Accepting You're Gone

Kiy stood in the doorway to the cabin watching as Linx slowly walked around the training area, running his fingers over each obstacle that had been set up. Maddox came up behind Kiy, her arms going around him, her chin settled on his shoulder. She had missed him so much, her little brother of sorts, and for the last three weeks, she had hugged him as much as she was afforded.

"He's been out there a lot lately," Kiy commented quietly. They watch Linx touch the dummy with the light-up eyes, his expression far away and sad.

"He misses the little one," she said knowingly. "He...he was Linx's connection back to you." She squeezed his shoulder slightly as she continued speaking. "I've never seen him in the state he was in while you were gone. It destroyed him little by little. Not knowing if you would come back. Not knowing if the little one would stay. Not knowing if you were being hurt by someone, somewhere. We've all been a family for as long as I can remember. And in that time, I'd never seen him break. And break he did. More than once. When he was with Kiy, he was able to smile. He didn't laugh much, but he smiled."

Kiy watched Linx move from one piece of equipment to another. "What do I do to help him?"

Maddox smiled lightly. "I don't know there's much you can do but be there. I don't know if he'll talk about it. But just...being there. He misses him. He told me once that if you weren't returned that he would raise him as his own. He loved that little boy." Kiy dropped his head slightly at those words and noticing, Maddox turned him slowly around. "Don't you think for one second that he wouldn't have rather had you back. He was terrified that whole time. We all..." She looked at him a moment before cupping his cheek. "We all were terrified, Kiy. We all love you, little brother. And every one of us did what we could to find out how to get you back." She sighed lightly. "But the truth of it is, we just didn't know for sure. And he needed whatever part of you he could get. Do you understand?"

Kiy nodded and turned once more to watch Linx. "I understand, Sam." He looked back at Linx before, "I just hate seeing him like this."

"Me, too. I'm going to go hunting with Zim. Go talk to him." Maddox walked away and Kiy watched her go a moment before glancing back to the object of his thoughts. With a heavy, uncertain sigh he pushed off the door jam and made his way over to Linx.

Kiy sat down next to him, leaning against a shared tree that provided plenty of shade, his shoulder making full contact with Linx's. Linx looked over at him with a small smile and leaned further, falling over until Kiy cradled him in his arms. "Would you think badly of me if I confessed to missing the little guy?"

Kiy smiled sadly, his hand resting against Linx's ribcage, his other arm supporting Linx's head. "No. I wouldn't think badly of you at all."

Linx half smiled as he said, "I know that he was your inner child so of course he was like you...but he reminded me of you so much. Which sounds ridiculous because obviously...but when he would smile or laugh or become ornery...it was like you were with me again." Linx sat up then so he could face Kiy as he spoke. " But there were so many... I don't know exactly how to word it...I knew you at that age. Some things were unique to just him." Linx pulled at the grass, "Sounds stupid doesn't it?"

Kiy smiled lightly. "No. It doesn't sound stupid at all. There were aspects of me that got crushed before they could really develop. Maybe you brought that out in him."

Linx looked around the obstacle training course. "We built this for him for his birthday. He was really surprised by it. We taught him all day." He smiled as he recalled, "We made a game of it. We all laughed as we trained. It was fun, actually. It was nice, you know?" Linx looked up. " He wasn't scared when we would show him moves. He knew we wouldn't hurt him."

Kiy smiled back at him, though there was a hint of sadness present. "By comparison, I was probably a pain in the ass when you were training me."

Linx studied him studiously a moment before replying. "You know I never thought so. You weren't difficult to train, Kiy. You were just scared. I didn't know why at first, other than the drawing of my own conclusions...but I knew you were scared. You learned quickly. You learned faster after you realized that I wasn't going to hurt you."

Kiy frowned. "You mean never lost patience with me?"

Linx closed his eyes a moment, feeling the wind pass across his body, cooling his heated skin from the suns' rays. "No. Any anger I might have displayed went only toward your caretakers. None of it was because of you. What they did to you angered me. It still does. What they did to you on that planet...it kills me, Kiy."

Kiy stood up and extended his hand out to his love. Linx accepted it with a small smile. "Come on." Kiy led the way back inside and to the quarters they shared, where he captured Linx's lips with his and backed him up to the bed. Linx needed this as much as Kiy himself. Linx allowed Kiy to take the lead, molding into Kiy as if they were one. They were together. After a lifetime of pain and secrets and forces trying to rip them apart, they were together. The two of them. The four of them. And they knew that whatever else came their way, they would fight with the same tenacity as they had always done in the past. As they had been trained to from the beginning.

Kiy smiled before climbing inside Linx, capturing his mouth again as he began to move. Within. Without. And as they connected once again with each other, they both knew nothing would ever tear them apart. They were family. They were all they had. They lived and died for each other. As it always was. As it always would be.