12 Bottleneck

And so, I continued training. With no further guidance from grandpa, dead calm was challenging to learn as the technique itself was not written down, leaving me to attempt at replicating it through memory alone.

Hanabi, my older sister charged at me with a wooden stick.

"Are you sure it's ok to hit you again?" She asked 

"Just hurry up" I shouted back

"Alright here I come"

She let out a small battle cry as she ran towards me. 

"Eleventh form, Dead calm"

I relaxed my body and let a state of tranquility wash over me as I let my stick fall to my side, still gripping it with my right hand.

Hanabi closed in and delivered a straightforward attack to the top of my head. My stick intercepted hers and returned to my side at the same moment. Hanabi staggered backwards.

"Again, faster! From all sides"

She approached my left, aiming her stick at my thigh. Again her strike was intercepted and deflected. She redirected her sword to aim at my nape but got interrupted before she could even swing, messing up her trajectory.

On the third strike, she aimed for my lower back and swung with full force. The speed of the swing, coupled with the fact that it was her third consecutive attack meant that I couldn't block. 

I overloaded all the blood vessels in my right hand, instantly feeling the searing pain the technique caused. I intercepted the strike, cutting her stick in half and leaving her awestruck.

"Wow you finally did it! Good job. I'm proud of you" 

"I didn't do anything, I used a cheat. See, can't move my right arm anymore" I pointed at my now limp arm, blood flowing out on my pale white skin like blood falling on snow.

"Oh my god are you ok?" She stammered out, seemingly shocked

"Yea I'm fine. It usually heals in a day or two"

"That heals?!"

"Yeah, its recovery breathing" I explained

"Impressive, not that I wanna learn. I don't want to waste my life on swords like the three of you. I'd like to just be a normal person"

"Three? I'm only aware of two. Is there anyone else?"

"Yea." She said, a sad smile appearing on her face. "Our older sister is seldom ever mentioned, but she is also a swordsman. Swordswoman? Anyway, one day she was our family's pride and joy, then the other, everyone vowed to never talk about her again, as if burying her existence under a shitty old rug. I don't even know what happened, no one had ever told me anything.

But she was my best friend, you know, why did she have to leave? What did she do that caused her to be so hated?" A tear rolled down her cheek. "I just.. want to ask her, personally ask her why she abandoned us"

Hanabi was always soft spoken and kind, but now, her words carried a certain malice in them. A malice indiscriminately directed at everything and everyone.

I didn't know what to do or say to comfort her. I never knew our sister, I couldn't hope to empathize with Hanabi. Nor did I know her circumstances or what caused her to leave.

"Listen, if it makes you feel any better, I could maybe, look for her. If she was a swordsman I could probably find her dome day"

"You will?" She took her head out of her palms and looked at me with wide eyes. "You'll look for her?"

"Yes, I will" I softly said, tip toeing so I could pat her head. "I promise" 

"Thank you" She brought me in for a hug, lifting me off the ground and rubbing snot all over my clothes.

'Why is everyone in this family so strong'

Yet I didn't move. I couldn't move. The embrace washed over all the frustration and exhaustion that had been building up like a warm summer breeze washing away the gloomy clouds after a storm.

After she calmed down, she started telling me about our sister.

"She's gonna be easy for you to find. After all you both are a spitting image of our mother. She has snow white hair and blood red eyes, just like you. People might see you and confuse you for her, they're the people you should ask. Her name's Naoko. 

"Thank you again. It means a lot" She said with a smile

"Anything for my younger sister" I said

"You're the younger one" She assaulted the back of my head with enough force for me to land with my face in the dirt. " I will admit, sometimes it does feel like you're the older one. I mean you're here talking about how you'll find our sister while I'm just sitting and twiddling my thumbs. I feel pathetic"

'That's because I am older than you' I lamented

"Anyway, sorry. I wish you didn't have to see your older sister like this" She sniffled, wiping tears away from her eyes 

"It's nothing, don't worry about it"

"Thank you, again" She pinched my cheeks before giving me one last hug. 

After she left, I was placed in a daze. My head now able to process what had transpired.

'What just happened? This isn't like me. I don't go out of my way to help people. Why did I do that?' I asked myself, seemingly in shock over my own words and actions. 'Too much time in this house is bad for me, I'm slowly losing it. Or maybe I just care about my own sister. But it can't be that, can it?'

I decided not to think about it. A twenty something year old man reincarnating in the body of a newborn is already enough as it is. Having to forge meaningful relationships with my second family proved to be an almost impossible feat. But the earlier conversation proved that I cared a lot more than I'd like to admit.

'Ok that's enough, I can't find anyone's sister unless I train' I stopped my train of thought and decided to work on my own unique form.

Up until then, I didn't manage to create anything substantial. Little tweaks and original spins on pre-existing forms sure, creating an entirely different set of moves required something which I simply did not possess. 

'Damn it. What is missing? I tried asking grandpa but he just told me to stop whining and do it. Fuck' I clenched my sword tighter and performed an improvised set of movements, consisting of quick and precise cuts. But yet again, water simply did not adorn my blade like it did with all other forms.

I was stuck. For the first time in my life, I had encountered something simply too difficult to grasp. It was maddening. The only thing stopping me from throwing my sword away in frustration is the slight possibility that I might break it. 

"Fuuuuck" I sighed as I fell on my knees. '4 months and no progress. Not even my mastery over water breathing is improving anymore. I hit a fucking bottleneck' 

At almost 11 years old, I had hit my plateau. My basic techniques along with physical capabilities improved, but my water breathing progress had been halted by a seemingly un-moveable barrier.