Trust

Emma

Emma frowned as her shoes became increasingly soaked in the roughly shoveled pathways cut through the fresh snow from the night before. Her toes and fingers, despite being covered completely, had long since gone numb. The wind was biting at her exposed face. Though she'd experienced worse winters it didn't make her any more enthused to be outside in the cold.

Her phone beeped again, notifying her of a text message. She didn't have to check it to know that it was Sean. Only he could type so fast as to send off three messages in rapid succession. Emma increased her pace around the corner, nearly falling into a snowbank. Even her boots didn't get any traction in the snow. She made a mental note to design boots that both looked pretty and worked better. A small smile crept up as she envisioned it.

The fog was beginning to lift, but she still didn't see Sean until he was a few feet from her. His smile at seeing her warmed her a little bit.

He took a few steps to meet her, wrapping her in a hug. "I missed you." he whispered, kissing her gently on the top of her head.

"I missed you too." Emma said, content to let him squeeze her tight. She inhaled the subtle woodsy scent of his cologne that she had come to like. His strong arms enveloped her so sweetly. She almost cried.

It seemed he'd forgotten their quarrel they'd had before they left. She'd been more focused on how to deflect another argument to even consider that they could forgive each other. She squeezed him a little tighter at the realization.

Sean put his hands on her shoulders, pushing away for half a second. "Babe, you've got tears, what's wrong?"

Emma bit her lip to keep them from falling. "I— I guess I just missed you."

His answering smile made her unable to keep the water in her eyes. He took one of his thumbs to wipe it off of her cheek tenderly. "You're freezing," he said, putting an arm around her. "Come on, let's get in the car."

Emma followed his lead, the chauffeur opening the door for the two of them to climb inside.

The heat was blissful. She took a moment to savor the way it thawed her fingers and toes and warmed her frozen cheeks.

"So I know there's still one week left of break, but what have you been doing?" Emma asked, seated right beside Sean, one of his arms over her shoulders, his other hand resting on her knee.

"Nothing to be envious of. I've been flying from place to place to go to various conferences and meetings and councils. I just had time to finalize my schedule and call you on the way here." He chuckled a little bit.

It made Emma smile. He seemed happier. And he had definitely been working out during break. After the Tourney players took their three weeks of break they had to get back onto their strict workout routine. He didn't have to tell her that he enjoyed the exercise. It could be read plainly. "It doesn't seem to have taken too much of a toll on you."

"Well, I've had a good night's sleep and the thought of you to keep me company. You should have seen me four hours into those council sessions and such." Sean responded with a chuckle.

Emma sidled closer, savoring the way he felt, pressed close to her. She was feeling better. He made her feel protected. It helped her. Perhaps it wasn't good of her to keep the reasons she clung to him sometimes a secret. Especially when he seemed so hurt when she refused to share.

The argument had been her fault in that way it appeared. Sean had wanted to take her to dinner, but she was going through one of her rougher days. It was easy to tell when she was not feeling her best, but she rarely opened up to anyone. Perhaps it was the fear that those memories may frighten Sean. Maybe he might pity her. Pity made Emma sick.

"Tell me what's wrong." Sean pushed once more. "I want to help you, but I can't if you won't tell me what's the matter."

"It can't be fixed." Emma said, resuming staring out the frosty window. "I just have to let this pass."

"What is this Emma?" Sean asked. Emma could hear the frustrated edge to his voice, but... she just couldn't make the words come out. She preferred to keep them to herself. Even if she wanted to tell him, she doubted her mouth would form the sentences."You're practically speaking in code."

"I… I'm just not feeling well, Sean. I'm sorry to ruin your evening, but I just want to stay in." She sighed heavily, a dull ache beginning to form in her head. She was trying her best to block out the things that occasionally decided to haunt her, but Sean's insistence was making it increasingly difficult.

"It isn't about my evening… I'm just tired of the secrets. Have I not told you everything Emma? Have I not answered all of your questions? Do you— you don't trust me." He said. And Emma didn't have to look into his blue eyes to know that he wasn't faking the hurt in his voice.

She finally turned to him, "I do! Of course I trust you! I just… these are things I want to forget! Sharing them, it puts them in someone else's mind. Preserves the memory longer. I just want them gone!"

"I want to do what is best for you. Would I even ask if I didn't think it was best for us? For you? Emma, these relationships are built on trust and if we don't have that, then I'm not sure we can be together. You've got to trust me."

Her heart was pounding faster. "Why can't it be both?" Her voice began to crack. "Why can't you understand that I can trust you without sharing everything? I—"

"You can't separate them. I know that telling me will be difficult, but we could work through these together. If they bother you so truly maybe I could set you up with counseling. Emma, I cannot help you if you don't share. If I don't help, you'll continue to have days like these. It isn't fair to me to be in a relationship with you when you close yourself off like this. I try to do something nice and you turn your back and keep secrets from me." He stopped, as if waiting for a response, but Emma was so busy trying to control her surging emotions to attempt it. "I want to help, but you aren't interested. Let me know if you change your mind so we can work this out."

But Sean had forgiven her for the argument before break. Again. Like he did every time she withheld things from him. She didn't deserve the way he treated her. He was too good. She put her hand in his that had moved to her thigh. "I love you." She smiled up at him.

He lowered his lips to meet hers, and even her growing sense of guilt was washed away for the few seconds that he kissed her. Sweetly. Gently. He ran a hand through her hair as he drew back. "Heaven knows how much I missed you." Sean breathed.

She traced a finger over his jawline, memorizing the way it flowed and angled. Like it had been sculpted by a god. "I'm sorry," Emma said, trying to keep her tone even. "I do trust you."

He gently grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand from his face. "I know." He answered, putting his hand back on her leg. But it wasn't hostile. It was comforting. Though her guilt didn't disappear... "I know."