CHAPTER 48 - DEATH

Alina POV:

Its been a week, one week, seven days, one hundred and sixty eight hours and I feel numb, coming home, back to America, without him alive. Death is a funny thing, some people cry, some don't, some kick and scream and some just go on with life as if nothing happened. Planning everything as if on autopilot, not speaking, doing everything because its how you are supposed to be, church, flowers, casket, hole in the ground or cremation, and the people, all the people.

Oh the people that pretend to care, as if they really know the person, as if they really cared when the person were alive. Receiving sympathy cards, flowers, even food, and all I can do is stand and stare and be polite, I can't even force a smile or a thank you. A simple nod of the head is all I can manage, how are you supposed to act when someone you love does? Someone that played such a big part in your life, loved you no matter what, supported you no matter what, now they are just gone and nothing can bring them back.

You miss small things, a smile, a hug, their smell that feels like home, the persons warmth. All the things you wanted to say but will never get a chance too, all the things that you wanted to do, but now you will never get the chance. Your whole life has changed and there's no way it will ever be the same again, your partner, your sidekick, the one person that helped you and never judged you, the one person that was your safety net for such a long time, is now gone.

"Alina, the funeral starts at ten, you need to get out of bed and get ready, and for the love of God eat something," Mari says, I have been holed up in my and Romeo's bedroom the past week when I'm not doing the duties I'm supposed to do.

I get up on autopilot, and walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower, I have not cried since that night, the numbness consuming me. The warm water cascading misting up the glass doors, maybe if they mist up enough I can shut the world out a bit longer, just a bit longer. No such luck, "Alina, it's already eight, please get your ass ready and out that shower, you have been in there forty five minutes!" Jake stalks in screaming at me. They are only trying to help, I should listen, but I just can't find the strength. The one person I need is not here. I turn off the water and step out, Jake hands me a towel and I just automatically dry off and start to get ready, Jake dries my hair for me, and puts it into an elegant bun, while trying to say some sweet words to assure me everything will be ok, but I just feel like I can barely breathe.

Once Jake has finished, Marie tries to add some color to my face by doing my make up, however simple it is, I appreciate the gesture nonetheless. Jake has laid out a long sleeve, knee length black Gucci lace dress with matching stiletto heels, and my long black coat. I slip on some underwear and my clothing, just putting some diamond studs in, making sure I have my clutch and black sunglasses ready too. One thing I can't forget is my engagement ring, the one thing that makes this all bearable, like Romeo is here with me, supporting me and helping me through this.

I head down stairs and Romeo's family, and my family are all here, hovering and making sure everything is on schedule. Luc hands me a cream cheese bagel, the only thing I seem to get in lately and some chamomile tea. I have not told anyone that I'm pregnant not even Jake or Mari, I took a test when I got back and it was definitely positive, I saw a doctor and I'm just over nine weeks, a bit further than I thought I was. I just can't bring myself to tell anyone yet.

After breakfast which consisted of everyone speaking but me, we make our way to the cars, which are limousines for the occasion. Dimitri, Leo, Luc, Jake, Marie and myself take one car, while the rest of the family take the other. Its a long drive to me, but in reality it's only been about twenty minutes. I sigh getting out, the only reason the funeral is in New York is because he wanted to be cremated, strange for our world but I guess its your choice.

As his family we honor his wishes. I get out of the limo at the church and I'm amazed at just how much people are in attendance, he was loved. What was supposed to be a small affair turned into outpour of support and love and for the first time I feel a tear slip. He would have loved this.

The service was long and I couldn't bring myself to do the eulogy so we had some of his closest and nearest and dearest do some speeches. Mari and Jake held my hand through it all, without them I don't know what I would do. Dimitri has been supportive in his own way and well he's not the most expressive person on earth, so I appreciate it. It was a touching service and I shed a few tears but I basically still feel almost numb like how could this happen, he was my person, there for me through anything and everything.

The family and close friends and relatives all make our way back to Romeo and my house for a small tea, those who knew him well. I make my way outside, I need a moment alone. "I can't believe he's really gone," I hear a voice behind me, I turn to see Luciano. I nod my head and let out a breath. "This must be hell for you Lina,"

I finally for the first time today speak. "It is, I know people don't live forever in this world, he knew it too. I just never thought him of all people, he was such a good person, too good for this world."

"I know, I will miss our conversations dearly, but he's in a good place, a peaceful place now," Luc says and he gives me a hug. A warm genuine hug.

The day is filled with condolences and sympathy, it's almost too much to handle. I'm just trying to keep it together. My mother is just as quiet, she loved him, they grew so close. Who knew the woman actually has a heart, it makes her human. I walk back inside and look around and see the impact he made on so many people, so many lives he touched and I didn't even know just how many people genuinely loved him, this beautiful, charismatic man. Everyone is having coffee, liquor and finger foods and sharing wonderful memories and I can't seem to bring myself to share anything, I don't know if the memories I have I want to keep for myself and be selfish, or if I just feel guilt or I genuinely can't bring myself to mention his name or anything connected to him because it's too hard.

He will never see the baby, never know the little person I'm carrying inside. Never get to play or spoil my little angel, but with every birth there is a death, a morbid reminder that we all will die some day. The day has drawn to a close and everyone has left, down to the last aunt and uncle. My mother has gone to rest and Dimitri too. The boys, Luc, Jake, Dario and Leo are busying themselves.

"Mari, I need to get some rest, but I need to be alone. I will see you in the morning," I say utterly exhausted, and she nods.

I make my way to the door at the end of the hall and I take a deep breath, I knock and wait for the answer. "Come in."

I open the door slowly and immediately I feel at ease. "Just the person I need," I say and my tears start to roll, as I see him in his black silk pyjamas under a white fluffy duvet. If it weren't for some pretty crazy bullets that pierce through anything, Romeo would not have been injured.

"Come here bella," Romeo holds his arms open and I rush to the bed and let him hold me, the only arms I want to be in today, that I missed with everything in me. "How was Giovanni's funeral? I'm sorry I couldn't be with you today, my injuries are still healing," Romeo says kissing my head as I break down.

Sniffing I manage to croak out an answer, "it was beautiful, so many people knew my brother and loved him," I clear my throat and look up into his beautiful eyes, "I can't help but think, this could have been you." Gio was shot when Luc ran into the house, some guy got past the men, he died instantly.

"It's not bella, I'm right here, nothing could take me away from you. I'm just sorry we couldn't save your brother. I know how much he meant to you, he helped you through everything, long before I was there, he will be missed, he was such an amazing person," Romeo says stroking my hair.

"Have the staff taken good care of you? I feel terrible that I had to leave you for a day," I say sadly.

"Yes, they have, you picked well, up to the nurses," Romeo says stroking my hand, and I nod, then look down.

I sit up a bit straighter and look into his eyes, filled with love for me. "Romeo, before anything happens again, I need to tell you something," I say nervously.

"What is it Lina, I'm worried, you haven't been yourself this week, barely eating and when you do, you get sick, is it the grief?" Romeo says frowning.

I take Romeo's hands and let out a long sigh, it's now or never. "Romeo I'm pregnant, nine weeks," I say ripping the band-aid off.

Romeo is in complete shock, I think I broke him. I give him a few minutes and sit quietly, I don't even know if he wants kids, especially now with the timing being so bad, with Gio's funeral and him being shot and barely making it. Well there is no time like the present, any minute now would be good for a reaction from him.

"We are having a baby?" Romeo whispers.

"Si," I say nodding, giving him a sad smile. Gio would have been an amazing uncle.

"This is one of the best days of my life!" Romeo says excitedly, smiling broadly.

"I'm so happy and relieved. I wasn't sure how you would take it," I say shedding more tears. Romeo leans forward as best he can and gives me a kiss and wipes my tears.

"How could I not be happy? This is part of you and me. When did you find out?" Romeo asks as he pulls away from me.

"When Marcello kidnapped me, I started feeling off, and the moment we got back, I had myself checked, I wasn't completely sure but it was a strong possibility," I say shrugging.

"So a week?" Romeo asks.

"Yes, it's just you recovering and Gio's death and funeral, the families being here, and staying with us, I didn't think it was a good time and I couldn't wait anymore," I say not looking at him.

"I understand bella, it's ok, I was out of it, and probably would have thought I was dreaming anyway," Romeo says with a smile and lifts my chin with his index finger. "This is absolutely amazing and I think our family could use some good news, we can tell them once we get the okay from the doctor," Romeo says still with a bright smile.

"Ok, they say three months, but I won't be able to hide it that long, not in this family and life," I say with a sigh.

"Well we will announce when I'm up on my feet a bit more," Romeo gestures to his injuries.

I nod, "Maybe you could move back into the bedroom now?" I suggest seeing he's no longer on a IV line.

"Si, I would like that, we are having a baby," Romeo says in disbelief and gives a hearty laugh wincing a bit, but I can't help but smile for the first time today.

I feel at peace.