What Does It Take... To Move Forward?

Giyuu slowly forced his young body up off the ground with a weak groan and wiped the mud off of his face, Sabito had once again knocked him on his back during their sparring session where the scarred older teen tried to show the raven head how to use a blade. Needless to say Giyuu had failed once more, earning an unnecessarily sympathetic look from Sabito before he opened his mouth to once more tell him how he should move, only to be interrupted by the younger teenager. "I'm sorry…", came the weak mutter as he pulled himself off the ground to stand straight coming up to Sabito's chin before his messy hair hid his trembling eyes from the world. "If it wasn't for me, you'd have more time to train. More time to make yourself better… to become strong enough to survive…if I hadn't existed, you would still be here…"

Sabito's eyes widened for a moment in surprise, before closing in pain, as if he'd just heard his family had been killed. They opened once more to show the blazing determination that Giyuu had always seen, followed by the same soft smile that put everyone who saw it at ease. He simply asked in as soft a tone he could, " What would that change?".

Giyuu's eyes snapped open as fury blinded him with years worth of unshed tears to the dream slowly unraveling around him to thunder at himself, "Everything!!!!! You were always faster! Stronger! Smarter! You were better than me in every possible way! You were supposed to survive the Final Selection! You would have gone on to be a better demon slayer than anyone! I know it! But because I was weak, you had to save me again and again. Until eventually it killed you…".

Sabito stood still in the swirling world of dreams as it collapsed around them, unable to handle the influx of emotions from the water Hashira as he continued to roar at himself, " I can't save anyone! No matter how hard I swing my sword, how long I train, how many demons I kill… I will always be a stand in Hashira… I can't stand equal to the others… just like I couldn't stand equal to you… I can't save those people… I couldn't save you… I can't even save myself…", his voice finally trailed off as tears fell onto the fading ground. Sabito stood unaffected by the disappearing world for a time, until the two were left in an empty void with ever growing cracks streaking around the now nineteen year old Giyuu and unaged spirit of Sabito.

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…

Sabito finally released a quiet breath as he looked upon the form of the grown man before him, and took in the pain the mighty hashira of water's dark azure eyes to look beyond the ravenette's perception of himself to see the truth that hid from his oldest friend. He saw the calluses that covered his clenched hands, gone bone white at the knuckles from where one clenched the handle of his nichirin blade, while the other hung loose from his shoulder. Each of his palms had been torn apart by the handle of Giyuu's sword from a thousand hours of conditioning and training. His best friend had swung his sword again and again for the sake of others, never once pausing throughout the years of fulfilling a duty that he had never believed himself worthy of; being a pillar to the demon corps. He saw his old yellow haori, sewn together with all that remained from Giyuu's sister's own yukata, the only possession he still had from his only family that had lured a demon away from his best friend when he was a child. He remembered how his friend had told him about escaping his village when they called him insane for saying a demon had eaten his sister and fiance on the day they would be married. Of how his friend wished he'd died instead of the sister who raised him by herself. Unlike his best friend, Sabito had always had a keen eye for the world around him and the people in it, he could see how others really felt, because he chose to see things clearly rather than leave himself in a world of numb grey Giyuu had immersed himself in after his death. He'd watched as Giyuu fought and fought until he could move no longer, and then stood to battle once more. He'd seen with his own eyes how people felt about his friend, though the navy eyed man before him was never quite as perceptive off the battlefield as he was on it.

He never saw the tearful admiration and heartfelt gratitude from the lower ranks as he answered every distress crow they had sent out, running dozens of miles in minutes, saving hundreds of their ranks from becoming yet another statistic in their war, carrying them to safety, offering his own provisions to help them recover, and leaving himself with only the bare minimum to continue onwards. He never stopped moving forwards long enough to take in the shame of the people he protected, standing there silently after saving them from their loved ones turned demons, never backing an inch from their screams; calling him a monster for saving them. He didn't see his fellow hashiras' fury as the people Giyuu protected turned their loss and hate upon the great warrior who protected them from being consumed or becoming another man-eating demon, silently holding a palm towards them to halt any intervention. He never shied away from their heated words and wails of sorrow when rage had finally lost its edge in their hearts. He'd stood there taking their hatred upon himself because his long shattered heart ached with every second of pain they endured.

He offered to them an unmoving outlet to place the blame of their loss, if only to give them the strength to continue on past their sorrow, to see the next day even if it meant they hated him. He placed their misfortune onto his shoulders because he truly believed that their tragedies could have been prevented if only he'd fallen in place of his best friend. Or if the demon had noticed him first instead of his sister and her fiance. He stood silently as the people's sorrow gave way to numb emptiness and they cursed him for not saving their loved ones, only to turn away to hide their shame as Giyuu's hollow and shattered ocean blue eyes met their own tears. Giyuu's fellow pillars had tried to step in over and over, only to be frozen in place each time as azure orbs, shattered from years of pain and loss, silently begged them to stay back; the only thing the pillar had ever asked from them. To allow him to help the victims the only way he knew he could; by giving them enough hatred to fuel them, and a clear target to keep them going.

Sabito let out a shuddering breath as he took in the white scars running up his neck from his chest. He'd been forced to watch as Giyuu had used his own body to protect a nameless rookie demon slayer that had gotten in over his head against the lower moon one two years after killing a hundred demons by himself; the only other way to become a hashira other than killing a lower moon. The seventeen year old demon slayer hashira had been forced to fend off the nest of demons lower moon one had built around itself, as well as the demon's accomplice that had jumped into the fight alongside a dozen bear like demons the two commanded to kill the pillar and immobile rookie. Giyuu had been forced to carry the other white haired, scarred, wind breath user fresh off final selection, on his shoulder and fight both lower moons and normal demons with one hand and a punctured lung…it had taken ten minutes for Giyuu to finish the final demon amidst the scarred and bleeding out rookies barrage of profanities and screams to let him down to fight as the water hashira ignored his every word. Giyuu had run over twelve miles to the nearest corps safe house to treat the rookies wind breathing demon slayer's injuries, before allowing himself to treat his own, only to receive another distress crow from more demon slayers who had been in danger. He'd silently offered the wind breath user some of his provisions and notes on how to avoid further injuring himself before running out of the safe house under furious calls, laced with hints of desperation, to return and treat himself. Giyuu had not returned that night, and only when that slayer became a Hashira himself would he see the stranger and realize the man who had saved him was a hashira himself.

Sabito let out a silent and sullen huff of amusement as he recalled the face of Sanemi Shinazugawa when the new wind hashira realized who Giyuu had been. The swordsman spirit mulled over how to stop the loathing his best friend directed inwards before nodding his head as he came to a decision; it had worked once, it must be able to work again. He walked closer to the trembling form of Giyuu, to stand face to face and look up into the unseeing eyes of the water pillar. He nodded his head in firm resolve before cocking his fist back and sending it flying into the now older man's face, only forcing him to take a single step back in surprise, a clear difference in strength between the man and spirit, before the pink haired teenager crossed his arms to glare up into the shocked eyes of his best friend.

"What did I say back then, huh?!?!?!", Sabito growled at the raven haired hashira. " If you ever wished you'd died instead of your sister again, I'd knock you out, right." he started under the wide eyes of Giyuu, who'd been frozen since the dead man's punch had rocked him back a step.

"You have to live!!!", he continued as Giyuu's eyes finally shined with a hint of life as he remembered this conversation between the two, years of loss and guilt having robbed him of the happy memories. "To do anything other than your best to live a long life full of as much happiness as you can hold would disrespect the sacrifice of your sister, and now my own.", the soul of Giyuu's oldest friend roared out until he was shaking from his own emotions, a reflection between the two that shook Giyuu more than almost anything else that had happened during their talk.

"It doesn't matter that you think I could have been a better demon slayer if I had lived.", the spirit whispered as his shaking came to a halt and he looked up with a small sad smile, tears falling down his scarred cheek as he continued. "It doesn't matter if you think the world would have been better if you weren't alive. All of these what if and what could have beens are meaningless because you are here. You are the water hashira. You are alive!", he breathed out as tears finally dripped from his cheek onto the void they stood upon, letting white ripples form from the black expanse under them. "I think it's time you started acting like it, Tomioka.", he finished as he began to disperse into white particles that floated and spiraled around Giyuu, finally breaking the void he'd found himself alone in as tears were finally allowed to fall after years of repressing, finally taking their due from the lost and heart sick demon slayer. He felt himself be freed from the world of dreams as Sabito's voice rang out, his serious tone knocking the breath from his lungs, "Go forward, Giyuu. The secret to ending this war lies ahead of you, but it must be protected, nurtured, and taught. You must save her, Giyuu." The severity in his voice was quickly cut off with his next few words as Giyuu left his friend to return to the waking world choking on his own spit,"Make sure to treat her right, all of them, I want lots of nieces and nephews to watch over, you hear me Tomioka?!?!"

Giyuu awoke to the breathlessness that came with choking on air, quickly hacking as much as he could in his desire to taste the air. He eventually recovered enough to wheeze and risk a look around him for anyone to witness his unattractive moment, only to see his campfire had burnt out some time ago leaving embers behind. He stood to take a look at the moon to see that he'd only slept for an hour, however he felt more rested than he had since he'd become a pillar. His heart was racing in his chest, and heat was pouring off of him in waves. It was pooling in his chest and slowly making its way towards his cheek, though a bit of steady concentration breathing he'd always done, even asleep,was slowing it down just enough to not overwhelm him.

Before he could unpack anything that he'd experienced in his dreams, a low caw caught his attention, and his ever faithful , if quite old, crow landed in his messy nest of hair and promptly fell asleep. No doubt if Giyuu had been asleep, he'd not have gotten the message tied to his tired crows foot until the storm had passed and he'd woken hours later. He carefully unfolded it so he could place it with the rest of the letters he'd collected from his crow at the small house he called the water hashira estate.

The note simply read: Demon spotted heading towards the western Mt. Kumotori, slay it quickly and return to my estate, a week of mandatory rest by my side is required if you wish to continue your duties, there shall be no changes to my decision.- Kagaya Ubuyashiki.

Giyuu moved to smother the small swath of warmth in his heart from the obvious care in the handwritten note before hesitating and ultimately setting the feeling aside for later perusal. He packed up his campsite in the little cave he'd found a few hours ago, and checked one last time to make sure he'd smothered his fires final embers before heading out before a storm could pass over him, heading towards his own destination, Mt. Kumotori, racing against the weather at his back to complete the mission without delay and return to speak with the spiritual leader of the demon slayer corps…

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a full twelve hours ahead of when he would have, without his talk to push him forwards.