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Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific

[This world is steeped in mystique.] [Vampires, werewolves, technology, magical potions, ghosts, bioengineered beings, divination, and puppets; every terrifying element you could conceive of, exists in this world.] [One must carry a lantern when stepping outside.] [One must never wander far.] [Ten meters beyond the gates, darkness will consume you.] [Whether attending to humans, ghosts, or stitched monsters, one must maintain composure at all times.] [Should you ever lose your composure, it will give rise to malicious intent.] This is the translation of the Chinese novel "Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific". It's a horror comedy with more comedy than horror. I hope you enjoy it.

Fish9527 · Book&Literature
Not enough ratings
96 Chs

I've already stabbed!

Something was off! Why was he fighting himself, uttering harsh words like "I'll finish you off"? By all appearances, there was no one else here but him. Was he indirectly implying something to himself? Was this the Wandering Soul Lane?! Such simple and naive customs here, unbelievable!

The sheepfolk glanced nervously towards the entrance, then at the two clashing, sparking knives in Lynne's hands. Weighing the pros and cons, he decided to stay put and assess the situation. With his legs tightly together, he sat on the stool, placing his trembling hands on his knees.

"Um... Sir..." the sheepfolk began hesitantly, "Why are you clashing those knives against each other? Are you practicing some powerful combat technique?"

Lynne looked surprised. "No, I simply wish to sever my left hand, hehehe."

The creature shuddered, "Why... Why?!"

Lynne, with an intense look (〝▼皿▼), resumed his fight with his left hand. "I shouldn't go into details, but know this: this isn't a good hand; it desires flesh! Just now, it wanted to devour me. If I don't restrain it, who's to say it wouldn't want to eat you?" He instantly switched back to his friendly demeanor, "Of course, rest assured. With me here, it won't harm you."

"!!!"

[Ding! Sheepfolk's fear level +10]

[Ding! Sheepfolk's fear level +10]

The sheepfolk sat, shivering on the stool, legs pressed together.

Really?! Why did he get the sense that there was an underlying threat to harm him? You can't bully an outsider like this! Even if I'm not the brightest, this is no way to insult someone! This place seems dodgy! If he didn't leave soon, he feared he might never get out.

Moreover, how could a human possibly run a shop in the Dark World?! Just a bit of thought and one would realize this wasn't normal! No ordinary human could be so comfortable here!

Leave!

Finally, that thought resurfaced in his mind.

"Um... Boss," he said with trepidation (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))) "when do you plan to cure me? Perhaps you should get ready?"

Lynne paused, then his face brightened instantly, kindly responding, "So you've finally chosen to seek treatment at our establishment? Wonderful! Dear customer, you've made a truly wise decision! You won't have to wait long. I'll diagnose you right away."

With that, Lynne, with a fierce expression (艹皿艹), clashed knives with his left hand again and quickly turned, rummaging through the counter for his stethoscope.

Clang—

Clang—

(((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))) Diagnose my what?! It's clear as day you want to kill me! If I stay any longer, I must be mad! This is a trap! I'm out!

While Lynne's back was turned, he swiftly stood up, attempting to sneak out quietly and tiptoed towards the exit. But at that very moment, a loud clang echoed from behind, followed by a booming shout.

"Trying to flee?! Let's see you try! Thought you could escape?!"

Whoosh-slash—

Whoosh-slash—

Sounds of blades cutting through the air.

"Every neighbor on Wandering Soul Lane is an ally of mine. If I can't chop you down, I'll have my neighbors do it for me!"

The sheepfolk instantly froze (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))), not daring to move.

[Sheepfolk Sanity -10]

Uh… What…

"You think you can face me just because you have a knife? Let me tell you, I've severed hands long enough to encircle the entire Wandering Soul Lane over a dozen times!"

The sheepfolk swiftly withdrew his hand from the hilt of his blade at his waist.

No… I was just instinctively reaching for it…

[Sheepfolk's Sanity -10]

"You better watch yourself," Lynne said darkly, "There's always tomorrow. If you behave, I might spare you for now. But if not, don't blame me for showing no mercy!"

Lynne, knife across his chest, teeth gritted, stood in a dangerous standoff with his equally fierce (艹皿艹) knife-wielding left hand.

[Sheepfolk's Sanity -30!!]

Seizing a moment's respite, he turned his head, smilingly pointing to the stethoscope with his blade, kindly suggesting, "Dear guest, we can begin now."

And the sheepfolk, who had somehow returned without being noticed, sat tightly pressed on the stool, nodding rapidly with a (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))) expression, trembling as he spoke, "Alright! I'll do as you say... w-wuh."

...

A few minutes later.

The sheepfolk sat trembling at the counter. Following Lynne's instruction, he hesitantly pressed one end of the stethoscope to his chest.

Across the counter, the human youth had his eyes closed. Both hands still clanged against the knives, apparently in a struggle, though it seemed less intense than before.

After listening for a while, Lynne's brow furrowed. Instantly, the sheepfolk's heart raced. He queried with apprehension (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))), "Doctor, did you detect something unfavorable?"

Right now, he wasn't worried about anything else. He just feared this doctor might suddenly rise and go for him! He really wanted to say lamb isn't tasty at all! Really!

Lynne spoke gravely, "Your heartbeat is irregular. It seems you've recently experienced extreme shock, causing a surge in your adrenaline. If it were just that, it wouldn't be too concerning..."

The sheepfolk (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))) thought, 'Aren't you aware of the shock you've given me?! Are you seriously bringing this up now?!'

Lifting his head, he gazed calmly into Lynne's face and responded, "But your forehead is darkened, your eyes lackluster, and your lips are slightly purple, which are typical signs of poisoning... If you've been poisoned and then subjected to a substantial shock, causing rapid blood circulation, it could be life-threatening!"

The sheepfolk exclaimed, "(ΩДΩ)!!" This has to be a joke! This doctor must be joking!

"Were you in any places with dense miasma recently?"

The sheepfolk, in a daze, replied, "I visited a marsh."

"Were you attacked by anything?!"

He rolled up his sleeves to reveal several scratches, "I wasn't attacked. Just got scratched by some vines in the marsh. I bandaged it and didn't think much of it."

[Ding! Diagnostic Assistance: Unique toxin "Man-Faced Vine" added to the database.]

Clang-clang-clang—

Lynne swiftly clashed knives with his betraying left hand, then swiftly scanned the information provided by the system. With a calm demeanor, he elaborated, "Man-Faced Vine, a highly toxic plant that thrives in damp, cold environments. It usually lies in ambush underground, attacking unsuspecting creatures passing by. However, the toxin from the Man-Faced Vine has a long incubation period. Under normal circumstances, it's not lethal."

The sheepfolk asked blankly, "And under abnormal circumstances?"

Lynne, with a fierce expression (〝▼皿▼), glanced at his knife and swiftly scanned through the information, declaring: "First and foremost, one must avoid being startled, preventing the heart from racing. It's essential to maintain a calm and tranquil heart, inhibiting the surge of blood pressure."

However, in the fleeting moment that Lynne was distracted,

Swish--

Right under the watchful eyes of the sheepfolk, his left hand suddenly swelled several times in size, revealing its sharp, toothy maw. In a flash, it enclosed Lynne's head within.

The sheepfolk gasped in horror, "(ΩДΩ) Oh, my God!"

[Sheepfolk's Sanity -10]

[Sheepfolk's Sanity -10]

"Secondly," Employing his 'Flesh Catastrophe' ability, Lynne rapidly solidified his neck, preventing it from being bitten off. He then thrust out his foot, forcefully wedging it against the gaping maw of the monstrous hand, prying it open with all his might.

Lynne, with a challenging glare (〃>皿<), warned, "Should the poison begin to spread, the body will gradually emit a peculiar scent. At this juncture, it becomes highly likely to attract the consumption desire of malevolent beings. But fear not! Our apothecary remains a safe haven, devoid of any malevolent creatures."

Slurp--

Slurp--

The sheepfolk, whose body now emitted a strange aroma, sat there in complete bewilderment (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))). From the monstrous hand's mouth, a gooey tongue, several meters long, dangled, absentmindedly licking his face.

[Horror Level of sheepfolk +50]

[Horror Level of sheepfolk +50]

"Thirdly," With determination, Lynne (〃>皿<) promptly held up three fingers, swiftly perusing the information provided by the system. "If the peculiar scent becomes overwhelmingly present, drawing malevolent creatures, an immediate bloodletting treatment is imperative. Even a minute's delay could be life-threatening!"

The sheepfolk, overwhelmed with panic (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))), hastily drew a small knife.

Squirt--

He plunged it into a major artery in his leg. Blood spurted out with force.

"Hold on!" Lynne, with an assertive expression (〃>皿<), swiftly interjected, "I made an error! You should've consumed ample water and recuperative elixirs to counteract the poison's spread. Bloodletting is an extreme solution and isn't recommended!"

The sheepfolk exclaimed in shock, "!!!" He gazed at Lynne in disbelief (ΩДΩ), then back at the knife embedded in his leg and the spurting blood.

Why didn't you say so sooner?! Damn you! Why not earlier?! I've already done it!