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Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific

[This world is steeped in mystique.] [Vampires, werewolves, technology, magical potions, ghosts, bioengineered beings, divination, and puppets; every terrifying element you could conceive of, exists in this world.] [One must carry a lantern when stepping outside.] [One must never wander far.] [Ten meters beyond the gates, darkness will consume you.] [Whether attending to humans, ghosts, or stitched monsters, one must maintain composure at all times.] [Should you ever lose your composure, it will give rise to malicious intent.] This is the translation of the Chinese novel "Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific". It's a horror comedy with more comedy than horror. I hope you enjoy it.

Fish9527 · Book&Literature
Not enough ratings
96 Chs

Shocking

Having swiftly packaged the potion, a smile graced Lynne's face as he once again expended 500 skull coins to teleport into Vision World.

The task was completed! Now, the most pressing matter was to sell the potions in his possession. Maybe for a slightly higher price. Setting the price at 3000 skull coins per bottle. He believed that once someone had used his potion, they'd undoubtedly become a loyal customer. So, promotion was paramount!

Without a second thought, Lynne activated the rune on his wrist, composing a promotional message.

[Bloodsaw Potion Shop: The powerful Critical Strike Potion is now available! Once consumed, significantly enhances your attack strength. Priced at 3000 skull coins per bottle! Limited to thirty bottles! Fair pricing! First come, first served! Exclusive! No other branches! Hurry and purchase!]

Upon clicking,

[Skull Coin -1000]

The promotional message was successfully shared.

Wearing a hopeful smile, Lynne eagerly switched to the trading channel.

Looking at the disseminated message, Lynne felt a surge of anticipation, sensing a throng of customers would soon come knocking.

...

Half an hour later.

Lynne sat behind the counter, eyes closed, a slight smile on his lips, stealing a glance at the deserted shopfront.

Well... expected.

Perhaps the promotional efforts hadn't manifested just yet. It had only been half an hour after all. A bit more patience and customers would surely flock in. Maybe he should spend another 1000 skull coins for more promotion...

...

Two hours later.

With a furrowed brow, Lynne paced back and forth at the shop entrance, arms crossed. Why hadn't a single person shown up? He had broadcast the advertisement thrice! Surely someone should've shown some interest! No need to panic, more waiting was in order. After all, haste makes waste. That's right! Hang in there!

...

Three hours later.

Lynne leaned stiffly against the counter, his face expressionless, cobwebs accumulating above him. He had spent a whopping 5000 skull coins, pushing the advertisement five times! Could it truly be that not a single soul was willing to take a peek? His money seemed to be gushing out like water!

Slamming his hand on the counter with frustration, Lynne's demeanor was the epitome of exasperation.

"You've pushed me to this! I hadn't intended to resort to this! But it seems I have no choice!"

With gritted teeth and determination (〝▼皿▼), Lynne pulled up the information-sharing interface and rapidly composed the following message:

[Shocking!! The secret to a more muscular, impressive physique!! Top demon hunters swear by it, succubus blushes upon seeing it, and queens can't get enough of the Powerful Man's Critical Strike Potion! One bottle and you're bursting at the seams! Two, you're soaring high! Three, and you're unstoppable as a bulldozer! Want to stand tall and proud? Click on Bloodsaw Potion Shop!]

With a swift click, promotion unleashed!

This wasn't over! Damn it!

Lynne's fingers danced (〝▼皿▼) across the screen at breakneck speed, firing off a series of anonymous messages in the trade channel at 100 skull coins each:

[Wow! The Critical Strike Potion from Bloodsaw Potion Shop is mind-blowing! After my boyfriend took just one, he was too much to handle!]

[Hold on! How can we share such a gem so casually? And it's just 3000 skull coins per bottle? What if someone sweeps the stock? So cheap!]

[Stop sharing, everyone! Mind the potential price hike (艹皿艹). Can't we keep it a secret? Get stronger, fiercer, and more impressive on the sly. Doesn't that sound tempting?]

[Is the potion really that powerful?]

[No! Not at all! Just a casual doubling of combat abilities after consumption. And every strike delivers a perfect critical hit. It's nothing, really!]

[But can it really make one burst out of their clothes?]

[Not just clothes! Anything that should burst and even those that shouldn't – this potion makes it happen! Why else would it be called the Critical Strike Potion?]

Taking a deep breath, Lynne put down his furiously typing fingers, taking pride in the sheer speed he had deployed. Following this barrage of messages, the trading channel experienced a brief moment of silence.

"..."

"..."

Dots passed overhead, symbolizing an awkward silence. However, in the blink of an eye, a dramatic shift occurred. The space outside the store's door was flooded with countless, blindingly bright teleportation flashes. A barrage of notifications echoed in Lynne's ears.

[Dark Giant Leobard requests entry.]

[Fallen Minotaur seeks admittance.]

[Succubus Araya wants to enter.]

[Multi-armed Demon desires access.]

Without a second thought, Lynne approved all requests. And in an instant, countless avatars flooded in, cramming the small shop. Every available space was occupied by multiple overlapping figures. Their eyes shone with anticipation, and their voices brimmed with excitement.

"Boss is everything you mentioned in the ad true?! Do you really sell such a magical potion here?!"

"Is there truly a potion that can make one so powerful that even the queen couldn't resist?"

"I want ten bottles of Critical Strike Potion! Now!"

"Is it really endorsed by top demon hunters?! I'll take 50 bottles to test its effects!"

"Move aside! I was the first one in! Boss, I'll take a bottle!"

"What audacity! Clearly, I was first! Boss, I'll take all the potions!"

"Eh? Eh? Boss, do you accept... other forms of payment? I'm a very alluring succubus, after all."

In an instant, the previously deserted potion shop was packed to the brim with eager patrons from the Dark World.

Lynne (눈‸눈).

It seemed, much like on Earth, without some sensational appeal, nobody would be interested. Yet, unlike Earth, where people might sneer at such blatant marketing tactics, the denizens of the Dark World were purely excited and sincere in their reactions.

"This is a bit of a headache," Lynne feigned difficulty, expressing, "Everyone, while the potions in our store are indeed of genuine quality, we've always operated on a small scale. We only have 30 bottles of the Critical Strike Potion left, and 10 of them have already been reserved by our regular customers..."

"This... This is truly a dilemma for me."

Lynne was clearly conflicted.

Seeing Lynne's torn expression, the store's patrons were set off.

"(`皿′) Nonsense! 4,000 skull coins a bottle! I'll take all of them! If that's an issue for you, I'll add 500 coins to each bottle! Money is no concern for me!"

"Hey! (▼皿▼#) Think you're the only one with money? Boss, 5,000 a bottle! Reserve 30 bottles for me for starters! If they work well, I'll return and buy double!"

"5,000? Small change! I say 6,000!"

"7,000!"

"7,500!"

As the situation threatened to spiral out of control, Lynne quickly raised his hand, urging, "Everyone, please! Although our potions are truly top-tier, we should all shop rationally! Don't be reckless with your money; earning it isn't easy! — Payment can be made over there; just transfer the amount directly!"

...