Recovery

"How long until we land, Maddox?" Linx asked as he walked up to the controls. He looked through the front shields as the ship penetrated the clouds.

"Within the hour, Sir. This moon does have signs of life, Colonel, but where we are going showed no sign of recent civilization. Plant and animal life, so hopefully food won't be much of an issue beyond what supplies we have."

Linx nodded. "Good."

Maddox looked over at her friend and C.O. "Have you tried talking to him, Sir?"

Linx sighed tightly, pursing his lips together. "No. Not since the night we got back on board." He shot a warning look to her that she chose to ignore.

"Linx, you really should-"

"You really should concentrate on the mission, Maddox." He glared at her one final time before turning on his heel and exiting the room.

Zimmer watched him go before glancing at Maddox. "You shouldn't push him so hard, you know."

Maddox glanced at him. "He knows I'm right. He can't ignore Kiy forever." Zimmer grinned slightly at her irritants.

"He isn't ignoring him, Sam, " Zimmer said quietly.

"No? By his own admission, he hasn't spoken to him to three days. How is that not ignoring him?"

"Because when we're here flying, where do you think he goes? Where do you think he's going now?" Zim smiled as he spoke, turning halfway around to see Linx vanish from sight. "He doesn't have to speak to be there for him. He just has to be there." Maddox turned her eyes from the shield to him, the anger in her eyes prominent. "Look, " Zim continued, "I know how you feel about Kiy. He's a brother to me and I took the oath with you and Linx to protect him as well. But there's only so much we can do. Linx has always been the one to bring him back from the brink. What makes you think this is any different?"

Maddox set the craft on auto-pilot and stood, her anger and guilt at what happened to Kiy weighing on her more than she let on. "Because for the first time Linx is scared, Zim. Not just worried, but scared. I mean...have you seen the look in his eyes? Has he told you what happened?"

"No, " Zimmer said quietly. "I have an idea though." Zimmer glanced back to where he saw Linx vanish. "Kiy's acting similarly to when we were all first teamed up."

Maddox looked at Zimmer and nodded. "Yeah." Whatever else she was about to say was interrupted before she could get the first word formed by a terrible scream. Both Zimmer and Maddox sprinted toward the sound, their hearts racing, blood full of adrenaline.

As they burst into Kiy's stateroom Maddox ran straight to Kiy, Zimmer stopping by the entryway where Linx pressed himself into the wall, eyes transfixed in horror as Kiy screamed, his face contorted with a type of terror he had never before seen on another living creature. When Kiy's arms wrapped around Maddox, Linx turned and ran.

"Linx!" Zimmer called chasing after him with one backward glance at Maddox and Kiy. It took several minutes to locate his friend and team leader, and when he did he was in a frenzied rage. Blood-curdling screams erupted from his bowels as he laid punch after punch into the workout bag that hung from the ceiling. Zimmer watched not daring to get in his way. There had only been once before had he seen Linx go into this kind of mania. They had been no more than sixteen, and Linx wanted revenge.

With a great metallic ripping sound, the workout bag went soaring across the room as Linx landed one final throw. As the bag landed so did Linx, dropping to his knees. Zimmer knelt beside his friend, one hand coming to grip Linx's shoulder in a comforting manner.

"What do I do, Zim?" Linx displayed a myriad of emotions across his face, but his eyes remained dry.

"I really don't know, Linx. It's different than before. And how you did that back then."

Linx nodded. "Yeah." A long, heavy sigh escaped his lips, the weight of the situation drawing his eyes downward as he exhaled. Before he could say anything more, the communication device attached to their shoulders came to life.

"Colonel. Kiy is asking for you." Maddox. Her voice was rough. A moment later and a bit quieter she added, "Please, sir. He needs you."

"Yeah. Gimme a minute, will ya?" Sighing he looked at Zim. "How am I going to handle this? It isn't like before..." Linx scrubbed his hands down his face.

"What do you mean?"

"It was his caregivers, Zim. But...he's terrified of me now. He's been blocking it from me. Mostly anyway. I mean...I knew what happened, but he's kept from me why he's scared of me." He sighed again and stood up. "I better go."

Zim lightly took hold of Linx's upper arm. "If you need us, Linx..."

Linx nodded. "Thanks, Zim. You're a good friend. You both are."

"You three are all the family I have, Linx. I'd do anything for any of you." Linux nodded with a sad smile and walked away, Zim following behind him.

Linx stopped just inside Kiy's stateroom, hesitating, yet hopeful Kiy wouldn't begin screaming again. Maddox said something to Kiy and he slowly sat up, disentangling himself from her hold. Linx watched as when she stood, he wrapped his arms around himself, not looking up. Maddox stopped next to Linx, her hand settling on his shoulder, and gave it a light squeeze before she exited the room. Linx carefully took Maddox's vacated seat next to Kiy, not touching him.

"Are you mad at me?" Kiy still wasn't looking at him, his voice choppy and rough.

"Mad? No, why would I be mad at you?" Linx asked gently.

"I feel your anger," Kiy replied.

"Angry...I'm very angry, Kiy. But not at you. If I could kill him again, I would." Linx watched Kiy's face. "You can feel my anger, Kiy...feel that it isn't with you." Linx set his hand against Kiy's back, not removing it when Kiy jumped. Linx knew physical contact helped him read people's emotions, and fought to control them as he felt the younger man shaking.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Kiy said in a low voice.

"Why did you keep it from me?"

Kiy took a shuddering breath. "I didn't want you to find out that way. I wanted to tell you...but...when you came in I...I didn't think it was you for a moment. And it all came rushing back." Kiy finally brought his eyes up. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It isn't your fault." Linx tried to smile but failed. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have let them grab you." Linx sighed.

"Showering yourself with guilt won't make you feel better. You did what you could...you got me out."

"Eventually," Linx commented, his head dropping. "I'm sorry it took so long. Kiy..." Kiy looked up. "You know I wouldn't do that to you, right? I would never hurt you..."

The look in Linx's eyes made Kiy's heart lurch and twist in his chest. "Yes. I know."

"Are you sure? You're still afraid of me." Linx whispered as he tried his hardest not to break. He couldn't break. It wasn't his place to break, but to protect his team. To protect Kiy. He blinked as he felt his eyes fill, blinking them away.

"Linx, I've known you since I was five years old. You've protected me my whole life since then. You've loved me my whole life since then. Logically, yes, I know. In my heart and soul, I know. They kept making me drink something...and he turned into you," Kiy explained. He knew Linx saw what happened when he had begun screaming earlier upon Linx's emergence into his stateroom, but wanted him to hear it from in his own words. "And it was so real, Linx. He...his hands...felt like your hands. He had your scars." Kiy's hand traveled up to the long scar that traveled from his left shoulder down to his right hip. "Your smell...it was you in every respect. So much so that my head doesn't know anymore. I'm sorry, Linx."

"Mo croí, please don't apologize." He wanted so badly to take him in his arms, to hold him as he had so often done.

"I know you want to hug me and hold me as you've always done when I'm upset...and I'm sorry you can't." Tears rushed down his face and Linx ached to wipe them away. He kept his hands now firmly to himself, fingers threaded tightly together to refrain from doing something as natural as breathing. "I want you to do all the things you normally would do, Linx. I want your arms around me so badly..."

"But...?" Linx whispered, his throat closing.

"But...I'm...scared." Kiy looked away from him not wanting to see the heartbreak he felt emanating off Linx.

Linx cleared his throat, attempting to regain his composure. He looked at the timer that was fastened to his watch. "We'll be landing in about twenty minutes. Maddox said that the part of the moon we're going to is uninhabited by humans. We'll scout out a place and hopefully find something suitable. Here," Linx handed him a squeezable pouch that contained medicine. "This will help with the pain. Heal your bruises and wounds quicker so you can walk when we land." He stood. "I..." He sighed. "I love you, mo croí. I'll come back to check on you before we land."

"Linx," Kiy called. Linx stopped but didn't turn around. "Linx, don't leave me. Please don't leave me alone."

"I'll send Maddox in here for you. I'm sorry, Kiy." And he walked away. He heard Kiy's wailing as he walked down the corridor and fought every instinct to turn back. "Maddox," he called over his communication device.

"Yes, sir," came her immediate response. 

"Go to him, please." 

"Yes, sir." Her voice was low as she answered him, saddened by the events they were all facing. Linx crawled into a small space where he would go and think or process. Now he was here to grieve. And grieve he did. 

His tears were not yet dry, but he forced them to stop running, as it was time to go check on Kiy like he'd promised before they landed. According to his timer, they landed in less than ten minutes. 

He came upon Kiy's stateroom as he and Maddox were filing out. Maddox kept going, giving her friend a sad smile. "I'm sorry I left. I just...I couldn't..." He looked at Kiy for understanding.

"I know. I've seen you grieve before...you didn't have to leave to do it." Kiy began reaching up to touch Linx's face, hesitated, and thumbed away an escaped tear.

"Yeah, I did. Come on, Kiy. We can talk more later. We need to get ready to go." Together they turned to meet their teammates at the helm.

"Sir, we're making our final descent," Maddox called feeling them walk into the room.

Half an hour later they were walking the unfamiliar territory, hoping to find a place to finally call home. Zimmer took point, Linx at the rear, Maddox and Kiy centered. Linx watches Kiy's movements as they traversed the earthy ground. They were in a forest, and, beyond animal life, saw no other life forms. Kiy was concentrated on his surroundings, being the good soldier he was trained to be. They walked in silence, accessing their abilities to scout the land for any potential dangers.

"Colonel," Zimmer called. They had walked five clicks from the ship they left cloaked. Linx came to stand next to Zimmer, making sure not to touch Kiy as he passed. "Do you think it's occupied?"

"Not by the looks of it. Let's go check it out." They walked toward an abandoned cabin, each on the lookout for anything amiss. Linx pushed open the front door and looked inside before opening the door completely. There were cobwebs in the corners and dust covered every surface.

"I don't think anyone has been here in quite some time," Linx said as they all filed in. "We'll set up here for now. If there's a water source nearby, I think we'll be okay to bunk here. There's plenty of animal life to hunt, and if there's water, there's fish."

They all began looking around at the provisions they had already in the cabin, Maddox wandering toward the back of the structure. She came back a moment later. "Colonel," she called. "There are only two bedrooms. Kiy?" He looked at her but didn't speak. "You want to share a room with me?"

Kiy looked like he almost accepted her offer but instead declined. "No. I'll be okay sharing with Linx." Linx didn't realize he was holding his breath until he released it. Kiy's eyes scanned over to him, who was standing just behind Maddox. Linx pushed as much of his energy as he dared straight into Kiy's chest. His fears, his endless guilt, and sorrow while he was missing, the strength he fought to keep to find him, the agony of the knowledge he now possesses on how their love was used against them in the most horrid way. He pushed the depth-less and unconditional love they had shared since boyhood. Linx saw as each emotion hit him, saw the change of expression in his face as he felt everything his mate had felt over the last three months.

Kiy blinked and Linx knew he had compartmentalized this new information for a later time. That was fine. He felt it. He knew all that Linx was feeling and felt. He didn't hide any of it. He also knew that this is something Kiy did to be able to sort out each emotion he was sent in its entirety without being interrupted by countless other emotions.

The rest of the day they made haste at cleaning the cabin of the dust, cleaning surfaces with water fetched from the river they found nearby. "Bunk in, kids. Nights seem to be a bit chilly on this planet. At least right now." Linx went over to the pile of firewood they had stacked for cooking and added logs to it. Earlier that day he and Zim found a downed tree and made use of it before it rotted. Outside on the easternmost part of the cabin wall, stood a larger stack of wood that would get them through several weeks. "Hit the racks. Recharge. We'll explore the area more tomorrow. Find some food. We can also construct primitive projectile weapons. We do not know what may be drawn to the sound of our weapons. We need to practice stealth until we know the area better. Until we know who may or may not be close by. We don't want to draw attention." Linx made eye contact with each in turn before nodding and walking into his and Kiy's quarters. Zim watched him go before entering the room he would share with Maddox.

Maddox walked up to Kiy, her hand running along his arm. He looked to her, softly smiling, his eyes capturing all the worry and fear he felt in that moment. "You okay, little brother?" Maddox asked gently.

"I really don't know. He bombarded me with everything he felt earlier. Mixed with everything I feel, I'm exhausted. I'm scared, Sammy." His eyes watered and he looked away. He never liked that part of himself. That emotional side that was so quick to heartbreak.

Maddox smiled the slightest bit. He'd always called her Sammy in his most private and vulnerable moments. It was something that began not long after being assigned to the team and something he never grew out of. "Of what? I mean...you said he sent you everything he was feeling. What's scaring you?"

"Everything he's feelings. Everything I'm feeling. Did...did he tell you?"

She studied him a moment. "Not in so many words, no." Capable of feeling the emotions of others like an empath, her skills rested more earthbound. She was one in tune with nature. She instantly knew the unseen dangers of any river. She knew where animals roamed and which ones were best for hunting. "I have my suspicions, though." Maddox followed him over to a long sofa and sat alongside him.

"Sam, they...forced me...and made me think it was Linx. They gave me this drink...and it made me hallucinate everything about him. The way his hands feel...everything. My head doesn't...I mean...despite all he sent me, my head doesn't differentiate the fact that it wasn't Linx. And my head wars with my soul. Because it knows damn well Linx would never do such a thing to me. And I don't know what to do." He looked at her, his expression desperate. "What do I do, Sammy?"

Maddox pulled him to her, wrapping her arms around him. "Linx loves you."

"I know," he whispered sniffling.

"Just as you know he would never hurt you." She kissed his temple. "Follow your heart, little brother. You need Linx as much as he needs you."

He nodded. "I know. How do I not be scared of him? How do I not remember what they did to me when he touches me? He hasn't touched me in days. Not really. And I miss him so much."

"Then let him hold you. You know the real Linx, little brother. Despite what they made you see, you know him. How gentle he's always been with you. How he always does everything he can to keep you from harm. How his arms really feel when they're wrapped around you. Remember that, brother, and you'll be okay."

He sat up and wiped his eyes, nodding. "You're right." He looked toward the room Linx disappeared into. "I better go to him." When he walked into the room he stopped just inside the doorway. Linx was sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows braced against his knees.

Linx looked up and gave a half-grin that held no joy within it. "Hi," Linx whispered.

Kiy could feel his fear radiating off of him in electric waves. Linx had let his barriers down to prove to him what he ready knew. "Hi," he answered just as quietly. Slowly he moved to sit next to his mate, taking off his boots as a slight distraction from the close proximity they found themselves in of each other. Linx didn't move, too afraid he would scare him away, or worse, send him into screaming panic once more. Kiy was quiet a moment before, "Linx?"

"Yes, mo croí?" Linx wouldn't look at him.

"I really miss you." His voice cracked. Damn it. "I...want you to wrap your arms around me and not be terrified while you do it. I want to look at you without seeing what they made me see." His eyes were glassy and sad.

"Me, too. You've never been scared of me. Not once you knew you were safe with us. With me. And...I really don't know what to do about it. My every instinct is wrong on this one."

"How is that?"

"Because all I want to do is hold you. And I can't do that." Kiy could swear he saw tears in his eyes. While over the course of their knowing each other, Kiy had seen Linx grieve several times, the count was low in comparison, always believing he needed to be the strong one for all of them, never showing his emotions outwardly. Kiy, being as strong an empath as he was, felt them regardless.

"Linx?" Linx looked over at him, his expression soft. "Will you hold me? I miss you. I miss you so much."

"I miss you, too. Let's lie down and recharge. I'll hold you as long as you'll let me."

Linx lay awake even as Kiy began to drift off, reveling in the feeling of his body warm and within his embrace. He never wanted the feeling to end. Something was coming. He could feel it. He couldn't see exactly what was headed their way, but he sensed the change in the air.

All he knew was it would get worse before it got better.