Chapter 53: Slip on the squid

Rias woke up with a shudder. "There's great evil in the air… No, not evil. Perversion."

"Is Issei back?" Asia piped up instantly and her head popped above the sea of blankets and pillows that made most of the bedroom where the two, or rather, seven devils were resting or sleeping.

Rias had finished her nap, checked outside the window and came to a conclusion that the world hadn't ended nor had it turned to strawberries and chocolate, fortunately and unfortunately, so she had merely extended the now-crowded bed using [Power of Imagination] so it encompassed the whole room and tossed a lot of pillows on top of it, intending on building a pillow fort and diving under it before another Momon-related apocalypse would come.

"Issei?" Irina popped her head up from the sea of pillows as well.

"No, not that kind… Not the innocent, lovable and kind of cute perversion, this is more… insidious." Rias sniffed the air. "My nose may be blind, but the third eye still sees… It sees tentacles, beings past our reality... Wait?"

She blinked a few times and then patted her temple. "I don't have a third eye, right?"

"Ufufu, Rias-chan is losing it…" Akeno emerged from under her pillow fortress and tackled Rias under the sea of pillows. "Just embrace the insanity, ufufu… Join me in the Deep, let's become one…"

"Akeno! That's super creepy!" Rias's words became muffled as Akeno put her hands on her mouth.

"And now you've snapped out of your delusions before they start! Mission successful!" Akeno announced victoriously while lying on top of weakly struggling Rias. "Ufufufu… But seriously, you need to cut back a bit, Rias-chan… You're so high-strung all the time."

"I… am?" Rias sighed as she once again realized that she was getting incredibly worked up over something she barely knew about, and something she'd likely have little chance of influencing outside breaking her own head over it. "...You're right. It's just… I'm not used to being this much outsider to the events taking place around me. I'm a leader, or at least that's how I've tried to be… Until Momon rode along and waved his hands, and everything went to Crazyville faster than a Dragon stomping on someone that was insulting their pride."

"Accurate." Xenovia popped her head up from the pillows, as the girl had managed to shake off her drunken state likely due to her conditioning as a holy sword wielder. Most of it anyway. "I was supposed to just go and fetch some… hic, Excalibur fragments, now I'm a devil and a paladin of the True God's holy order, I think. Maybe. Erm, at least I was blessed by an Angel calling Momon the True God."

"Ara? See! This is a good opportunity for you to train relaxing! Ufufufu…" Akeno chuckled as Rias was gasping for air after the news. "I've already stopped trying to rationalize what happens around Momon, you should too. You're going to get wrinkles otherwise, Rias-chan!"

Rias took three calming breaths before she straightened herself, smiling her normal time-before-Momon smile that was perfectly official and equally fake. "You're right, Akeno-chan. So, Xenovia-san, can you reiterate what you just said?"

"We, that is Irina-chan and Asia-sama, went to see an Angel baptizing and resurrecting devils, who proclaimed Momon-sama as True God, and blessed the Devils who prayed in his name, and anointed us as his Champions." Xenovia waved her hand above her head, ignoring Rias's rising blood pressure. "The three of us walked on water and had halos on top of our heads."

"Right, this is normal, I don't have to freak out, right, this is just Momon-ism at work." Rias sighed, hard, and Akeno gave her a thumbs-up. "Aha, did anything else happen?"

"The three of us, that is myself, Irina-chan and Asia-sama went and got drunk afterwards. The bar here is quite well stocked. During that time I came to the conclusion that I, alongside Irina-chan and Asia-sama, are now part of Momon-sama's harem." Xenovia nodded her head seriously, then sighed. "Well, seeing that I am now an outcast from my previous Church, and I am baptized to the True God who walks this land and commands angels, and purified to serve his command…"

"Yes?" Rias waved for the girl to move on as she seemed to fall into deep thought.

"...Well, I figure my next step should be getting pregnant with Momon-sama's children. I guess that's my job now, since Momon doesn't seem to hold to the same values of 'purity' that the Church holds, making me think that perhaps the Church were the Heretics all along. Moreover this path allows me to search for the feminine parts of my life that I've been denied all my life, back when I served the Church of the False God-ow." Xenovia nodded seriously while her face didn't betray even the slightest hint that she was joking in any way. "I imagine it is the same for Irina-chan."

"W-wawa? Whaaaat! I didn't sign up for that! I want Issei-kun's kids!" Irina protested, making her presence known as she popped her head up from the pillow-sea once again, and her face was utterly red. "Er- um- awawa- I mean…"

"Ara? How bold, Irina-chan!" Akeno chuckled while her face grew sad. "But… Issei-kun is no longer with us… There's just Momon-san."

"Uuuh…" Irina looked downcast. "I'm not sure I wanna Momon-sama's kids…"

"They're the same person, I guess. At least on some level." Rias noted, and then shook her head. "Wait, no, I don't mean that as a go-ahead. You two seriously need to ask my opinion first! I'm Momon's wife, for Maou's sake!"

"But aren't Peerages the King's harem?" Xenovia tilted her head. "Asia-sama told us so."

"Aasssiiiaaa…" Rias growled and reached to pluck a blonde girl from under the pillow-sea and dragged her to her bosom. It seemed that the girl was still blackout drunk, so getting her to stir probably would take a herculean effort… or a good incentive. "Asia! Look! Issei-kun is waving at you!"

"Waa! Issei-kun!" Asia woke up instantly to wave at a random direction, then took a look around herself, spotted Rias and lack of Issei, and bunched her hands up while pouting cutely. "Rias-buchou is a liar and mean…"

"A-si-a-chaaann…" Rias's a vein in temple was pulsing in tune with her annoyance as she reached to rub both sides of Asia's temple with her knuckles. "You've been a naughty girl, teaching Xenovia-san all sorts of unnecessary and false things…"

"Awawa! I'm sorry! I'm not sure what I did! But I'm sorry!" Asia waved her hands wildly while her face scrunched up cutely from the reprimanding grind.

"...You know, fine. I can't stay mad at you. You're way too cute, Asia-chan." Rias sighed and let go of the girl. "But don't tell others that 'Peerages' are 'harems'. They're not exactly mutually exclusive, but neither are they mutually inclusive."

"R-right, I'll do that… Um, sorry, I don't know what I said, but... " Asia wilted a bit, forcing Rias to pat her head to cheer her up. "Ehe!"

"Um, what's this?" Irina popped her head above the pillow-sea once more, and lifted a makeshift explosive device above the pillows.

"Er- wha?" Rias stared at the improvised explosive for a while, then shook her head. "I have no clue."

"I tried to assassinate Momon-san with that… Ahii, but it failed, it totally failed, there was never any chance, he saw right through me and corrupted mom and then confessed to me…" Ravel's head popped up from the pillow-sea, alongside two mounds that Rias guessed belonged to still-unconscious Lady Phenix.

"You… hid a bomb in my bed." Rias growled at Ravel.

"No, I hid a bomb in Momon's… oh, wait, right…" Ravel seemed to realize that the bed had more than one occupant in normal use. "Dammit! So my plan was doomed to fail on multiple levels! I have no chance! I have no choice! I have to become the Supreme Being's breeding sow!"

"You wh- No, not even going to take that bait." Rias felt glad that Akeno had told her to take it easy. Indeed, the 'old' Rias would have suffered a heart attack from Ravel's words just now, but 'new' Rias knew to take the crazy head-on, and stuff it in a bag and then put it in a barrel of acid instead of trying to swallow and digest it. "You go do that, Ravel-chan. I'll cheer for you. Tell us how it went afterwards. But we won't be coming to save you the next time."

"Ahii, I can't believe I'm looking forward to that, he walks into the room, pins me against the bed while I struggle weakly… I am taken against my will, massaged all over, then my mind goes blank and I can't do anything but let pig-like sounds while he makes me walk all over the palace in a leash while I'm dripping sticky white stuff from all orifices, me, the esteemed princess of Phenix house…" Ravel's face turned incredibly lewd and she placed her hands on either side of her head. "No! I must resist, I can't fall to his lewd aura! Or his lewd servants! Or his lewd meat rod! No! Stop, my traitorous thighs! Don't rub against each other! I will fight! I will resist! And then he takes the resistance and turns it up on its head, stuffing me full of his white stuff and making me fall in love with him even more…"

"I think Ravel-chan needs a therapist, the time she spent captured and the, hm, de-stressing we did last night might have broken her entirely." Akeno noted from the side, whispering to Rias's ear. "Although, the faces Rave-chan is making are… ufufufu…"

"Quite lewd, yes." Rias rolled her eyes. 'It takes more than that to break my mind! Take that, Momon! Come at me! Do your worst!'

She glanced around, waiting for the castle to implode or the occupants of the room to sprout tentacles, or perhaps the Heavens would launch an all-out attack on the Underworld…

But nothing happened.

Rias felt victorious.

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"Thank you for coming with such a short notice." Sirzechs Lucifer bowed slightly to an old man whose white beard nearly reached the floor, and whose face was lined with hundreds of creases. The two of them, with one retainer for each, stood on top of a high bridge between the Underworld proper and a rift leading back to the home-realm of Sirzech's guests.

"'T's no problem, young Sirzechs. Or the Maou of the Underworld, I believe your title went nowadays? You claimed that title during your civil war some time ago?" The old man stroked his beard. "Hoo… Your wife's breasts look as perky as ever. You picked a good one. I can practically feel the softness by just looking at them… Double-D? E-cup?"

"Lord Odin, please be mindful of the contents of your speech." A white-haired girl sighed in exasperation from behind the old man while the white-haired maid behind Sirzechs sent the old man a withering glare.

"Eeh, you're ten thousand relationships too greenhorn to tell me what to do, Rossweisse." The old man sighed. "But I suppose I told the valkyries that I'd heed your council, so fine, whatever."

The white-haired girl dressed in form-fitting and feather-decorated valkyrie battle-armor blushed and looked to the side.

"Well sorry I don't have experience with men, I've been too busy being an efficient, professional and good Valkyrie…" The girl muttered darkly, causing the old man to chuckle.

"Oh, don't take it personally, Rossweisse… -chan? 'Chan' is what you japanese types add to the end of names, right?" The old man, Odin of Norse Pantheon, turned back towards Sirzechs.

"When speaking japanese, correct, if you refer to a girl whom you know personally. However, if you'd prefer we'd converse in norwergian or in ancestral norse, then we can do so as well." Sirzechs noted mildly.

"Hoo? You're already ready to give me the right to dictate the language of the meeting? Things are that bad?" Odin opened one of his already-narrowed eyes just a tiny bit.

"Extremely so. I believe that Norse Gods are the most familiar with them, so I called you here. I- no, We need your advice." Sirzech's face was dead serious and Odin's was even more so.

"You young fools. You've done something to poke at them, haven't you?! Drawn their eyes to this miserable world of ours." Odin's face was made of stone as he spoke, and it felt like the whole place rumbled with the man's anger and… fear. "What have you done!"

"Let us talk inside. This place is ill-suited for speaking of those things." Sirzechs lead the group of four inside Gremory Palace in Gremory's Territory, a piece of land in the Underworld that was roughly the size of half of japan. "There is much to discuss, and little time to do so."

.

.

"Gaaah… I want to lie down and sleep… For real…" Momonga felt more exhausted than ever after Serafall had jumped on him, kissed him with enough strength to probably smear his flesh all over his face if he hadn't had [Body of Effulgent Beryl] active, which he kept up at all times nowadays, and then the magical girl had skipped off to 'deliver the news to Sona-chan'.

"How could I have known that she thought I was challenging her to a duel so I could engage myself with Sona! I haven't even spoken to her in private, much less engaged with her romantically!" Momonga motioned wildly towards a mirror, speaking to himself as he had made his way to a bathroom once again. "This is utterly unreasonable!"

He calmed down after [Emotion Suppression] broke his outrage once more. 'Right… Ero-world. I shouldn't be surprised anymore. Right, from now on, I'll face these things head-on, with steel in my steps and courage in my heart. No more flinching- this world will not conquer me if I take its quirks and make them my own strength! Come hell, high water, or hundred-strong harem, I will prevail! I am the guild leader of Ainz Ooal Gown, and if this world presses me any further, I will form something similar to Ainz Ooal Gown in this world and shake it like how we shook YGGDRASIL! ...Or at least inconvenience some devs after the massive assault against Nazarick, anyway.'

Momonga ignored how the Peroroncino-plushie clapped his bird-hands together in his mental-scape from the declaration, specifically around the 'hundred-strong harem' part.

'I asked for the duel with Serafall to take place tomorrow, and Serafall said she'd find a suitable place as she knows the locals and the suitable locations better than me. That means I should check up on the rest of my Peerage, but… I have a test I need to run before that, since Serafall is presumably away and my surveillance is a bit more laxed, the situation has calmed down, and I can breathe a bit easier...'Momonga nodded to the mirror, reached to his inventory and activated a few anti-divination spell scrolls just in case. He then opened his inventory wider. "Ddraig?"

"Here." Came the voice of the Welsh Dragon in his inventory.

Momonga opened the inventory-rift wider so it covered the mirror in the bathroom, taking a look at the dragon who was lying on his back and had a regular-sized manga volume on his claws… or rather, held by the very tips of his massive claws that made the relatively tiny book look utterly ridiculous in comparison.

"Do you have some time to talk about your… [Sacred Gear]?" Momonga asked the dragon and the creature rolled on its stomach, stashing the volume to a bookshelf with frighteningly delicate movements.

"I suppose. I don't really have any pressing appointments at the moment, so…" The dragon snarked.

"Right, I'm going to read through your mind." Momonga went full-force to his offense. "Do not resist."

"You're- wait, hold on, you what?" Ddraig paused. "That wasn't in our deal!"

"I'm altering the terms of service, pray I do not alter it any further." Momonga told the dragon while lifting his hand towards it. "You've sworn your service to me. Now, stand by your words or break them!"

"W-wait, wait, wait, I can just tell you what you want, you don't need to… um…" Ddraig looked at Momonga's outstretched arm warily.

"I am considering making use of your [Sacred Gear]. For that, I need to know how it works in full, and with nothing left out." Momonga told the dragon bluntly. "I do not believe that you can sate my curiosity with mere words and claims, so I will peer into your memories and look into the forging process of the item that holds you. That should give me enough information to use you effectively."

"...So, you're saying that in exchange for you looking into my memories, you'd take me out of this horrid- erm, glorious place and make use of the [Boosted Gear]?! Deal! Peep away!" The dragon perked visibly from the words.

"...I may not take you out permanently, Rather, I'll take you out when needed for a fight." Momonga noted to the creature, feeling that honesty would probably work better than deception with the prideful but cowed dragon. 'I have to keep in mind that it's actually stronger than me, if I let it [Boost] itself it'll flatten me in no time. Only Ddraig's perception of me being stronger than it is keeping me alive when dealing with it...'

"...Oh. Well, it'll be better than nothing, I suppose…"

"Moreover, I forbid you from looking into my memories when I wield you. Refuse and you'll die. Peer into my memories when I wield you, and you'll die permanently and without resurrection." Momonga added the threats just to reinforce the dragon's paranoia.

"...Got it."

"Good. Now, hold still. [Control Amnesia]."

Momonga sighed in relief internally as the dragon didn't seem to resist the spell that entered its body, and he dove into the creature's memories, it's 'backstory'.

'Hm… So that's the Vanishing Dragon, White Dragon Emperor…' Momonga pat his chin while observing the creature's past, not thinking too deeply about anything he saw and instead filing the observations to his mental filing cabinet.

He made sure to not repeat the same fiasco that had been Lord Phenix by absorbing the dragon's memories, but rather observed them and relied on his own observations to make his own memories. At the same time he also refrained from altering the dragon's memories, at least if it suited him.

'Oh? He was captured by God during the war between the Three Factions, when his and Albion's fight interrupted the Three Factions war… hm… Interesting. And afterwards he's been bouncing from one user to another, each unlocking parts of the [Boosted Gear]'s powers but none unlocking its full potential... ' Momonga noted how many of the [Boosted Gear]'s wielders died to [Divine Dividing]'s wielder and vice versa, and also the abilities, capabilities and uses of the 'Ero-World' Class item. 'Fascinating. It looks like [Boosted Gear] levels up with its wielder and increases in power the longer it is wielded by the same person, much like my Orb… '

He had considered re-equipping his Orb multiple times already, but none of the likely conclusions he saw for equipping it were good. 'I could, however, see if I can attach it to [Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown] somehow, see if it counts as 'equipping' it as far as bonding with that item goes… But it looks like I should keep [Boosted Gear] equipped at all times as well, since it also gains 'experience' and 'levels up' the longer it is wielded and used…'

Momonga felt a bit wary about the flashiness of the powered-suit like Ero-World class item, specifically as using it would be a sure-fire way of announcing that he had a item of such caliber and thus draw in unwanted attention, but he figured that he'd probably find a way to reduce the flashiness of the red armor once he analyzed the item itself a bit.

He pulled out of the memories, allowing the dragon in the inventory to slump down in confusion. "Uuuaaahg. I feel like my mind was turned inside-out and emptied, then re-stuffed like a plushie... "

"You did good. I have the information that I sought, and as an added bonus, I'll probably wield you for long periods of time if you behave yourself." Momonga offered an olive branch to the double-trapped dragon, whose massive eye opened in response.

"Cool. Thanks. But please, no more mind-reading…"

"Unless I've found that you've kept something from me, I doubt I'll need to read your mind again." Momonga told the dragon who closed his eyes, looking every bit like he had a massive headache. 'Hm, while I doubt that this is a worthy trade, I could probably gain some goodwill if I appeared like I cared about its health…'

"Ddraig? There's a healing potion in the sixth shelf from left, drink it. You seem to be having a headache." Momonga told the dragon who gave him a wary glance, then grabbed a comically tiny bottle from a shelf and bit down on it.

"Aah… that's better…" The dragon closed its eyes and slumped down on the 'floor' of the inventory. "Thank you, Momonga-sama."

"Ah, call me 'Momon' when I am wielding you. Moreover, I have… umu… a rogue operative problem. One of my… agents went rogue and started his own faction in my name, forcing me to keep a relatively low profile. For that reason I forbid you from referring to me as 'Supreme Being' or any of its variants." Momonga piled on the lies, leveraging the dragon's good mood to influence his words. "I am trying to get in contact with it and get it to stop, but it seems that they've gone completely off radar, so I need you to hold your tongue and keep my cover if you come into contact with any of my Peerage, or others."

Momonga knew that he was taking a massive leap of faith, but after seeing the dragon's memories and the wars it had embroiled within, he had a fairly good grasp on the creature's mindset.

That is, it likely wouldn't care about Momonga's 'war on Three Factions', and might even approve of it, thanks to Ddraig's imprisonment in the [Sacred Gear] due to said Three Factions.

Not to mention that the dragon seemed to enjoy explosions and the war would be a convenient excuse to explode a plenty of things.

"Right, I'll do that then. Momong- Momon-sama." The dragon eyed him warily and then narrowed his eyes, likely coming to the same conclusions as Momonga had.

"Now then…" Momonga called the [Boosted Gear] to the forefront of his inventory. "[All Appraisal Magic Item]."

The sheer amount of data in the [Sacred Gear] hit Momonga, causing him to wobble on the spot from the amount of information 'downloading' itself to his brain. 'Guh… So, [Sacred Gears] were made by God-ngh, initially called [God's Artifacts] but were re-named after most of the gears were used to imprison creatures the God-ow deemed problematic and harness their power… 'Gifts given to humanity to ensure their survival against beasts from other realms'… Hm, and they are made with this world's equivalent of [Create Greater Item], but if it was a super-tier spell… Let's just tentatively name it [Create Sacred Gear] for now… Hm, I wonder if I could learn that spell from [Dark Wisdom]? I'd need a powerful corpse… The ability to create 'shells' of Ero-World Class items would be invaluable, even if I need to find a powerful creature to seal inside it for it to become usable...'

Momonga thought about his upcoming duel with Serafall. 'Hm… Maybe her corpse would suffice. I'll have to consider it.'

He then shook his head. 'Although, if I killed her… assuming I managed to kill her anyway, there's no way I could hold onto her body, and I have a feeling that it wouldn't fly with the other Maous, and even if everything went well, someone would ask me to resurrect her like I did for Sona and Lord Phenix… Oh well, there's a high chance that the Elder Lich I summoned will create a ruckus soon and I can probably use that as a chance to create a few high-tier corpses.'

He kept stroking his chin while he moved down the list of the [Boosted Gear]'s abilities. 'It seems I can further increase the power of [Sacred Gears] by feeding them weapons with special abilities or items with imbued abilities. Moreover, it seems that the [Boosted Gear] gained a minor version of a [Divide] after I made Ddraig eat part of Albion... '

"I suddenly got shivers running down my spine." Ddraig commented as Momonga nodded, a plan forming in his head about feeding the entire Vanishing Dragon to Ddraig.

"Don't worry about it." Momonga waved the dragon's worries off. 'I wonder, how would it react if I fed it YGGDRASIL weapons with abilities? Or even World-Class items? [Greed and Avarice] is practically useless here since it just collects and releases excess experience for level-capped players to fuel experience-using abilities, so I might as well feed it to him…'

"That doesn't help..."

"Alright, moving on. Ddraig, I'm going to take you out. Remember what I told you."

"No peeking inside memories, got it." Ddraig nodded.

Momonga reached to take the red gauntlet from its display-case, and pulled it from his [Inventory].

The gauntlet turned to a red orb of faint light upon entering 'real world', while the dragon inside his inventory disappeared.

Momonga held the red orb of light above his palm for a while as he mentally prepared himself. 'Well then… Here we go.'

He moved the orb to his chest, and the light was absorbed into him.

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In Gremory Palace in the Underworld, an old man's head snapped to the side with lightning speed.

"Something is wrong." Odin told Sirzechs who had instantly gone into a 'high-alert' state after seeing Odin's sudden reaction while in the middle of drinking sake, causing the rice wine to spill all over the Norse God's beard.

"Omniscience?" Sirzechs asked with brutal efficiency while Grayfia was looking around for an enemy, and Rossweisse did the same behind Odin.

"Yes. I can only see a few hours in the future for a person around here, since this realm and its people are so foreign to me, but I felt an event take place which shook even my world's future to the core." Odin explained warily. "Whatever this 'Supreme Being' has done, has started a landslide. And with 'Them' in the mix, and if your tale of a 'monster from the Deep' is anything to go by, we might very well be on our way towards the End Times."

Sirzechs nodded seriously. "Did you manage to pinpoint anything?"

"Nothing precise, concrete, only that it would involve something… dragon- and undead related, red, violet, and... yellow. Khaki, I think." Odin stroked his beard, looking as if he was growing thousands of years older in the span of mere seconds. "The fact I can't truly pinpoint what is going on speaks volumes alone. Whatever is affecting the future is utterly alien to this world, to our realm altogether, and my Omniscience can't see it accurately, only reflections on a tumultuous water."

"...I suppose you now see why we are feeling so out of depth with the events taking place in our very own realm." Sirzechs sat down and offered more sake to Odin, who took the whole bottle and lifted it to his lips. "We have a conference between the Three Factions coming up, and we seek to fortify our Truce then and see if we can join our forces for what is to come."

"Quite so. What remains is determining what, or who this 'Momon' of yours is, and who the true name of this 'Supreme Being' is." Odin noted after putting the now-empty bottle down. "Afterwards, I'll need to return to my people. If Ragnarok is coming, we need to stand ready. But Valhalla will not fall without a battle! Our people have prepared for all time, and we shall stand against the coming tide! Charge at us, and clash at our gates, be struck down by our heroes! Valhalla will not fall! We shall sever the heads of those tentacle-faced monsters, and put them on our walls to be mocked for all time! To End Times! To Ragnarok! RAAAGH!"

"Please excuse Odin-sama. He is like that when he drinks for a while." Rossweisse whispered to Grayfia who sighed as the two women watched the old norse god and the Maou of the Underworld drink to their heart's content.

"I thought Odin-sama was good at holding his liquor?" Grayfia noted.

"...He started a week ago and hasn't stopped yet, despite my attempts to convince him otherwise." Rossweisse blushed, then glanced to the side with a dark expression on her face. "And he ran out of money, so I had to buy him food and drink, and he ate all of it in a day after I bought enough for a month, and now I'm broke and hungry…"

Grayfia pat Rossweisse's shoulder reassuringly.

"For Asgard! For Thor! For that whiny bastard Loki! For Rossweisse's nonexistent boyfriend! For Rossweisse's still-existent virginity!" Odin was throwing a mug of sake back with each declaration, causing both Grayfia and Rossweisse to groan.

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