Chapter 4: Stumble on shoelaces.
Momonga found himself on his back again, with a now-familiar soft and bouncy feeling across his chest. "Ah, miss Rias..."
He bit his tongue as he realized his slip-up and looked up at the other people in the room he was in, now that the red-headed satan-beater had flung her weapon of choice, a back-half of a grilled trout, at the literal OVERLORD OF HELL who was hit with the projectile trout center-mass on his head, toppling him from his lordly chair. A nanosecond later the red-headed fish-archer had launched herself at Momonga's chest, toppling both of them to the floor of what appeared to be a dining hall which was currently hosting a hefty breakfast.
'Right, we haven't been formerly introduced yet so I can't just blurt out her name or I'd have to explain I was conscious the whole time she spent tormenting me last night…' Momonga cursed himself again. 'Little mistakes add up quickly!'
"I-Issei? You remember me?" Rias choked out as she lifted herself a bit from 'Issei's body. "B-But the doctor… amnesia…"
"I don't remember much, I merely looked at thine radiant beauty and the name came to me." Momonga tried to cheese it, hoping that the overly dramatic words would camouflage the panic threatening to rise despite emotional suppression working him over like a 200-pound massage therapist with a bad case of monday. It seemed to be the wrong thing to do however as the girl slumped over his body, crying uncontrollably. "Ah… there, there…"
Momonga stroked Rias's back awkwardly while looking around the room for help, or rather for an escape route. Unfortunately, he knew that trying to escape with END-BOSS OF HELL RAID himself in the room was little more than fool's errand so he chose to instead place the body of Lucifer's sister between Momonga and the source of his imminent death.
The wracked sobs of the redhead came to an end eventually, and the girl froze for a bit as she probably realized how the scene looked like for the outsiders. "I-Issei-kun, we should probably get up…"
"Of course, my lady. I apologize for causing distress and making a scene." Momonga's mild words seemed to cause physical harm to the girl, based off of the violent flinch she displayed after hearing his words. 'Are pleasantries some kind of taboo here as well? This place is so complicated…'
"...Rias? Get away from Hentai. He's naked. Flasher." a quiet voice seemed to echo in the room and Momonga glanced at the white-haired cat-girl who had spoken. The girl was practically hissing while blushing up to her eyebrows in what seemed like embarrassment "He's just pretending amnesia to flash everyone and fondle boobs."
Momonga felt heat creeping up his neck both because he just realized he was still very much naked due to his hospital gown burning away, and because it seemed that this kind of behaviour was usual for 'Issei'. 'Just what kind of person was this 'Issei'?'
He paused for a while as he realized that the white-haired girl's words did fit Momonga's current situation as he had fondled Rias's boobs and was, indeed, currently flashing everyone in the room, and before that had had barged into a bath full of girls, albeit unwillingly. 'Ah… I have become the pervert I attempted to avoid becoming. Truly, this world is a cruel and unjust one...'
"Ah, Issei-san. I'm glad you've recovered enough to move, talk and teleport through flame. I wonder though, what exactly happened just now?" A calm, soft voice came from the other side of the room, forcing Momonga to gulp before glancing at Lucifer who had returned to his seat and was being seen to by a gaggle of maids which had appeared from seemingly nowhere and were picking pieces of trout from Lucifer's bright red hair and eyebrows. "On a related note, girls, please find appropriate clothes for Issei-san as he has currently lost his… temporary coverage and has suffered a wardrobe malfunction thanks to his method of transportation. Let's continue our conversation afterwards."
The 'temporary coverage' having retreated to the opposite end of the table from Lucifer with a face as red as her hair.
Before Momonga had truly realized it the gaggle of maids descended upon him like a pack of wolves, dragging him out of the room. He detected hints of animosity from the girls, which gave him two possible theories to work with: One, the maids were annoyed that they had been ordered to leave Lucifer's presence, or two, the maids had a history with the 'Issei' character. He considered the latter to be the likelier of the two since all hints Momonga had received pointed that his host-body had been a shameless pervert and if Momonga's experience on perverts, that being Peroroncino, were anything to go by then girls in french maid costumes ticked quite few boxes on pervert's target bingo.
Momonga felt something die a little inside his soul as he remembered Peroroncino had been one of the players partaking designing the NPC's of 9th Floor of Nazarik, and the decision to make the Floor's 'staff' with the likeness of maids made more and more sense, unfortunately. 'Make it stop, make it stop…'
Momonga stood still with his hands spread to a T-pose as the maids did their work, doing his best to avoid shivering or instinctively [Teleporting] and/or defending himself as one of the maids, a glasses-wearing maid that had striking similarity to one of the Great Tomb's Pleiades battle maids... 'Peroroncinoooooooooo...' put a set of needles between her fingers and went at the outfit beginning to form around 'Issei' with reckless abandon.
For a moment Momonga thought he saw his death in the maid's eyes, but steeled his not-exactly-working heart and waited calmly as the pack did their work, until the group retreated from now-clad Momonga and returned with a mirror.
"Does this suit fit your… tastes, Issei-sama?" somehow the maid with glasses managed to underlace the polite words with enough disgust to cause Momonga to shrivel up inside. He looked at the mirror nonetheless to find himself in a crisp brown-red suit reminiscent of the one worn by the blonde fire staff-using man he had fought before, with exception of having the dress shirt tucked neatly into the dress pants and suit closed to give air of restraint instead of arrogance.
'I wonder if this is just the local fashion?' Momonga looked at his new host body for the first time through the mirror, running his hand through his brown hair and looking at his equally hazel-brown eyes which were now laced with what appeared to be cracks of red and back-lit with a faint red glow reminiscent of the flare which had made his 'eyes' in his skeletal body.
'Hm? Ah, the veins in the eye must have popped and partially flooded iris with blood. That's unfortunate, I'll have to see if I can modify it somewhat since I'm guessing I don't really need working eyeballs to see. I dread what my 'eyes' would look like if I used [Stitch] on them though so I may have to look for alternatives...' He resisted the urge to rub his eyes as he found yet another problem with his human 'disguise'.
'Issei's appearance seemed fairly ordinary otherwise and the maids, despite their apparent disgust with the host-body, had dressed him up with skill and dedication so Momonga had no complaints.
He bowed his head slightly towards the glasses-wearing maid. "An excellent choice and even better execution, thank you. I'll confer my heartfelt thanks to Lucifer-dono, truly, one couldn't wish for better service than what you have provided me. Could you lead me back to the, hm, dining room? I believe Lucifer-dono had something he wished to converse with me."
The maid's glasses seemed to shatter in shock, but she recovered with remarkable speed and clacked her boots together, curtsied slightly and led him back to the dining hall with a gaggle of seemingly shell-shocked maids in tow.
"Ah, Issei-san. Good timing, Beelzebub-san arrived just now as apparently you had disappeared on him." Momonga felt his emotion suppression activate again to prevent him from doing a instinctive 180 degree turn and run or teleport away as he stepped into the long room and was greeted with not one but two of the highest-tier raid bosses in YGGDRASIL. The pair was sitting calmly at the end of the long dining table in the dining room, with Rias and the familiar flock of girls still sitting on the other end.
The girls had resumed staring at Momonga's host body as soon as he stepped into the room. 'Oh… is there something wrong with my suit?'
Realizing that it would look undignified if he went over the suit in front of the audience Momonga pushed on with as much dignity and grace he could muster. Having roleplayed as an undead king of dark golden-marble tomb helped his acting somewhat, even though Suzuki Satorou had zero knowledge on acting regal himself.
'I wonder… Am I Momonga, or am I Suzuki Satorou... ' A thought struck Momonga as he figured out the fact he had just done something Suzuki Satorou had no knowledge of, and what only character 'Momonga' would know intrinsically. 'Who am I, really?'
He resisted the urge to physically shake his head to clear his thoughts of irrelevant topics while more immediate threats loomed.
Momonga took his seat beside the table, one of the maids having pulled the seat in question back to both indicate where his 'place' in the table was and to ease him into it.
A glance revealed that he was roughly in the middle of the table, with Rias taking the seat at the end of the table where the girls (and one katana-wielding blonde-haired boy) were. On the other end of the table were Lucifer, with Beelzebub taking the seat to his immediate left, and the gray-haired maid, surprisingly, taking the seat to his immediate right. 'Oh… The balance of power shifts, I guess. I think royalty like this puts a lot of weight on showing off without telling…'
"Excellent. Now that we've all been seated, I would like to receive answers to my questions, Issei-san." Lucifer told Momonga with a tone that allowed no option to withhold answers. "But firstly, re-introductions are in order as I believe you are currently suffering from amnesia of unknown severity. I am Sirzechs Lucifer, current Maou and de-facto ruler of the Underworld. Beside me is Grayfia Lucifuge, my beautiful wife, and Ajuka Beelzebub, a Maou and current head of science in the entirety of Underworld, and creator of the Evil Piece system."
Lucifer coughed once before continuing while Beelzebub waved at 'Issei' and Grayfia nodded curtly.
"Now, to the questions. How are you feeling, Issei-san? Why and how did you leave the inf- Rating Game Recovery Room" Lucifer's eyebrow twitched as Beelzebub elbowed the First Demon in human form on the side. "...Also, what happened to your [Sacred Gear] if you happen to remember what it is, and how did you teleport through flames just now?"
"To answer questions in order, I'm feeling alright. All things considered, of course." Momonga pretended to think for a while, 'pretending' being the keyword as he stumbled upon himself mentally in a desperate race to find answers that would be both truthful and wouldn't leave him as a charred pile of bones on the floor.
"Of course." Lucifer nodded slightly, urging him to continue while Rias seems to become quite agitated on the other end of the table.
"I left the infirmary as I felt… hm… desire to be somewhere else." Momonga paused for a while as he contemplated telling about his 'destinations' and travel method. "I didn't land here immediately, as I seemed to have landed elsewhere initially due to unknown reasons, but finally I arrived here."
"Indeed, but how exactly did you do it?" Beelzebub seemed like Christmas had come early for him as he had pulled a notepad from somewhere and was scrabbling something on it. "I believe teleportation through flame, regeneration and flame immunity are signature abilities of the Phenix family, and as far as we're aware, you haven't had any contact with said family until yesterday and the day before."
"Ah, Phoenix family? As in, the eternally reincarnating bird of fire?" Momonga blinked and was corrected.
"Phenix, not quite the same I'm afraid. One is a mythical creature and one is a family line of Devil nobility who inherited the Phoenix's abilities." Lucifer interrupted, nodding thoughtfully, before his expression turned unreadable and even cruel, mirrored by Beelzebub's expression turning much the same. "Regardless, I believe the time for lies is over."
'Yeah, trying to bullshit Lucifer didn't work, as expected. Time for plan D: explode everything and make run like a rabbit, hoping these two have aggro reset range.'Momonga froze, gulped and quickly went over his catalogue of spells in his head, cross-referencing them and trying to figure out what he could use to momentarily distract the two raid bosses in the room so he could make a quick getaway.
"Indeed, if I didn't know that Riser Phenix had died yesterday, we might have taken you up on your words, perhaps thought Lord Phenix had a tryst in the world above, but the very fact Lord Riser had not resurrected after the battle and his body hadn't turned to ash tipped me off." Beelzebub told Momonga with casual ease, the words going over his head as he didn't really know what the demon meant with them.
"E-excuse me, I didn't get that." Momonga's confusion didn't seem to deter the Great Fly as he continued.
"There's no known way where a Phenix would die like how he did, so the most likely case is that he is, in fact, still alive- but in a body other than his own while the 'real' body is just waiting for the soul to return." Beelzebub nodded solemnly. "I consulted a certain devil-affiliated dragon after Sirzechs-kun told me about the Rating Game's aftermath, and he told me that Infinite Ouroboros Dragon could, theoretically, create something that would allow one to transfer their soul into a temporary container. The second thing that seemed odd was how the Phenix family hadn't incinerated Riser-san's body after his death in an attempt to force reincarnation, leading me to believe that the whole family might be in on the act, or are in state of shock where they haven't even thought of burning the body. Normally I'd have believed the case to be the latter, but 'Issei's sudden influx of new abilities made me turn towards the former."
"So tell me, when did you come across Ophis, what did you sacrifice in your petty lust to torment my sister, and what do you have to gain by pretending to be Issei Hyoudou, Riser Phenix?" Lucifer's tone turned flat and unamused as he leveled a stare at 'Issei'. "Or rather, would you care to elaborate why you transferred your soul into the dead body of Issei Hyoudou, outside attempting to cause my sister as much pain as possible and gradually mutilating Issei's body beyond recognition with your Phoenix Regeneration out of spite"
And the next second, a heart-rending wail left the red-headed girl's mouth on the opposite side of the table from Lucifer himself.
Momonga found himself staring at the very hostile eyes of Lucifer, knowing that he had only seconds to 'live' and already mentally saw the pre-boss pull counter with his vote permanently ticket to a box that said 'NOT READY, DON'T PULL', yet some dumb Ranger barely capable of comprehending speech let alone reading letters had already loosed an arrow and disconnected.
'Oh no.'
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