5 1a

Dawn. That is a nice name, reminds me of waking up after each failure with the moon goddess herself.

This time she promised me that my fated mate would not only desire me, but want me as well. She said her seers were working on correcting the paths that the human side of us were damaging.

My name is Jewel and I am the first seer that the goddess created.

I am also the first wolf to receive four blessings from the goddess.

Well, five.

The first blessing was my creation. The second the foresite of death, the third the right to heal, the fourth a warrior. My fifth blessing was the hardest to accept.

Each of my blessings, minus the first one, came at the expense of a rejection.

I was as excited as any young pup to get her human. Packs were still hidden from humans, very much a hunter and gather in those times. We still made our clothes from the kills, and used everything imaginable from the animals we hunted and consumed. The first human I was given to was a weak female, so much smaller than others around her.

Most of the pack seemed shocked when she finally turned eighteen and was actually granted me and a mate all at once.

The mate immediately rejected us. I didn't get a good look at the wolf, only his scent before I was returned to the goddess.

To be rejected during the first turn became taboo and punishable by death. But that would not occur until I was given another human and a chance to pass on new laws as the goddesses first seer.

I had to heal first. The rejection killed both my human side and wolf side, and my soul was greatly damaged.

Our souls are like a puzzle of four. One is connected to the moon goddess and only she can remove that bond. The other is to our human side, a bond that is only second ot the goddess. Another bond is to our fated mate. In the center of the puzzle is my soul that connects all of us together. With each bonded fated mate the bond with the goddess strengthens, making the pups stronger and more attached to the goddess in turn. Its a way to keep the balance of power centered around our goddess.

But each rejection makes the next bond weaker. and weaker. and weaker.

It took one hundred years to pass before I was blessed with another human. The second life I was granted almost three months with my human before finding my fated partner. In those three months I successfully passed the taboo doctrine that would cause pain and death to any wolf that rejected their mate during their first changing, and also set up commandments for wolves to follow.

Since I was the only wolf that could speak to the goddess, I was hailed as a demon and a saint. I was both feared and loved.

When I found my fated mate, he smelled of fear and loathing, even hatred towards me.

Seeing that look when I was so excited to round the rock was devestating. "Mate" I said aloud, but his silence pressed down on me from all sides.

Even the meadow we were standing in lost its luster as he found his voice. "No. I have a mate and son."

It was only then that I saw the female wolf behind him holding her newly born pup. I don't know if his fear was toward me and what I would do to his young, or for my status. I turned to run away, hoping to escape his rejection, but he spoke so quickly.

Everyone knew my name and rank. I had made a bit of a splash in the small villages around mine, and many were finding out that my visions were true, as was the punishments for incurring the wrath of the goddess.

This rejection was even more painful than the first, as I smelled the female coming over to my human, kicking her in the face.

I may have been able to survive the rejection and become rogue, but the kick was backed with wolf strenghth, breaking my neck. With that I was given the rank of healer.

My third gift was not given for five hundred years as my soul healed with the goddess and bathed in her light.

Five hundred years to think about the two mates that rejected me. My bond with the goddess will so strong, but the other bonds felt loose, as if the string had been pulled to tight then released, forever stretched and unable to go back to its original form.

When I was given my third human, she was a playful thing. Always smiling and happy. I felt so much love from her. She made the human to wolf bond become strong once again. She loved me long before I came to her.

But, she was too weak. Instead of her pack appreciating the light they had, they chose to extinguish it instead. Once again, the pack thought my human would be too weak to have a wolf, and treated her foully. Her innocents taken years before she would be of age to consent. I was to be her ticket out of the hell she was in, but instead I was the cause of her death.

And even with all that negativity, she was still the most uplifting and beautiful human, her smile could light up the darkness within us. Instead of receiving a formal rejection from our mate, he brought us poison upon learning who we were to him. "Drink up, Mate" I can still hear the loving tone he used, making us think he was bringing us food to recognize our bond. That is until the first spasm hit us and the truth sank into our very bones. That death was riddled in pain as my insides liquified and he watched us, his face showing the horror that pain we suffered through before darkness took us. This death gave me the blessing as a warrior.

My fourth failed fated mate bond came seven hundrend years later. The man never did formally reject me, instead he kept me at his hip, used my gifts, my blessings for years as a slave to his pack. It was at his hands that most of my visions became a form of retribution for me. So much death and chaos. I looked forward to the day that his pack would be in my vision.

I can still feel the phantom pains of his nightly betrayal. My powers of healing worked well during his torture sessions as he fcked others, both men and women. But, the silver around my body would not allow me to use my warrior blessings. I guess that was good since the pack was unaware that I was his fated mate as they continued to "search" for her. When my death finally came, I was a shell of my former self. Since he did not officially reject me, and I am unable to grant that release myself, I finally just slept, an eternal sleep that granted me one thousand years of peace.

It was during my fifth humans life that I finally experienced life for years and years without pain or finding my fated mate. Not until I was so much older, past the age of childbearing.

This life I had hoped to hold my own pups, finally. But as a seer, healer, and warrior I knew that my innocents was for my fated partner. In each life, I had never experienced the sexual gratification that the goddess spoke to me about.

I could see that my soul was steadily turning darker, even though my bond with the goddess was the strongest bond she had, my other bonds were disappearing and my fated partner for this life was perhaps the worste.

He, too tired of waiting for his fated partner took in a chosen mate. Upon her death years later he decided to tour the different packs. A seeker of knowledge. During his travels he found another chosen mate, a week before finding me.

When he found me, he was with his newly chosen mate, a warrior from one of the surrounding packs with a loose reputation.

He chose a woman that gave her bits to any wolf that looked her way.

The pureness and innocence of my humans body was a direct contrast to the mate he chose for himself. Seeing me, smelling me he face fell.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he repeated over and over, even as his eyes began to glow with his wolf emerging.

The wolf took charge, coming at me when the forgotten female finally made her move. She touched the mark on her neck, the beautiful filligree from his mark making the half turned wolf turn around and lose to his human counterpart.

He was an alpha who forced me to tell him our names, both of our names. He not only rejected my human half, but me as well.

The force of his rejection not only killed my human first, but had me suffering for two thousand years. The peace that I found with the goddess was gone, only the rejection pain remained.

Dawn. I first opened a piece of myself to her when she was sixteen. I wanted to do it earlier, but the goddess forbade me from it.

The human brain is weak, and if I had shared the seer blessing at her fourteenth birthday, she may have stayed in a comatose state for months as her brain synopsis healed.

In a few days she would recieve not only me, but the other blessings that I come with.

If she survives she will become the most powerful human side a wolf has ever known. For me, I am the weakest I have ever been. She will need all the power she can get until I am no longer dormant.

I am dormant. I have suffered too many rejections and not enough love to sustain the light in my soul.

Dawn is my last hope. If we fail this time, the goddess promised me eternal sleep, eternal night.

I am dormant, but I am not Broken yet!