6 Chapter 6: First Date

The air was cool when it hit my warm face. I walked smiling to myself thinking about the band and Adam. His handsome face and angelic voice filled my mind. I pictured him singing to only me. We were alone in the bar and he was inches away from me. His voice was as warm as his eyes. I caught myself smiling again. Looking around at the dark empty streets I tried to remember my way back to Donna's house. I walked quickly hoping that she hadn't waited up too long for me. It was late, the moon hung high in the night sky. As I walked my silence was interrupted. "Hey girly, watch yam' up to?" A drunken man's voice yelled back at me. I looked back to see three men stumbling around catching each other from falling. This town may be quiet and quaint, but the men are sleazy when their drunk. I shook my head and picked up the pace. "Hey wait up" someone called from behind me. I could hear his footsteps hit the pavement as he jogged toward me. I turned around expecting to see another drunken man, but I was wrong. My eyes fixed on his beautiful eyes and his smile. "Hey, I'm Adam" he said introducing himself. I smiled slightly. "Sam" I said nodding. "You know a pretty girl like yourself shouldn't be walking alone this late at night". I laughed a bit. He let out a huff. "Don't you think your pretty?" he asked walking beside me. "Fairly" I replied. I tried to keep my smile at bay. "Well if it's worth anything, I'd like to walk a pretty girl like you home. That is if you'll let me". He said with a smile. I looked up at him and nodded. "If you insist" I told him. We walked for a bit. The cool air soothed my blushing cheeks. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He was so handsome. "So when did you move here?" he asked. I looked straight trying to hide my blushing. "Just a little bit ago" I told him. He nodded. "You know this may be out of the blue and a bit forward but would you like to go out on a date with me?" I could feel my heart pounding. This was fast and unexpected. I breathed in the cool air. I smiled at him. "Yeah I'd love to". I looked up at him and could tell he was trying to hide his smile.

We walked a bit longer and then made the turn around the corner to Donna's house. I didn't want the walk to end. The silence was a bit awkward, but I wanted him around me. There was something different about him. "I liked your songs tonight" I said trying to start some more conversation and hopefully delay having to go inside. He laughed a bit. "Why thank you. I like them too". I smiled and bit my lip. "Do I make you nervous?" He asked me. The blushing came back. "No why do you ask?" He smiled again. "You know it's cool, but not cool enough to hide you're blushing. Plus you bite your lip a lot when I ask you things" He said coyly. I could see a smile grow across his face. Damn, I thought to myself. Was it that obvious that I like him? I took a slow deep breath, trying not to show that I was now embarrassed. "So where do you want to go then?" I looked up at him and shrugged. "Are there any good places around here?" I asked. I looked around and realized we had walked a couple blocks past the house. "Well you know, for a small town they do have a really nice Italian restaurant down by the east side of the town". I nodded. I wasn't much of a fan for Italian, but I would go anywhere to be around him.

"Yeah that sounds great" I told him. "So where is your place?" He asked. I looked behind us. "Um it's actually a couple blocks back that way". He stopped and looked back and laughed once again. "Oh really now. You just can't get enough of me can you?" He asked, his smile growing. I let out a quiet laugh. "No, I was just distracted, that's all." I told him rolling my eyes. We started walking back to my house. "Sure, sure" he said still smiling. "Tell me something about yourself". He said causally. "What would you like to know?" I asked back. I bit my lip for a different reason this time. What would I say if he asked about my family? Or if he noticed my slight bump. "Why are you here on your own?" he asked. I looked down at my feet. "I wanted a new life". He didn't respond for a couple minutes. Maybe he had heard my voice crack when I talked or saw the sadness on my face. "That's understandable, personally I don't really mind small towns, cities are great but it's easy to get caught up and lost in the commotion you know what I mean?" I looked up at him. "Yeah, I definitely understand that". He took another glance at me. "Are you cold your cheeks are a bit red"? I hadn't realized that I was still blushing. "Um yea a bit" I managed to mutter out. I pointed to the house. "It's this one right here" I said taking a couple steps up the walkway. He followed behind me. "Okay well ill pick you up tomorrow night at 5:30 okay?" I smiled and nodded. "Okay that sounds great". He stepped up close to me and leaned in for a kiss. Nervous, I turned and his lips touched my cheek. He let out a laugh. "Okay I see how it is. I'm going to have to work for it aren't I?" I smiled back at him. "Goodnight Adam" I told him walking up the steps. "Night beautiful" he replied taking a couple steps back towards the street. I closed the door behind me trying not to be loud. I could hear music coming from Donna's room. Going straight into my room, I closed the door took off all my clothes, slipped on a tank and laid in bed. I let out a long breath as pictures of Adam flashed through my mind.

I quickly fell asleep. I had beautiful dreams the rest of the night. The sweet smell of honey and grass filled my nose. A light breeze moved over my body as I lay on the warm earth. Sunlight danced over my eyelids tempting me to look at the beauty around me. I could hear laughter only a short distance away from me. A little boy's voice giggled along with an older man. Sitting up I looked at the two. The boy was young, about three or four years at the most. The man had dark greying hair and slight facial creases. Shielding my eyes from the sun, I looked closer to see that the man was Adam. The man in front of me was a much older version yet his eyes stayed the exact same brilliant color. The child giggled again as Adam raised him in the air and brought him back to the ground. The boy crawled onto the ground, got up and started to run towards me. It wasn't until I heard the work mama escape from his lips that it sunk in that he was mine. Opening my arms to him, he buried his face into my hair, peaking out slightly to look at me. I took a deep breath. Was this my baby? The tiny little ball inside me now a small child clinging to me like me was his protector. "Mama, daddy's a monster" he cried out. Adam laughed and started towards us making funny faces and tickling motions. My baby's hands clung to me and swatted away Adam trying not to laugh as he was being tickled. In the blink of an eye the boys giggles turned into screams and his tiny fists tightened their grip on my shirt. Looking down at his face, his eyes begged for help, his rosy cheeks grew pale. Looking down at the large, strong hands I watched them wrap around my sons waist and pull him from my arms. Jordan held the boy in his arms rocking him from side to side. "How could you let him die?" he asked me. "What?" I stuttered out. What did he mean I let him die? Jordan shook his head. The toddler's lifeless body was limp in his arms. I wanted to cry out, I wanted to scream. This can't be happening, not to my little boy.

It was his fault not mine. "You honestly didn't think you could ever be a good mother did you? You did this? You killed your little boy" he whispered with a slight smile.

I woke with a start. Clutching my stomach. My tiny little ball was still there. Wiping the cool sweat away from my forehead. I need to talk to someone about these dreams. It's not normal for a person to constantly be dreaming about losing her baby is it? I laid in bed for a bit, looking at the patterns in the ceiling till I heard Donna getting ready for work. I sat down at the kitchen table and watched her pour herself a cup of coffee. "So when did you get home last night?" she asked. I looked at my hands and smiled. "Well, I was walking home and you know the singer Adam from the band last night?" She smiled and nodded eagerly waiting to hear what happened next. "We started talking and I guess he liked me or something so now were going out tomorrow night to some Italian place". Donnas smile grew and she lightly bounced in her seat. "Oh that's such great news!" she exclaimed happily. "You guys will be great for each other!" I smiled back at her and fiddled once again with my hands. Images of Adam flew through my mind. His smile, his eyes and his sweet voice filled my head. Almost as if she could see what I was thinking Donna smiled, took a large sip of her coffee and left the house for work. I sat alone at the table in silence, thinking about the night before. Sighing I rubbed my stomach. Would a man like him want a pregnant woman? I shook my head. Maybe I should just cancel the date and save him and me the whole trouble.

Pushing the thoughts out of my mind I stepped into the shower. The water washed over me cleansing my skin of all worries. My hands gently ran over the slowly growing bump on my stomach. The steam filled my nose and relaxed my body. For the first time in a while I felt at peace. Stepping out onto the shower mat I looked at myself in the mirror. Turning and looking at my back, I felt the scars that Jordan had made. I could hear his voice in my head repeating over and over how I was nothing, how I was trash. I felt my stomach once more. I may be nothing, but I am making something beautiful and he will be perfect. Looking in the mirror I saw the strength in my face. I will protect my baby and no matter what the past has put me through, there's no way I'm letting it destroy my future.

Sipping some juice, I sat outside on the front step and let the sun hit me. My pale skin seemed as if it was glowing from the light. I had only a few hours away from the date and Donna wouldn't be able to help me get ready this time. I was on my own and in control of my own style. Letting one last sigh, I went back inside and looked at my pathetic collection of my clothes. I'm sure Donna wouldn't mind if I borrowed another outfit. She always has me wear her stuff whenever I go out anyways. Feeling the mass of clothes in the closet I pulled out a pair of black yoga pants and a loose fitting green beaded top and slipped them on. I looked at myself from head to toe in the mirror. Examining every slight curve of my body, every inch of what I was. I had gained a bit more weight from when I was in the hospital. My slight bump was almost unnoticeable for someone who wasn't looking. How many months does it take before you start to show like I was? I must have been three maybe four months. Which meant I had been pregnant for quite a while before I had left. Before that night where Jordan almost killed me again. How many times had he beaten me while I was pregnant? I still hadn't gone for an ultrasound yet so how was I, to make sure everything was going to be okay for the little life growing inside me? Rubbing my stomach I took a deep breath and felt my chest move as it filled with air. I don't know what I'm doing or if this is the right thing to do. This baby may have a better life with another family, than it could with me. A family with other children and two parents who could support and care for this child and give him everything he needs. I could barely give him a home and what was I supposed to do when he gets older. I can't live here and put such a burden on Donna. This is my fault what happened to me, not hers, it's not her baby to care for, and it shouldn't even be mine.

Trying to shake the thoughts out of my head I looked over the different shades of makeup I would wear for the night. I knew I wouldn't be able to do the magic that Donna could do with makeup so I chose a simple teal eye shadow with black eyeliner and plum lip gloss Fancy enough for a date, but simple enough not to make it look like I'm trying too hard. Sitting on the chair in front of the mirror I closed my eyes and thought of what Adam would be wearing. His strong arms showing in a dark tee-shirt and nice jeans possibly. His chocolate eyes shining when he sees me. He was quite handsome, more handsome than I deserve. How did he pick me out of all the pretty small town girls he already knew were swooning over him and his angelic voice? There's no way I could compare to their long beautifully tanned legs and sun lightened blonde hair. Opening my eyes I saw that I looked ridiculous. In another woman clothes and wearing her makeup. I was not me. A stranger looked back at me from the mirror, she was pretty, put together, she was going to be a mother, but was she me?

The knock at the door was quiet, but made my heart beat loudly. Donna wasn't home yet from work so I had no one to talk to on how I felt about the date and the woman in the mirror. Maybe it's just better if I forget about myself and try to become her, the woman in the mirror. Look like her, talk like her, act like her and eventually be her. Al of my worries and thoughts disappeared the second I opened the door and saw that beautiful smile. "You look amazing" Adam said to me with a smile. "Thanks you look pretty good to" I told him trying to keep my cool and not blush. He was more handsome than the night before. A dark blue stripped dress shirt with new looking dark jeans covered his skin. "These are for you" he said in his sweet voice as he handed me a small bouquet of lilies and baby's breath. Of course babies breathe, what a coincidence. "Let me put these in water" I told him, taking the flowers in my hand. "Their very beautiful. Thank you again". He smiled at me stepping inside the house. Taking a deep breath I slid the flowers into a vase and set them by the sink. He was defiantly not a city boy. Tasking one last glance at the flowers I tried to remember the last time someone had given me something so beautiful. I don't think I had ever gotten flowers before to be honest. I bet the woman in the mirror had gotten tons of flowers before. Beautiful gifts from her suitors and admirers.

Adam stood by the door looking around the living room. "Very stylish. Not many people in a town like this have this sense of style". I nodded at him. "Donna is very good with style". I wonder if he could tell that these aren't my clothes and that I wouldn't have style like Donna does. Taking one more head to toe glance Adam motioned for the door. "Shall we eat" He said smiling. I laughed lightly and headed out the door. At the end of the driveway was a beautiful new looking car. Its radiant blue glimmered in the last bit of sun that shone and its sleek body showed how it didn't belong in a small town like this. "Nissan GT-R" Adam told me smiling. "I have a bit of a thing for cars as well as my passion for music". I nodded. "Well let's hope you have a good taste in food also" I winked at him as he pulled my door open for me. Nice one, I thought to myself smiling slightly. The inside of the car was well kept. Not a single bit of dust or dirt, it almost felt illegal sitting in the nice car as it sped through the down towards the east end. Looking out the tinted windows I tried to make out what we were passing. A few shops and a couple small parks passed by and we had already arrived at the restaurant. Looking up at the big sign that said Ritolli's the place looked fancier than any other place on the town. I would never be able to afford to take him to a place like this or pay him back for the date.

Walking inside you could smell the pasta sauces and fresh herbs cooking. A young and curvy waitress sat us down in a small private booth. "What would you like to drink?" she asked looking at me. "Um just a cola" I replied smiling. She turned to Adam and smiled brightly. "And for you handsome?" Did she really just hit on Adam in front of me? His date? He caught my glance and quickly told her a cola as well and dis issued her. My eyebrow raised. Maybe he is quite interested in me. This girl was clearly fawning over him and he dismissed her for me. "A very dedicated fan" he whispered smiling almost as if my questions were displayed on my forehead. "Do most girls make it that obvious?" I asked playing it cool. Shrugging his shoulders. "What can you do"? Only moments later our waitress brought our sodas and took our orders. Adam did everything a man in the movies would do. He was soft voiced, but took charge by ordering for the both of us and making sure that we would have privacy once our food was brought over. Looking over his facial features I saw every bit of him. He had a strong jawline, with soft but masculine features. He was quite a stunning man. I still wondered why he had chosen me over all the other women who swooned at his feet. Clearly there were women who would go to the extent of flirting with him while he's on a date with another woman. If anything were to happen between us, would I be able to compete with his other women fans? Taking a bite of the delicious lasagna sauce dripped down my chin. Great. First date and I'm already embarrassing myself. Adam laughed at me slightly and took his napkin wiping it away. "It's good isn't it?" Adam said smiling. Instantly blushing I tried to hide my face from him behind my napkin. "So what are your plans here?" I asked taking a small bite. He smiled at me. "Ask me something better. Something that's actually useful". Laughing I took a bite and winked at me. A coy smile crossed my face. "Um okay, well then. How about you ask me something." A smile came across his face. "How about we get out of here?" The question shocked me a bit. This soon? What did he have planned and what made him think I was that kind of girl. "Why? What do you have planned?" I asked him trying to keep my cool. He took another bite of his food. "Well there's a small river down by the south side of the town and it's really pretty this time of the night". My heart fluttered a bit. Of course he wasn't one of those guys who would try something on the first date. Trying to keep myself from grinning like an idiot I nodded slightly. "Yeah sure that sounds good". I bit my lip as he pulled my hand and led me out the door.

My heart raced the whole way to the river, but not as much as when the car rolled to a stop on the gravel road. He looked at me with a coy smile. "Are you ready?" I nodded back. The smells were almost overwhelming as he led me down to the bank. Adam pulled me close to him, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Sometimes everything just gets so noisy and so loud that I like to come out here and listen to the silence of everything". The sound of the rushing water, the hum of the crickets and the slow fluttering of the birds surrounded us. Memories of home flashed into my head. I couldn't tell if I missed it, or if I missed the familiarity of the people and the busy streets. "What's going on in your head?" Adam asked me. "Sometimes I don't know. I miss home I think." He nodded in silence. Taking a chance a laid my head on his shoulder. Holding me close he laid down, my head on his chest and arms wrapped around him. I had never felt so close to someone before, never in my life had a man held me so tenderly. I could just picture what Jordan would be doing if I was still with him. If he hadn't killed me by now, I would be laying on the floor in a pool of my own blood, his body over me screaming and kicking at me on the floor. I tried to push the image of him out of my mind and back into the present. I pulled myself closer to Adam, the warmth of his body made the chilly night better. Looking up at his face I could see him smiling. He moved his hand onto my chin and pulled my face close to his. Moving his lips to mine I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I could feel the blood rushing in my veins and the adrenaline rushing through my body. My lips tingled as he kissed me. The feel of his soft lips form around mine was heaven. My whole body radiated warmth, excitement buzzed around me but within seconds it's was over. He pulled away and laid back down. Wanting more I pulled by body up and tried to kiss him again, but my efforts fail. "Chill babe, let's not go too fast". His words almost surprised me. I knew it was a bit fast but normally wouldn't a guy love that? Maybe the men back home were just sleazy and tainted me. Treated me like trash for so long I was used to it. Adam sat up, leaning his body over me. "You're a beautiful woman Samantha, but I don't want to rush and ruin anything". I didn't care, I wanted him now. With my arms wrapping around his neck and pulling myself closer, our lips met once more, I held him close not wanting to part. Kissing him was everything you read or watch in romance stories. It was beautiful. I wrapped my legs around his body, trying to pull him close. He was strong, his muscles surrounded me. I could feel his smile as we kissed. "Sam. Don't get too excited now" he whispered to me smiling. He knew I wanted more, but I pulled away and laid back down. We laid there in silence for a few moments. Closing my eyes, I pictured what it would be like if he had kissed me longer, trying to imagine what his touch would be like against my skin. The thoughts were almost painful as I remembered how everything with Jordan was rough, painful and scarring. Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

I was almost sad when I walked through the house doors. I had really hoped he would come inside, but like he had mentioned it was too fast. As expected, Donna sat on the couch sipping her tea with ears ready to hear what had gone on during my date. "Well how did it go?" She asked. Smiling at her. "It was good" I replied walking into my room. Following behind me with soft steps, Donna expected me to carry on with the story. "Well that's it?" she asked displeased that I had not told her more. "It was amazing. He was a gentleman. He took me down by the river and we looked at the stars and talked for a bit. It was romantic". Her eyes filled with love. "Awe that's so cute!" she exclaimed happily. "I never took him as such a romantic!" she leaned against the doorframe. "Nice outfit by the way" she said with a smirk. I had almost forgot that I was wearing one of her outfits. "Thank you so much for lending me some of your clothes, you really do so much for me. You have no idea how much I appreciate all of this". She looked at me nodding. "Get some sleep hun". Looking at myself in the mirror, I ran my fingers over my lips and tried to remember every last bit of Adam. His smell, his voice and the feeling of his skin on mine swirled around my mind. Getting ready for bed was a haze. My mind was too occupied with thoughts of the night to think about what I was doing. I just knew that I wanted to dream of him tonight.

In the morning I woke up to a beautiful display of flowers on the kitchen counter, with a little note on the side that read 'Tomorrow, 8pm, Lilac Park'. Donna had left for work already and tonight I was supposed to work till 11pm. It was going to be a long day, but hopefully worth it. Thinking about work, I remembered that I was supposed to work late tomorrow. Shit. I had to go on this date, but who would take my shift? Pulling on some clothes I rushed out the door. Hopefully if I talk to Nick he will let me get off a couple hours early or I can could try to pull the pregnancy card and go home sick. That would probably not be the best idea. In such a small town things get around quickly and I would rather have a job still than go on this date. Bad job or not, a job is a job.

The cool wind hit my face as I walked to work. Couples walking down the street talking and laughing with each other, small children playing on the front lawns without a care in the world. This was a place for families, a place to have children and grow old with pure bliss. Looking at an older couple sipping coffee in front of a small shop I couldn't help but as myself if I could ever be that happy. Would I find someone who will love me no matter how many wrinkles I have, how many mistakes I've made and will continue to make? Someone to love me and my tiny unborn baby.