Farmers, Deities, and… Bandits?

"What's a 'dude'?" She frowned at him.

'Are all little girls the same?' Shiv wondered with exasperation. "It's a cool way of saying man." He explained and stood. "So, about that farmer?"

"Yeah, he's here. What's it matter to you?" She flicked her hair.

'Just how old is this kid?' He sighed. "I would be flattered if you would be so kind as to personally introduce me to him."

"Oh. Really?" She blushed.

"Uh, yes, absolutely."

"Really?"

"I never lie." Shiv lied.

"Say it again." She demanded.

"I never-"

"No! The other thing." She planted her hands on her hips.

"I would be, uh, honored if you would personally introduce me to the Big Farmer." He awkwardly knelt, feeling like he was overdoing it to the ten thousandth degree.

"Very well, follow me. And call me Princess." She turned on her heel and practically bounced down the hallway as she called out, "Moooom, I have a friend over. I'm taking him to see Big Farmer."

A voice accompanied by clanging dishes responded, "What did I tell you about bothering him?" A deep sigh emanated from the room. "Very well, just make sure to tell him dinner is ready while you're out there."

"Okey Dokey!" The little girl responded cheerfully. She led him down the hallway and through a room into a new hallway, down that hallway, and opened the door at the end to walk outside. Shiv followed with a silent curse at himself. 'I should've gone to the backyard to begin with. I could have completely avoided this little monster.'

"Big Farmer, I brought a man who wanted to talk to you. He is my friend, so be nice to him." The self-proclaimed 'princess' announced to a gigantic man smoking a metal pipe on a metal chair.

He turned with a grunt, "Is that right, Princess? Well, I guess I'll hear him out, then. Please, come sit down, young laddy."

Shiv gulped audibly and sat in the seat indicated by the swarthy giant while Princess walked out in the garden the chairs were facing and checked on the flowers. "How's the weather where you come from?"

"Oh, not too bad."

"How hot is it, when compared to here?" Shiv asked, not daring to hope.

"I'd say it's a bit hotter where I come from."

"Aw man. Well, I've got a business proposition."

"Thanks for that." The giant said, surprising Shiv.

"For what?"

"For making conversation before trying to strike a deal. It's a courtesy most people don't observe."

'I just wanted to know if you lived somewhere cold.' Shiv laughed awkwardly.

"Tell me, what is it you want to propose?" The giant leaned forward with an honest expression.

"Right, I was wondering if you would be willing to hire a harvester?" Shiv leaned forward as well and asked with barely contained excitement.

"What's your name, son?" Shiv gave his name. "Alright, Shiv, do you have any experience with harvesting?" Shiv answered that question and many more similar ones till the giant finally sighed. "Well, you're honestly exactly what I'd be looking for in a worker. On top of that, you seem like a good kid." Despite the words Shiv was hearing, he had an ominous feeling about what was coming. "Unfortunately, I'm not looking to hire a harvester at the moment."

Shiv frowned. "Then…"

Big Farmer held up a large hand to forestall Shiv's question. "I asked you all the questions I did," He took a deep breath, "Because I can clearly see what kind of a man you are. I explicitly told the guards not to let anyone through the gate, and yet here you are." Shiv grinned sheepishly. "I'm not saying that's a bad thing. In fact, I respect you for it. It means you push for your goals no matter the obstacles. You're an incredibly stubborn individual. So if I'd told you 'no' without at least entertaining your offer, you would have been extremely unsatisfied, right? You would have strongly protested and tried to convince me that I'm wrong." He stood up and looked up at the empty sky that was receiving just enough sunlight that the stars weren't able to show. "I know all of this, because you remind me of myself." He shook his head and looked at Shiv, "now, you should get going before you get in trouble. Good luck out there." He turned and walked inside, leaving Shiv alone.

Or so he thought.

"Isn't he so cool?" Princess walked up and looked at the closed door.

"Hah, yeah." He stood up and patted her head. "I'll see you around, kid."

And he left.

***

Despite the fact that he knew he was being unreasonable, he was seething inside. Big Farmer had been perfectly kind and explained his side of the argument in a way that made sense, but Shiv was still put in a dark mood. "That was useless. I've got to make sure to destroy him slowly." He muttered aloud.

He'd left the town effortlessly without leaving even a hint of his presence aside from what remained in a few people's memories. Now he was walking silently through the woods, searching for a place to sleep and hopefully rid himself of the lethargy weighing heavily upon him.

Several minutes passed before he found a suitable tree and climbed it, pulled a blanket out of his inventory and closed his eyes.

He opened his eyes in an environment that was beginning to become annoyingly familiar. "I am not in the mood for this." He declared darkly.

"Ah! Tea time!... Oh. It's you. What do you want?" The suited man eyed Shiv.

"Me? All I want is to go home. Why'd you bring me to this eerie place?" Shiv sat, cross legged on the… whatever he had been standing on, and put his chin in his hand.

The man grabbed a paper out of the air and looked at it, "You just now leveled up for the first time? Hence the impromptu meeting, I guess. I have some good news for you. Maybe you should sit down." The man looked at Shiv and gestured to a stool that appeared beside him.

Shiv shrugged and moved to sit in the stool. "Y'know, I just realized something- every time I've met you, some random creature that never shuts up has started following me around. What's that about?"

The man glanced at his watch, "Time is of the essence, so I'll ignore you. Despite how much I wish I would have chosen someone else to come destroy the world, I am stuck with you. And because of that I have to bet everything on you." He stroked his chin before continuing, "I am going to share with you, what I once had… though, I am actually giving it, because I cannot share it. It is the skill that I gained at level one, though I was a bit special: [Heroic Presence]. It is all yours. Use it awfully and kill a lot of people." The man checked his watch one last time and waved. "See you, my hero."

"...thanks." Shiv opened his eyes to see a bright sun showing a few rays through the thick forestry. "So now I've got the presence of a hero, huh?" He put the blanket into his inventory and climbed down the tree, then he froze. "Aha! So Mr. Suitface really was the original hero!" He laughed, and then he laughed some more. It wasn't that funny, but Shiv couldn't stop laughing. 'I wonder what caused him to hate this planet so much if he used to be the hero?' He looked around and saw bugs that were far larger than any bug should be, and thought he figured it out. 'The real question is why he didn't destroy the planet himself.'

With his task having ended in failure, all Shiv could do was accept defeat and head back to his farm, so he set out to do exactly that. He left the woods and got on the main highway and traveled for several hours before something caught his eye. 'Those trees look like they were moved there by earth powers like my own…' He wasn't excited about the prospect of telling the mangy gray dog of his failure, nor was he looking forward to receiving a disappointed look from the angelic little Blaze, so he decided to take a detour. Anything to delay the inevitable.

He slipped into the woods a little ways past the relocated trees and silently made his way back to them. To his surprise, there was a group of men hiding in the trees, just chilling. And behind the relocated trees was a road. 'Why would they hide a road?' Curious, Shiv decided to investigate. He wasn't confident enough to fight men with unknown abilities, so he followed the hidden road instead. He found several more groups of men hidden in the trees on either side of the road, but he was able to sneak past them without incident. He continued all the way along the road till he reached a valley. In the bottom of the valley rested a village surrounded by fields of wheat.

The road led down to the village, and there was a large group of the men in the trees around the road right where it went out onto the field. It looked to Shiv as if they were watching the village. 'Might as well check it out.' Shiv moved a suitable distance away from the hiding men, then sneaked into the wheat fields, which were more than ready to be harvested, he noticed, and traveled down to the village.

He wasn't sure who the bad guys in this situation were, so he planned to sneak into the village to try to get an idea of what was happening before he revealed himself.

Before he could execute his plan, a group of women made their way toward him with baskets of laundry. He buried himself deeper in the wheat as they came to a stop just in front of him in a small clearing and started hanging the laundry on lines hanging from sticks shoved into the ground.

With the women came gossip. Shiv learned the most random things. From which root when ground up was most effective in relieving knee pain to who they suspected was having an affair with who.

Eventually, the talk turned to the sole thing that interested him: the men hiding along the road were bandits. They were basically laying siege to the village, preventing them from being able to transport their wheat to the usual buyers. On top of that, the village's young men were all mining in a mine two towns over that had reportedly found gold. Because of that, only the old farmers were left to harvest the crops, and they refused to do it till the roads were clear.

'This is perfect!' Shiv thought, and was just about to step out of his hiding spot, but thought better of it. 'Maybe I shouldn't just pop out in the middle of a crowd of dramatic women. Things could be taken the wrong way.' With that in mind, he made his way to the road and started walking down it like he'd been on it the entire time.

He entered the town, and a group of kids scattered in every direction through the buildings when they spotted him, spreading news of his arrival. Soon, there was a sizable crowd of old men gathered around him.

"Whot's he doin' here?" One of them asked another.

"How should ah know? He might be an ambassader from them durn bandits." The other replied.

"He don't look like no bandit, ta me." Another butted in.

'Do they not know I can hear them, and that they're standing only ten paces from me?' Shiv wondered with astonishment. 'Maybe I should side with the bandits in this?' He shook his head and endured their loud speculations a bit longer, till he thought the time was right.

"Gentlemen, I have come to save your livelihood and lives."