, you have a visitor." The nurse said in a familiar fashion, though she clearly wasn't her grandma. The nurse was too old for that to be the case.

"Who is it? I told you I don't want visitors this week." An older voice could be heard from the inside of the patient's room. It sounded a bit hoarse, like one does after crying.

"It's a child, Grandma Ying, he has a few things to say."

Shi Ying was quiet, before answering. "Let him in."

The nurse sent Karni inside, but didn't enter herself.

"Greetings." Karni began awkwardly.

Shi Ying didn't seem to look at Karni in any mean way, but she also didn't have a kind look, it was mostly a neutral one.

"Hello." Shi Ying answered.

Karni stayed silent for a second before taking a deep breath. He wanted to say something, but the words still wouldn't come out of his mouth.

"That's okay, I don't bite." The older lady finally showed a kinder face.

Karni relaxed a bit, as he began. "I… was there. When the incident happened."

Shi Ying's face immediately turned sour. "Please. I don't want to hear anymore of what my son did."

"I just…" Karni tried to admit to everything right then and there, but he couldn't, he was afraid, this was a mother who had her son permanently hospitalised because of him.

"I felt helpless during that time. That I couldn't do… anything." He lied. He wanted to say 'better', but he was unable to.

"What could a child possibly have done in that situation, it was all my son's fault. No. Perhaps it was my fault." Shi Ying said.

"No!" Karni shouted, which surprised Shi Ying. "Sometimes things happen, and we can't truly control everything and…" Karni wanted to admit yet again, but stayed silent.

"You don't have to console me, child. I know what you wish to say, but, if it weren't for this state of mine… and the bills that come with it… he wouldn't have done what he did."

Karni's heart trembled. Bills? Money? Desperation? It's like everything clicked into place for him. A mother. He was doing it for his mother. Though in his horrified mind, he forgot one of the details.

"I couldn't help with anything back then." Karni started. "But I can now."

Shi Ying looked at him questioningly.

Karni answered her silent question. "I am lucky enough to have money. I have actually already funded the treatment for your son, and when I heard he had family I wanted to reach out."

Shi Ying looked shocked. She heard that there was an anonymous donor. But she couldn't truly believe it. Her son has done horrendous things! Who would want to voluntarily fund his treatment?

"Since you're also in a tight spot, I would like to help you as well, Miss Shi."

Shi Ying gave him a kind smile as she shook her head. "Don't worry about it. I would feel ashamed to receive help from a child, especially after my own son did such terrible things."

"However your son didn't have to end up like this either, he didn't deserve such permanent punishment, despite the deed being terrible, it came from wanting to help someone. Please. As someone who was a witness, it is also a somewhat selfish wish of mine to clear my own guilt."

Shi Ying started to cry when she heard those words. It wasn't the help part. It was what he said before. 'Despite the deed being terrible, it came from wanting to help. He didn't deserve such permanent punishment.'

"Thank you." She sobbed. "Thank you."

Karni felt his guilt rising with every word she spoke. He was doing this just to feel a bit better, but it wasn't the right thing to do. He should just admit his wrongdoings and be done with it.

"My son doesn't deserve the help." Shi Ying said.

"He also didn't deserve what happened to him, yet it did." Karni said. Mostly to himself than to her, yet she was sure he was speaking to her.

The old lady began to cry harder. Perhaps it was the fact this was all coming from a child that made her like this, perhaps it was something else. Karni decided he should let her be. He could tell he won't be able to tell the truth. He also didn't want to overwhelm the old lady, though he was sure that was just an excuse he was telling himself.

"You can call me Grandma Ying." Shi Ying smiled through her tears as Karni was about to leave the room.

Karni felt pain in his chest, his heart ached. This was a mother going through something terrible. His own mother was also, how did she react with him… He stopped his thought there.

"Goodbye Grandma Ying, I'll come visit again." He said without facing her, he wouldn't be able to smile truthfully, it would betray him.

He came outside the hospital where a very familiar face waited for him. It was Siduo who had a combination of angry and worried looks.

"I met his mother." Karni began.

Siduo didn't say anything. She wasn't sure how to reply to that.

"She is sick and bedridden and her treatment is expensive… It's probably why he wanted money."

"Kiki, no matter the reason, his actions are…" She stopped herself. "Do you think his mother wanted him to do that? No matter the money required. Any mother would wish for their child to be… happy."

"I know." Karni said.

"Then why do you still have that look on your face? What is still bothering you? He was clearly in the wrong, his actions were wrong!"

"So were mine!" Karni answered. "It was only due to me that it ended this way."

"What way?!" Siduo sounded bewildered. "The fact that you saved multiple people? Including me? Your actions aren't even comparable! His actions are wrong no matter what, no matter the reason!"

Karni breathed heavily. He remembered the scene of that Friday vividly. "That look of desperation, Sisi, it-"

He was interrupted by her. "No matter the desperation. He got money illegally! His mother hated it, she probably beat herself up for this as well! To do something like this. There's more than just desperation, there was something wrong with him, one wouldn't just do that for those reasons! Not when the people you love would also be hurt!"

"I would." Karni said, looking her straight in the eyes. "If my mom was bedridden. If I had no money. If I had no choice. The only thing left would be desperation, the only chance to keep her alive, even if it hurt her? Siduo. I'd do it."

Siduo's eyes were shaking when she heard him say those words. She wanted to say something but she couldn't. Her lips could only tremble as Karni walked past her without saying goodbye.

Siduo stood there for some time, processing his words. He called her 'Siduo' at the end as well, not 'Sisi'.

"Kiki." She said softly to herself, as tears started falling down. She was right, but she was wrong. He was right, but he was wrong.

This isn't what she wanted. This isn't what anybody wanted.