Calm

Casper listens to the sounds of cheers on the upper deck as the first signs of land become visible on the horizon. He finds himself joining them as well, though only after Annabelle shoves him with her shoulder, jostling his find free of that strange place it's been in recently. 

Though he smiles as he is shoved around the deck, he can't quite bring himself to be nearly as excited as the others. 

Something dark gnaws at Casper's insides, pulling down on his heart and threatening to sink it deep into the pit of his stomach with every passing moment. 

His mind was racing between the girls, his eyes lingering on Elisayra's lips, Engee's words, Annabelle and Elisayra's interlaced fingers, Alex's pensive observations and Laihal's ever seductive glances. But he was also focused on what that land meant to him. 

Having spent such a long time planning this moment, waiting to be exactly here, he realized he hadn't ever considered what it would be like when it was all over. 

Hell, he didn't even think about the specifics of how he would kill the duke, only that it needed doing. 

Those thoughts scared him, the realization that he was so impossibly close to the one thing he set out to do, and that once he had finished it, he had nowhere else to go...

The feeling of total absence however paled in comparison to the pressing worry, about what would happen to all of these people around him.

Would they keep adventuring?

Why would they? Surely they had their own goals and desires beyond hanging around him all the time. 

Would Nephinae continue to pursue him in the absence of a goal keeping them together, in the absence of his need for her?

Engee would remain, if only to ensure that when the time came for them to raise a child together they could but the reality of that specific situation still felt too artificial to him, so incredibly unromantic and confusing. 

With each passing moment, watching the horizon get closer, Casper finds his heart sinking just a little more. 

If anything he should be happy, shouldn't he? To finally be able to get revenge for his village? His friends and family? If that was the case then why was he so damn worried about it all of a sudden?

"You look unwell." Nephinae notes from beside him, her tone is gentle, far gentler than the professional apathy she usually maintains, a tone she adopted with him and only him after her confession in the captain's quarters. 

"I feel unwell." Casper admits, not bothering to try and hide what was very obviously a look of concern plastered all over his face. 

"Can I get you something?" 

"No, I don't think there is any remedy for what I'm feeling." 

"There is a remedy for most feelings, oftentimes people just don't know what they are in the moment." 

"Maybe... though I think it might be more difficult to explain than to deal with." 

Nephinae offers a sad smile, the kind of smile that lets Casper know that she will be there if he changes his mind. 

He didn't think he would, not yet at least. The last thing he wanted to do was burden his companions with his sudden bout of existential dread regarding his place in the world after he kills a man... 

Instead, Casper separates himself from the others and takes to climbing the masts up to the currently unoccupied crows nest. 

Alone atop the highest point in the boat, he watches the horizon approach further, letting the wind buffet his face, the smell of the ocean air fill his nose and glittering glow of rolling waves burn his vision. 

Casper never really considered himself contemplative, nor the type to endlessly ruminate on his issues. He had always thought himself more of the kind of man to act first and think later, despite his efforts to do the opposite. 

Then again, his own opinion on his habits of self indulgent time alone with his thoughts was a clear indicator of how untrustworthy his sense of self was. Casper was capable of many things, but judging himself fairly seemed to be absent among the list. 

There was just something about this damn feeling that had him especially twisted up recently, a feeling that despite his best efforts and attempt at reasoning away had failed to leave him, and he just didn't know how to deal with that. 

So, in the absence of an answer within himself, Casper sat, and meditated. He meditated well into the evening, until the horizon was filled with the gleaming city under the duke's holdings, until other ships came into the view and the sounds of the open ocean were replaced with lingering echoes of the city beyond the dock walls. 

"You going to stay up there while we all unload?" Annabelle teases up at Casper as they pull closer towards the dock. 

Looking down at her, he sees she is already in the process of helping bring up their travel packs and other assorted items. 

"Sorry." Casper chuckles, making his way down to join her. 

"What's got you all broody?" Annabelle asks, walking with Casper down the halls, past the others who are also working to bring their personal belonging up on deck. 

"Oh, a number of things I'm afraid, maybe with a few drinks in me at a nice tavern I can tell you about them all." Casper offers though he is mostly joking. 

"Doubt it, the second I get into a real bed, I'm falling asleep and not waking till the next day." 

"You know, that's an even better idea, Captain's quarters or not. I've woken up too many times, nearly throwing up my organs because the damn magic for sea sickness has worn off. Even with it, the constant swaying on rocking makes it take years to fall asleep." 

"Really? That's it? See I've been having to share a crew quarters with Laihal, who continues to insist on remaining in the room as she masturbates." 

"That's a bad thing?" Casper teases. 

"It is when you are trying to sleep!" Annabelle nudges him, and then tosses Casper a large crate brought to the doorway by Thodhan. 

"Fair - enough" Casper grunts, activating the mark a bit in order to not be totally toppled over by the weight. 

He had noticed it before, but Annabelle had managed to get even stronger just in the short few weeks at sea. The constant training had done her well. 

Annabelle grabs the large chest containing all of their gathered coinage under one arm, and hauls Laihal's favorite stash of items from the devil captains quarters under her other arm. 

"You taken any of those for a spin yet?" Casper winks down at the toy chest. 

Annabelle flushes slightly, her cheeks growing a rather cute shade of red. 

"Absolutely not." She dismisses quickly. 

"Oh come on, you don't have to lie to me, I saw you ogling one of them." 

"I said I haven't, thank you!" Annabelle continues to protest, her voice raising slightly. 

"Not even a little curious?" 

"Well of course I am curious," Annabelle pouts. "Though I am not fond of the idea of the first thing ever to go inside of me being something fake." 

Casper blinks a few times. "Oh... oh" 

"Oh spare me, is it really so shocking to learn I am a virgin?" 

"Honestly? Yes, given how much time was spent in the company of men as the sole woman. Given what I've heard of this kingdom i didn't think they would have given you a choice honestly." Casper admits with a wince, realizing perhaps a little too late that it would be remarkably insensitive. 

Luckily, Annabelle didn't seem to mind, in fact, it somehow bolstered her with more pride. 

"Someone tried, once. He bit his cock off and spat the blood in his mouth. Not many tried again after that." She sneers the words, a faint twinkle of a memory behind her eyes. 

"Duly noted." Casper shivers, the mere thought of such a fate making him want to close his legs up tight. 

Several of the others were at the top deck now, while the crew worked to tie off the boat to the dock and lower the planks in order to create ramps that would allow them to navigate off. 

Rathiel and the captain speak to some administrator not far off, likely making sure all of the paperwork is in proper order while Thodhan finishes bringing the last few items up top. 

"So, have you thought about how you are going to do it?" Annabelle asks, seemingly eager to change the subject. 

"No... just that it needs doing." Casper admits. 

"I have a few suggestions if you are open to them?" 

Casper laughs, "Maybe, though I think you are right in saying that we need some sleep first. 

"Casper." Thodhan calls his name while making an approach. 

"Yes?" 

"What shall we do with those in the brig?" 

That was an excellent question. He had spoken to them once after he had returned, to hear their side of the story. While he did understand it, he couldn't possibly let them out after having hurt his friends, both on principle, and for their own safety. 

"I have an idea. I will speak to them now." Casper huffs, and makes his way down. 

Casper joins the gathered lot in the bottom of the ship, lit only by a stray lantern that sways in time with the rocking of the boat, illuminating their defeated faces. 

"We've docked, i presume?" Peter asks callously, head tilted downward though with his eyes cast up to match Casper's gaze. 

"We have... now to figure out what exactly to do with you." 

"I take it you'll kill us, no need for all this mulling about." Micha scoffs. 

Casper rubs his face with one hand, resting his elbow on the other, and groans audibly. 

This reaction has Pounce looking up along with Celeste, who up until now had remained totally silent, perhaps in hopes that they would be forgotten and thus spared. 

"Frankly, I don't know how many times I need to prove I don't abide by the systems of this kingdom before people stop assuming the worst of me." 

"But..." Celeste begins. 

"But nothing, I don't want to hear it." Casper brings his hands up. "You are all free to go and do whatever you wish, Celeste I only ask you open your portal to allow the dryad or nymph or whatever she is, through from Highspire. 

Micha raises an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. 

Peter sits a bit more upright, some semblance of hope resting on his otherwise unreadable expression. "Casper, what we did to your companions, you have every right..." 

"Oh for fuck's sake, will you just take me at my word? If I have to hear another monologue about my rights and power over the lives of others I am going to pop a vessel. Peter if you and yours wish to continue to aid us, you are welcome to. Granted my companions might not be so willing to welcome you all back as easily as I have, and that will have to be a discussion with them. But you are otherwise free to do as you please." 

Casper unlocks the barred gates to the cell, and swings it open for them. Without bothering to wait for a response, Casper ascends the stairs back to the deck in time to see everyone always loading off their supplies. 

"We find somewhere to stay?" He asks down to the others. 

"Rathiel knows of a place that can accommodate us all, yea!" Annabelle returns the shout. 

"Wonderful, I will be down in a moment." Casper turns around, and watches as the ex-slaves emerge, somehow still wary of some ambush or attack the moment they hit the open air. 

Casper rolls his eyes and gestures broadly around him. 

"Seriously?" 

"Can you truly blame us, Casper?" Peter asks sincerely. 

He supposed he couldn't, and works to suppress his annoyance with the understanding that they have all had horrible lives fraught with deception and manipulation. 

"We would like to remain with you all, if that is still acceptable?" Peter asks. 

"Of course. Rathiel found us a place, follow me." 

Casper disembarks from the ship, and relishes for a brief moment in the stability of solid ground beneath his feet. He was still perhaps a little too close to the ocean for comfort, but he would take what he was given. 

Joining the others at the port's gate of entry, he quells the rising concern in his companions eyes with a single look, telling them all know that they will work it out with Peter's crew. 

The line to enter is quick, taking no more than a few minutes to double check documentation, and using Rathiel's hero privileges to bypass many formalities. 

This was the city of Caross, the heart of the kingdom's armies. Its expansive, well maintained roads and robust port made it the perfect place to stage any number of troops to then send them out wherever they were needed. It was also the city closest to the major fronts the kingdom was fighting against. 

Its name meant nothing to Casper, unlike the city of Highspire which features a pretty high spire. Instead he found its title. "The heart of the kingdom" to be far more telling. Whereas Insmouth, Crimson Harbor, and Highspire were built to conform to the land around them, Caross looked as though it had moved mountains and filled oceans to justify its existence on the earth. 

Blocks of pressed together buildings occupy neat and orderly lines, all lining the nearly perfectly straight roads that all work to radiate out from the center. For a place meant to be defensible, they sure didn't seem to mind having a single straight line from any and every wall directly to the city center or the Dukes castle nestled near the eastern walls. 

Ignoring the bickering and whispered words his own party was exchanging with Peters, he tries to refocus his attention on the city. As much as he wanted to get them all to go back to working together, in just the few passing jabs and accusations they threw around he figured it was better to not waste his time jumping in the middle of the quarrel.

He instead returns to his scrutiny of the city the man he hated presided over. It looked as though it was built to be the opposite of Highspire. The largest of the buildings are built into the walls that encircle the entire city, and taper down to smaller single story structures at the city center.

Casper was by no means an expert on the construction of, or the defense of cities, but this entire place felt pretty poorly constructed. If a wall were to fall it would create a cascade, almost like a landslide effect. The walls, the items most likely to be targeted in an assault, housed the highest number of people who insisted on being attached to them. 

Any scathing thoughts he had towards the construction of the city quickly faded though, as his eyes linger on the brutal fortress that sat firmly along a riverbank on the far east side of the sprawling city. Its blocky, minimal form rises far above the walls, overlooking the city with a presence unlike anything Casper had ever felt before. Oppressive and seemingly omnipresent, casting its dark shadow across the city no matter where one looked. 

Cold gray stone, and perhaps a mile are the only thing separating Casper and the object of his vengeance, a vengeance reigniting now that he and his quarry are so close. 

His blood boils, the thoughts of what happens after melt away in the heat the mark generates around him as his head tracks the obelisk in the distance. He can feel the muscles in his legs begin to tense, to strike, his senses heighten, wondering where exactly the man responsible for the death of his home resides. 

Was he eating dinner? In his room? Fucking some concubine? Ordering troops in a war room? Did it matter? He was so incredibly close he could taste it. 

A hand rests upon his own, and the bloodlust rising within his very marrow quells. The soft whisper of the words "calms..." in his ear suffocate the flames, dousing them in milk and honey. 

Shaking himself free of the moment, his eyes flick over to view Engee, her expression soft yet full of concern. Her thumb rubbing against the back of Casper's hand. 

"Sorry..." 

"Soon Casper, soon. Just hang on a little longer." She offers, her eyes not leaving his. 

Lost in the strange depth of her eyes, he didn't realize they had reached their destination until he bumped directly into Laihal, who makes an effort to press her ass into Casper's pelvis on contact. 

"Good news and bad news." Rathiel says from the entrance to the establishment.

"Bad news first." Casper pipes up. 

"Bad news is, there are not enough beds, but the good news is there are still plenty of rooms. It would look as though we will be sharing, or going elsewhere for accommodations." Rathiel sighs. 

"Is anywhere else going to be capable of housing this large of a group?" Casper asks 

"No, likely not." 

"Then we can manage to share." Casper shrugs. " We have been doing so for a while already, and besides. I would prefer we all remain close." 

"Very well, I will let them know." Rathiel smiles and once more disappears into the inn. 

Moments later he reemerges carrying a large key ring, and guiding the group through the very impressive compound to the rooms. 

The inn complex is a series of three joined buildings, forming a squared horseshoe, with the city wall connecting them together and acting as its fourth wall. In the center rests a rather beautiful garden, where a large tree with knotted branches provides shade for the tables under its all encompassing shade. 

Casper wished he could focus on the majesty of the establishment, after all, everyone else was. Nephinae's focus drifts to the gardens, tracing the complex patterns of stone and flowers. Annabelle swoons over the cleanliness, not a speck of dust out of place. Annabelle nearly melts into one of the beds as a door is opened for Celeste and Pounce, not caring about their frustrated glares. 

But Casper can't focus on anything really. His mind continues to pull back to the feeling wrapping its cold hands around his guts, fighting for space in his skull with the hot bloodlust of the mark. 

To kill the Duke, to smash his skull and tear him limb from limb. The loss, the cold and empty realization that he has nothing left to work towards... no one to build with. Engee's touch may calm him but her presence alone is too deeply rooted in something he doesn't understand, doesn't trust enough to simply allow without question. 

room by room their party dwindles, with the promise that they will rest up and meet in the inns gathering hall, the front of the building Rathiel was in, in the morning, and room by room Casper tries his hardest to cast the thoughts of the future away. 

He was getting overwhelmed, getting too far ahead of himself, he needed to calm down, needed to focus on the present. 

Casper takes a deep breath, and focuses on only what is directly in front of him, watching who gets what room, where in the line of private quarters they each occupy, that would have to do for now. Note their positions, their pairings, it was all he could think to manage. 

Celeste and Pounce share a room, Peter and Micha the next, Annabelle and Elisayra after them, and despite no one else noticing, Casper watches as Zesstra sneaks in as well. Laihal and Engee settle down in the room next to Casper, Nephinae and Alex, with Rathiel and Thodhan taking the final one in the line. Dorain had split from the group early on, Casper noticed, having some friends she had wished to catch up with. 

As the door closes behind him, Casper sucks down an unsteady breath, bringing his attention to the next step he takes, the next move of his hand as he drops his pack, the next breath he will take, trying desperately to let the two forces rattling around his brain to send him into a spiral. 

In, out, calm. 

In, out, calm. 

"Is everything alright?" Alex asks, dropping her bag with a faint grunt, and stretching out her back in the center of the room. 

"I will be" Casper nods his head, and opens his eyes, looking across at Nephinae and Alex both. "Are you certain this is alright? I'm sure I could share with Rathiel and Thodhan if the two of you would be more comfortable without me...." Casper offers, looking at the single bed in the rooms center. Flanked on either side by bottles of complimentary wine on hardwood nightstands. 

"Casper, please. I think we have seen enough of each other by now for this to be acceptable." Alex muses, wasting no time as she kicks off her shoes, unbuttons her shirt and removes the bandages from her chest to release the pressure. 

With a faint hitch in his breath, Casper watches as her breasts nearly break through the remaining band to be free, spilling from her shirt. 

"I suppose you're right..." Casper admits, struggling to take his eyes off her. 

The room was nice and cool, a pleasant contrast from the heat of the sun in the city or the reflected rays out on the ocean. Joining his companion, Casper removes his shirt to let the cold air rest against his skin, wondering passively how the hell they managed to keep these rooms at such a nice temperature. 

"Relax Neph! You don't have to be so proper, I'm sure Casper wouldn't mind." Alex offers, gesturing to the still upright and nearly unmoving full elf. 

Nephinae doesn't listen to her, and instead looks to Casper, who sighs softly. 

"Relax, it's alright."

Nephinae obeys then, delicately removing the apron front of her dress, though unlike Alex or Casper she doesn't remove any articles of clothing. 

"I can take the floor if you both would like, the carpet here is rather soft so it isn't troublesome." Casper offers, moving to get up from his spot on the bed when Alex makes her way towards it. 

"Casper, please." Alex grabs a hold of his wrist, and guides him back down to sit on the bed next to her. 

Casper couldn't figure out how Alex was so nonchalant about leaving herself exposed in front of him. While it was true they had seen quite a bit of each other it was a long while ago...

"Somethings bothering you." Alex insists, taking a moment to watch as Nephinae folds their discarded clothes into a neat pile, leaving them on a chair that sits underneath a circular table against the private bathroom tucked against the south wall. 

"An astute observation." Casper teases, trying to defuse the incoming conversation with a prod. 

"Talk to me..."

"I would rather not." 

"May I ask why?" 

"You may, but that doesn't mean I will answer." 

"So well you answer?" 

"No, I don't think I will." Casper winks, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. 

He really didn't want to talk about anything right now. He was so wholly committed to not thinking about the pressure building in his head, that the prospect of having to explain it all nearly took him over the edge. 

"Casper..." Alex dotes, her tone like a reprimanding mother scolding a child. 

"Alex, please. I'd truthfully rather we not.' Casper applies a little more severity to his words, trying to let her know as gently as humanly possible he wasn't feeling up to this right now. 

Luckily, Nephinae takes the hint for her, and quickly cuts in with a new topic. 

"I am the slave, it is right for me to take the ground, and allow you two the bed." she offers sweetly. 

"Neph, you don't have to do that... I trust Casper with every fiber of my being, if you are comfortable sharing with him I promise you nothing will happen. You deserve a real mattress after all I've put you through." Alex insists, turning her attention to the elf. 

"It's a big bed, we can all three sleep on it." Casper notes, assessing its size. It would fit two people with space to spare, clearly quarters designed for couples or nobility. 

"If you do not mind..." Alex reasons with a far too innocent shrug. 

"I would not complain." Nephinae confirms with a nod. 

"Good, you two settle in, I need a minute." Casper doesn't take his time to wait for their responses before exiting the room and bringing himself out into the central garden. 

At this time of day, barely anyone is seen out wandering the grasses or speaking in the walkways between rooms. Taking the moment of quiet, Casper seats himself beneath the tree, and tries his hardest to concentrate. 

It was hard to imagine the last time he had been alone... truly alone. It was a bit of a habit he had formed as a way to clear his mind back in his village. Once he was old enough to hunt on his own, he would take an expedition out into the woods and for the first day, simply exist. 

Far away from the village, or any other source of civilization for that matter, he found company in the rustling leaves and warm rays of sun that pierced the canopy. He found comfort in the birdsong and running water. In the absence of anyone at all he felt at peace... 

How long had it been, since he had that? How many months since he was dragged nearly bleeding into his first settlement. How many hours had passed, without the comfort of silence? 

It wasn't as though he hated his current situation, but in a place that felt so incredibly far away from home, he desperately needed some way to return to that quiet place, that peaceful place... 

It was impossible here. Even in the relative quiet the noise continues. The sounds of the markets rattling with the voices of buyers and sellers. The ambient conversation that drifts from open windows. The ringing of a bell by the docks or dissonant tune from an instrument overstimulates him. 

Casper flexes his hands, as if he could force the sound from his head and out through his fingers to be absorbed in the grass that's been cut to a non natural length.

In, out, calm. 

In, out, calm. 

Maybe all of this was tearing at him now because he was so damn close, so impossibly close to everything he had wanted. Maybe this was because so much had happened in what felt like such a short period of time. 

Yes he had been traveling for weeks, months, many months even, yet still it was only a mere fraction of the time he would spend here on this earth. Maybe it was because the morals instilled in him since birth, forged by his father, battled so violently against the desires he dare not voice out loud yet. The desire to be with these women, and not just one of them...

The desire to be a father, to build and create something, but the fear of not being good at it, failing. The uncertainty, the anxiety, the overwhelming unknowable nature of whatever Engee had in store. 

Did he regret things with her? Or was he just scared? Did he really want to try his hardest to love all of these people? Or was he just selfish? Was he even capable of loving them all the way he wanted to? The way his heart told him to? The way they deserved? 

In, out, calm.

In, out, calm. 

It doesn't work. Not like it used to. The feelings were much too different to simply will away. This wasn't the effects of the mark, this was the consequence of jumping in head first without a plan, barely bothering to think further ahead than the next feeling.

There was no breathing exercise that would make any of this make sense. Make any of it sit right. It was just too damn much, too convoluted, too messy. 

"I doubt it will help you much... not right away at least, but a piece of advice I got years ago, was that there is never a right answer." Rathiel's voice drifts through the breeze.

Casper opens his eyes just as the half celestial settles a few feet away in the grass, his body angled to face the same direction Casper is. Not looking at him, but simply being... 

"That's reassuring..." Casper mocks with a smile. 

"Let me finish..." Rathiel smiles as well, his fingers taking to fiddling with the blades of grass. "There is never a right answer, only the best one you can make in a given moment." 

Casper lets the words sink in... chewing on them, digesting them. 

"Hmmm, who told you that one?" 

"An old traveler passing through on business if I recall. I never caught his name but the words he said stuck with me." Rathiel admits with a shrug. 

"Sounds like a wise man, I'm sure he and my father would get along." 

"I'm sure they would..." 

The world around him goes quiet then, the kind of quiet he didn't think was possible in a city. A calm, relaxing quiet, as if he was back in the forests near the village. 

"I thought you might want a little peace..." Rathiel stands, observing the shimmering dome cast around them both. 

"Thank you." Casper lets out a slow breath, allowing his mind to wander off in the quiet Rathiel has magically provided. 

"Of course, friend." Rathiel brushes off his legs, and removes himself from the dome, leaving Casper alone in a small bubble of serenity. 

In, out, calm. 

In, out, calm. 

It, out, calm. 

It wasn't working like it should, but maybe it would hold him over, just until he knew what to do next...

that's all he needed, just enough time to figure out his next step.