1 HOLLOW

Bloom wasn't sure where she'd start from or what exactly she was going to do this time, she was so hurt, she could feel the pain burning and eating her up from inside, her eyes were hot, red and swollen and she had herself alone to blame.

some where within her, she had always known Blake wasn't the best for her, she knew how much he'd cheated on her, her coursemates, mutual acquaintances and every girl around him. she was foolish enough to think he could change or be better. she had to learn the hard way and now she's lost her baby, her very first baby girl.

All she could feel was pain, hurt, jeeeez twas like a hot spike was used to pierced her in the heart over and over again, the feeling hurt like hell, she could feel the emptiness in her. in the dark as she laid crying in her bed she suddenly screamed 'ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!' while she kept thrashing and breathing so hard, she had lost everything thing.

after a 5hrs of doing nothing and just being in bed crying 21yrs old Bloom Peterson picked up her diary and tried to vent the only way she could:

29th April 2019

24hrs ago I'd never guess I'd be writing and crying 🙂, but that's life right? I really thought I had understood pain and learned the language of grief, well I thought... because now, in this very moment, this is pain; the hot, piercing feeling in my chest, the dry suffocating feeling in my throat, the endless hollow... would this pain ever end? what did I ever do wrong? I know! I know I'm no saint!! I know I've made more mistakes than I have excuse for!!! but for once!!! just for once, I gave my all to feel loved and love, is this it!? if this is it then I don't want it!!! God what did I ever do!?...

she shut her diary, threw her pen away, and screamed her pain away again, this was all she could do as she sat at one corner of her bed, with her legs folded up and her face resting on both knees, her arms wrapped around her legs... This was it, this was the end for her and there's really nothing more she could do.

This darkness and guilt is probably going to follow her for the rest of her life and there was nothing she could do to erase it, except sit in the dimly lighted room and cry.

Bloom wasn't sure how she had fallen asleep but it was already 2am when she woke up, she checked her phone and there was no calls, checked WhatsApp and there was no text not any at all at least from Blake. She knew he was the Devil the very reason why she was hurt, why she even felt so much pain but he was all she had and somehow she expected that he would at least call, to know how she was doing. she had used up all the money she had earlier to get drugs and Few supplies she'd be needing through this period, she hadn't even asked him for any money, she just wanted to take responsibility for the whole mess, at least she was the one who had carried the baby and she didn't want Blake to feel pressured after all, he made things clear earlier and didn't hide the fact that he wasn't ready for a baby nor did he have any money to spend on her or any baby of any sort.

she laid down quietly, struggling to breathe. probably because of how much she had cried earlier one of her nostrils was blocked making breathing quite difficult, she turned the assistive light on her phone so the room could be well lit, the candle that had been burning since around 7pm was long exhausted all that was left was the wax that had turned cold, except for the moon light seeping into the room through the window the room was pitch black, she needed to use the bathroom as she stood up she felt a little moist, one look at her bed told her she had bled and the sanitary she had used was full she had to clean up and change her pad.

About an hour later, Bloom returned to bed, she had cleaned up, washed her stained clothes and bedsheets. she just laid in bed looking at nothing in particular, thinking hard and tearfully about what next she would do with herself.