preface/party

Preface

I felt like I was trapped in one of those horrifying nightmares – though it had been so long since the last time I'd slept, so long since I'd been human – one of those nightmares that no matter how hard you try, you can never get to where you desire. I kept on trying to fight my way through the crowd without using my strength as that would draw attention to me that I could not afford to garner, not if any of us wanted to survive this endeavor. The hands on the clock tower refused to slow though as they turned with relentless, uncaring force toward the end. The end of everything.

But this was no dream, and, unlike in the nightmare, the stakes were very real. I was trying to save his life, without whom, nothing would matter, but I wasn't getting there quick enough, no matter what I tried.

Alice had said that we would likely all die today. Perhaps the outcome would be different if the one we were trying to save wasn't too stubborn to listen. Our only chance was me, the mental mute, but I couldn't get there quick enough, not with all the humans pressed shoulder to shoulder in my way.

Another group of humans stepped right into the only path I'd so far been able to use.

So it didn't matter to me that we were surrounded by our extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my feet, I knew I was too late – and I was glad that my end waited in the wings. For in failing this, I forfeited any desire to live.

My only wish was that I could tell Alice to leave, as she did not have to share in our fate. The clock tolled again.

Chapter 1 – Party

The day started much like all my days start, not that my days ever have an end. At least now that I'm no longer human. I'd come to term, more or less, with being a vampire over the months of summer, but it was hard to adapt, not to the diet which had been easier for me than any other vampire under this roof. At least, that's what I'd been told.

Instead, what was hard to adapt to was the lack of rest, the lack of peace. Every night at about eleven or so I would lock myself in the room that had been turned into mine – Carlisle's old office as it so happened. Edward and I were the only pair in the entire house that were not bedding down in the same room every night. The only mates not shacking up daily, literally.

Edward was insistent though. He wanted to wait until we were married to be together intimately. We did kiss, exuberantly in fact, but that was all we ever did. There was no running the bases with him. We weren't getting anywhere close to first, forget about second or third. I respected his wishes though, he wanted to be married first, so that's what would happen.

Even If I did have extremely cold feet. In fact they were so cold that any time someone brought up the subject of marriage, even when it wasn't our impending one, I immediately contemplated running away. Mexico wasn't far enough, and that was where the split second visions Alice got when I contemplated it saw me ending up in. A fact that annoyed both Alice and Edward to no end. It wasn't my fault that I couldn't control my thoughts, errant though they were.

The school year had officially started about three weeks ago. Only I couldn't go to school, and while Edward could, he chose not to. He wanted to stay near me and make sure that I didn't make any life altering mistakes. Even though I'd proven several times already that I could resist human blood, and easily. He claimed that the outside world held no appeal to him with me stuck here, and of course there was the appearances that had to be kept up. The one that had it appearing that he was too distraught over my so called death to be in school.

Unfortunately for me, his decision to stay near me almost all the time left me feeling suffocated. I knew he was only doing what he thought was right, they all were in fact, but still, it left me choked.

How was I supposed to truly acclimate to this life of the undead if I was never given the chance to have the freedom to learn. Yes, I was still a newborn, I knew that, but I was a well behaved newborn. Sure, I had my flaws, just as much as the next vampire. I still had a hard time keeping my clothes from tearing when hunting and I was a bit messy, but by all accounts, being a clean eater was a learned habit. Most of my siblings claimed it took decades of practice. If they were going to wait until I had all the tiny nuances of being a vampire figured out to allow me to be on my own I was going to end up losing my figurative mind before then.

I'd even tried taking off out my window a few times, just so I could be alone for awhile. I never got far though, between Alice seeing me take off and everyone in the house being able to hear even my slightest movement, I just couldn't get away.

And if I really could turn on some human at any time then I supposed I was grateful. Similar to what Edward had once told me, I didn't want to be a monster.

Perhaps, the biggest problem for me was that no matter the assurances I had been given by Edward, I still couldn't fathom how, or why, he would want me for an eternity. James's video had struck a cord in a way that nothing else could have. That and the fact that it had been Edward's first instinct to suck the venom out. If he really wanted me forever then why had that been his first course of action? He had told me why, his belief of us being soulless creatures, but still, I couldn't be sure. Even when Jasper had assured me that Edward's emotions for me were true... I still could not fully believe him.

...

I heard Alice throw something in the room beside me, her voice carried to me easily. "Where is that set of Armani Jeans? I only just bought them. Did you take them?"

Jasper laughed lightly, it was still a weird noise to hear. Especially given what I now know about his history, but he made it often enough, at least around Alice. I couldn't say the same when he was near the rest of us. "It wasn't me that took them, they wouldn't fit on me even if I had."

Alice ground her teeth together for a moment before I knew the light bulb lit up, even though I wasn't watching the scene unfold. The longer I lived with my new family, the more predictable certain members got. "Beau? Did you take them?"

I snorted. "Why on earth would I take a pair of designer jeans that would be too short for me? Especially when I'm constantly begging you to stop buying me clothes of that variety. Old Navy would be so much more reasonable."

I didn't have to be in the room with Alice to know she was rolling her eyes. "You'll learn to have good taste one way or another, I swear."

I let out a small annoyed hiss, but otherwise didn't reply. There's no point. Alice would only listen to Alice when it comes to that stuff.

I looked out towards the garage, only semi-curious. I'd known that a new car had been brought in for one of them a couple of days ago. Like any of my siblings needed yet another car. There was already the BMW, the Mercedes, the Austin Martin, the Volvo, the Jeep, the Audi, and the Maserati. They'd asked me, several times, about what I wanted. But I didn't need a car, there was a whole selection to choose from.

Besides, it wasn't like they could get the vehicle I wanted anyways. I wanted my truck back, but it, like everything from my human life, had been destroyed. Incinerated in a ravine somewhere in Nevada with a cadaver's body inside that was roughly my size and age, burned beyond the point of recognition.

I sighed and headed to my door to open it, getting ready for another day of the modicum of normal and the tedium that I was coming to recognize to be a part of this life.

Alice chose that exact moment to come out of her room. "Happy birthday," she said cheerfully.

I rolled my eyes. "I thought we all agreed that it wasn't going to be celebrated. It's not like I'm aging anymore."

"You may have convinced Edward." She lifted her chin in defiance. "That you don't want to celebrate your birthday, but I'm going to get the final say so here. There will be presents, everyone likes presents."

And if I thought for even half a second that she had gotten me presents that I actually wanted, like a notebook, simple clothes from normal stores, that kind of stuff – it might excite me. But I knew she hadn't. "I don't like surprises."

"Well you should." Alice stuck her tongue out at me and raced around, going down the stairs two at a time.

I shook my head.

From Alice's and Jasper's bedroom, Jasper spoke, "Let her have her fun. Yours is the closest to a real birthday that any of us have had in over seventy years."

I sighed, knowing I'd been defeated. Finally, Edward came downstairs, his eyes meeting mine at the same time that mine did his. I smiled, happy to see him. During the nights, it was easy to get depressed and start to regret some of the things that had transpired, but in the light of day, looking at Edward, I knew it was all worth it.

"Let's go hunting," Edward said, noticing my eyes were black.

I flinched at the sudden burning pain in the back of my throat, the reminder of the never ending thirst. I shook my head though, in spite of my eyes being black, I didn't need to go hunt, not yet. "It's only been two weeks, I'm fine."

"Only, he says," Edward muttered. "And your only about six months old to this life. Most vampires your age can only go a matter of a couple days without being ravenous. I know you're the strongest newborn any of us have ever seen, but there really is no point in starving yourself like this."

I growled in annoyance at Edward. "I am not starving myself."

"Yes, you are," Jasper murmured from the bedroom. I turned to glare daggers at their bedroom door. Even though the number one rule of this household tended to be don't lie in front of the empath or the psychic. Generally it also included Edward, but I could get away with it with him, sort of, as he couldn't read my mind.

"Fine, let's go hunt some stinky herbivores." I hated the smell of the deer and elk found in the area. It was one of the reasons I was trying to put off hunting as long as possible. Even when we did go farther away to hunt cougars and bears the scent was only mildly less off-putting

"You could always try a normal diet," Edward said almost as if he was reading my mind. "No one would blame you here, after all, you didn't agree to this life or this style."

We'd had this argument before, many times. "I've told you before, I don't want to hunt humans. Why do you keep insisting that I try it?"

"You once told me that it seemed natural to have a rebellious faze and want to be a normal vampire for awhile back when I told you my tale. I only feel that you deserve that same opportunity."

That was a new one, but I snorted. "I'm not old enough yet to need a rebellious faze. Give it about fifteen more years."

Edward smiled at my words. "Fine then, let's go hunt." I followed him out of the house and ran with him into the forest.

...

I smelled the herd of deer before I heard or saw them, though I was fairly sure that Edward had smelled them before me. For some reason, his senses seemed to be more acute than mine, perhaps because of his age, I couldn't be sure.

"That way," I said, whisper soft, pointing in the direction that the smell was coming from.

"Yes," Edward agreed.

The smell, disgusting though it was, made me suddenly extremely thirsty. I took off in the direction of the smell. I could hear Edward running behind me, though he was keeping his distance. We'd already learned that I was a bit... volatile when hunting.

The wind changed directions just as I was nearing the heard, which was rotten luck, as the deer all took off at my smell – the smell of a predator. I let out a frustrated hiss, but raced forward, I was faster than deer anyways.

As I ran the trees started to thin enough that I could see the herd. More specifically, I could see the alpha, the seven point buck that any human hunter would dream of catching, if nothing else than for the killer rack. It was my dream now though, and not because it would make for some fancy trophy, but because of it's size, which meant more blood.

I jumped up into one of the trees and started bounding from one to the next, passing the smaller deer by. Edward could take the does for all I cared. I crouched briefly on a branch before, with a final lunge, I dropped down on the buck, ripping into his throat with my teeth.

I slurped up the blood thirstily, needing the relief from the pain even if the wild flavor of the blood was disgusting. It only took about a minute to drain the animal of his blood and then I was on my feet and diving at another deer, this one a doe.

After my third kill I was finally finished, it was enough. I was still a little bit thirsty, but I didn't want to drink anymore, I knew my eyes would be the same golden butterscotch as Edward's.

Edward looked at me and his lips twitched like he was trying to hold back a laugh before he turned to the side, his shoulders shaking slightly. I looked down at my shirt and groaned. It was now more red than white, at least it wasn't torn, this time. Muttering under my breath, I yanked the shirt off.

"Better?" I asked.

He looked back at me and eyed me for a second, the look positively salacious, before he replied far too casually. "At least your not quite as macabre now."

...

We ended up resting in a couple of trees, me in one, him in another facing me. It was then that he brought up my attitude towards this diet again. "You know, there really isn't any point in starving yourself the way you do. It's not like it does anything, other than make you volatile, that is. It's not exactly like we can starve to death."

"I know." I'd been told about Carlisle's beginning. He had gone for over six months without blood, before, wild with thirst, he'd taken down a herd of deer.

"In fact, it's almost impossible for one of us to commit suicide," Edward murmured softly.

I looked up sharply. "Where the hell did that comment come from?"

"I had to think about it once."

"What do you mean you had to think about it?" My voice was scathing. I couldn't believe he'd ever been that depressed. I started to wonder if I needed to talk to Carlisle about prescribing Edward anti-depressants. Did such a thing even exist for a vampire?

"Back when James was hunting you... When I arrived in the airport in Phoenix, and found that you'd vanished. Obviously, I was trying to get to you while you were still alive, but there was a part of me that was preparing for a world where you ceased to exist." He flashed me a small smile, as if what he was saying was remotely sane. "Clearly, there was no point in me continuing my life without you."

"Why would you do that? I was human, and nearest I can tell, you never had any intention of ever making me immortal." A fact that still bugged me, even though I now was one.

"I already told you once, I always intended to join you after you died."

"That is screwed up on every level."

"And what would you do, if the table was reversed? If something had happened to me when you'd been human or even now."

I waved that off. Though I knew in my mind how I would answer if he insisted on that line of thought. It was different for me, no one would have really missed me, at least not for long. I wasn't anyone that was important. I deflected instead. "So what, you decided to pull a Juliet?"

"Hardly, Juliet and Romeo both have it so much easier than our kind does when it comes to dying. A vile of poison, a knife to the heart... even traditional forms of suicide for humans like a bullet to the head, a bottle of pills, or a hangman's noose. Our kind wouldn't be touched by any of it." He looked speculative for half a second. "Well maybe a RPG, but that would be difficult to test. Anyways, there are very limited ways to commit suicide."

I stared at him, stunned into complete stillness. I couldn't believe his words, how casually he was talking about this, as if it was a normal thing to think of.

He continued after a moment. "I knew, if you had died, that my siblings wouldn't help me to die. Even if they were willing... Carlisle would stop it, as would Esme. So I thought about going to the Volturi." He looked up at me. "You remember the painting of Aro, Cauis, and Marcus. As I told you, they're the rulers of our world and I could have went to them to ask to die. Even if they didn't want to grant me my wish... I'm sure I could have convinced them. A car thrown through a department store window would work nicely."

I finally shook myself out of my stupor. "Enough of those kinds of thoughts." I snapped at him in irritation. "I'm immortal now, so none of that matters. I can't die, at least not easily."

He smiled genuinely then. "That's true."

...

It had turned to dusk by the time we headed back towards the house slowly, walking arm in arm. "I suppose I should warn you." Edward started.

"Please do."

"Alice has decorated the house while we were gone. That's part of why I insisted we go out and hunt today, of course. She wants to celebrate your birthday. We all do actually."

I groaned loudly. "Why? I'm no longer aging just like the rest of you."

"It's your first birthday with us, and besides, your the closest to human of all of us." He was quiet for a few seconds before he continued. "And when I say all, I do mean all."

I blinked several times. "But Emmett and Rosalie are in Africa on a hone...vacation." I couldn't even force the word honeymoon out of my mouth, because even though part of me wanted that with him, the requirement to get us to that point – I thought about running away again.

"They should have arrived home a couple hours ago." Edward laughed. "Emmett wanted to be here."

"But Rosalie?" I hissed her name.

"Rosalie will be on her best behavior."

I shuddered. We hadn't gotten along since I'd been changed, and by hadn't gotten along, I meant we'd had to be forcibly separated several times.

Up ahead, I saw our house, someone had wrapped the house and garage with blue christmas lights in the time we'd been gone. "Over the top much," I grumbled under my breath.

"Be nice," Edward said before racing ahead and jumping over the creek.

I briefly glanced back into the forest, tempted to race off instead, but sighed and ran forward, jumping over the creek as well so that I could join Edward. He took my hand again so that we walked up to the house together.

We went into the house through the huge sliding glass doors in the side, heading directly into the living room where our family was waiting.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY," Alice yelled. Most of the others said it as well at a far more reasonable octave. Alice rolled her eyes. "My family is the saddest lot of partiers. Ever." She raced over to a table where a handful of wrapped boxes were sat out, and quickly brought back a box that looked to be about ten inches by ten by about three high. She handed it to me.

It was, extremely, light. "It's clothes, isn't it?" I grumbled.

Alice's eyes glinted with a hint of steel. "Just open it, you'll love it, I promise."

"Fine." I carefully slid my finger under the paper and started to unwrap it. As soon as I finished unwrapping, I knew I was right, it was a plain white box designed to fit garments inside. I opened the lid and the first thing I saw was an envelope. I arched an eyebrow suspiciously. I picked up the envelope and underneath was a fold t-shirt with a Linkin Park logo on it. Underneath was a pair of faded jeans. "These the jeans you were looking for this morning?"

Alice laughed. "Inside the envelope are tickets for a concert to go see Linkin Park in early spring next year. Just one for you, and one for Edward." I blinked once. "Your welcome."

"The rest of the gifts on the table can wait. I want him to see the good one." Emmett said, his voice excited.

"Okay, okay," Alice said, her voice excited. It wasn't a half a second later that she'd pounced on my back. Her hands covering my eyes.

"Hey!" I said in consternation, tempted to try and throw Alice off.

"I could have done that without any troubles," Edward said.

"You might have let him cheat. Now take his hand and guide him.. err.. us out."

Edward pulled me out of the house and across the grass in the general direction of the outbuildings and the garage. I knew everyone else was following behind by the sounds of their footsteps but couldn't understand why we were heading to the garage though it should have been obvious.

Finally we stopped a few feet into the garage and Alice jumped down. "You can look now."

I opened my eyes which I had closed instinctively when she'd covered them. In front of me was a fire engine red Chevy Camaro with a giant blue bow tied around it. My teeth snapped together fiercely.

I heard Alice make a noise of shocked worry a tenth of a second before I spun around and snarled loudly. "Why on EARTH would you get me this... this thing." I flung my arm out at it. "No, thing isn't the right word for it. Because thing was my truck. You know, the one that you guys destroyed. I don't want this. I've NEVER wanted this. I'm not a car person. I don't like muscle cars. I've never had a need for one, and I certainly don't need one now."

I took a quick breath as I was out of air, but I wasn't done, not by a long shot. "Don't you think that my life, or undeath or whatever you want to call it is hard enough without this. I don't need the constant reminder that I will never truly have a place in this family. I'm not truly all that handsome or beautiful. I'm not wealthy or super smart, I don't even have any grand story to tell for as to why I'm now a vampire, unlike all of you. Hell. I'm not even normal for a vampire. I'm reminded constantly by all of you how I don't behave naturally. I'm just done." I threw my hands up in the air in frustration before racing around everyone and out of the garage faster than I'd ever moved before.

Behind me I heard the sound of flesh grabbing flesh. "Let him go, he'll come back on his own," Alice said.

"But..." Edward started to say.

It was the last thing I heard before I was out of ear shot.