Chapter 3: The Hostess of Fertility, Lies, and the Realization of Loneliness

[1st POV]

"Mia, keep the drinks coming!"

"You got it!" The Dwarf woman shouted from the counter after hearing Loki's request for more booze. Meanwhile I was drinking from a glass cup filled with juice as I watched this world's iteration of the trickster god getting drunk for the amount of booze that she had consumed.

Seriously, if I didn't know better, I would have never guess how shrewd that woman can be underneath that built up hype and silliness. What a troublesome goddess.

"Ryuu, would you mind getting me two more glasses of juice please?" I called out to a beautiful Elf that had green hair and sky blue eyes as she gave me a small smile and nodded.

"Of course Cyrus. I'll be sure to bring them to you soon." She answered as she passed me before heading over to check on the other patrons of the Hostess of Fertility.

I remember when I had met her three years ago when she had started working here, shortly after I had become Level 3. She was the picture perfect definition of what it meant to be calm. Of course, I'm fully aware of the fact that she was once a Level 4 Adventurer who was part of the former Astraea Familia and what she had recently done before joining, but I never hinted at anything that showed that I knew about her past. After all, I would be opening some bad wounds, so I just played the unsuspecting patron who merely politely ordered and ate when I was here.

Apparently she seemed to take a liking to me during her time here. Not a romantic one mind you, but rather a platonic liking out of the fact that I was one of the few patrons who would be polite and calm with her and the other waitresses. Not to mention that I would always pay the bill for my food upfront rather than placing it on a tab, even if Mia sometimes slapped the occasional special onto my table that I would just take back to the Pharmacy when I still lived there with Miach so that the god would be properly fed.

Nevertheless, the two of us would talk every so often with me asking Ryuu how she has been and telling the Elf about my time in the Dungeon and how I had been doing an excellent job in progressing to the middle floors as a solo Level 3 Adventurer. Apparently she must have seen a sliver of herself in me since to her, it seemed like I was pushing myself by going to the Dungeon alone which would account for my explosive growth in my Status, considering the fact that I had lied by telling her at the time that I didn't want to feel responsible for the possible deaths of my party members or Familia. In hindsight, I supposed that wasn't the best thing to say to the girl, because since then, she would always caution me to take care in the Dungeon since no one will ever have my back. I think that worry had cemented her as my very first friend outside of the Miach Familia and honestly it felt nice.

Hell, I even got her to eventually confess that she was once in a Familia, but they had all perished in battle and their grave was located on the 18th floor. Of course she wasn't going to tell me which Familia it was, even if I already knew. But it was a secret she willingly parted with me and as such, it only stayed between the two of us.

Since then, I would become one of the pub's most recurring patrons so that I could talk to Ryuu and check up on her to let her know that I was okay. Honestly, I'm not sure how she felt about me and how I felt about her in turn. To this day I have never tried to actively touch her, and it had been hard for me to draw a line as to whether or not I was romantically interested in her or if I just cared for her because of her background and wanted to just be her friend. What I know though, is that she's a good person, so that's good enough for me.

"Hey Cy-Cy, why won't you share a drink with me? C'mon, let's drink!" Loki exclaimed as she lifted her mug up and took in a deep drink. While I totally knew what she meant, I was going to screw with her anyway.

"I am drinking something, you troublesome goddess. Are you too deep in your mug to not be able to tell that I have a cup in my hands? Tch. And stop calling me Cy-Cy already will you? You're such a pain." I said while forming a fake scowl on my face.

"Mama! I'm being bullied again!" Loki shouted as she looked to Riveria to support only for the Elf to look over at the two of us and then shrug before returning to her conversation with Gareth, causing her to briefly sulk before drinking some more.

As I said, this isn't a new occurrence for us. I greet the Loki Familia. Loki bothers me. I bully her, as she says, and the others ignore her suffering. To be honest though, Loki wasn't all that bad a person to be in the company of, even if she was an annoying perv at times, and I like to think that she knows that I have a favorable impression of her despite my words and actions since she never raised a genuine fuss about it. At this point it was a game between the two of us with her Familia watching in the sidelines.

We're actually pretty civil with each other outside of our crazy as hell shenanigans. While I wouldn't call us friends so to speak, we are at least well acquainted with each other that after I had hit Level 5, I would help scratch her Familia's back while she would have a few of her children scratch mine, which was also how I developed a friendship or was at least acquainted with the Executives of the Loki Familia.

"But really Loki, how many times do I have to tell you? My being young aside, I just don't really drink alcohol all that much, and the few times I do it's always been for a special occasion. How about the next time something momentous happens, feel free to try and rope me in so that I'll drink with you?" I asked her with a small exasperated smile once she looked at me with what seemed like stars in her red eyes before she let out a cheer, probably contemplating how she will do so once I hit Level 7, since I seemed really confident about my chances when we had spoken outside.

"But!" I interrupted as she looked over to me. "Only if you get me the Alias I want. Then maybe, just maybe, I might also join you in casual drinks too."

I may as well milk it for what it's worth. Sure she could never get me to join her Familia, and she knows that, but having the favor for another potentially Level 7 Adventurer who wasn't the King is something that many gods or goddesses would pay an arm and a leg for, and if this helps Miach Familia, all the more incentive for me to offer this deal.

"You've got a deal! Just let me know what Alias you want before the Denatus after you level up and you'll get it!" The trickster goddess easily agreed before emptying her mug, getting what she probably wanted out of our conversation before she turned to start bothering Bete.

"Cyrus, your drinks." Ryuu called out from behind me as she approached with a tray that had two glasses of juice that she handed to me as I took them from her hand, taking care to not touch her hand, a routine that the two of us seemed to have developed after knowing each other for three years. She would hand me my drinks instead of placing them on the table and I would take them while avoiding touching her hands. I like to think that it's because while she has the Elf mentality of allowing specific people to touch her, she trusted me enough to know that I wouldn't overstep my boundaries.

"Thanks Ryuu, you're the best." I said to her with a small grin, watching as the girl returned a smile of her own, her eyes wandering to my hands a moment after I took the second glass from her. She has been doing that the past few times now. I'm honestly sure what to make of that if I have to be honest...well we'll see.

"It's no problem." She said to me before giving me a small nod before walking away, my eyes following her for a moment as she did so.

A tap interrupted my staring as I looked over to see a head of light gray looking at me with amusement.

"I didn't know that you had an eye for Ryuu, Cyrus." Syr Flova said to me with a playful smile or rather, should I say Freya. While I don't really know the full story behind Freya's disguise as Syr Flova since my knowledge of Danmachi is more limited than I'd like, I know with certainty that this girl is in fact the goddess in disguise. Thankfully she never seemed to show a great amount in interest in me like she did Bell, so thank god for silver linings. As such, I just played nice with her and just interacted with her whenever she came to check on Ryuu.

It was safe to say that I still don't know what the goddess was doing and whether or not she really does know about me. It's not like she knows that I know her identity as Syr either, so maybe she never found me interesting enough to keep an eye on me. But even then, I did shatter Ais' record so she must have seen something if she watched me and saw me performing multiple Kidō spells in the Dungeon, especially if I did it before I hit Level 4. She must know, right? Man this is so confusing! If did she does know, I'm just glad that she never raised a commotion, which is the only reason why I'm not hostile or overly cautious with the girl.

In any case, this is a dangerous woman I'm dealing with.

"I don't know what you're talking about Syr." I said to her with a small roll of my eye before flicking her on the forehead, causing a small squeak to erupt from her mouth. "Now get going before Mama Mia scolds you for talking to the patrons."

"I know, I know! Well I'll get back to it then, just call Ryuu if you need anything okay?" Syr asked me with a wink before walking off with me watching her for a different reason. I can never read her.

My staring was interrupted when Loki gave me a small slap on my back, causing me to look over at her.

"What is it?" I asked her as she looked up with me with a knowing smile.

"Oh nothing!~ So hey, can ya tell me about those two Magics of yours?" She asked me, causing the table to look over at me, since they were curious as well, especially Riveria, considering her background. "They were called Hadō #31. Shakkahō and Bakudō #1. Sai right, spells that use the language of the Far East? I saw Takemikazuchi the other day since his Familia recently moved into Orario and he told me that they mean Way of Destruction No.31 Red Fire Cannon and Way of Binding No.1 Restrain. But you also paired them with a number, so does that mean that there are more of those Hadō and Bakudō spells out there?" She continued on, which drew the attention of a few more Adventurers who were in the pub, as well as the waitresses, Ryuu and Syr included.

Damn it.

What a pain. I knew that I publicly showed Shunpo, Shakkahō, and Sai after I hit Level 4, but I hoped that no one would bother me about them, especially after what I did to the Apollo Familia. Even Ryuu doesn't know about the full extent of my Kidō, and hopefully Freya doesn't. To this day, only Miach has been the only soul to know everything about me, or at least everything I was willing to tell him, truth and lies. But then again, I guess Loki if anyone would be one of the few to deserve and answer, not to mention it would get people off my back anyway since I had eyes and ears my way for a while now.

"Yeah. You'd be right. In total, there are ninety-nine Hadō and ninety-nine Bakudō spells that exist." This caused a murmur to arise from everyone who was listening, and I continued before anyone got any cute ideas that would lead to a possible annihilation courtesy of me.

"They number from 1 to 99, as you can obviously guess, and the higher the number the more powerful the spell is. So for Bakudō, or the Way of Binding, the higher the number, the stronger the spell, be it Defensive, Communication, Binding, Tracking or Sealing spells. For Hadō, or the Way of Destruction, the higher the number the more lethal and dangerous the spell is. If I'm right, the ninety-ninth Hadō spell is another quick chant forbidden spell that is capable of changing a whole landscape." I answered casually, watching as the faces of all those around me paled.

Okay, just seeing those reactions to a quick chant spell that can probably raze this city to the ground was just a bit amusing .

"In fact...I think that the 90s Hadō spells are capable of actually slaying exceptionally powerful monsters. If only the former top Familias had access to them." I continued before giving Loki and the Top Executives a knowing look, as they seemed to take what I said more seriously and to heart. And I'm not lying, a full incantation Kurohitsugi might be able to fatally wound the One-Eyed Black Dragon. And Goryūtenmetsu‎ would probably do the job if the user was powerful enough.

Now the next part is where the lying starts.

"So anyway, continuing on. Each practitioner who are taught spells are attuned to only one Bakudō and one Hadō spell. Why that is, who knows? But for a practitioner to even be attuned to the higher numbers would be a miracle in itself. For me though, I was attuned to Hadō #31. Shakkahō and Bakudō #1. Sai, a low to mid ranking Hadō spell while I got the weakest of the Bakudō spells. But as you may know, it's not always the matter of the spell, it's also a matter of how strong the user is and how masterfully they can use the spell. So even if I was attuned to the weakest of the Bakudō spells, I am so powerful and proficient in it that I can still bind strong opponents, even if it's temporary."

And there's no need to tell them about incantation either, the less they know the better. Besides, I don't know the incantation for Sai since it never existed on paper or in the anime from what my knowledge tells me, so that would have been a tricky workaround.

My eyes went briefly to Syr/Freya. No notable reaction aside from the interest that everyone else seemed to display as well. Does she really not know about my Kidō? If she does though, does she know that I can lie to her if she does know the truth and just wants to hide that fact for now? Whatever the case, she isn't saying anything, so I'll just hope for the best.

Now where is the question I'm waiting for...

"And what about the other practitioners?" Loki asked me, her eyes taking on an interested gleam while the Adventurers around me started to show their greed, most likely to tell their patron deities.

And there is the question with an uncomfortable answer, whether for me to answer or for them to hear, I'm not sure.

"Oh...well they're all dead." Was my answer that caused everyone to go silent.

After crafting a vague backstory under the guise of me telling Miach that my memories were slowly coming back but were still mainly missing for the most part, I managed to craft a somewhat elaborate yet also vague backstory to explain why I'm the last practitioner of those two branches Kidō. Damn, I wished I was capable of using healing Kidō and Kidō Barriers and Seals, but it's just not possible, which I found out the sad way. Man, is this how Aizen felt when he was lying to everyone? Just that thrill of success when a plan goes well? Sheesh, I have mixed feelings. Well I only I had talk about it once to Miach, so let's see if I can repeat it.

"Now keep in mind that I'm mainly an amnesiac who only got a few fragments of his memories back, but I think that the practitioners were all part of a clan that were formed of various races, so we weren't really all related by blood or by name. We were more of a paramilitary group if anything that brought in orphans and prospective hopefuls. At some point, there was a civil war back in my homeland, wherever that was since I don't quite remember it, and the two armies that fought were matched so evenly that they pretty much wiped each other off from the map, and from what I could gather from my memories, Hadō and Bakudō practitioners were especially feared so we were the first casualties of the war and perished either in combat or just through the act of genocide."

I mean, not exactly the truth, but that's why I have a Skill meant for me to lie, not to mention that, to be fair, the Quincy did kill a whole shit ton of Shinigami, many of whom did know Kidō and were orphans so to speak and/or hopefuls, and a lot of the Sternritter and Soldat had died too, and technically they didn't quite use Kidō. And there was a genocide or two thrown around.

Someone listening to me can call me heartless for being so casual about their deaths, but why should I mourn people who I wouldn't even remember, or in the case of reality itself, people who didn't exist?

"I think it was only due to luck that I was the only remaining survivor. It's possible that they had thought I was dead as well amongst the rubble, but I can say with certainty that I'm the last practitioner of these two Magics..." I trailed off for a moment before shaking my head.

"Unfortunately, I don't remember much of my life between then and coming to Orario, so this is all I can tell you."

And with that, I placed the pub in an awkward mood that was filled with whispers, and even I was starting to feel strangely uncomfortable as well as I stood up and placed a small bag of valis on the table. I felt like I should leave. Whether it was my own good or the others, I honestly couldn't say.

"Thanks for the food Mia. Valis are on the table, the girls can keep the change. Excuse me. I'll see ya guys later."

And with that I quickly made my way out of the Hostess and began my trek home, making my way down the streets of Oraria in the cover of night.

...

Goddamn it.

To be honest, that story did put me in a bit of a sour mood after I gave it. Sure, I'm happy that Miach of all people was the god to take me in, I'm in really good terms with the Familia and have enjoyed Naaza's company as my little sister figure, and I also made friends in the forms of Tiona, Gareth, Ryuu and even Rehmer from the Guild, even if the Chienthrope will never admit it, amongst others. But still, having to craft and repeat such a backstory with me being the last practitioner of Kidō, as false as it was, is starting to make me realize how alone I was, even after everything I have achieved.

Unlike in Bleach, and by proxy the Soul Society, where the Shinigami trained and studied together at the Academy to sharpen their skills before joining the Gotei 13 where they can further improve and learn, I was already gifted the knowledge of these spells through the manga and anime and had to learn to perform my Kidō from scratch with no one to actually improve alongside with and with no one to teach me how to do everything, leading to many mistakes and misfires as I progressed.

I had all this power at the tip of my fingers, yet there is no one I can truly show my progress to. No fellow peer or a teacher, no one who would be able to understand my happiness and excitement with my progress aside from my own patron god, who even then I continued to lie to by giving him the same backstory I had just given with the rest of my 'unmentioned memories' as I tried to avoid the attention of the gods and other Adventurers by not showing them how powerful I could possibly be. It just never truly hit me until I lived in this world and had gotten a bit older to where my age was slowly catching up to what my mental age must have been like when I reincarnated, whereas my young age affected my mentality when I had first reincarnated.

I never expected to realization that I was alone to hit me so bad. Even if I didn't have memories of my past life, I'm not an idiot. I still reincarnated into another world, meaning that I never should have existed here in the first place. I was brought into this world with no one who can ever truly relate to my situation, even if I made a life for myself here.

Is this why I was given Los Lobos, the Resurrección that represented the two halve of an original soul that merely didn't want to be alone and face solitude?

Is that why I was given Schrift I - "The Iron" as well to serve as a mocking sign of my having to metaphorically steel myself in the face of this realization?

Maybe I'm looking far too much into this. Maybe I'm just being melodramatic and reading too much into signs that were never there. But still...if I'm right...

Then this is honestly a bit too cruel. This solitude is too cruel.

Why am I even doing all this for then? All these lies and hiding only to be reminded of how isolated I really was? I just can't tell them the truth that is just impossible to believe no matter how honest I was. That would seem like an even bigger lie than the one I just told them. I mean, who would even believe my circumstances?

No one.

It's just too farfetched to be true. So no matter what, I feel like I will always be back at square one.

Am I really so alone? Should I not have chosen to reincarnate into this world?

Why does my heart hurt so much?

Why? Why can't I stop crying?

"Cyrus..?"

I stopped walking after hearing a familiar voice greeting me with a look of concern on their face.

"Oh...hey..."