Preparations

I'm spending my days in bedroom, laying and torturing myself with dark thoughts. My body doesn't feel like it's mine anymore. I scrubbed every inch of my skin few times, but I still can feel his touch and odor from his rotten mouth. Every time I close my eyes and drift to sleep, his face emerges in front of my eyes. I scream and wake up. So I don't sleep almost at all. I am exhausted.

I've started to read some book, to keep myself busy, but I can't concentrate on it. Letters doesn't seem to have any sense. I've finally came to conclusion, that I have to go out. I've called my maid to prepare another bath and to dress me.

"Another bath?" asks surprised Mary, my personal maid.

It was She, who heard my scream and called for help. If it wasn't for her, I would probably be dead. I never expressed my gratitude for her, but I am too embarrassed to do that.

"Yes, please" I confirm.

She looks at me worriedly, and does what I asked her for. It's my second bath today and It's only noon. Every time I desperately hope, that if I scrub myself hard enough, my skin would feel mine again.

I'm tired of her pitiful looks, but I don't say anything. Enough, that she have to work harder because of me.

After bath, she dresses me delicately in simple, blue dress.

"Thank you, Mary, that would be all for now," I dismiss her. She nods with smile and goes out of the room.

I look in the mirror and see miserable version of myself. The color of my clothes highlights bruises on my face and bags under my tired, blue eyes. I lost weight, so my cheekbones became a little too sharp. My skin is paper white. I never was the most beautiful girl, but in current state, I'm not even plain. Even my wavy, chocolate brown hair, that I liked about myself the most, lost its usual shine.

I go out of the room and bump on my mother.

"Oh, darling, you came out of the room. That's great, because I just came to fetch you. The dressmaker came to fit your wedding dress."

She's excited. The wedding will be held two days from now, and she's taking care of everything. I can't blame her for being happy, even if I'm miserable. She loves organizing parties, she's in her element right now. It's going to be humble, only my closest family is going to attend. I don't even know if my brother is going to make it back from London on time.

I thought that my future husband would be suspicious about such a haste, but my father said, that he himself proposed this date. We were all surprised, but we couldn't complain about it. It was to our advantage, sooner the better. But I don't know what his reason is, and this scares me a lot. Just as the fact, that I don't know this man at all. I probably saw him on the ball, that my mother told Me about, but I don't remember him. There's always so many people on social events.

Mother leads me to the room where dressmaker awaits. It's the same, old Mrs. Thompson, that would make all of our dresses. From the time I was born, until now. Middle aged woman, grown to be family's friend through all these years.

"Oh my goodness, miss Turner, what happened to your face?" She asks shocked when I enter the room.

"She slipped on the stairs, my poor, clumsy girl," mother answers for me. I send her thankful look, I wouldn't have known how to answer that question.

"Let's hope that it fades until wedding day," Mrs. Thompson say.

"If not, we'll cover it with some powder," says mother. Truthfully, I haven't thought about that aspect of my current looks, but it seems that my mom was prepared on everything.

"Yes, I suppose it will work. Anyway, Miss Turner, you're going to look lovely in the dress I prepared. I must say that it was a challenge at such a short notice, but I think that I've outdone myself," she says with excitement.

"Oh, I'm sure that dress will be beautiful, I don't even have to look at it to know that." I complimented her work. Her face reddened a little. She was always so modest about her skills and felt embarrassed when someone praised her.

"Well, let's get you dressed and we'll see if it fits. I've made it in size of your last dress, but we'll probably need to adjust it," she says, while taking out the dress from protective bag.

It is stunning. I never wore such a beautiful dress before. It's fabric is soft and smooth. White bodice is embroidered with silver flowers and crystals. Skirt is also white, with silver threads going on from top to bottom. It shines beautifully with my every move. It's not puffy, it flows delicately around my body emphasizing my waist.

"You look so lovely honey." My mum wipes the tears of emotion off her face with handkerchief.

"It's really beautiful, Mrs. Thompson, thank you" I say dazed. For a minute, I forget about everything that has happened. This dress is perfect. I would be so happy wearing it to my wedding, if only I married the man I chose… This thought makes me come back to earth and sad reality.

"Oh, you have nothing to thank for, it's my job. But I see that you lost some weight, I hope that you're not on some stupid diet because of the wedding," she complains, looking at me worriedly.

"No, I just lost my appetite lately," I say truthfully. I eat only when I have to, food lost its taste completely.

"Well, I'll adjust it a little for you, don't you worry about a thing," says Mrs. Thompson with a smile.