Control Freak To The Rescue

Dear nm,

I am an o r p h a n. An orphan with no past identity, no real parents, nothing but a date. My parents also didn't want me. Aren't I supposed to be the most important person in their life? I am not the first choice for anyone. Just an addition. Unwanted and unlovable is how I feel right now. I only have you, you accept me for who I am. This was supposed to be my happy place

Take care and miss me.

Love,

Taisa.

It's been two days since I haven't moved out of my bed. I screamed at Rose and Belle to give me some privacy and I felt terrible. I missed skating practice yesterday and badminton today. Thankfully yesterday was a Friday so Adrian has no clue. I just don't care anymore.

'Ty, what's up man, why so low?' Rose had asked.

'Nothing... go away'

'You can't just sit here and keep missing classes, girl! Not that I have an issue with that but get out of the bed' Belle joined in.

'Can you take a hint. I. Want. To. be. Alone. Go the fuck away! Stop acting like you care'

I hadn't missed the wince on Rose's face, Belle just got more stubborn. If I hadn't stopped her I would have ended up crying like a baby.

'Taisa we...'

I didn't let her continue. Couldn't. So I stopped her with the most venomous words I could

'Listen stop acting like you mean something to me! You're Not my mom, friend, guardian, or anyone. Just two people I have to live with'

Since then it's been the same. Today is another Monday! I just can't wake up or convince myself to do anything. So I miss another skating session. Rose and Belle haven't said a word in this room to me or each other. It's so peaceful and yet my insides are in such a chaotic condition.

Well the outside was peaceful until we heard his thunderous scream

'Taisa Matris, how dare you miss two sessions continuously!!!'

At Least he pronounced my name right. A grim smile spreads over my face.

That's how I always look like I'm happy. I never fake it. My brain just helps me come up with humor to face off the worst of circumstances.

But even my crazy brain wittiness can't protect me from this. Here it comes. The moment I was dreading.

I pull the covers over my head trying to silence it out.

Until the blanket and my sanctuary were ripped from over my face. And my darkness is filled by the scowling face of my nemesis.

'I don't have the time for this. GET THE FUCK OUT' I scream.

'Oh yeah? Well if you didn't have the time for this you shouldn't have signed up for the state championship. We have a dance to prepare'

'Our dance is ready, you control freak!'

I just want to tune everyone out.

'Pray tell, what has got your knickers in a twist'

What the hell!!

'I'm sick, okay. Now go away'

I don't want to admit to him or cry in front of him.

I can't.

'If you are sick! Go to a doctor, get medicine, and come for training!'

'It's not that kind of sickness!'

'Then what is it?' He is losing patience. He raises his hand which makes me wonder if he is about to hit me, so I tell him the truth.

'I am an orphan, adopted. I'm adopted.'

I wanted to throw it at him, make him feel guilty for screaming at me. But it came out as a whimper. I never said it out loud before now.

'You are not an orphan. You have parents who love you very much.'

I look up at him. His violet eyes are so full of assurance and sincerity. If I hadn't known better I would have said love and compassion too. But I do, know better.

A tear drops down my cheek.

'Do you think they cared? Or did my mum and dad leave me at some random door with no idea as to how I was living my life? Whether I was happy?'

He wipes my tears so tenderly.

'Little one, I don't know if your parents cared or not but I do know that it was their greatest mistake to have never met you, the strong, independent, beautiful girl that you are. Or maybe they just don't deserve to know you.'

He says it with so much affection that all I want to do is cry, but I know better.

I've been staring at him for a while now. He suddenly jerks away and in a matter of seconds is across the room. His face stiffens.

'Your perfect life has a smidge of black... So what? Many people have it way worse than you do. Get over it and get your ass back to work.'

I want to laugh at him.

Of Course, he thought I had a perfect life too. That's the picture I've painted. I know people have had it worse but my life isn't perfect either. Only I know what went down there, in my house, behind closed doors.

He paces the room.

'Many people have parents that dont love them. At Least yours gave you away to people who loved and cared for you.'

They didn't though! Did they? I went through it all. The pain. The helplessness. The desire to die.

But there's no point in telling that to him, just like there was no point in telling it to anyone else. No one cares. and I don't want their pity.

Either way, his scolding gave me newfound energy and I decided to go to classes and explain stuff to my friends.

I find them in the corridor and go to talk to them

'Umm hey'

Belle looks at me with disappointment, Rose with hope, and then at each other.

'Yeah?'

'I uh owe you an apology and explanation.'

They look at me expectantly. I rub my hands together

Fuck shit. This is more difficult than I thought.

'I recently got to know that I was umm dropped at my parent's doorstep. I was trying to cope and if I had spoken to you I would have..'

I'm in tears now.

'I didn't mean any of it' sobbing again 'you'll be the closest thing to a best friend I have ever had. You made me feel cherished and cared for and important for the first time.'

I hadn't planned on saying any of that, it just sort of happened!