47 Part 5.5

I eventually managed to learn the ancient art of tying knots. It was a long and brutal process, but I eventually learned how to bend threads to my will. Ha! Take that thread! I bet you can imagine what the first thing I did with my new skill was. That's right. I made a hammock and tied it up on the deck.

Hammocks are awesome. They are so much more comfortable than sleeping on the deck of the ship. Sure, I could sleep in the captain's cabin, but I put all of my loot on the bed so when I did sleep in there it was on the floor. I'll just say it now, the deck of the ship is more comfortable than the floor in Impel Down, and my new hammock was even more comfortable than that. Like sleeping on a cloud!

This all brings me to my newest hobby. Cloud watching! Or is it cloud observing? Cloud deciphering?

Yah. Let's go with deciphering. Cloud deciphering! I'm going to be like a liberal arts student college with philosophy degree!

...

"Hey Dolchi, you know anything about what a philosopher does?" I ask the former butcher.

Ever since I had first called the ragged man over a few days ago he would settle himself by where I was. Like today I as laying in my hammock deciphering clouds and then he sat by the mast where I was. He had pulled out two large butcher knives and took his time sharpening them with a rock and this oil he had in a bottle.

When I asked about philosophy, he twitches and looked up at me. "My Ma told me something wise once. She told me, 'You can't make your place in this world by being needlessly kind. However, there's no place for those who are needlessly cruel.' She told me that the day before she died. Then I killed all those people and sent to Impel Down."

I snorted. "I wouldn't say you were needlessly cruel. Just appropriately cruel. I mean, they did kill your mom. Sure, you killed the wrong people. Could've been much worse. You could've been much worse. For instance, and this is just off the top of my head, you could have become a serial killer."

He twitched erratically, like he usually does. Then replied flatly, "What?"

I sighed and made hopefully vauge hand motions that didn't remind him of all the people he had stabbed to death. "Like, you're a butcher. Butcher's have a lot of negativity surrounding them. What with chopping up flesh and everything. I could see you becoming a cannibalistic serial killer after that Lord killed your mom and married your sister."

He sagged his shoulders. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yup. It's not that hard to imagine. However..."

He looked up at me and asked, "What?"

"I'm glad you didn't become a serial killer. Then you probably wouldn't had been arrested right away and we would've never met. I don't really talk to that many people. Every person I can honestly talk to is important to me like that."

Dolchi just looked at me for a few seconds with wide eyes. Then he blurted out, "I'm not gay!"

I spluttered and fell out of my hammock. I quickly got up and waved my hands. "Neither am I! Why would you think I am!"

He shuddered. "You were getting all touchy feely. You were done getting feely, so I though you were about to get touchy. If you get my drift."

My eye went wide and I tore off my mask so he could see how serious, and ugly, I was. "No one here is gay!" I shouted out, so loud that the entire ship could hear us.

Four seconds later I heard someone shout from the deck, "Well, excuse me!"

I put my mask back on and ran to the railing to see who had shouted. Dolchi was behind me and when he saw the man on the deck, he recoiled. It was becoming clear the Dolchi was homophobic.

When I saw the guy who shouted, I felt afraid too. This guy was massive. He was my height, with a long ponytail beard, really short shorts showing bits that should never be shown. Like the bottom of his hairy ass hanging loose for the world to see. His pink shirt had a massive v-neck that allowed everyone to see his chest hair shaved like a heart.

Everything about this guy was dripping with arrogance and in-your-face. Except for his cool iron boots. They were fabulous, and I loved them.

He started spouting all kinds of arrogant stuff at me. Stuff that, if I had been one to listen, would have caused me to literally fold this guy in half... and then steal his awesome boots.

He wouldn't shut up. So, I began to listen.

XoXoXoX

I admired my new boots. Someone had lent me a brush to get rid of all the shit, blood, and vomit. That guy, Quagley, had excellent tastes in boots.

He tried to raise a mutiny. At first I thought it was a joke, then Kreig told me how serious he was. I gave Quagley a warning, and told him I thought about folding him in half.

Sadly, he didn't believe me until it was too late. Now I had new boots.

"Heh. Iron boots. This reminds me of something. Something something... sumo wrestling rock monsters? Was it all a dream about a game? Probably." I laughed and then turned to Dulchi who was watching me with wide fearful eyes. "Hey Dulchi, was that needlessly cruel, or needfully cruel."

He stammered, "I-I don't know."

"I bet you didn't believe I could fold that guy in half. He's not the first person I folded in half. Back on Level Four, years ago, a guy attacked me. Don't get me wrong, I'm attacked all the time. This guy however, he attacked me with his pants off. I knocked him out, and thought the whole thing was over. But he kept coming back, over and over. I was stronger then him, but man, he was so focused on ****."

I laughed. I laughed and kept on laughing. At one point I started to cry. When I got a hold of myself, I continued the story. "Anyways, he kept coming and I didn't know what to do. Well, then I got a flash of inspiration when I saw a guard folding a chair. Next time I saw the fat pantless bastard I warned him I would fold him in half like a chair. He didn't get the reference. So I had to use a visual example. It wasn't the first time I'd killed someone. Far from it. It was the first time I killed someone in a fit of rage. As you can see, it wasn't the last."

I laughed some more, and then Dulchi softly said, "I'm sorry."

I stopped, completely.

"You're sorry? For what?"

"I'm sorry you had to do that."

I didn't have anything to say. I just looked at my new iron boots and wondered. I wondered how long it would take for me to reach the bottom of the sea if I wore the boots and jumped.