1 Future Dad

Teaser:

Ella stared at her reflection. Her mouth formed an 'O' as she relaxed her jaws and released air to ring the natural instrument of her body.

'Haaaah'

Touching the part of her neck where vocal chords lie, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Nothing. Nothing came out but a really quiet whispery voice.

'I guess it's not that easy to get my voice back.' Ellas's eyes opened and she stared at the mirror, growing conscious of her lifeless eyes. She also lifted both corners of her lips, trying to form a natural curve, but all she ever saw was a twisted mocking smile.

It was truly disappointing. Her voice was a trait she liked the most about herself. She was able to express herself through singing and composing songs. Take that away from her and she would feel useless. Day by day her hopes of getting the strength of her voice back grew weaker.

The door to her room opened and, frantically, she walked away from her mirror to her bed only to trip over the cord of her fan. It would have fallen on the ground had she not stabilized it with her hand.

"Ella!" her mom shrieked as she entered the room, "goodness Ella, please be careful! You never fail to make me anxious honey," the woman checked Ella's body and when she was sure it was not injured, she let her go.

"What brings you here mom?" Ella asked. Linda leaned closer to her daughter in order to better comprehend her words.

"Oh, right!" she took deep breaths for God-knows-how-long before dropping a bomb that almost ripped Ella's heart into pieces, "we're going out! I want you to meet this guy I'm dating," only then did Ella notice her mom's fitted bright red dress and long curls. A seeming splash of icy water consumed every warmth of her body.

"When?" she asked in the end.

"Later at six! So we have to get you ready ASAP!" when her mom smoothed her hair, she noticed a ring on her ring finger.

She was sure it was not the wedding ring she used to wear when Ella's dad was still alive...

**

Today is Sunday.

Well, it's not an ordinary Sunday because today, I will meet my future Father.

Panagupitan ako ni Mom ng bangs at lalo pang pinaplantsa ang buhok ko para straight na straight daw. Nasa bahay kami ngayon at kasalukuyang mine-make-upan ako ng isang make-up artist na hinire ni Mom. Kung hindi ko pa nasasabi, mayaman kami.

Nakaupo ako sa isang puting swivel chair habang inaayusan ako ng baklang palaging nag-aayos saamin tuwing may okasyon

Nakaupo ako sa isang puting swivel chair habang inaayusan ako ng baklang palaging nag-aayos saamin tuwing may okasyon. Natatandaan ko siya dahil sa makulay niyang scarf na palaging nasa leeg niya.

"Naku grabee talaga ang ganda ng anak mong ito Linda! Manikang-manika ang itsura," itinaas-taas niya ang baba ko at nagsimulang dumampi ang isang maliit na brush sa pilik mata ko.

"Oo nga. Saan pa ba magmamana diba!"

"Kay tito! Jooooke," tumawa ito at hindi ko napigilang mapatingin kay mom. Hindi pala niya sinabi dito na balak niyang magpakasal uli? "Ay no no no! Pikit lang ng mata."

Tumawa ng pilit si mom kahit na ngayon ay nasasaktan pa rin siya sa pagkawala ni Dad.

Pagkatapos akong inayusan ng bakla ay pumili siya ng dress para saakin. Sinabi niyang babagay daw saakin ang kulay puti para mas lalo raw makita ang pagka-anghel ng itsura ko. Hindi naman na ako nakapagprotesta na dahil mabilis siyang nakapili ng dress na ipapasuot sakin.

"Ayan! Ikot ka nga saglit be," ginawa ko ang gusto niya, "perfect!" Hindi ko nga lang talaga masabing baka magmukha akong white lady sa sobrang puti ng katawan ko.

*

Sinundo kami ng magiging Dad ko sa bahay namin. It's my first time meeting him. Mom never really introduced me to all the people she's dating. Siguro dahil na rin sa paggalang sa feelings ko tungkol sa pagkawala ni Dad. Sobrang close kasi kami noon. I love him so much and there's not one person that can replace his role in my heart.

That does not mean I will disrespect the man now in front of me. Mom is happy with him, so why would I ever try to ruin that happiness?

Mom is happy with him, so why would I ever try to ruin that happiness?

"I heard Gerry's Grill is your favorite restaurant," tumango ako. I wanted to add that I especially liked the live music in this place, but held myself back. Paniguradong aabutin kami ng siyam siyam sa pagpapaintindi sa kaniya ng sinabi ko. Strangers especially have a hard time hearing the words I speak.

We ordered chicken skewers, grilled baby squid [my favorite, yum!], Sizzling beef ribs as main dish, calamares for appetizer, and brown rice. Amoy na amoy ko ang halimuyak ng mga ginisang pagkain na hinaluan ng kaunting tamis sa loob ng restaurant at hindi ko mapigilang magutom lalo. I love the balance of softness and crispness in their food.

"What about your two boys?" mom spoke up to ease the 'awkward tension' between us. That's what she call silence. Personally, I don't mind staying silent for the rest of the evening.

"Ah. Hindi raw sila makakapunta ngayon. Medyo nagtatampo pa siguro na magpapakasal ako ulit," hinawakan ni mama ang kamay ng lalaki at pinilit kong 'wag mailang sa nangyayari.

"It's going to be all right. You did this for their sake too, right?" tumango ang lalaki at saka ko lang napansin na puro 'lalaki' ang tawag ko sa kan'ya. Uhm, I don't want to be rude.

"Ano nga po palang pangalan n'yo?" nakatingin pa rin siya kay mama pero si mama napansin nang nagsalita ako.

Okay, I'll try it again, "ano pong pangalan n'yo?" medyo nakita ko ang mahinang pagtapik sa kaniya ni mama at napatingin siya sakin sa wakas.

"Hmm? Sorry, mahinda na pandinig ni tito," tumawa ito ng mahina.

"Pangalan n'yo po?" tumitig siya sakin na parang pinagbubuo-buo ang sinabi ko at napansin ko ang realisasyon sa mukha niya.

"Ah! Yes, how rude of me to not introduce myself. I am London Diaz. And you are Ella, right?" ngumiti siya at ngumiti na rin ako.

"Opo," he seems friendly. It's going to be easy to have a conversation with him.

"Mahirap po talaga sigurong i-handle ang mga lalaki noh? Lalo na kung dalawa pa," natawa siya at sumang-ayon sakin. Pagkatapos ay nag-usap pa kami at napag-alaman kong kambal na lalaki ang dalawang anak niya. Medyo pasaway daw ang dalawang ito kaya kung maaari 'wag na lang daw akong pumatol dahil lalong mang-iinis daw sila 'pag pumatol pa. Tumango ako.

Hindi lang isa, kundi dalawang troublemakers ang magiging nakakabatang step-sibling ko. Hindi pa naman ako masyadong hiyang sa mga bata. Sana lang talaga hindi nila ako guluhin at magkakaayos kami.

Hindi kalaunan nasanay na rin si tito London sa boses ko at saka sumama sa usapan si mama. Nag-usap kaming tatlo hanggang sa dumating na ang pagkain namin.

This night isn't so bad after all.

*

"It's about time you moved on from your past," as if to prove her point, the wind sent my hair flying right after she finished her sentence. It's lunch time at school and as usual, we're up in the rooftop, feeling the nature do it's work.

Sinabi ko kasi sa kaniya ang nangyari kahapon kasama ang ka-date ni mom. Talagang hindi ko maialis sa isip ang huling mga ngiting binigay ni Dad bago pa man siya mawala.

Seryosong nakatingin sakin si Red habang nakahawak sa colorful niyang buhok para hindi tangayin ng hangin. Hindi ako sanay na makita siyang seryoso ng ganito.

Umub-ob ako sa tuhod ko, "but I am. Araw-araw sinusubukan kong makawala sa past ko. It's really hard," naramdaman ko ang pag-akap niya sakin at nagpasalamat ako na nagkaroon ako ng kaibigang katulad niya.

Two years simula nang mamatay si Papa, si Red ang isa sa mga taong palaging hindi umalis sa tabi ko. I respect her so much for that. I was especially bad the first three months since my father died. Hindi ako magsasalita kahit na kanino at minsan nakakalimutan ko na ring kumain o maligo.

Ang pagtulog lang ang naging paraan ko ng pagtakas sa katotohanan noon. My Dad and my Mom was my everything to me. He and my Mom introduced me to the world of music. Kami noon ang masasabing pamilya ng gifted sa larangan ng musika. But now, it's all gone. One day, when Dad was doing his job as a conductor of a famous orchestra, the building they were in suddenly collapsed and afterwards his body was found by the police.

Nagulat ako nung biglang pinakuha ni mom ang lahat ng instrument sa bahay namin kasama ang pinakamamahal niyang piano. Ang piano na minsan ay pinatugtog niya para saamin ni Dad. Lahat ng memorya ni Dad tinanggal niya.

And two years ago, I started losing the strength of my voice.