Goodbyes

"What do you mean you're leaving?!" Hanabi and mom shouted in unison.

"Please believe me, this is something I need to do." I responded with a placating tone.

"What do you mean? You're just a kid Yukiko, you can't just blurt something out like that in the middle of dinner. And stop sitting cross legged, it's not proper." 

I shifted my body to sit on my knees while slurping away at the miso soup in my bowl.

"I just have to. Please try to understand." 

"Understand what exactly? You haven't explained anything yet? Why must you leave?" Hanabi asked while slamming her bowl on the table and spilling its contents all over the tatami mat.

"And since when do you talk so proper?" Tatsuya did his usual thing and barged in on the conversation while chewing on a mouthful of rice.

"Exactly! That too! You spend too much time with your grandpa. When I was young he wouldn't even look at me, you know?" Mom said while pointing at me with her chopsticks.

"You're all getting off topic here." Dad gently placed his chopsticks on the table. "Give us a good reason and I'll let you go, I promise." 

"Dad!" "Dear!" Hanabi and mom shouted.

"Yukiko wants to go on a journey, who are we to stop a man from achieving what he set out to achieve, that is of course if he has even had a goal."

In our family, dad was admired as well as deeply respected. Any decision that came from him would be final. Unless, of course, gramps had anything to say about it, he was the only person dad couldn't order around.

"I have hit a roadblock. I fear if I stay here, I will not be able to move past it." I simply said.

"Did you try asking the old man for help?" 

"He was the one who suggested this " 

"Of course he was." Dad grumbled and rolled his eyes.

"If you're stuck, just come train with us. I'm sure Watanabe can find it in his darkened heart to forgive you." Tatsuya said, his voice oozed sarcasm.

"Do you wanna get your ass beat again you moron?"

"Bring it on. And from what I remember, I was the one who won, or am I wrong" He teased.

"All right, both of you shut up." Dad interrupted our squabble and continued talking. "If you really feel that way, nothing we say is going to make you stay. Better for you to leave on good terms than sneak out and never be seen again." 

"Really??" Hanabi asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"Yes really, I would recommend the same thing to any of my cadets. Stagnation is our biggest enemy, and to overcome it, you must seek out new experiences and learn different ways. No one is ever truly stuck." He shared some much needed wisdom while everyone present rolled their eyes.

"No. I will not have another one of my siblings walk out on us again. I refuse!" Hanabi shouted.

"I'm not walking out ok? I'm gonna come back I swear." 

"That's exactly what Naoko said!" She slammed her fists against the table before standing up and leaving the room, shutting the sliding door shut.

After Hanabi's outburst, the room fell silent everyone looking down at their respective bowls.

My mother let out a loud sigh. "Look, if you're going to leave, just, be careful. There's nothing much I can do or say to make you stay, so just be careful. I beg you."

"I promise." 

*

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*

After saying packing my things, I went to say my goodbyes to everyone. The servants wished me luck on my journey and prepared some rations. Despite my not so favorable reputation with the cadets, they still gave me their best wishes and gifted me some daggers and other miscellaneous weapons for self defense.

On the other hand, saying goodbye to my family was harder than expected. 

I started by saying goodbye to dad and Tatsuya along with the cadets. Despite what I told myself and what grandpa constantly rambled on about, I respected and looked up to my dad. Never once in this life had I looked at him as anything less than a dependable father figure.

Tatsuya was a different case. We hugged it out like brothers and swore to each other that we'd fight again when we'd next meet. I might have respected a little less than my dad but, actually thats it.

Mom only sobbed as she held on to me, begging me not to go. I just stood there as she let it out. Ten minutes later, she finished crying and gave me a bracelet made white prayer beads as a lucky charm.

Hanabi was more difficult. She locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out even after I pleaded with her. 

"I'm really gonna leave you know?" I said as I faked my footsteps to sound as though I was walking away.

"Wait!" She slammed her door open only to be met with me standing right in front of her. 

"Ah." The moment she saw me, her face contorted from anger to shame and then finally grief as she started crying.

"Please, come back. Safely. I am begging you. Don't leave me here all alone." She pleaded through hiccups and tears.

"I promise, stop crying please." Yet she didn't stop.

"I will find Naoko and come back with her. You didn't forget did you?"

She looked up at me and forced herself to stop sobbing.

"Yea, of course. I could never forget. Thank you, yukiko, you are genuinely the best brother I could've ever asked for. If only Tatsuya was only half the person you are." She wiped the tears from her eyes and I helped.

"He's probably going to end up alone." She said with a smirk after wiping away all her tears.

"Yea he is." 

"So is this really goodbye?"

"It is." 

She hugged me one last time before going back in her room and resuming her sobbing.

'I still have one thing to do' I mentally sighed, exhausted from dealing with everyone. My mind still hadn't fully recovered so I still didn't feel like myself yet. That made dealing with grieving family members ever harder.

*

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*

I stepped out into the garden and walked in a random direction, finding the boulder my grandpa was always standing on.

"Finally, good riddance." He opened one eye and said.

"I'm gonna miss you too." I shot back.

"Remember, always keep total concentration active. It will save your life more time than you can count. Also, make sure to keep your blade rust free, you don't want to end up in a situation where your blade is too dull to cut a demon's head off. And make sure that you always practice-" 

"I get it old man, this is the third time I'm hearing this." I dug at some earwax in my ear while half listening to his speech.

"This is stuff that can and will save your life you brat. I need to say it at least three times to get it through your thick fucking skull" He said, throwing up a middle finger.

I gave him one back and smiled. Grandpa had been the only one who I could act like myself around. I didn't have to pretend to be a small child, and obedient son, or a good sibling. I could do and say whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. This, no doubt, made life much easier. 

Out of everyone, he was the one I spent most time with and who I would miss most.

He smiled back, jumped down, and pat my head. "Come back alive. And as yourself."