1 The Start Of The Worst
I live next door to Nathan Feuerstein, I have my whole life, we live in Gladwin, Michigan, being 12 isn’t easy when you’re being abused, my mom recently started doing drugs and popping pills, high all the time, my dads a drunk, violent asshole, who’s been beating me since I was 10. I hid those bruises from Nate, what I was unaware of was, that he had seen the faded bruises these last two years, I was starting this day like every other, I wake up to my father screaming at me to wake up, I was lazy, he was drunk as fuck as usual. I sighed getting up, he steps towards me and just punches me in the face, leaving a nasty bruise on the right side of my face near my eye, next he punched my stomach, making me cough and stumble back a bit.
I looked at him as he stumbled towards me throwing another punch to my face this time to left eye, then he grabbed me by the throat, squeezing tightly, causing me to gag and try to fight for air, I kick him, he drops me I choke and get up, running out of the room, down the stairs and outside barefoot, Nathan was outside walking down his stairs, I was running towards him, he looked at me concerned,
“Brook?” He says running towards me.
He wraps me up in a hug, I am crying hard, he pulls back, looking at every bruise my dad made, I was scared, I was in my PJs, he took my hand, bringing me into my house, my dad had went to his room and went to bed, I quickly get dressed, put sneakers on, grab a hoodie, then leave with Nathan, I didn’t notice until now that he has bruises too, bad ones like mine, he never told me his mom’s boyfriend beat him. We get far enough away, that I stop walking, turn him to face me,
“So your mom’s boyfriend beats you like my dad beats me?” I ask Nate.
He looks at me, nodding, he looked like he was filled with all kinds of emotions, he reaches out, carefully running his fingers over the bruises, growing tense, I saw him change, he looked angry, I made him look at me,
“Hey, stop, I’m okay, I’ve got this Nate, I will let you know when I need your help.”
He looks at me, feeling defeated, he sighs and nods, “You’re right Brooklyn, I’m sorry, I just, I’ve watched the bruises for two years now, it’s eating me alive.”
That’s all he said, he didn’t go further, there wasn’t a lot of trust between us, we were best friends but without the trust, his trust along with mine, were stolen by the beatings. He just held in his anger about my dad beating me, he wished he could help, change my life, I wish I could do the same for him. Life wasn’t easy, but I think I could pull through with Nate by my side, he treated me good, but we needed to learn how to trust each other. I don’t know when we would, but I’d try like hell too, I hope he will too. It’s eating me alive, to be abused, I just want to die.
He keeps running his fingers over each bruise gently, I flinch slightly, he sighs as his eyes show so much hate, I can’t tell it kills him, he wants to help, but how can he? It would probably make it worse. I look at him, my heart shattered by the abuse, I look at the world differently. I know Nate does too, he feels my pain, he understands it, no one else does,
“Brook?” He asks.
I look at him, “Yeah Nate?”
“You’re the only one who can understand my pain, you’re my best friend, I know we don’t trust each other, but one day I hope we can.” He says, stepping closer to me.
I take a deep breath in and out, “I feel the same, Nate.” I watch his moves carefully.
He slowly takes his hand away from my face, gently touching the bruises on my throat, “This isn’t okay.”
I keep watching him carefully, “Neither is this,” I say as I slowly touch his bruises on his face, “We’re so untrusting, this hurts.”
He sighs, “I know Brook, it hurts me too, the mistrust.”
It’s eating my alive, some tears begin to fall, being young and abused isn’t the life I saw for myself, Nate sees my tears, he gently wipes them, the carefully pulls me into a hug, feeling me flinch at his touches, it made him tense, he didn’t like to see me like this. He gently rubs my back, before we hear his mom’s boyfriend calling his name,
“NATHAN!” He calls out.
He pulls away from me, looking into my eyes, “I have to go, you know where I’ll be.”
I nod, “Okay.”
He walks off, leaving me standing there, I sigh, then head to my house, I go in, my mom’s all fucked up already, passed out on the couch, I go upstairs, hearing my dad’s drunk snores, I don’t bother to eat, everything affecting me, I start to feel dizzy, I walk into my room, falling to the floor, hitting my head on the nightstand. When I awake, I hear beeping, I’m groggy, I slowly look around, I’m at the hospital, I feel a hand on mine, I jump scared,
“Brook, it’s just me, calm down,” Nate’s face comes into my view.
I start to cry, “What happened?”
“You passed out and hit your head Hun,” he says looking at me.
I cry more, not saying anything else, he sits back down still holding my hand, I just cry for a few minutes. Nate’s face, showing pain and anger, his thoughts twisted, I could also see the worry on his face. At some point I fall asleep, when I wake up, Nate’s asleep, still holding my hand. I try to smile a bit, he never left my side, he’s the best friend a girl could have. A nurse walks in, seeing me awake,
“How are you feeling Brooklyn?” She asks me.
“Sore, tired,” I reply.
“That’s normal, looks like you took quite a beating, I have the cops outside, they’d like to talk to y-” she says, I cut her off, yelling,
“NO! I WILL NOT TALK TO THEM, THEY NEED TO LEAVE!”
She looks frightened, Nate wakes up,looking around, he looks at me,
“Brook calm down,” he says looking at the nurse.
“She’s trying to get the cops involved, I don’t want to talk to them!” I say looking at Nate.
Nate looks at the nurse, “No cops, they need to leave, they will make this worse on her.”
The nurse nods, leaving us alone, I cry hard, shaking, I bury my face into the pillows, crying so much. He rubs my back gently, I jump a bit, he doesn’t move his hand, gently rubbing my back still. He keeps running until I cry myself to sleep, he gently moves me, covering me up, then sits next to me. He falls back to sleep, holding my hand gently. We wake up the next morning, my dad signing discharge papers, I get up, get dressed, Nate stays close to me, we leave the hospital, get into my dad’s truck, he drives us home, when we arrive, we get out, Nate sighs,
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says.
I nod, “Okay Nate.”
I walk inside with my dad, I go up to my room, I pull out my journal, I begin to write like crazy, the time going by, I hear my dad call me for dinner, I go downstairs, I barely eat, my dad yells at me,
“BROOKLYN YOU BETTER FUCKING EAT WHAT’S ON YOUR PLATE NOW!”
“I’m not really hungry,” I say looking down at my plate.
“I Don’t care! Eat now!” He screams.
I jump, shaking, forcing myself to eat, when I finish, my stomach turns, I put my plate in the dishwasher, running up to the bathroom, I get sick, throwing it all up, sick from the pain and my dad’s abuse. I pull myself off the floor, go grab PJs, and take a shower. After I shower I go to my room, my room faced Nate’s, I look out my window, sighing, some tears falling, my stomach turning, then I hear my dad’s footsteps, he opens my door, I turn around,
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” He screams.
“Nothing!” I reply.
He comes over to me, pulling me away from my window just as Nate looks out, into my room, he sees it all go down, my dad hits me, then drags me out of my room, into the hallway, he grabs me by the hair, yanking me towards the stairs,
“NO!” I scream.
He shoves me down the stairs, I go down hard, crying, hitting the bottom of the stairs hard, rolling over onto my back, my mom’s doped out face looking at me, unconcerned. I get up, my dad stumbling down the stairs, I turn around, reaching the front door, I open it, running outside, down the steps, my house key in my pocket, I push myself through the pain, I just run, running past Nate’s house, I can hear his voice calling after me,
“Brook where are you going?!” Nate calls out to me.
I turn to see his face, full of fear, I don’t pay attention as I run into the street, a car hitting me. I can hear Nate’s screams, as I try to get up, the guy driving the car getting out, I can hear footsteps running towards me as I collapse onto the ground, Nate’s voice keeps me holding on,
“Brook, an ambulance is on its way, please hold on, don’t die on me,” he looks down at me.
I look up at him, fading in and out, I felt his hand on my arm, he was shaking, scared, I saw blackness as I heard the sirens, and Nate’s screaming at me to stay awake. His voice broke my heart, I was so broken inside, the impact from the car made me lose consciousness, the next thing I know, I’m waking up in the hospital, to machines beeping, I look around, seeing Nate’s worried face, tears falling, scared look in his eyes.
“Brook?” His voice is shaking and hes crying.
“Nate...” I say weakly, still groggy from the surgery.
“Shhh, don’t talk Hun, rest, I’m just glad you’re alive, you died on us.” He says, crying more, gently squeezing my hand he was holding.
Tears start to fall, the machines beeping like crazy, a nurse running in, seeing me awake, she walks over to me and does a full workup.
“Looks like no long term damage was done, you’re very lucky to be with us still Brooklyn, you are a fighter, you’re strong, you’ll be here for a week, your arm was fractured, we’d like to keep an eye on you, if it wasn’t for Nate reviving you, you’d have probably have had worst damage.” The nurse says.
I look at her silently, not speaking, I gently squeeze Nate’s hand, my right arm was in the cast, he was to my left, still looking worried, even though I was awake, I had died. She doesn’t push me to talk,
“I understand this is a lot to take in Brooklyn, so don’t stress yourself, you have a good friend by your side.” She says.
I just nod, looking at Nate, not speaking, he gently touches my face, wiping my tears, I wipe his in return. I keep looking at Nate, my mind racing, I didn’t know how to feel, I felt so numb inside, my parents didn’t care about me, I was an abused child who didn’t trust a soul. At some point I fell back to sleep, my whole stay at the hospital, Nate would come and go, he was my only true friend, I could count on him. The day for me to go home came, my mom showed up, signed my papers, looked at me,
“Let’s go kids,” she says, she wasn’t high yet surprisingly.
Nate helps me up, I still had to wear the cast for another week, I was afraid to go home, I was afraid of what my dad was going to do to me. Nate holds onto me as we walk out to my mom’s car, we get in the back, I don’t speak the whole ride home, as we arrive, my mom parks, we all get out, she heads inside. Nate and I stay outside,
“Are you going to be okay?” He asks.
I just nod, “yeah.”
He looks at me, “Okay Brook, I’m right next door if you need me.”
I nod, “Okay.”
He hugs me, then heads to his house, watching me as he walks away, I could see the concern in his eyes, the fear, I could see it all. I sighed, then headed into my broken abusive home, I dealt with the same stuff, I ended up back in the ER that night, my dad had broken my cast off, screwing up the healing process. The days and nights passed, the pain was bad, Nate was getting more and more angry, he was hiding it less and less.
