14.4 How I Met Your Stan Part Deux

The two friends awkwardly trailed behind the couple who kept up their argument until they entered the Walmart. At that point Ezraphel got the cart and dragged Kendall off leaving Stan and Jamie alone together.

As they followed behind the two women Stan turned to his friend "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's fine" Jamie shrugged "quick question how did you manage to get her as a girlfriend?"

"Would you believe me if I told you I woke and found her passed out in my backyard?"

"It would be more believable than you going outside to form meaningful relationships with total strangers."

"What am I, a normie?" Stan scoffed.

"That still doesn't explain how you managed to get her to be your girlfriend."

"Not that it's any of your business James but I didn't get shit. She's the one who propositioned me in the first place."

That got Jamie's eyes to widen "you're joking."

"Do I look like I'm joking right now?"

"…no" Jamie answered before making a perplexed expression.

So if he's telling the truth and Ezraphel was the one to approach him then his theory about Ezraphel being a gold digger just got more weight. Yet at the same time Jamie found himself losing the belief in his own theory. Ezraphel didn't act like someone who was only with Stan for his money, no name brand clothes, no expensive cars, no jewelry and she's not even wearing any makeup apart from lipstick. Also throughout his purposefully long winded and detailed story she paid attention throughout and was rather expressive despite her silence.

Jamie just couldn't picture the woman as some kind of gold digging clout chaser.

'Clout chaser? She's not even on any social media!'

…

"Why are you so interested in Stan?" Kendall popped the question as she leaned on the shopping cart handle while Ezraphel scoured the isle for ingredients.

"Did I not already give sufficient reasons earlier?" she answered without taking her eyes away from the task at hand.

"Yeah, yeah Stan's a sex god" and wasn't that at the top of a pile labeled 'things she never asked for or needed to know' "but unless the first thing you did after meeting him was to fuck-"

"I wish."

"-then I doubt that's reason enough for you to be so…obsessed(?)" she finished unsurely.

"That sounded like a question" Ezraphel noted.

"I'm trying not to make assumptions here. Usually most normal women aren't so devoted to a guy they've only known for a couple of months."

"And you assume I am a 'normal' woman?" Ezraphel spoke with amusement.

"Uh…"

"I'm not so ignorant that I am unaware of the way I am perceived by others. Some find me strange but most find me pleasant to be around. Of course a majority of them find me most desirable~" she winked saucily at Kendall causing the girl's cheeks to flare up before she desperately stomped down the embarrassment "personally I have embraced this a long time ago. I won't be fazed by the opinions of others or get uncomfortable by questions so by all means ask away."

"Um wow okay, so Stan. What's your deal with him?"

"I love him."

"You already said that."

"Yes I did and my answer hasn't changed."

"So you love him. That's it?"

"What were you expecting? Does there need to be some deep underlying and complex motive behind it?"

"Well…"

"I understand" Ezraphel interrupted finally taking her attention away from shopping to give Kendall her full attention "in your society the term 'love' has been watered down and marred with so much superfluous false convictions over the past century to the point where it has become either meaningless to all but the most hopeless of romantics or an abstract concept for some to pick apart or wax lyrical about."

Her words combined with her sudden stern unwavering gaze caused Kendall to shrink in on herself a bit. It was as if she was a child being lectured by a grown adult.

Ezraphel continued "in my home there is a great significance placed on love. You could even say that my culture revolves around the concept of love. To the point where it may seem excessive to the likes of you" at some point Ezraphel had crossed the distance to stand before the frozen Kendall "so when I say that I love Stanley please understand that it is not some superfluous statement to be taken lightly" she leaned in closer "I love Stanley, I adore him and yes Kendall I am obsessed with him. He. Is. Mine."

*Flash*

Kendall felt her heart skip a beat, cold sweat pooled at her brow and she swallowed thickly. For just a very brief instance she swore she saw Ezraphel's eyes flash a bright crimson at her final word.

As the two women stared into each other's eyes, one calm and steady while the other was cowed and wavering Ezraphel suddenly spoke "breadcrumbs."

Blinking in confusion Kendall could only get out a "huh?"

Ezraphel pointed behind her "the breadcrumbs, we're going to need that. Please be a dear and put it in the cart."

"S-sure" Kendall turned away and released a breath she didn't know she was even holding.

It was so bad that she actually took a few moments to compose herself 'what the hell was that!?' her mind screamed while she held a hand to her chest where her heart beat as if she had been running a marathon.

That was the most intense conversation she's ever had and it was about love of all things!

Robotically she picked up the box of breadcrumbs and trudged her way back to the cart where Ezraphel seemed to be picking through spices. Kendall continued to give her weary looks the entire time as if she was a live explosive that could go off at any moment.

"I'm sorry."

Kendall recoiled slightly taking a moment to compose herself an answer "w-what?"

Ezraphel gave her an abashed smile "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. As you can see I am very passionate about this subject."

'That's an understatement' she's never met anyone who would get that intense over love. Not even the person they are in love with but the very concept of love itself.

"It's fine, I'll get over it" she waved off.

"Clearly it's not fine if you need time to 'get over it' Kendall" Ezraphel frowned.

"Just let it go!" the woman snapped with a scowl.

"…very well" Ezraphel acquiesced and the two continued their shopping though with an awkward silence between them.

And despite knowing she didn't do anything wrong Kendall still felt bad.

"Hey-" Kendall began at the same time Ezraphel spoke out "so-"

Both women looked at each other with Ezraphel giggling, it was a pleasant sound.

"Go ahead" Kendall gestured.

"You said that James introduced you to my Stanley?"

"Jamie doesn't like to be called James" Kendall informed.

"Stanley said the same thing about his name" she mused aloud.

"What are the odds" Kendall thought out loud.

"So you were saying about how you met my Stanley?"

"Right, I didn't actually meet 'your Stanley' in person."

…

Kendall has known Jamie since they were in highschool. At a time when he didn't show his face while making videos due to being self conscious and shy she was one of the few people to know the identity of the person behind the YouTube channel SparrowZ9. Anyways back then Kendall suffered from the very serious illness of being terminally online. Kendall, like many girls in their mid to late teens was into social media a lot.

She has accounts for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok and various blog sites. She perused the dark corners of Tumblr, 4Chan, Reddit and Discord without issue and has even made forays onto the Dark Web. So with such a prolific internet background is it a wonder that Jamie came to her for advice on how to establish a proper social media presence?

Luckily when he did ask her this she was coming out of her terminally online phase due to the cold reality of post-graduation life. Arguing with randoms on the internet seemed so inane when you have bills to pay. Kendall was actually jealous of Jamie since his channel was taking off and he could quit his job to do content creating full time. Kendall thought about doing the same but she neither had the time, skill or charisma to make it as a content creator.

What she did have was the skill and expertise to properly advise her friend about how to manage his social media, avoid the pitfalls of drama/controversy and generally stay sanitized or as sanitized as one could be when dealing with the internet. It was just a thing she did to help a friend so she didn't get paid for it or anything but apparently she did such a good job for him that a few years later he ended up recommending her to a friend.

Said friend was a content creator she'd only heard about in passing but didn't really know since she wasn't into gaming. AwesomeEpicGaming or rather Stan needed help after close to a decade of being a content creator he was finally willing to expand his brand through social media. Basically Stan wanted the same help Jamie got with the exception that he was willing to pay her for it.

She accepted it of course and was able to create, develop and manage several social media accounts for his channel. Kendall did her best but otherwise didn't think much of this job but apparently she underestimated just how much of a big deal Stan was to the community because all his social media accounts blew up within a week.

Turns out that Stan was a rather prominent gaming channel on YouTube that found itself stagnating. However after completing a challenge that Jamie issued to the internet at large on what was his very first live stream he was seeing a major resurgence on the internet. She knew about said challenge because it was at the top of trending for a few days but otherwise didn't think much of it. This turned out to be the perfect storm and with fresh social media accounts to take advantage of his spreading popularity Stan reaped a lot of benefits. With thousands of followers gained each day and several new ventures he was attempting Stan wanted to keep the momentum going.

He threw her a curve ball by asking her to work for him full time as his social media manager. She later found that he's been running his gaming channel (which uploads videos every other day), a review website as well as various blogs by himself with no team for the entire near decade of his time as a content creator which was insane. So naturally he might need help if he's planning on expanding or so she thought but the most important reason why he wanted her help was because he (in his own words) was liable to do something really stupid and ruin his brand if left to his own devices.

This wasn't a preemptive thing either as Stan, by his own admission, has been banned from some websites while under different usernames because he ran his mouth and did not want that kind of drama for his channel. Kendall was a bit reluctant to accept…until he sent her the first draft of a contract and saw what he was willing to pay her for being part of his team. After that Kendall quit her job, took up some online courses and became part of the 'AEG' team which was just her and Stan.

…

"We didn't meet in person until like a year and a half later when Stan visited Jamie's house."

"I take it he left an impression?" Ezraphel commented as they were no in the frozen meat section.

"You can say that" Kendall muttered remembering her first irl meeting with Stan and what a meeting that was.

"Oh, what the fuck!?"

Speak of the devil.

"Why hello Stanley, James."

"It's Jamie."

"That's what I said James."

The man in question glanced at his friend who was pinching the bridge of his nose "just let it go man it'll be easier for your sanity."

"What's your problem?" Kendall asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What's my problem? We leave you two alone for a few minutes and this happens."

Kendall didn't know what he was talking about until she actually looked down at the cart she was pushing and did a double take.

"That's a lot of stuff" Jamie summarized in his usual bland tone.

"It's too much!" Stan yelled.

It's not like the cart was cartoonishly overfull but she had to agree with the boys that this was definitely too much to feed six people.

'When did she even put all this in?'

Kendall didn't think she was so distracted by her retelling that she would ignore the volume of things being placed in the cart she herself was pushing.

"Well it's not as if I'm going to be preparing all of this for tonight's feast" Ezraphel huffed cocking a hip to this side while folding her arms.

"So all of this is for the whole weekend?" Jamie asked.

"Of course."

"Who do you think is paying for all of this?"

'Is he being for real?' Kendall deadpanned.

"How good is she at cooking?" Jamie cut in.

"Uh…"

"Yes Stanley, how good am I at cooking?"

"Very good" Stan admitted reluctantly.

"Then I'll help pay for it" Jamie shrugged.

"Me too" Kendall chimed in.

"You guys…" Stan trailed off only to be interrupted by a reinvigorated Ezraphel.

"Well in that case…"

"Don't even think about it."

"But they said they would help pay for it~" she whined.

"Yeah those two but not everyone else."

"Then why not ask them?" Kendall suggested.

The couple looked to each other.

One Phone Call Later…

The quartet exited the Walmart with an almost full shopping cart worth of groceries to feed six people for the weekend. Unfortunately whatever good mood that could be felt for managing to share the burden of paying for said groceries was ruined by the return of the rain.

"Goddamit Ez."

Kendall had no idea why Stan was blaming Ezraphel for the rain neither did she understand why the woman looked guilty about it. She didn't bother commenting on it if only because she's had enough weirdness for the day.

But little did Kendall know this was only the beginning of the weirdness to come this weekend.

~To Be Continued~