38 Valerie
[Valerie Pov]
""" ♪ Finished with my woman 'cause ' ♪ """
""" ♪ She couldn't help me with my mind ♪ """
""" ♪ People think I'm insane because ♪ """
""" ♪ I am frowning all the time ♪ """
""" ♪ All day long I think of things ♪ """
""" ♪ But nothing seems to satisfy ♪ """
""" ♪ Think I'll lose my mind ♪ """
""" ♪ If I don't find something to pacify ♪ """
""" ♪ Can you help me ♪ """
""" ♪ Occupy my brain? ♪ """
I like this song I thought as I kept listening as they happily sang along to Chari Dahlin, Lil Elam and Sarah Headey while Trin Bakker grandson of the clan leader played the guitar...Getting between the 4 of them, almost butchering the song, almost.
Making me have to imagine the voice and guitar of the original "Paranoid" singer Jackie Blackhand's song
""" ♪ I need someone to show me ♪ """
""" ♪ The things in life that I can't find ♪ """
""" ♪ I can't see the things that make ♪ """
""" ♪ True happiness, I must be blind ♪"""
That even among the nomads we listened to their songs..... taking advantage of every opportunity Selita gave us when we were hooked to the Net, to download their songs to listen to them or sing them like now
""" ♪ Make a joke and I will sigh ♪ """
""" ♪ And you will laugh and I will cry ♪ """
""" ♪ Happiness I cannot feel ♪ """
"""♪ And love to me is so unreal ♪ """
I didn't sing, even though I enjoyed the music, since the attack happened, I haven't been the same.....
As if there was a part of me missing that made me want to sing a song out loud that you like or just to get a smile on your face...
"""♪ And so as you hear these words ♪ """
"""♪ Telling you now of my state ♪ """
"""♪ I tell you to enjoy life ♪ """
"""♪ I wish I could but it's too late ♪ """
That part had disappeared along with my big brother ...
The guys knew that and so they tried to cheer me up.
The 5 of us always stay together when we are free, we are all under 18 with me at 16 being the youngest of the group.
Today when we finished our jobs with the clan, we gathered around a campfire with some beers they had managed to steal from the adults in the Clan, they even took some out of our secret stash to try to cheer me up and I am grateful to them, but I.....
I have not been the same since the attack happened, since my Brother Vincent disappeared 8 months ago.
"Chari, Lil, Trin, Sarah and V come here I want to show you something".
Suddenly Selita's voice came from behind us, making us stop everything we were doing, making everyone present nervous about who was coming, making us move our arms quickly as if we wanted to lighten the mood without much success.
Making Trin nervous for his grandmother and clan leader to take the ashtray we were using. Dumping the contents without giving me time to "No, you idiot!" warning before he did so....
Causing a white smoke to come out of the campfire filling the atmosphere already charged with more.... weed all over the area, while we tried even after that to disguise and hide the fact that we were smoking....
Smoking our secret stash, from when we snuck into a robotic Biotechnica greenhouse that had Hectare after Hectare of every kind of weed you can imagine.....
When we snuck in we all got excited at what we saw..... almost made that day a good day...almost taking me back to 8 months ago when my brother Vincent was still in camp, almost taking me back to before that fucking day happened..... the day my brother disappeared.... the day he and the other clan members went out on a patrol and explored the surroundings like any other day as a nomad... only to be assaulted by fucking Raffen Shiv....
Vincent being the only one we didn't find among the dead bodies of the patrol members. When I found out it made me have a little hope that maybe my brother was.... ALIVE!!!
And at the same time it made me tremble at the things they could be doing to him...
For 8 months I did not stop looking for him with the help of the clan, not to find any trace of him or the Raffen that attacked... making me lose hope day after day.... making me tremble with fear every time we find a corpse abandoned in the middle of the badlands.....
When Selita arrived close to where we were, she looked at us one by one with seriousness... standing looking at me and at my hand for a few seconds.... which when she did I also looked at..... to realize that I had been squeezing my hand so hard thinking about Vincent that I had dug my nails in making me bleed...
Which when Selita saw, she pulled out a small healing spray from her pocket and threw it at me to use, without saying anything, as she turned to her grandson Trin Bakker.
She stared at her grandson without saying anything until Trin couldn't take it anymore and said
"Grandma I-I swear we weren't smoking I think it smells like that because Uncle Markley just walked by-"
When Trin said that obvious lie out loud, I just thought `bad choice' Selita hates the-
"Boy, you think because I'm old, I'm senile? Don't take me for a fool brat... when you were a glow in your father's Kiroshi implants, I was already the leader of this clan, so don't think lying will get you to safe harbor brat.....
You think I care what you do when you've finished your work?
Trin, who do you think gave your father Lou the coordinates to those Biotech fields?
Kid, you know what pisses me off? That the first thing that comes to your mind is lying to me.... you know I hate lies... THAT'S WHY FAMILIES/CLANS BREAK UP!
PLUS, I don't give a shit about you smoking weed, when I lay down in bed I'm going to smoke one bigger than what's between your legs brat!"
"....."
"...."
"....."
"....."
"..."
With what Selita said, the 5 of us stood in silence.... somewhat uncomfortable, but especially Trin was uncomfortable and embarrassed
"Now that we are done with the nonsense, come with me I have something I want to show you something we downloaded today from the net...."
When we all got to trailer, Selita played a video from a section of the news of a chase of the NCPD's chasing a fire truck that was shooting water at the Ncpd while music played over the truck....
Making all 5 of us amazed by the video and by how young the guys in the fire truck looked.... looked younger than me!!!!
When Trin saw the chase, how young they were and how they got attention so that even her grandmother wanted to show it to us as if they were a lesson. About the hatred some nomads have for people from the megacities, that seemed not to please Trin, making him grab his guitar tightly to turn to Selita and say:
"What's up grandma that's what you want to teach us? You think that with this stupid video will change what I believe about people living in megacities living like ants in their anthill?
That I don't feel proud of being a nomad, and that I don't pity or dislike the people in the cities for the way they live?
Besides, do you know the things they put about us on the net? On top of the fact that they are the ones who live like rats, like animals, they dare to call US scavengers, rednecks or savages as if they were better than us.... fuck... just thinking about it pisses me off
The only thing I like about the video, is the song that midget chose for his second of glory on the net, just wait till I start uploading my songs to Cybertube..... I'll be the next Jackie, Trin The Nomad and show the world what nomads really are...(wink)."
Without responding to what his grandson said while. Trin looked at Chari, Sarah and me to finish his sentence while he winked at us smugly..... which made me think 'you fucking idiot as if you could ever get to share jackie'.
Selita continued to watch the video, as if what her grandson had said was going in one ear going out the other as she continued to watch the chase and only pointed out catching Trin's eye when the truck seemed to reach the rich part of town.
"What, you want me to watch that kid die while everyone watches?....Great, I didn't like that smug midget anyway."
Activating the security drone system that went without hesitation to the kid that Trin had created a meaningless rivalry, the kid was on top of the truck with his hands in his jacket pockets looking calm while everyone in trailer tensed up at the images except Trin who seemed to have some joy and also bewilderment at the kid's attitude, when the drones approached him preparing to open fire.
Only for him to release three silver objects that when they exploded created interference in the video and when the signal came back the drones had either exploded each other or had been rendered useless, while the boy was childishly happy about what he had done in the next moment he turned to the AV recording to send fuck all who thought he was going to die..... making those of us watching turn to Trin who it seemed even from a video the boy had responded to Trin's comment by sending him to fuck off
"Hahahaha"(Lil)
"Puahahaha"(Chari)
"hehehehehehe"(Sarah)
Filling the trailer with laughter from those of us who were present and they weren't the only ones....
"Pffff(restrained laughter)"(me)
It made me laugh too..... the first time in 8 months that I laughed..... making this catch everyone's attention in trailer, and making Selita grow a smile seeing me covering my mouth for the surprise of laughing as if I had done something wrong... The first time I laughed in 8 months.
Without anyone saying anything, we continued watching the video and how the truck was returning over the bridge where they had ended up in the rich part of the city, starting to smoke out of the truck....
To surprise us all again, when the boy on top of the truck pulled out the girl who was driving the truck wearing the same type of mask covering her face.... while they grabbed each other's hand..... to launch themselves towards the AV filming them from the bridge.
You could even hear them shouting the last lines of the song with fear in their voices.
To end up jumping again from the truck before reaching the water to disappearing behind the column of water generated by the truck when crashing....
"So Trin.... according to you as proud nomad that you think you are as if you were Santiago Aldecaldo himself, Then you my dear grandson. , as did this boy who looks 3 to 4 years younger than you."
" Grandmother, what is it that you want to tell us?, to tell me that you have interrupted our free time, to teach us this nonsense?"
"Ahmm(sigh) that's how you see it kid? You know why I wanted to show you this video?.... to open your closed point of view a little bit..... it's true that most of us don't like how to live in the megacities others have no other choice and that's why we become nomads, but in the megacities there are also people with the same ideals of freedom that we nomads have, like the boy in the video.
And remind you that we are not better or worse than anyone, just survivors kid, don't you understand? the vision that society has about nomads is contaminated by the corporations, we don't enter in their circus nor are we inside their sales forecast.
They don't want people to know that there is a way of life outside their domain, hiding from people how we really are, and simplifying all of us as if we were fucking Raffen.... as if all of us who live outside their domain are thieves or murderers and savages.
It's them you should resent kid, not the people who have their minds washed by the media and fill the net with their rotten opinions, not knowing or not even wanting to know the truth that may fuck up the shit bubble they live in, thinking there is someone worse than them or that there is no way out of the corporate yoke.... (GASP) (GASP) (GASP) (GASP)"
"Selita"(Chari)
"Selita" (Lil)
"Boss!"(Sarah)
"Old woman breathe!"
"Grandma calm down please breathe..." Said Trin who, although pissed off, seeing his grandmother who had to stop talking as his blood pressure was rising to the point that he could barely breathe and had to sit down in order to catch his breath
"I grandma understand what you mean, so please relax will you, we are going to leave you to rest..... and today don't smoke, if it's as big as you said..... I don't think it will sit well with you."
"Tch, you rude (huff) b-rat, look at you saying something like that to your grandmother."
"Boss, please take care of yourself will you" (Sarah).
"Yes Selita have a good rest" (Lil)
"Bye Selita" (Chari)
"Old woman me too-"
"Valerie you stay please I have something to talk to you".
When everyone left only Selita and I remained in the trailer.
"What did you think of the video V.... sorry little girl I know you want to be called that since Vicent and I agree. But I've known you since you were 6, your brother was 9 and you joined the clan...I simply refuse to call you like I don't know you girl, so Valerie, what did you think of the video?"
"It's something he would have liked..." I said as I lowered my head not wanting to be seen holding back tears as I remembered what Selita said about my brother when we were little when we were alone, how hard it was, how glad we were when Selita found us and gave us a home a family
"Valerie look me in the eyes...."
When Selita said that I forced myself to barely look at her without holding back my tears, Selita stared at me and said.
"I know what you are going through right now, believe me I also lost my only family before I formed the Clan, it was during the 3rd corporate war, they all passed away leaving me alone in the world..... And like your little one I was also robbed of something inside of me that changed me, but Valerie, that something we lost also made us stronger, because when you rise up as I know you will and your smile comes back when you tried to hide it a little while ago... I know this clan will not be able to hold you back.
So my little Valerie you remind me so much of me..... don't hide what you feel, cry, scream and curse all you want...and when you go to bed after all that, get up stronger than the day before, live your life for both of us, both for your brother Vincent and for you Valerie..... With the V you have in common as a symbol of your life.
Did you hear me little V?"
"Yeah-yeah, I hear you old woman.... (sniff) (sniff) (sniff) (sniff)"
As I was crying like a little girl because of what Selita had told me, barely allowing me to see clearly.....
She said; "Here my little V, I know you liked it too and it's the first thing to make you smile in months, I know at some point I don't know why, but this will help you."
Said Old Selita as she handed me a Chip with the copy of the fire truck chase without quite understanding why she gave it to me, Selita just smiled seeing my somewhat puzzled face and said with a smile on her wrinkled face.
"Haha call it intuition little V, one doesn't live for so many years in this dangerous world without listening to it."
" I, I don't quite get it about the chip, but... thanks for everything else, everything you have said... grandma" I said before giving Selita a hug who I really considered a grandma to me.
With those last words leaving the trailer, after leaving I looked at the sky full of stars making me clench my hands as I remembered again what grandma Selita had said.
By doing, I squeezed my hand noticing the chip in it....
Thinking about chip..... he would have really liked to see it, Vicent always had the childhood dream of going Nc to become a legend, to according to him 'reach the highest view of the city just to be able to smile for what he had achieved' and I know that if it wasn't for me..... he would have already escaped from the clan to go and live his childhood dream with a smile on his face...
While I was still looking up at the sky, clenching my hand with the chip in it. I could only force myself to smile with my tear-filled eyes and.
"Look at me okay, I Vale-.... NO! I will get V to the top of Nc, I promise....(sniff)....brother!"
