Part 4

Then, upon whatever reason; I am back again facing the statue. How the hell did I get here? What... Huh? But... He's here? He's looking at me? He doesn't look like me. I don't look like that. My mother, I don't look like my mother, either. Yeah, well, it's a long way back to being there.

"I'm gonna... I'm gonna be here. I'll be right here. He's in here, but he's not going anywhere. I'll be here. He's gonna be killed. You know that's going to happen. When he gets back, it's gonna be you and I. It's gonna be you and I. We're going to see, and I'm gonna be standing here."

No, I guess not. He's judging me. His eyes, it's gaze. He's judging me. I'm getting judged. I'm getting judged, as well as being condemned. They're staring at me, they're staring at me. What does he know about me? I've never hurt him. I'm getting judged, and condemned. I'm sitting here, in the presence of judgment, and condemnation.

I can feel it, and it's coming from him. He's judging me, he's condemning me. It's coming from him. It's coming from all around me. They're coming from him, from the others. I'm being judged, condemned, and cursed. He's telling me all this. It's so sad, and so sad to feel this way, to feel judged and condemned.

And now, he's sitting there, just like me, he's sitting there and it's like me. He's watching me, he's judging me, he's condemning me. It's like he's watching me.

How the hell did that happen? How the hell did that happen? Where am I, that my mother sent me back to being judged and condemned. What the hell was I thinking? I'm being judged. I'm being condemned. Why do I feel so bad? He's sitting there, not like me, but sitting there and it's like me. He's sitting there and looking at me, he's watching me. He's looking at me and judging me and condemning me, just like he did.

I'm having a hard time seeing him, but I feel like he's sitting right in front of me. I feel like he's right in front of me. I feel like he's right here. I feel like he's here. I feel like he's here. I can feel it, he's right in front of me. And, I feel like he's judging me, he's condemning me, he's saying he's going to kill me. He's sitting there with all the others.

So, now, I'm sitting here. I'm back in the warehouse and the damn thing's back. Now, I'm seeing it. It's out of my body. It's out of my mind, now it's back. And I'm just sitting here, and he's sitting there. He's watching me, he's judging me, he's condemning me. I'm not looking at him, I'm looking right at him, it's like looking right at my own eyes. He's sitting right there, in front of me. He's staring at me. He's not looking at me. He's not looking at me. He's staring right through me. He's staring at me. He's not looking at me. He's staring at me and judging me.

I am here. I am here, in front of him, looking at him. And, now, he's looking at me. What the hell's the difference, what the hell's the difference between looking at me, looking at me, looking at me, like my own eyes? Now, he's looking at me, he's watching me. He's sitting there and he's looking right through me. He's looking right at me, right through me.

Now he's sitting there, looking at me. He's looking right through me, like my own eyes. He's looking right through me. What is that? How did I get here? How did I get here? What the hell's the difference between looking at me, looking at me, looking at me, like my own eyes? I'm looking right at him, right through him. I'm looking right at him and he's looking right through me. He's staring at me, right through me, looking right through me.

How then, does its stone face change, change, change? How then, does that stone face change? It's not the same, it's not the same. It's still the same stone face. It's still the same stone face. It's still the same stone face. But, why though? What's the difference between the stone face and the face of a rock that's loose in the ground? Is it the faces of the rock that change, or is it the faces of the stone? That stone face still looks human, yet the rock remains stone? How does that change? How does that change? But, why?

How does it change? And then, then, there's another stone face. What's with that stone face? What's with that stone face? What's with that stone? Suddenly, I feel uneasy. My head bangs back against the wall. I'm going to fall over. This is not right. This is not right. I'm being looked at and judged. I'm being looked at and judged, this stone face. I'm being looked at and judged. My body couldn't handle the pain, and so I passed out.

"Hey man, you ok?" In the faintest of voices, I hear a man's voice. "Hey, you ok?" It's the voice of a friend. He's the one who saved my life.

"Hey, you ok?" He whispers in my ear. "Come on man, you gotta snap out of this." And I do. I snap out of it. He wakes me up. I'm groggy, my eyes are half-open, I'm bleary-eyed. I can't focus. The city is a maze to me. I can't find my way around. And I know I'm in trouble. I'm in big trouble. I'm in big trouble. I'm in big, big trouble. What did I do to deserve this? Where am I? Who are all these faces? Who is that guy with the blue shirt? What the fuck? What the hell? What the fuck-ity fuck?

"Hey, hey man, you're getting us all fucked up. Are you ok?" My friend's face is now replaced with a cat's face. A cat. Why a cat? "Hey, you're pissing me off." The cat continues to look at me with its cold, blue eyes. The words are a little slurred, and I can't quite understand what he's saying. I can't even comprehend what he's saying. I'm not really with it. I feel foggy. I feel sluggish. I feel dizzy. But, I know, and I know that I'm in big trouble. This is bad. This is very, very bad. I'm in big trouble. I'm in big, big, trouble. And I know it. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape. I have to escape.

I ran away from the cat. I ran away from all the faces. I ran from the city. I run like I never have run before. Like I couldn't run before. Like a terrified rabbit in the headlights. I can't get away, I can't get my legs to move. My legs won't move. My head is spinning, my body is aching. I want to escape. I want to escape. I want to escape. I want to escape. I want to escape. I want to escape. I want to escape. I want to break free!!!

But I can't escape. I was looking for a home. My little house with my loving family. My quiet, comfortable life. My boring, predictable, comfortable life. But it's all gone, it's all changed, it's all altered. My city, my city. I lost my city. My home, my home. My family, my family. I lost my family. I lost my friends. My friends are all changed. My friends are all gone. My friends are all cats. I've been attacked by a cat gang. It's all gone. All gone, just like that.

I'm on the floor of a filthy, damp basement, surrounded by friends and family. I'm surrounded by friends and family. I can't take this!! I hate this!!! Fuck this! Fuck that statue! Fuck me too, I guess!!! I'm an asshole, and an idiot, and a loser, and an asshole, and an idiot! ten times over!! And there's just so many of us all crammed together in this fucking, filthy, wet, dark basement. What have I done? I'm lost!

I start to sob uncontrollably; no, no, no, no. I'm losing it. I start to think that maybe I didn't do anything, that maybe it was just me, just me, being a bad person, that I just didn't deserve to live. I started to think about everything I've done to deserve this, but I know, in the deepest parts of my soul, that this is just too much. This is not right, and it's just not good. I start to think that maybe I don't deserve to live. I start to think that maybe there's no place for me in this world. I start to think that maybe I don't deserve to be alive.

I'm an asshole, and an idiot, and a loser, and an asshole! ten times over!!! And there's just so many of us on this planet, so one less person wouldn't make a difference, right? Right?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm an asshole, and an idiot, and a loser, and an asshole! ten times over!!! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Yeah, it's official. I'm one of the millions of people in this world, and I'm about to die. I'm going to die, and I don't deserve to be alive. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

I'll see you in Hell.

Bang!!!

The End