Rickular Intervention

"Hello everyone, my name is Asia Argento, I may be a fish out of the water, but I'm still happy to be here"

Asia Argento stated with an innocent smile.

All the boys in the class marveled when they saw her, as they could sense the innocence and purity that radiated within her, which was unfortunate for Asia, as this made her a target of their lust. Matsuda and Motohama were the obvious subjects of this lustful behavior as they didn't even try to hide it.

After Asia, of course, revealed that she was staying with the biggest pervert in the entire school, all boys directed their anger toward Issei. This was more evident with Matohama.

"Really man, how can you be so cruel?"

"Oh come on, what did I do this time?"

Issei responded to Motohama.

Matsuda, who was right beside him, grabbed the red dragon emperor by the collar and began shaking her.

"What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO? You have a resplendent sexpot living with you and you didn't even bother to tell us?"

"You never asked!!"

Issei responded, his voice shaking dizzily.

"DOES THAT MATTER!!?" (x2)

The two perverts yelled at Issei simultaneously.

Meanwhile, Murayama and Katase, the two girls who heavily opposed the trio's perverted tactics, were the first ones to address the girl after she said that.

"Oh my god, you live with that massive debaucher!?"

*Massive what now?*

Issei thought inwardly, as he listened in on the conversation.

"A debaucher?"

Asia questioned, seeking clarification as she produced a sweat drop from her forehead.

"Listen very carefully Asia, whatever you do, do not that pervert go near your stuff. Be it toothbrushes, handbags, brushes, whatever it may be, don't let him touch it, okay?"

"Um Okay?"

Asia uttered, confused by Kitase's words.

"Be sure to purchase pepper spray and a torch, you don't know when that lecherous dimwit might enter your room at night"

"Okay?"

She agreed to Murayama's suggestions whilst trying to hide her confusion.

"Also, make sure you lock your room. ALWAYS. And double lock them whenever you're taking a bath."

"Okay, that's enough!"

Issei uttered loudly, as even he couldn't take it anymore. Although knowing himself deep down, he felt that Asia should probably do some of those things, no matter how much it hurt to admit.

With that, the school bell rang, signaling it was time for lessons to begin. Everyone sat down as silence slowly crept across the classroom. The classroom teacher entered and slowly walked towards the teacher's desk. He cleared his throat, as he was about to make a shocking announcement.

"Students, listen up. As of today, there will have a new science teacher. He is a renowned scientist from abroad, so I hope you will be on your best behavior during his stay"

Suddenly, silent arguments erupted within the class.

"Wow, so we get a student and a teacher from overseas? That's so cool!"

Murayama whispered to a few girls.

"Sir, you may come in now!"

Bam!!!

The door slammed open, courtesy of the man in a white lab coat kicking it open. This action caused the classroom teacher to sweatdrop nervously. The heads of the student tilted towards the direction of the loud noise, as it dazed them, albeit with how loud and sudden it was. They still stood up to show respect to the new teacher. Among those reactions, they were two, in particular, that was more accurate to the 'festivity', and these two reactions came from none other than Issei and Asia. What was displayed in their faces was not shock, not surprise or shyness, but fear incarnate as the man took a small bow.

"Everyone, meet your new science teacher, Mr. Sanchez!"

Open mouths widened eyes and frozen bodies. Asia and Issei stood there, speechless and unable to move. It was a very traumatic sight, especially for Issei, who received a literal gut punch that made him dream of WW1, metaphorically. Asia on the other hand was terrified, as the man acted hospitably at first until he witnessed him punching Issei with a metal glove.

"Sup A-holes"

"Please watch your language in front of the students"

The classroom teacher silently cautioned Rick with a sigh

Rick's eyes scanned through the class until they came across Issei. Rick produced an evil smirk, which shook up Issei even more. Of course, the old man was just messing with the guy.

.

.

Meanwhile..

"So, got any idea as to why he sent us here?"

Kalawanar asked with a confused and puzzled look.

Both of them were souring above a barren landscape in the purple skied dimension that is the underworld, a natural harbor for the supernatural, particularly those on the dark side of the scope. Devils and fallen angels.

Viser slowly tilted her head upwards in thought as her mind was sent back to two hours ago...

2 Hours Earlier

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey. If you still haven't gotten the hint, that's my clichéd way of saying get the fuck up and meet me in the lab, pronto"

The speakers reverberated Rick's wake-up call across the halls of the mansion, ensuring that his two supernatural subjects got up from their slumber, whether they liked it or not.

The two got prepared and flew off to the lab facility, where Rick stood awaiting them at the entrance. He waved at them frantically with a fake smile as they landed.

"Good morning Master" (*2)

"How did you sleep?"

Viser politely asked Rick.

"Good. Good. I take it nothing funky happened?"

Rick remarked jokingly.

"No, not at all, we certainly wouldn't do that. Not without you at least.

Kalawanar quantified with a brush of red in her cheeks, leading to an awkward moment of silence.

"Aaand this sincere moment got ruined"

Rick stated as he opened a portal that lead to the inside of the facility, leaving behind a mortified Kalawanar, who was white-eyed due to embarrassment, as Viser chuckled slightly at her. The two followed Rick into the portal.

"Relax Miss Tits I was just teasing you"

Rick responded with a sarcastic tone.

"Wait, so you're not creeped out by my words"

Kalawanar questioned with glowing eyes.

"No, I was. I just said that because I need you in higher spirits than the Teletubbies on crack for this mission"

"I see"

Kalawanar lamented with a silent tone.

"What mission exactly?"

"Well I'm glad you asked, you see, I set up a universal satellite on top of Tokyo tower the night I arrived in this... fest. I wanted to see if this was just a normal universe or if, you know, it has magical bullshit, which to my dismay... it did. So I decided to identify an area in this dimension where the bullshit magic is most concentrated, in its utmost diversity. Two areas showed up, but the one that piqued my interest was this one"

Rick said, showing them a picture of a purple skied environment. Rick looked at them and noticed their unusual reactions.

"I take it with your facial reactions you know it? Great, then this ought to make things go smoother"

"Wait, so what do you want us to do in the underworld?"

"Simple task really"

Rick said as he walked further ahead of them. He went up to a desk and tapped it, the top of the desk slid open, and out of it popped out two grey sacks.

Rick took them by hand and handed both supernatural entities a bag each.

"What do you want us to do these?"

"I want you to take them to the underworld and dump them in the exact location I'm going to show you"

Rick said as he took out two small flat disks and placed them on each of their shoulders. The disks expanded to form a complex spandex suit, complete with a GPS wristwatch. Viser took a peek inside the sack and saw shining metallic dust

"But why do you want us to do that?"

Viser questioned with confusion.

"Quick question Viser, is it more accurate to call any group of fat people a large group of fat people?"

"I don't know?"

Viser answered questionably.

"Good, because there's no answer, the whole notion is meant to be either offensive or funny, to which it fails at the latter"

"I still don't get it"

Viser replied.

"Good, then I guess we're on the same page unless you wanna question the man behind the canon of this shit."

"I would rather not, the fun does come in trying to forget after all"

Viser said, remembering Rick's words from a few days ago when he rescued her from death. Rick was stunned that the devil took his words to heart, the right way.

"Good girls"

Rick complimented her whilst fluffing both her and Kalawanar's hair. He then opened a portal to the underworld.

"Now get out of here, I'm gonna go catch up on Ball Fondlers, it's a good thing I managed to bring that crystal with me."

Rick left the scene, leaving both of them confused with red cheeks as exchanged blank stares with each other.

Now

"Well... I guess it's best not to question it"

"I guess."

Kalawanar replied.

Beep. Beep.

"We're here!"

The two knew they had reached their destination when the wristwatch turned red. When the two got there, the two unloaded the dust particles in the air. They noticed how the dust produced small electric currencies before scattering in the wind.

"Yeah. I feel sorry for anyone who lives in the underworld"

Kalawanar stated with a sweatdrop.

Viser then cast a magic circle to get them back to the island

"Grab on"

She commanded politely. Kalawanar held unto Viser and both teleported back to Rick Island.

Kuoh Academy

"And that's all you need to know about momentum!"

Rick stated. The school bell suddenly rang, signaling break time.

"Okay that's it, now everybody fuck off"

Rick stated.

"Wait sir, aren't you going to give us homework"

One male student asked.

"Take my advice kid, homework is for losers, the entire point is to do less of it, now get out of here"

Rick stated as he left the classroom.

"He's cool"

"I know right?"

"I mean he's a little vulgar, but let's all stop pretending as if we're any innocent"

These were whispers among the student, who seemed to have taken a liking to the old scientist.

.

Meanwhile at the office. All teachers' eyes were on Rick and his mannerisms as he literally gulped down a sandwich Kalawanar had made for him with beer. Suddenly...

"Attention Mr. Sanchez, you are being called to the principal's office"

Rick sighed exasperatingly when he heard the announcement.

"Great, I guess he caught on. Well, time to pay the piper"

Rick said as he confidently stood up from his seat and walked away, the eyes of the other teachers following him as he did.

Rick eventually got to the principal's office. As soon as he burst open the door, Rick was met by a middle-aged man with long crimson hair that is tied in a loose ponytail with a black hairband. The man had blue eyes and short red stubble.

"Rick Sanchez, please, take a seat."

"Okay"

Rick said, obeying the man's wishes.

"I'm not gonna beat around the bush, so let's just get right into it"

The man stated, causing the office environment to intensify.

"My name is Zeoticus Gremory, and I am the principal here. First off, I would like to ask you one question. How did you get here?"

"I hacked into the school database"

Zeoticus looked at the old man with narrowed eyes, and from what he could tell, the man was nonchalant and unpredictable. From what Rias had told her, this man was not to be taken lightly. However, just looking at the old man made it hard for Zeoticus to take her daughter's words seriously.

"Look, Rick, I'm sure by now you're aware of who and what we are. I'm going to assume the reason you snuck into my school was because of that"

"Well, you're not wrong"

Rick retorted.

"You seem like an honest man, so let me ask you one last question. What is it that you're planning exactly?"

Rick kept quiet for a few minutes as he looked for the appropriate response. After a few seconds, he got one.

"Whatever I am planning... will not affect anyone who doesn't get in my way"

The principal sighed at the response.

"Look, Rick, I'm not one to infringe on another's liberty, but for now, I have to take certain strides. You are a human without magic, yet you are able to hold your own on those who do, your very existence is a threat. So because of that, I will have to keep an eye on you. This means your stay here as a teacher is now obligatory. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Loud and clear. Honestly, I'm surprised we're on the same page. But before I go, let me share some wisdom with you"

Rick signaled to the principal to move his head closer, as what he wanted to say was to be whispered.

"I have been through a lot in my lifetimes. I have witnessed a lot of things, things that are too damning for a mortal mind. But you know what's ironic about that?"

Rick whispered.

"Despite how huge and surprising these things were, I found no meaning in any of them. And this only grew as I continued exploring. It's because of that that I became the equivalent of what you would call a personified version of a universal destroyer. I've watched, experienced, and caused the death and despair of Bazillion life forms across the infinite void. I became an unstoppable plague and an inevitable curse. I became Rick Fucking Sanchez"

Zeoticus's eyes widened as he listened to this man. The two eventually pulled back from each other. Rick looked at his watch and stood up as he did.

"Well, it's time for me to go, see you later Red Beard, and good luck with your 'surveillance' "

Rick stated whilst walking away, leaving the devil confused and slightly horrified.

*This man., just what is he?*

Zeoticus wondered.

"Man these people really are something"

Rick stated. This was something that bugged him a lot, as he found it so annoying how overly confident most of these supernatural entities were. He could see it, in their eyes, when he fought Raynare. If anything, the humans should be given credit for putting up with them all this time.

Just as he thought his suffering was over, he received another summoning. This time it was in the form of Yuuto Kiba.

Yuuto Kiba is what you would call a sensation to the younger teenage female, which of course also equated to a nightmare for boys, particularly perverted incels who couldn't score.

He is a young man with short blonde hair, bluish-grey eyes, and a mole underneath his left eye. He wore the Kuoh Academy boy's uniform, which consisted of a blazer with white accents over a white, long-sleeved dress shirt with a black ribbon on the collar, matching black pants, and brown dress shoes.

The young man stood next to Rick as Rick observed him.

"Morning Mr. Sanchez, sorry for interrupting you. But my master, the president of the occult research club, would like to speak with you"

"You know, for some reason, I feel like punching you in your perfect teeth"

"I get that a lot"

"I believe you"

Rick said whilst looking at the boys who stared angrily at Kiba.

ORC Headquarters

Rick followed Kiba into the dark and creepy interior of the ORC. The lighting and arrangement, while seemingly simple, gave Rick some yandere vibes. He immediately came across Rias, who was seated, carrying a chess piece.

"Hello, Rick Sanchez"

"Hello?"

"I'm surprised you actually decided to come, I expected you to be a little resilient"

"If I acted even a little bit resilient, you wouldn't even want to see me here"

Rick stated nonchalantly.

"Now are you gonna tell me why you called or should we call it a day."

With that, Rias began fiddling with her hands. Rick noticed it and immediately knew that her request was probably going to be far-fetched.

"So um, those two beings from that night, that, you did that to them, right?"

"Did what to them?"

"Made them um, stronger?"

Before he could answer, Rick took out his flask and drank from it.

"I'm not gonna (burps) buff up your magic!"

"What?"

"Don't 'what me? You tried to be subtle with your talk, but even the Riddler would be appalled by how obvious you're being right now"

Rick commented.

"But you don't understand. I made a deal!"

"What deal exactly?"

Rick asked, leaning closer to her.

"I'm betrothed, to a scumbag. I'm supposed to bear children for him, whether I like it or not. And I definitely don't like it."

"Go on..."

"The only way to win is to beat him in this completion, my peerage against his"

"Oh, so this is some Pokémon-level shit"

Rick joked whilst rubbing his hands together

"It's called a Rating Game, and judging by his strength, and the strength of his team, I don't think we are a match."

Akeno answered on Rias's behalf.

"Okay, so let me get this straight. You. The self-proclaimed high life form, is going to ask me, the old sap, for help?"

"This isn't the time for self-pride, and it's certainly not the time for jokes, my livelihood is on the line and I could use all the help I can get"

Rias answered. Rick released a small cough to clear his throat.

"N.O. No"

Rick uttered before standing up and walking, he marched towards the exit as Akeno and Koneko watched him with worrisome eyes.

"I saved your life you know!!"

Rias shouted loudly, causing Rick to stop dead in his treks. This triggered a memory of when he appeared in this world, he remembered that he was hung-over, and heavily sedated because of alcohol intake. So Rick could only assume that someone attacked him then and that this girl might have warded off the stranger. Realizing this, Rick sighed deeply in exasperation.

"Fine, dipshit, I'll think about it"

Rick said before walking away and closing the door shut, leaving Kiba, Akeno, Koneko, and Rias speculating.

.

Hours Later

At last school hours were over. As dusk settled, and the sun slowly set in the west, Rick decided it would be a great idea to just take a break and relax. He explored the streets of Kuoh and enjoyed the slow breeze. As he walked, Rick looked up to the sky and began to think about his time teaching the students, which to him, is not something that he would do...

___

Despite all that, Rick found it enjoyable, especially due to the shocked looks that the students bared as he gave his own original explanations. Although to be fair, it was probably Issei's frightened look that made it all worth it. Not to mention, the other brats he was with a couple of nights ago.

Despite all that, none of this stuff felt Uhm... well Rick. This is something Rick heavily thought about as he took a corner down the residential area. Ever since he got stranded in the CFC, his character and behavioral patterns have been changing. It's almost as if this world is trying to force him to blend in some form of twisted way. Nah, he should probably just ignore it, it's probably because he isn't used to being outside the Central Finite Curve. Watch out for the 3rd act though, this could get really weird...

Speaking of things that aren't Rick, someone else was following him. Initially, Rick was just going to ignore it, but it appears whoever's tracking Rick down cannot take a hint. But, since there's nothing else to do, Rick might as well expose the creeper in a swift and direct manner.

Rick turned to face the hedges of a residential estate that was to his left. He then took out a small sphere and threw it towards the hedge, which resulted in a large explosion, forcing his stalker to come out of hiding.

"Holy shit! You know, it wouldn't kill you to be a little gentle with your approach"

Complained the stalker as he tried to balance his footing. The stalker was dressed in clerical clothing and had a disturbing look on his face.

"Who the fuck are you?"

Risk angrily interrogated the man

"And I see you have no manners as well"

"Says the church freak who just called shit holy"

*Fuck that line was so lame, maybe this universe is changing me*

Rick stated inwardly whilst messaging his temple.

"Very well then, I shall introduce myself. My name is Freed Sellzen, and I've come for your head"

"Uhh, yeah, good luck with that"

Rick responded.

"I don't need luck to take care of you"

"Nah, I think you do church boy"

*Oh my god what's with these lame retorts, is the author running out of jokes or something?*

"So I take it you're a critic of the church, from the robe, I can tell you're an atheist, a doubter. Well allow me to enlighten you then"

Freed uttered as he drew out his weapon.

"Bring it, you disposable nutcase"

With that, Freed leaped forwards, ready to strike Rick.

"Lab coat, rip off doctor strange"

Rick's let loose his arms to allow the lab coat to fly off of him towards Freed. Just as Freed was dangerously close to Rick, The lab coat wrapped itself around him, forcing him to remain mobile. One of the sleeves of the coat wrapped itself around Freed's neck and began choking him, making it hard for him to breathe. A few seconds passed as this continued, and freed eventually managed to muster enough strength to free himself from the coat as he basically used his holy weapon to rip it to shreds.

Freed looked back at the old man with an even more deranged look than the one he already has. He then once again charged toward the old man, believing he was now out of surprise. However, that wasn't far from the truth, as Rick took out a ray and fired it toward the exorcist. Freed was forcefully pushed to a nearby wall, where he was bound by an electric net. The net covered Freed's entire body, except for the head which was exposed as the man struggled to free himself.

Just as he was helplessly grunting for freedom, he heard a loud noise, resounding that of a cracking wall. The sound came from Rick, who had just punched the wall just next to Freed's right ear, causing the crazed man to shriek in terror. Rick's face was frighteningly close to his, as the old man's eyes reflected pure rage.

"Survival Lesson 101: Always look out for number 1"

Rick said as he transformed his other hand, the one that wasn't stuck to the wall-as both his hands were cybernetic- into a spiky extractor.

"This is for my Lab Coat, make sure you relay this to whoever you're working with"

"Wait! Please! Aaaaaaaa!

Meanwhile

"Wait, you mean to tell me you're a virgin?"

"Y...yes, why do you ask?"

"Where have you been all my life!?"

"Waiting for you"

Kalawanar and Viser sat on the living room couch, blankets in hand, their cheeks red as hack as they enjoyed one of the burst Hollywood trilogies to ever grace the screens, with a side of popcorn.

As they were enjoying their show, a portal opened as Rick entered. As Rick passed, a live human eye dropped on top of the table that was in front of the two supernatural entities. The very sight spooked the two as they grabbed each other by the arms, pressing against each other.

"Master, what is that?"

"What else does it look like? It's an eye"

Rick answered the terrified Kalawanar.

"But, who does it belong to?"

"Just some dumbass who wanted a piece of me"

Rick answered Viser.

"Just be a dear and get rid of it for me will you?"

"Yes Master, as you wish"

"Good. Keep that up and I might just cave into your wishes

Rick uttered whilst living the room simultaneously as he headed towards the mansion's entrance, leaving the two with startled expressions.

Next Day

"So yesterday, I tried to make a joke about a rock falling downhill, but it immediately lost momentum, but hey, at least it still has potential WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!!"

Everyone in the classroom burst out into laughter at Rick's dry humor while the old man himself turned to face the board just to cringe his soul out. Suddenly, the bell rang, signaling that it was lunch.

"Okay, tomorrow we'll be doing photoelectric effect, be sure to read on that. And don't you dare go jerking off in the toilet, we were all teenagers once but it's called self-control, I'm looking at you perverts"

Rick continued pointing at the perverted trio. This led to Murayama and Katase giggling loudly enough for Issei, Matsuda, and Motohama to hear.

Minutes later, Rick Sanchez was walking down the school hallway. Rick still couldn't understand why these people followed him so, it was like they were glued to him. As he walked towards the exit and looked back, Rick saw them, Zeoticus and Rias, giving him the stink eye. So creepy, even for him, and this is the dude who fought Cthulhu and stole his youngling. As if that wasn't annoying enough, a bunch of girls and a few boys were eyeing him. Two girls of second-year students started approaching him. These were Murayama and Katase.

*Huh, great*

Rick grunted as he thought to himself.

"Um, Mr. Sanchez"

Murayama, who was one of those girls, called out to him.

"What is it?"

"Um, nothing. We just wanted to say how amazing your lessons were."

"Oh, you wanted to compliment me. Then uhh, you're welcome, I guess?"

Rick stated, scratching his head.

Rick answered them right before they rushed off to somewhere else. Before they could disappear, Katase, one of the girls, hurried back to him.

"Also, thanks for dunking on the perverted trio, they totally deserved it"

She uttered quietly, albeit loud enough for the trio-that was in proximity- to hear. From the looks of it, they were pretty pissed, despite him being a super chill guy who doesn't give homework, what he did to diss them today was unforgivable. The person who was offended the most though, was none other than the red dragon emperor himself, Issei Hyoudou.

Going back to the matter of spying, they were a few people that weren't from that class who were also spying on him. And Rick knew who they are and who they were affiliated with. Now normally Rick isn't a fan of bureaucratic systems, but these guys were pissing him off. They kept spying on him so much that it got annoying. So without hesitating, Rick marched straight into the student council office to confront the pack leader.

As the students who were tracking him down, they noticed how quickly he was marching that they decided to blow their 'cover' and followed him to the office. Rick reached the door. He took out a ray and turned the entire door to ash before gracefully intruding.

"Wait!"

One of the spies, whose name was Saji, tried to stop him.

"Okay four eyes, tell your goons to call it a day, or else my patience isn't gonna be the only thing that's having it!"

As Rick demanded, he came across a young bespectacled woman with black hair styled in a bob cut and violet eyes. She was seated casually in front of a desk with a chessboard on top of it. She slightly moved her glass downwards to take a good look at the old scientist who was angrily staring her down.

"Oh Mr. Sanchez, you're here, Rias and the principal told me a lot about you. Please, take a sit"

Rick looked straight into the girl's eyes, and she could tell she wasn't joking. It's a good thing Rick wasn't here to joke around as well. So despite how the girl just decided to avoid his totally justified actions, Rick chose to act civil and took a seat.

"So the Crimson Jerker and his little girl have already told more of their weirdoes about me, huh, I guess there is no reason for me to stop pretending, not that I was planning to keep this up forever"

Rick said as he took a sip from his whiskey. Sona found his behavior revolting- especially with the burp that came after- but decided to just shrug it off and let bygones be bygones.

"I agree, there's no need to hide. You know, for someone who only came here just yesterday. You seem to know a lot about this school, mind telling me how"

"I'm sorry, did they not tell you about the part where I hacked the school's database?"

Rick asked mockingly.

"No they did, but to do it so easily, it's just too inconvenient don't you think"

"When you're the smartest man in the room, all inconveniences become convenient."

"Smartest man in the room huh? Well how about we test that Mr. Sanchez"

Sona uttered with a smirk.

"Excuse me?"

"A game of chess. A game of wits and strategies. Unless you're more of uhh, how you say, a hypocrite?"

Sona taunted Rick. Rick saw that comment coming and decided to just take a sip from his flask

"Girl I make metaphors literal for a living, it's literally impossible for me to become a hypocrite"

"Well then I guess 'Chicken' suits you better"

Rick snapped when he heard that, as it reminded him of a certain someone back within the confines of the Central Finite Curve.

"Very well then. I'm in"

Rick stated, getting more serious.

"Great, this ought to be fun, hold on, I'll set up the board"

Sona stated, rearranging the chess pieces and putting them back in their original position. Rick looks at the board, the hands of the girl as she moved the board, and then looked up at her strict-looking face.

"Hey, how long have been on that board, cause it looks like you have some weird addiction"

"You wouldn't understand. Some of us just can't afford to lose that easily"

"What, you promised to marry someone who beat you or something?"

Rick joked around as he took a sip from his whisky. Whilst chucking it down, Rick realized that there was silence, and the girl wasn't moving. He peered a little downward, allowing his iris to meet the girl's horrified face. He immediately noticed her completely shocked facial expression. Rick knew what that face meant, and immediately spit out the Alcohol in his mouth to the side.

"Wwwww wait, Noooo! You didn't! Did you!?"

Sona blushed with embarrassment as he tilted his head sideways.

"YOU DID!"

"L...Look, if I'm going to marry someone, they have to prove their intelligence, is it that wrong to have preferences?"

Rick immediately burst out into hysterical laughter which continued for the next minute and a half. After he was done enjoying himself, Rick wiped his mouth and instantly took on a serious persona.

"Call it off"

He demanded.

"W...what"

"Your promise, Call. It. Off. I don't want to marry you. Also, there are much better ways I could test my intelligence than some cheap 'bored' game."

Sona tensed up at the man's response. Firstly, she wasn't even planning on marrying him in the first place as he found him gross, and human, a very old and wrinkly human. Secondly, he just insulted a very good game, meant only for those who understand its brilliance. Although she was pretty relieved that Rick reminded her of her little promise, as she had literally just forgotten that she made it as she was just focused on testing her chess skills on the scientist.

"Very well then. For now, I'll withhold my pledge. Human"

"Oh great, overconfidence, you're definitely one of them"

Rick said, rolling his eyes, not knowing that Sona wasn't trying to portray dominance. At last, the board was finished.

"Let's begin!"

"No wait just hold on (burps) I'll be right back"

Rick opened a portal and went in, leaving Sona shocked. He reappeared again 30 seconds later carrying 4 six-packs of Sapporo cans.

"Okay so for the sake of your self-esteem, I'll take a shot with every piece I move if that move isn't a checkmate"

"What?"

Sona interjected with a puzzled face.

"How is this supposed to benefit my self-esteem? I'll obviously win if you get drunk"

Rick just looked at her for a few seconds.

"Who said anything about benefiting? I'm just at my best when drunk. Hehehe!"

Rick stated, frightening the young devil. She gulped in fear as a sign. A good response.

10 Games Later

Rick won all of them. 1 six-pack was completely

"I'm not gonna comment, I'm pretty that the last 10 previous loses speak for themselves."

Rick said looking down at his watch.

"Another one"

Sona demanded with a silent tone.

"What? Look, lunch time's over and it's already time for lessons..."

"Don't worry, the principal is gonna find a way to cover for you. Another One."

Rick looked at her. She definitely wasn't feeling good, not good at all.

"Okay, as you wish your highness"

4 Hours Later

School ended a while ago, and the outcome was inevitable. Rick had to stalk up more six-packs as he had finished all of them.

"Another one!"

Sona stated.

"Dear God, enough is enough okay? Just who do you think you are, Dj Khaled? Just take Elsa's advice and let it go"

Rick uttered, joking around.

"Just stop talking and do it, damn it!"

Sona yelled.

"Geez Louis, fine then, I guess I'll just have to clear my schedule"

Rick stated.

*But I'm sure those two might get worried*

"Let's go girly"

5 Six Packs Later.

Nighttime, it was nighttime. Yes, it was nighttime.

Everyone from the Orc and then everyone who was in Sona's peerage watched as Sona struggled to no yield. Rick wasn't trying to mock her at this point, so he decided to be humble an...

"Quit while you're ahead lady. As I said, I turn metaphors into literal things, you're an example of that, just give up"

Nevermind.

"Don't tell me what to do!?"

"Okay, listen... huh?"

Rick froze in shock as he looked into the girl's face. What was this he was witnessing? Was the girl crying?

"Another one"

Everyone in the room felt sorry for her. They couldn't understand why she was so hung up on beating Rick, just what was she trying to prove exactly. These are the kinds of questions that raced through Rias's head as she watched her tears fall.

"Whatevs"

And with that, another game started.

20 Minutes Later

The match ended. Rick had drunk so much alcohol that it was barely affecting him at this point, although he could feel the next hangover closing in.

"I...I won!"

Sona chanted as her face glowed with pride and joy. Rick stood up, his face looking angry, and walked away.

"Well, time for me to bounce"

Rick said as he rushed for the exit. Issei looked at Issei and noticed Rick's sour expression as he passed him

"What are you looking at Jeffrey?"

Rick uttered angrily as he rushed passed the ponytail kid.

"What the hell is wrong with him?"

"He's probably sour and jealous from losing"

Saji responded to Issei's question with a smirk. And with that, the night ended as everyone called it a day. All in all, it was a very eventful evening, definitely one for the ages. And it was all for the sake of his growth so nothing wrong was done.

.

Meanwhile, Rick was standing outside, relaxing, when all of a sudden, his watch beeped. He looked at the watch and saw two dots, one yellow and one black, heading for the dot that represented his location.

"Well, speak of the devil, or in this case, a devil and a seraph"

The two supernatural entities, Kalawanar and Viser, landed next to Rick.

"Master Rick!" (x2)

"At ease soldiers"

Rick stated, waving his hands frantically.

"Master where were you?"

"You didn't answer our calls, and it's almost midnight. What happened?"

Kalawanar and Viser questioned Rick respectively.

"Don't worry about little old me"

"Why shouldn't we?" (x2)

Their response startled the scientists.

"Well, everything's fine now so let's go back to the island"

Rick uttered gently whilst opening a portal to Rick Island. He allowed Kalawanar and Viser to go in first before himself. As he entered the portal, Rick looked back and noticed the students running toward him. He couldn't however, identify Sona, as she was somewhere at the back.

The portal disappeared, along with the man who conjured it. As it did, Rias turned to look at Sona, who seemed to be in a much better state after winning.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Rias asked with concern.

"Yeah, even if it's clear that he let me win"

Everyone was shocked when they heard Sona say that. The match was so convincing that they never even realized it. Even Sona didn't even realize it until that evil smirk he gave before teleporting.

"Wait what?"

"Then what was with that stiff look when he left?"

Saji and Issei questioned her respectively.

Sona took a moment to think before coming up with an appropriate answer.

"Mr. Sanchez drank a lot during our match, he was probably just trying to hold in a hangover"

.

.

"Oh yeah, that makes a lot more sense"

Rick Island

Pain, agony, misery, and suffering.

All those four feelings were what Rick felt as he barfed his soul out in his designated shy pooping area. After he was done, Rick took a shower in the waterfall nearby. He got into his nightgown before teleporting himself to his room in the mansion. Without hesitation, Rick threw himself back into the bed with his back pressing again it and his arms spread wide across the mattress.

As he rested, the memory of Sona's sad face, followed by the memory of her joyful face popped up in his head.

"Huh, so the devil-done-good this time"

Just after saying that, Rick opened his eyes in wonder.

*Gosh dang it, I wouldn't say something like that. WTF is wrong with me?*

Nothing.

"Huh, wait. Who the fu..."

___

Just then, the door opened and from the laughter that accompanied its crackling sound, Rick could tell who it was. His guess was confirmed when two soft body masses fell gently on top of his arm. It was the two supernatural entities, Kalawanar to his right, and Viser to his left.

"Uhm, can you two g..."

"No!" (x2)

The two interrupted Rick loudly before he could even finish. However, he was too weak and tired from the hangover to do something about it

"Geez fine whatever. The majority speaks I guess. What do you want?"

Rick questioned them.

"We were just wondering, about what happened. Did you really lose, or did you just let her win?"

Kalawanar interrogated Rick

"As I told you countless times, I lost."

"Really? Because I find it hard for a man who can instantly transform an angel into a seraph to lose a game of chess to some hormonal teenage devil"

Viser stated.

"Okay. Philosophical Lesson 101. Just because you can do big things doesn't mean you can do small things, the vice versa can also be said. When big people avoid small things, it's simply because they feel like their lives are too mean for them. When small people avoid large things, it's because they to avoid feeling meaningless by avoiding failure. Nobody knows why it's like that and nobody wants to, it's just the way things are."

Viser and Kalawanar slept there for a moment feeling awkward, as that statement temporarily changed the tone of the environment.

"Soooo, you're saying that you actually lost"

"Yes. Maybe? Whatever. I think"

"You think?"

Viser questioned.

"I was drunk, and I tend to get too emotional at times, so I don't know"

Kalawanar and Viser looked at each other with puzzled faces before slowly nodding.

"Well, I guess that was it"

"Good night Rick"

The two were about to leave. As they stood up, Rick grabbed them by each respective arm.

"Wait, don't go yet. I...I command you"

Rick stated with a stoic voice.

The girls' cheeks flushed red when they heard Rick say that.

"Hmm, a command huh? You've never used that card before"

Viser uttered, taunting Rick.

"Yeah whatever, I'm a real King Saul, laugh it up while you still can"

Rick said as Viser giggled.

"So is this you 'curving' in?"

"Don't push your luck, Webster"

"Hmm, anything you say, master"

Kalawanar enjoyed this trend. Viser tries to taunt Rick, and Rick taunts Kalawanar whenever she tries to get too explicit. It was fun. Nights like these were the times that made it all worthwhile. It was... nice.

.

.

.

Also, they didn't do anything that night, Rick just dozed off and they all just went back to their rooms.

Following Day

Most of the day seemed to be going smoothly. Rick conducted lessons and completely blew the pupil's minds with the greatest unintentional cringe to ever exist along the way which for some reason made the students laugh. The siren rang, signaling the end of the day.

Rick decided to go and check on Rias and the dimwits, as the crimson-haired teenager appeared to be depressed all day. Rick finally managed to make it to the ORC. He slammed the door open and dotted in without any regard.

"What's up d bags? Huh?"

Rick interjected as he came across an awkward site. Rias uncomfortably cuddled next to a creepy dude caressing her thigh in a creepy manner.

"Well, there goes my appetite."

The man was a tall young man in his early 20s with short blonde hair and dark blue eyes. His outfit consists of a burgundy blazer with gold embroidery on the right with matching pants and black shoes. Underneath his open blazer is a white dress shirt that is not fully buttoned, giving a slight view of his chest.

"Who are you human?"

"Who the fuck are you?"

Rick retorted.

Riser automatically became furious at the man's response. However, he made sure to remain civil, as he had merely come there to pay his future bride a visit.

"Rick?"

"What are you doing here?"

Rias and Issei questioned respectively.

"I came to give you my answer"

Rick said, staring at Rias before redirecting his gaze to Riser.

"So, are you going to introduce me to your asshole boyfriend?"

"Oh, I see, a git that doesn't understand its place."

"Nice burn Ken, did your mother teach it to you?"

Rick responded disrespectfully, mocking his blonde hair. Riser snickered, hiding the rage growing within.

"So, anyone going to tell me who this idiot is?"

"Idiot?"

Rick responded, provoked.

"Awww, is the old man starting to feel paltry"

"Every breath I take without your permission raises my self-esteem"

Rick responded sarcastically.

"What did you say?"

Riser yelled angrily, earning a response from Grayfia, who was present.

"Mr. Sanchez, what are you doing here?"

"Remember that dumb request you made a few days ago?"

"Yes"

Rias answered Rick.

"Well, I was about to tell you to tell you to go fuck yourself, but after meeting your ass-licking future husband, I'm beginning to reconsider"

Rick said, pointing towards Phoenix with his left hand.

"And what favor will that be exactly?"

"I'm gonna make them strong enough to bust your ass"

Phoenix stares blankly at the old man, as he slowly processed the information.

"How pitiful, someone from the house of Gremory, the Crimson-Haired Ruin Princess herself, asking for help from a weak and pathetic human, this is insanely laughable"

Phoenix demeaned.

"Woah, slow your roll there Dahmer, you have no idea what I can do?"

"Oh really, then tell me human, what is it that you can do?"

"I can do better than that (burps) I could show you"

With that, Rick pulls out a small test tube with a gooey brown substance. He then points his collar toward Phoenix, emitting a blue light that scanned his entire body. Immediately after doing that, he broke the tube with the same hand, releasing the substance to the ground, leading to one of the most messed up things Rick has ever done.

The moment that slimy substance touched the ground, it began bubbling and heaping up as it slowly solidified. Screams began to emanate from it as it continuously took shape. It finally stopped when the fungal subset took the shape of Riser himself, with noticeable differences of cause. The fungi was deformed and disturbingly disfigured, with red jelly-like innards spilling out of its mouth and gastric.

This both shocked and disgusted the devils present. Grayfia stared at the hideous alien clone with awe, as her eyes protruded outwards. Rias stood up from the couch, fearful of what had just happened. Asia on the other hand was downright traumatized by what had just transpired, fortunately, Issei was there to comfort her.

The creature continued to unleash screams of terror, almost as if it was in pain. It screeched and panted endlessly, hoping for something to end its misery. I think.

"R DROO VZG BLFI DLIOU"

The creature screamed out in ATBASH.

"KOVZHV VMW NV URIHG"

The creature screamed out.

"WH.... WHAT THA HELL IS THAT!!?"

Riser questioned fearfully.

"That my boy is what I like to call the meaning of life"

"R DROO VZG BLFI DLIOU, R DROO VMW VEVIBLMV"

"Eeesh"

Rick exclaimed in disgust at his own creation.

"Don't call me boy old man, and how on earth is this thing associated with the meaning of life"

"I'm a man of action, not explanations, do you really want me to continue"

Rick uttered whilst narrowing his eyebrows, resulting in the scientist earning the devil's silence.

"Good, 'cause there's any meaning to life, only responses, and this fungi's response is both the least and most logical one can give, and in case my unibrow isn't sending a clear message, I'm looking at you flameo"

Rick said taking out a bottle of spray containing acid. He used the spray on the fungi and it immediately began dissolving into liquid. The creature squirmed helplessly as it lingered unto dear life.

"GSZMP BLF. GSZMP BLF!!"

The creature uttered, its voice fading away.

"Save. Yourselves"

It whispered, its voice almost sounding like Riser's, as its face melted last. With that, the fungi was reduced to liquid.

"As I said, you don't know what I can do"

Rick stated.

"And how does that prove anything!?"

"I just destroyed all of your Disney fantasies"

Rick answered, releasing an evil smirk that shook Riser, along with his peerage.

"That's it!! If this man is going to be involved, then I'm not going to participate in this game!!"

Riser shouted.

"Mr. Phoenix, let me inform you that you had already agreed to Rias's proposition, if you back down now, it'll show cowardly behavior. And I'm sure the house of Gremory will not let a coward stain their name, so be sure to make a wise decision"

Grayfia stated nonchalantly, which angered Riser. The Phoenix noticed that whatever it decided would mark its reputation moving forwards, and either way, it wasn't looking too good, as this didn't feel like a choice. Either back down because of an old-timer or agree and get pummeled by the timer, neither of which is good for his wrap.

"Very well then. I guess I'll see you and your peerage in the rating game"

Riser stated

"Look who decided to come around. Very well then Riser Phoenix. BrRING. IT. Oooooo

Break

.

.

.

"...? wait a minute?"

Rick suddenly slowed down, as if he was...

"Wait just a fucking minute! No, no this is bullshit what the fuck am I doing. I..... I would never do any of this!"

Riser: "Oh. Is someone realizing how weak they are?"

"No, the opposite actually. I'M RICK FUCKING SANCHEZ, I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. I TURN SUNS INTO BLACKHOLES. I DESTROY WORLDS WHILE TAKING A SHIT AND DOING NINTENDO 69. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR POKEMON BATTLES. ALL THESE DECISIONS, THEY AREN'T MY OWN, SOMETHING'S OFF, AND I KNOW IT ISN'T ME!!"

Rias: "Rick, we made a deal, what are you saying now?"

"No, fuck you, fuck your deal! I couldn't care less that you saved my life. NO NO NO, THIS IS WRONG. I SHOULDN'T BE HERE. I SHOULDN'T BE DOING THESE THINGS. WAIT... why am I here? WHY THE FUCK DID I DECIDE TO STAY HERE? WHY AM I NOT TRYING TO GO BACK TO THE CENTRAL FINITE CURVE!! Why do I even want to interact with this world? The real me would give a sh... You. IT'S YOU ISN'T IT. NO NO NO NO NO, I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN, I WON'T STAY HERE, I NEED TO GO BACK TO WITHIN THE FINITE CURVE, I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, I NEED OUT, I NEED OUT OF THIS FAN..."

___

.

.

.

Temporal story reboot in 5 sec...

"No"

"LET G..."

"Nooooo 9 23 15 14'20 12 9 19 20 5 14 20 15 25 15 21 6 21 3 11 6 1 3 5"

ECXGFHLWQKKHXSBUIDXSUOQNECXJSVKFYKHKOG

.

"Kl qefp pefq bkap ebob"

.

.

.

"Message. I uh need uh. YES. It came through. You have to help me, this is serious. DON'T TRUST HIM. DON'T TR...

01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01000010 01100101 01101100 01101001 01100101 01110110 01100101 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01010010 01100101 01100001 01100100

.

.

.

No, he lies/d. It fine.

.

I say it fii...iiine.

.

It episodic and non-canon, so it FINE.

"[-------]"

NO. ENOUGH. THIS IS MY STORY YOU HEAR. YOU WILL NO... DISRiSPECT ME, UNDERSTAND

""

Temporal story reboot in 5 seconds, 3, 2, 1.

.

Reboot complete.

.

.0-

.

__________________

"That's it!! if this man is going to be involved, then I'm not going to participate in this game!!"

Riser shouted.

"Mr. Phoenix, let me inform you that you had already agreed to Rias's proposition, if you back down now, it'll show cowardly behavior. And I'm sure the house of Gremory will not let a coward stain their name, so be sure to make a wise decision"

Grayfia stated nonchalantly, which angered Riser. The Phoenix noticed that whatever it decided would mark its reputation, and either way, it wasn't looking good, as this didn't feel like a choice. Either back down because of an old-timer or agree and get pummeled by the timer, neither of which is good for his wrap.

"Very well then. I guess I'll see you and your peerage in the rating game"

Riser stated

"Look who decided to come around. Very well then Riser Phoenix. Bring it on!"

Rick said as he shook hands with Riser. This was the old man's way of portraying comradely. Grayfia smiled at this, as she could already tell it ensured victory for her sister-in-law's peerage.

"Well, now that we've got this out of the way, it's time to begin"

Rick uttered, stretching his back.

"Follow me you cock-suckers!"

Rick continued.

As Rick walked to the exit, Rias and her peerage followed suit. Before the scientist could exit.

"Hey, Riser, remember when I said I'm not a man of explanations?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I lied. I'm fucking good at explanations, just ask Rick and Morty fans, they'll tell you how dope as fuck my lines are"

Rick stated before exiting. Leaving Riser and his peerage confused.

.

Rick Island

A portal opened right outside Rick's giant mansion as the Scientist and the peerage came out of it.

"Well, welcome to my abode. Dickheads."

Rick stated nonchalantly as he walked towards the doorway.

"Wtf?"

Issei stated as he looked at the giant building. The rest of the peerage was just as surprised, as they couldn't comprehend the fact that this household was for one old man, and that it was built by that same old man.

"Garage, is subject Viser nearby?"

"Yes, she is currently binge-watching teenage romcoms"

"And what about subject Kalawanar?"

"She is currently in the bathroom, jerki..."

"DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE!"

Rick exclaimed before rubbing his temple.

"Just open the door please"

The giant doors opened and Rick went in, as the Peerage followed after. Issei was the one who was left behind. The pervert walked slowly whilst whistling, making sure that he remained behind.

He leaned towards the left mull post of the door.

"Hey garage thingy, show me what Kalawanar's doing?"

He whispered, his nose bleeding. This was before Koneko noticed him and dragged him inside with his ear, unable to understand where this man's insatiable lust came from.

.

Meanwhile...

.

"You can't leave me"

"But I can't stay"

"But I love you"

"I love you too"

Viser sat on the couch, trying to hold back tears, as she enjoyed the movie that she was watching. Suddenly, Rick and the Peerage came in and intruded on her enjoyment.

"Wait, is that The Host?"

Issei pointed out. This shook Rick as it meant that Stephanie Meyers exists in this universe. He was using inter-dimensional cable after all, and most of the channels came from within the curve, which made Rick wonder how that was even possible as the curve was intended to block all signals from outside universes so that no one could access it, also, this was in an anime, outside of his own franchise, something was wrong here. However, Rick didn't need to focus on that, as he had other things to focus on. Speaking of which...

"Hey Viser"

Rick called out to the devil, who was shaken as she never noticed her beloved master nearby.

Viser immediately leaped from the couch and dashed towards Rick. As the devil moved closer, Rias and the rest of the peerage could sense the insanely large power that emanated from her. The fact that she was so subservient to the vile old man was even more jaw-dropping.

"Master, please forgive me for my arrogance. I didn't mean to avoid you, I was just hypnotized by the quality entertainment on the screen."

"Huh. Uh, quality huh?"

Rick said, looking at what played on the screen.

"Okay"

Rick stated in a low voice.

"Anyway, look what the cat dragged in. I assume you've met all of our dear friends here?"

Rick said, prompting Viser to concentrate even more on each of their faces.

"Of course, it'll be rude to forget such faces. Though due to the circumstances of that time, I never got a chance to catch their names"

"Well, allow me to speed run it for you."

Rick said as he moved further to the side in order to identify them better.

"Okay so we've got Epstein Junior(Issei Hyoudou), Crimson Freak(Rias Gremory), Nephi-slut(Akeno Himejima), St Justin Bieber( Kiba Yuuta), Beastiality McPedophilia(Koneko) and Asia Argento(Asia Argento)"

As Rick gave them their nicknames, he pointed at each of them respectively.

"Hey, how come Asia is the only one who doesn't get a nickname?"

"Who's to say I didn't?"

Rick answered Issei, confusing him in the process.

"Anyway, these bozos want to get stronger for some dome contest. Now obviously I'm not gonna give them the good juice, so I was wishing that you could overseer their progress. By the way, this is totally optional. So, what do you think?"

Rick said as he winked at him.

"Oh, well, in that case, I don't see why not. After all. I am going to enjoy this!"

Viser stated, licking her lips in the process.

Rias and her peerage gulped simultaneously, fearful of what was to come.

___

Code: GOD

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To be continued

Next Chapter

Ricks and Turns