160 Chapter 10: Going Home l

-- SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2005, WINTER BREAK --

Feeling like I'd just gotten whiplash, I stood stock-still with my arms still wrapped around my girlfriend ... no, make that fiancée. Having barely managed to croak out a simple "hi", I could do nothing more than stare at my lifelong best friend and the two strangers immediately behind her.

Apparently, the doorbell had rung more than once, and leaving me and DJ to our liplock Jack Evans eventually went to see who was at the door. He had been just as surprised as anyone, but managed to hug his daughter and lead everyone in from the cold. But nothing else had been said. Despite what had just taken place, Dawn didn't know.

Yet...

"Hi, Ben. It's been a while..." she began, eyeing her sister and darting a glance down to DJ's belly before returning that piercing blue gaze to me. In this moment, Dawn could give Professor Isakova lessons in icy stares.

"Hey, uh ... You, too," I managed to reply as I turned to face her, still with my left arm wrapped around DJ's waist. My eyes flicked up to her dark brown locks, and I arched an eyebrow while miming to my own head. "Uh ... new look for you?"

Blushing briefly, Dawn glanced to her left shoulder and took a few strands of brown hair in her hands. "Yeah. Felt like I needed a change. But that's not the point. I came here because I need to talk to you."

"Uh, okay."

Dawn's eyes clicked over to DJ and then back to mine. "In private."

I felt the involuntary mental tug to go with her, but given what had just happened, I resisted the pull and kept my arm around DJ. "We'll talk. Really. But not right now, okay?" I looked back down at my fiancée and gave her a squeeze.

Still with tears in her eyes, DJ wiped them with the back of her hand and then pressed herself into my chest, as if I could protect her from her older sister's icy glare.

"Not later. Now Ben, please?" Dawn sighed. "We just drove all the way down here and I really need to get things off my chest."

"Dawn, please give them a moment," Deanna said gently, reaching up to touch her daughter's shoulder. She, Dayna, and Brandi had all gotten up from the dining table and circled around while DJ and I were kissing. Only Brooke was still seated, two feet away and turned sideways while she watched us.

Dawn shrugged off her mother's touch, saying, "I'm serious ... Ben and I need to talk."

"Can you please give them a moment? They just got engaged," Deanna explained. The sudden gasp of shock didn't come from Dawn, but instead from the busty blonde girl who had come in with her.

Dawn glanced back at her companion, but then immediately back to us. She was breathing hard, and a wary look was in her eyes. Her lower lip quivering, she asked with a stutter, "En ... Engaged?"

"Just now," Deanna explained. "Literally just now. DJ said 'yes'."

Dawn was crestfallen. Her eyes immediately moistened, and she averted her gaze to stare helplessly at the wall while she raised a hand and began scratching her scalp. She gulped, fending off the urge to sob before biting her lower lip. And then after a glance at me and DJ, she turned around like she couldn't face us anymore before taking three steps back toward the front door.

I held DJ tightly to my side, unmoving. Having Dawn show up here like this ... at this exact moment ... was the LAST thing I would have expected. A minute ago, I was on top of the world and celebrating my engagement. The next... this ... Whatever 'this' was...

"It's okay," DJ finally offered, taking a deep breath. "It's okay. This is a time of celebration. I'm happy to have my whole family here for this. It wouldn't have been right to do this without both my sisters being present, but now you're both here, and I'm glad for that."

With that, DJ detached herself from my side and walked over to where Dawn still had her back to us. Sliding her hand up her older sister's shoulder, she gently tugged to turn Dawn back around. And for a little bit, Dawn allowed herself to be turned and enfolded in DJ's hug.

Maybe this won't be so bad after all.

Squeezing her big sister, DJ whispered, "I'm glad you're here. I'll always be glad for my big sister. I know this might be a little awkward, but I really hope you can be happy for us."

Dawn stiffened in DJ's arms. Taking a step back, she both pulled away from DJ's grasp and pushed her hands out to forcibly separate the two of them. "Happy?" she half-snarled. "You want me to be happy?"

Oh, nevermind. This is NOT going to be good.

"Happy that my kid sister STOLE my soulmate from me? Happy that my own FAMILY is the one trying to RUIN my life? HAPPY?!?" With her dark hair, red-rimmed eyes, and twisted expression, Dawn seemed less like DJ's sister and more like her diametric opposite.

"Dawn, please," DJ requested quietly, both hands held up defensively.

"Marie..." the guy behind her cautioned before catching himself, wrinkling his face, and then correcting, "Dawn. Calm down."

Dawn jerked her head around and glared hatefully at her male companion. "What, you're on HER side?"

"This isn't about sides," the blonde girl replied, stepping forward and holding Dawn's shoulders. "C'mon. Let's sit down and talk about this. Okay? You came here for a reason, and that reason hasn't changed. Chill out, alright? Let's talk about this."

"Pardon our manners," Jack Evans said suddenly, stepping over and extending a hand to the male stranger. "I'm Jack. This is my wife, Deanna. I take it you're friends of Dawn's?"

The guy shook Jack's hand and replied, "I'm Nick. This is Deedee. We're ranch hands at Morris Camp with M-- ... with Dawn."

"Pleased to meet you," Deedee offered up with a nervous wave.

DJ took a deep breath, looked at me, and raised her eyebrows. She didn't need to verbalize what she was thinking; I was already on the same wavelength.

Reaching out and taking DJ's hand in mine, I drew us together and then gave Dawn a serious look. "It's okay. We can talk," I told her before glancing back down at my fiancée. "But it'll have to be the three of us."

Shaking her head in disgust, Dawn nevertheless stepped away from Deedee and flung her hand dismissively. "Whatever. Let's go."

My fiancée, ex-girlfriend, and I reassembled in DJ's bedroom. Hand-in-hand, DJ and I sat on the edge of the bed while Dawn took the desk chair. And then for a long few moments, the three of us simply stared at each other.

The tension in the air was so thick that it seemed to clog our mouths, for nobody spoke for about a full minute.

One second...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Ten...

Sixty of those is a LONG time to be spent staring at each other in silence. And in the end, I was the one to shake my head, lean forward, and say, "Okay, this is ridiculous. Dawn, what the hell is going on? I'm not saying you shouldn't be shocked. And I'm not saying you should be happy for us. But what the hell did you drive all the way down here for?"

Jaw clenched, Dawn ground her teeth together and stared at the floor for another ten seconds before taking a deep breath and then flicking her eyes up to me. "I came to get you back," she muttered dispiritedly.

DJ's jaw dropped, and I was surprised enough to sit up straighter. "Get me back?" I asked in confusion.

Still grinding her teeth, Dawn swallowed heavily before brushing some of her dark bangs back behind an ear and sitting up straight as well. "We had a plan, didn't we? I was going to Morris Camp to fix myself, to get away from my old life and rediscover myself. To rediscover who -I- was when I was still YOUR Dawn. I could have gone anywhere in the world to make a fresh start, but I didn't want that. I wanted to be HER again, the Dawn you fell in love with. I wanted to be the innocent girl who wanted nothing more in this life than to be with you, the way we always were in that clearing by the creek. And I did that. I remember. And now I'm back here. For you."

My jaw was hanging open, and I gestured to DJ. "I just got engaged."

Dawn looked at me blankly, as if she didn't understand. "Yeah ... what's with that?"

"Do NOT play ignorant with me. You know what's going on with our situation."

"Okay ... yeah ... So you knocked her up. I get it. You two have been boinking non-stop since the moment I walked out the door; put enough sperm into a girl and it was bound to happen eventually. But getting married? What the hell? The last time we talked, I thought you were still waiting for me!"

"That was a long time ago."

"That was like two MONTHS ago!"

"And DJ and I got together as a couple since then. And yes, I was waiting for you to get better," I stated firmly. "I missed you in my life. I missed my best friend. I missed the relationship we used to have. But YOU broke up with ME and YOU left for your sabbatical at Morris Camp. YOU moved on from our relationship. So have I."

"But I'm back now."

"And it will be great to have you close again. But you and I aren't getting back together, or did you forget that your sister is carrying my baby?"

"So? That doesn't mean we can't be together!"

I furrowed my eyebrows and thought about that for an extra half-second. "Yes it does!" I blurted.

"Everybody makes mistakes. -I- made some serious mistakes. But I've atoned for them, made peace with myself. I still need to make it up to you, but I can do that now. As for you proposing to DJ ... well ... I can understand that. And I forgive you for that. But I'm here now. You and I can be together. DJ can be your baby mama, and I'll even be okay with you boning her on the side. And I can be the wife you always wanted me to be, the way we were always meant to be."

My eyebrows were raised and my eyes were wide open. I couldn't believe the things coming out of Dawn's mouth. "Are you crazy?!? Or maybe you're still in shock. You don't get it, do you? We're NOT getting back together now! I'm going to marry DJ!"

"But we had a plan," Dawn pleaded.

"What plan? For you to abandon me and take a year off from school instead of sticking around town to let us heal together? THAT plan?"

"I told you I couldn't bear to be around you, to see every single day how much I'd hurt you. I had to get away. I had to take a step back from my life and figure myself out again. Do you have any idea how HARD it's been to do that?"

"Do you have any idea how HARD it is to see your soulmate throw your relationship away and fucking CHEAT on you?!? Huh? Ever think how hard THAT might be?!?"

"Of course! I KNOW what I did to you! I do! But I want to make things better, don't you see? I couldn't focus on making it up to you while I was still messed up in the head. But I'm better now. NOW I can make it up to you if you just give me the chance!"

"You must still be messed up in the head if you think we can just go back to the way things were. You moved on. You took off to camp and left me here by myself! I've been fixing myself. I've been healing myself. You weren't here for me. DJ was!"

Looking nervous, DJ simply gave her sister a nervous smile as I suddenly gripped her against my side.

"Ben, please. I love you. I love you to pieces. You're MY Ben. The Ben I grew up with. The Ben I fell in love with before I knew what love meant. I came to have you. I came to have my second chance. Don't I deserve a second chance?"

"The time for second chances is over. DJ's pregnant. We're engaged. End of story."

Squeezing her eyes shut, Dawn bowed her head and went silent. She took deep, heaving breaths, wringing her hands together and contorting her mouth into some twisted grimace that coupled with her unexpectedly dark hair to form her into some ... creature ... utterly unrecognizable to me. This wasn't my soulmate. This wasn't my best friend come back to me. This ... this was someone else.

"This was a bad idea," the creature opened her eyes and muttered, more to herself than to me and DJ. "I told them this was a bad idea, but they insisted I had to at least try."

DJ and I frowned at each other, watching as the creature squeezed her eyes shut and started grimacing again. Cautiously, I leaned forward and asked, "Who's 'they'?"

Exhaling loudly, the creature sat back with a thump against the chair's backrest, opening her eyes and sighing mournfully. Suddenly, I could see my old Dawn once again, see the pain etched onto her face accompanied by redness in her eyes and the sad slackness of her posture. The hair still felt unfamiliar, but I was getting used to it; the dark color seemed to fit the woman who had returned. "Nick and Deedee," she replied tiredly. "They're the ones downstairs."

"Friends?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

I arched an eyebrow. "Lovers?"

Dawn's head picked up, and she wiped a ball of snot from her nose before leveling me with an intense look. "No, actually. I've been saving myself for you all this time."

I blinked, not sure how to react to that. Given the vehemence in her voice when I'd expressed surprise to find that she wasn't slutting her way across the country all summer, I suppose I should have expected Dawn to save herself like this. But too many of my painful memories surrounding our break-up included Dawn's remarks about wanting to have wild, unclean experiences, and they had colored my perception of her.

Sighing, Dawn added. "They're the couple, actually. In all fair disclosure, I did think about joining them last night, but once we got to talking about you and DJ being pregnant and everything, sex was the last thing on anybody's mind."

All DJ or I could do with that was glance at each other and shrug.

DJ was the first to regain the original train of thought. "You said they insisted you at least try to come here and win Ben back?"

"Well ... not exactly," Dawn said with a wince. "They insisted that I come here and tell you how I really felt. They said that after everything I'd been through up at camp, all the changes I made to myself and all the pondering and meditating and arguing and schizophrenic babbling and..."

She went quiet, staring off a thousand yards, and DJ and I exchanged a glance again.

Dawn pursed her lips together and then re-focused on me. "I had to at least TELL you that I love you. That I really, really love you. More than anything in this world. I had to tell you that I love you so much that I would rather die than live my life without you. But at the same time, I know it would only hurt you if I actually killed myself, and I can't even do that since in the end I do want you to be happy."

My eyes darted behind Dawn to DJ's desk, and I mentally analyzed what sharp objects would be contained within. I didn't think she'd really try and kill herself right here and now, but Dawn was wild-eyed enough for me to at least consider how I'd need to defend her from herself.

"I couldn't go through all that for nothing," Dawn rambled on, oblivious at this point to whether or not we were listening. "I couldn't come to those realizations and NOT tell you, even though..."

She trailed off again, closed her eyes, and started crying. DJ looked at me before reaching out and touching her sister's leg.

"Even though you're pregnant," Dawn finished, raising her head to look her sister in the eyes.

For a long while, the two girls stared at each other, Dawn continuing to cry and DJ looking ... I'm not really sure how to describe DJ's expression. She seemed to both pity and fear her sister, seemed to have both concern and apology on her face. I couldn't tell whether DJ felt bad for stealing me away from Dawn, or if she was worried Dawn would steal me back.

Now that I thought about it, probably both.

"I still want him back," Dawn stated quietly but firmly.

"He chose me," DJ replied evenly.

"Only because you're pregnant. Without that baby, he'd still be mine."

"Not true. We got together as a couple first."

"As a placeholder. To keep his bed warm until I got back."

"Bullshit. He moved on from you."

"Really? Really?" Dawn sneered. "Keep telling yourself that, huh? You've always been telling yourself that. My little sister ... waiting in the wings. Ready at a moment's notice to scoop up my leftovers, huh?"

"If he's just leftovers, then what the hell are you doing back here trying to get him back, huh?"

"You've always had a crush on him. Always wanted what -I- had. Couldn't make the grades, could you? All your teachers for all those years saying, 'Why can't you be more like Dawn?'"

"Stop it!" DJ snapped, jerking her hand off Dawn's leg. Her left hand had always been in mine, and she now squeezed it firmly. "He's mine. You can't have him back."

"Like hell I can't."

"Dawn, I'm not going back to you," I said quietly, and now both girls were looking straight at me. "This isn't about the pregnancy anymore. Yeah, it changes things. But I made a conscious choice here. I choose HER. I choose DJ. I can't be with you anymore."

"Why NOT?"

"Because I'm in love with HER."

"In love? Really? How could you ever be in love with her? Did SHE spend all of her life by your side? Can SHE read your moods and realize what you need before even you do? SHE hasn't spent twenty-one YEARS with you, now has she?"

"We're starting now."

"Come ON. Be serious! What does she really have that I don't? Bigger boobs? Is that it? You stupid, perverted, tit-obsessed ... BOY!"

I rolled my eyes. "Insulting me isn't going to make me come back to you."

Dawn wiped a hand down her face from forehead to chin, then pivoted her fingers and began scratching her cheek like a nervous tic. "You're supposed to be MINE. It's our DESTINY. How the fuck am I supposed to find Happily Ever After without YOU?!?"

"You'll find the one," I replied with a sigh. "Your Mr. Right. I'm not even your type, anyway. Ryan? Jaron? Really, you'll be happier when you find your 6'3" muscled Adonis."

"I don't WANT a Ryan or Jaron. I want you!"

"You HAD me," I stated coldly. "I asked your parents for permission to MARRY you. You HAD your chance, and you blew it."

"I DID. I know that. And I'm sorry. But I'm coming back to make things better."

"It's too late. I've moved on."

"No..." Dawn shook her head firmly. "No ... I won't accept that."

"You're going to have to." I held up my hand, still entwined with DJ's fingers. "This is the reality we're in now. Look, I realize that this isn't an ideal situation. I realize that this must really sting. That wasn't our intention. Neither DJ nor I ever set out to fall in love intending to hurt you. We didn't do it just to spite you or anything like that. It just happened."

"I can't help myself," DJ added. "I love him. I've always loved him. You know that."

"But you can't HAVE him. He's MINE!" Dawn barked.

"Not anymore," I replied, shaking my head. "I've moved on. So should you. Please ... Can't you be happy for us?"

"Happy? How can I ever be happy ... without YOU?"

"Dawn..."

"I mean it! You were my everything. You were my heart and soul. You were my best friend and my soulmate and the ONE person on this planet who could ever really GET me. Don't you see? There IS no happiness for me without you."

"I know it hurts right now," I said, trying to be warm and nurturing. It was my turn to reach out and pat Dawn's knee. "I know you feel like it's a hopeless situation, trying to find your way in the world, to find your future, without me as your romantic partner. But that's the way it has to be. I'm marrying DJ. She's carrying my baby. This is really happening."

"No!" Dawn let out an anguished choke, startling me enough to back away, and she started crying once again. This time, neither DJ nor I reached out to touch her. "NO!"

Eyes squeezed shut, Dawn began shuddering as she hunched over and let out great wracking sobs. "No ... no ... no..." she whimpered over and again. And this time the tears flowed freely without any attempts to stem the flow.

Her own chest heaving, DJ flung herself against me, and I turned so she could press her cheek against my chest while I wrapped her head up in both of my arms. Together, we rocked slowly while watching her big sister fall to pieces. But neither of us could help her at a moment like this.

It was truly tragic, watching as Dawn's bluster and bravado fell away from her. I knew her, knew the effort she always put into presenting the most confident, collected façade she could, even when she felt anything BUT confident inside.

In the beginning, Dawn's defense mechanism had her playing off DJ's pregnancy and engagement like they were no big deal. She didn't know how to handle the shock, so she'd come waltzing in all casually as if she expected to pick me back up like I was a dry cleaning order just waiting for her return. She might have even believed there was some tiny chance that I'd simply reply "Okay" and then rush back into her arms.

When that didn't work, she acted like we were operating under a mutually-agreed upon plan for her absence: she would go off, fix herself, return, and we'd pick up from where we'd left off. For me to not follow "the plan" made ME the bad guy, and perhaps she thought I might feel guilty and therefore try to make amends with her, thus giving her an avenue to win back my heart.

And then the real Dawn had started to come out. The weariness after the mental ordeal she'd been through these past few months coming to terms with the damage she'd done to our prior relationship and the messed up excuse for a human being she'd become. Her disbelief that I'd actually chosen DJ over her was all real. I don't think Dawn ever seriously considered that her little sister could ever steal me away. Someone else, perhaps. Maybe a new romantic entanglement, the way Amber could have been; or a fond friend with the potential to become something more, like Paige. But DJ? Not DJ. Never.

Dawn had been shocked into silence when I told her DJ was pregnant two nights ago. Like she said, what did DJ have on her besides a bigger bust line? DJ hadn't shared our childhood. DJ hadn't been my partner in life and love for all these years. Who was DJ except a second-rate copy of Dawn herself?

Or so Dawn probably thought. What Dawn didn't realize was that I wasn't settling for a copy of Dawn. I was attaining the very best woman I could have.

DJ was devoted.

DJ was loyal.

DJ loved me more than anything in the world.

And yeah, DJ had a fan-fucking-tastically fuckable body.

But more importantly, DJ didn't come with all of Dawn's baggage. DJ had never suffered an identity crisis over her own perfection. DJ had never asked me to help her experience drugs and other men. DJ knew who she was, knew her own academic and social limits. And DJ had already experienced life and sex with other people, and now came to me with nothing but complete and utter fidelity.

She was all of the good and none of the bad. And yeah, circumstances had created a situation where DJ was carrying my baby. Marrying her was a no-brainer.

I knew what I wanted in life, and it wasn't Dawn anymore. There was really nothing Dawn could say to make me change my mind. I had choosen DJ. My path was set.

"Please, Ben. I need you," Dawn begged.

I sighed and took a deep breath. Even the dreaded N-word wasn't going to sway me. "I'm sorry. I've moved on."

"Pleeease. Can't you take me back?" Her voice cracked, and her mouth was carved into the same frown as the "sad" Greek theatre mask. "PLEASE?"

"Dawn ... I'm sorry. I'm marrying DJ."

Dawn's eyes shifted to my right, zeroing in on her baby sister. "How could you do this to me?" she half-whispered. "How could you take him from me?"

Averting her eyes, DJ shifted uncomfortably. I squeezed my fiancée's hand reassuringly, willing her to remain steadfast with me.

"Think of what this does to our family. Think about how I won't be able to face either of you for the rest of our lives. Can you really divide us like this?"

DJ's eyes narrowed as she glared back at her sister. "Then think about how I'll never forgive you if you try and mess this up for me. He is my dream guy. He's the one I've always wanted. And now I have him!"

"He's MY dream guy! And you're STEALING him from me!"

DJ pursed her lips and looked away.

"He's my other half..." Dawn said more quietly. "He's my counterpart, the Yang to my Yin. Think about it ... How would you feel if I took Brooke away from you?"

Dawn's question brought DJ up short. She inhaled sharply and glanced at her sister. There was no way Dawn could've known how Brooke had left the house during Finals Week, but she still struck a nerve in a place from which DJ was still recovering.

Or maybe there was even more to it. More than any other argument, the idea of her sister severing a bond DJ had shared with her lifelong best friend seemed to resonate, and ever so slightly I felt DJ sliding herself away from me.

But I wasn't going to lose her. I held fast to DJ's hand and gave Dawn a serious look. "I will always care about you. I will always wish for your happiness. And I still want to be your friend. How could I NOT want to be your friend? WE don't have to be estranged, unless you make us. Brooke and DJ can remain best friends even when she marries me. And you and I can still be close even if I marry her. This doesn't have to divide your family unless you make it."

Shuddering, Dawn slipped off the chair and knelt on the floor at my feet. Her face contorted into that Greek mask again as she sobbed and grabbed my ankles. "How could I possibly be your friend when I still love you? How can we NOT be estranged when I want to be with you, to be together with you the way we were always meant to be, only to have you marry my sister? HOW? Please ... I'm begging you. Don't do this. Put the engagement on hold and give me a chance. I fucked up. I royally messed up our perfect relationship, and I compounded it by running away to camp. I know that now! I do! I realize what I didn't realize before! I'm SORRY, Ben. I'm so sorry! I hurt you ... I hurt US ... And if I could go back in time and take it all back I WOULD!"

For a moment, Dawn was so overcome by her crying that she couldn't speak. She pitched forward, her face pressing against my knee as she cried and cried, her tears staining my jeans. She clutched my leg like it was the difference between life and drowning, and it felt like two more minutes passed before she could say another word.

"You complete me, Ben. MY Ben. PLEASE! Don't you understand how much I need you? Don't you understand how much I've always needed you? Please just give me this chance. Doesn't everyone... everyone ... deserve a second chance? How can you be so cruel? And to me? Don't you care about me anymore? I won't ask you to break up with DJ. You can have us both, maybe. Give all three of us time to figure things out. Maybe we can share you. Wouldn't that be nice all around? I'm leaving Morris Camp. I'll send Nick and Deedee back up there without me, and I'll stay here with you for as long as it takes to fix us. Okay? Or if you need to go down to SoCal for your family, I'll go with you there, okay? Please. Isn't that reasonable? Just give me the chance to remain by your side and work this out, okay?"

I reached down and held Dawn's cheek. She went quiet and looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot and dark bags already forming underneath them. The bags were too dark and too developed to be from this night's conversation, and I gathered that she'd been doing a LOT of crying in the last couple of nights. Feeling pity, I caressed her cheek and said gently, "Whether to stay or go back to Morris Camp is entirely up to you, of course. I would welcome the chance to spend more time with you, to help you heal, and to be your friend."

DJ inhaled sharply at my words, and squeezed my hand rather fearfully.

I patted my fiancée's hand and gave her a reassuring look before adding to Dawn, "But it won't change my decision. I'm marrying your sister. You and I can build our friendship back the way it was, and I would love nothing more than to heal the bond between us. But it will be a bond of friendship, not romantic love. I do want you to be happy, but you HAVE to accept that DJ's going to be my wife."

Dawn stared up at me, her eyes searching mine. Maybe she was looking for uncertainty, a wavering in my resolve that would tell her she still had a chance. But there was no wavering; I was dead sure about this course of action. And in the end, Dawn got up off the floor and ran outside, sobbing all the while.

DJ hugged me, crying herself as she buried her face in my chest. I simply held her, sighing regretfully that things couldn't be different.

But not everything can always work out nice and pretty in the end.

Dawn tried to leave with Nick and Deedee. Nick had booked a hotel room not too far away from the house for them, and after my latest rejection, Dawn couldn't bear to stay in this house.

But her mom somehow convinced her to stay.

"This is your home, young lady. You haven't slept under this roof in far too long as it is, and this is where you belong. If it makes you feel better, we can make up the family room and your friends can stay here. But I'm NOT letting you walk out that door or so help me I may not ever let you back in!"

"Mom!" Dawn exclaimed, unable to believe her mother would threaten that after all she'd been through.

"Your sister just got engaged. No matter what you feel about her and Ben, they are still your family and we will WORK THIS OUT," Deanna insisted. "Or are you going to tell me you wish UN-happiness on them, even if this is what they choose? In which case you're telling me YOU'RE a spiteful bitch who doesn't actually care for the people she claims to love!"

"Mom!"

"Stay the night. Talk to Ben and DJ again in the morning. And you all will come to an agreement. This is your family. I know you've got this great big conflict here, but you have to TRY. You've got to STOP. RUNNING. AWAY. DAWN. You've been running from your problems for too long already, and LOOK where it's gotten you! Maybe none of this would have happened if you hadn't run away in the first place! And if you can't face that, then maybe you SHOULD go scurrying back to camp, Marie."

Her mother's use of her middle name was like a slap in the face, and Nick blushed bright pink. I gathered he was the one who told Deanna about Dawn's use of her middle name up at camp.

But the slap worked, because Dawn agreed to stay in the house. Nick and Deedee still elected to go to the hotel room so as not to impose, but promised Dawn that they'd return in the morning. Deanna told them Sunday breakfast would be at 9am.

We didn't talk again this night. Exhausted both mentally and physically, Dawn took a shower and then went into her bedroom, closing the door and surrounding herself with everything she used to be as a child. DJ and I took a shower together afterward and then went to bed as well, holding each other in our arms and whispering assurances to each other of our love.

We didn't have sex that night nor in the morning. Knowing that Dawn was right through the wall was kind of a mood-killer.

Besides, we could hear her crying all night.

-- SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2005, WINTER BREAK --

"Maybe I should share you."

"Hrmph?" I blinked my eyes as I came more fully awake, DJ's statement a splash of cold water to abruptly raise me from my slumber. I'd actually woken up a couple of minutes earlier. But that was just the autopilot-Ben coming alive to find naked breasts in his palms and firm butt-cleavage hugging his morning wood. That Ben was one-track minded: the track being the one leading toward sex. The words coming out of DJ's mouth roused the other Ben, the one with a brain surrounded by cranium and not by erectile tissue.

Not waiting for a response, my fiancée twisted in my arms and opened those big blue eyes to stare at me. Only then did she seem to realize that I was just now coming awake, and that the man who had been pawing at her body for the last couple of minutes had not been me.

Dawn would have known the difference.

Shut up you.

Now suddenly conscious Ben blinked rapidly to clear the sleep sand from his eyes, raised his eyebrows, and asked, "Uh, I don't think I heard that right."

DJ's eyes were downcast, and after sliding her hands up my chest, she gripped my T-shirt, holding on as if afraid I would somehow get away from her. "I said: maybe I should share you with her."

Though she had twisted around, my arms still surrounded my fiancée. Tightening my grip, I rubbed her spine and then used a finger to tilt her chin up to look at me. She avoided eye contact for a moment, but I kept my finger under her chin until she finally rolled her eyes up, her blue irises looking dull and lifeless to match the bleak expression on the rest of her face. Obviously, DJ had been awake for much longer than a couple of minutes. And just as obviously, she hadn't slept much at all.

"Now why on earth would you say that?" I asked gently.

"It would be better, wouldn't it?"

"Better for who?"

"Everyone. Better for Dawn, obviously. She's in love with you, and she'd get to have you that way. Better for my family. No conflict. More harmonious. And better for you, of course. Not forced to decide. And let's state the obvious: you've never been shy about fucking both of us at the same time."

"But what about you?"

"It would be better for me, too. She's right: I've stolen you away from her. You and Dawn were always the pair meant to be together, and if I shared you with her, then I wouldn't have this guilt. I wouldn't have my parents' disapproval. And I wouldn't have a sister who hates my guts."

"She doesn't hate your guts."

"Doesn't she? How else could she feel about me marrying you?"

I arched an eyebrow. "So what, you don't want to marry me anymore? Even IF I went along with this crackpot idea about being with both of you, you're saying you wouldn't marry me?"

"It's not a crackpot idea. It's what makes the most sense. You still marry Dawn, and I can still be with you and raise this baby with you. Wouldn't that work out for everyone? Wouldn't that be the perfect result? You and Dawn the way you were always supposed to be?"

"And what? You tag along as second best? I don't think so. That's not you sharing me with Dawn. That's me being married to her and you just ... I dunno ... hanging around. You can't tell me that's what you want."

I'd dropped my hand away from DJ's chin a while ago, and now she lowered her gaze to my chest once again. Her fingers re-tightened their grip on my shirt. "No..." she answered softly.

"Dorothy Jean Evans ... I love YOU," I stated firmly. "Only you. I meant what I said last night. I'm not in love with her anymore. I've moved on. So you're not stealing me from her. -I- chose to be with YOU. There's no way you can share me with her because -I- don't want to BE with her. Period. Just you. Only you."

"Please. You've loved Dawn since the beginning of time."

"And she broke my heart. Tore it up into a million pieces, threw it on the floor, and then stomped around on top of it for good measure before running out the door without even giving me the chance to cry in front of her."

"So you wouldn't jump at the chance to be with her again?"

"I just HAD the chance. She came back and begged me to love her again last night, didn't she? I said 'no'. I'm right here, in bed, with YOU."

DJ sighed. "But everything would be so much ... easier ... if we became a triple. Really, that's all I ever wanted. I mean ... I always believed you would be with her, but I was so in love with you that I told myself I'd be just fine being your ... I dunno ... second?"

"You WANT to be second to Dawn?"

"I'm just saying ... I'd be okay with it."

"Not good enough. You deserve all of me. I WANT to give you all of me. Can you really tell me you don't want that?"

"Of course I do. It's just..." She took a deep breath and sighed again. "It's just ... she's my sister, you know?"

"Deej..." I raised both my hands to her jaw and tilted her head back so I could look straight into her eyes. "This has nothing to do with Dawn. This has everything to do with you and me, alright? I love YOU. I want to be with YOU. I want to raise this baby with YOU. Okay? I just asked you to marry me last night, alright? Everything else is in the past. The friends we grew up with. The people we loved. I'm not going to say they don't matter, but they aren't the point. The point IS: I want to be with you. Just you. Nobody else. Not even Dawn. Okay?"

"But why?"

I blinked, mildly annoyed that she was fighting me on this. After all, -I- was so certain about the future of our relationship. Why wasn't she? "If I told you that I thought things would be better if I shared you with Josh, would you agree?"

"What? No! No. Josh was nice, but I don't love him like that."

"Then you have your answer. I don't love Dawn like that."

"But you did."

"Not anymore."

DJ screwed up her face, still not quite believing.

I sighed. "I would LOVE to rebuild the friendship I used to have with Dawn. And you're right: she's your sister. If you never saw Josh again for the rest of your life, I think we'd get along just fine. But we don't have that luxury with Dawn. She will ALWAYS be your sister. And yeah, that complicates things. But the bottom line is that I want to be with YOU. I chose YOU. Period."

"Because I got pregnant."

I groaned inside, but stifled it from getting out. "Well, in part. But we became a couple well before finding out you were knocked up. I wouldn't have done that if I was still hung up on Dawn, don't you see? How could we possibly start dating and even think of getting serious if I still wanted to be with her?

"To have me. To fuck me. To keep you company until she got back."

I rolled my eyes. "We DIDN'T get together for the longest time specifically to avoid that, remember? I always knew you deserved better that to be strung along until Dawn returned, and you always warned me not to break your heart by doing that. Well I've kept up my end of the bargain. I've moved on from her. I'm NOT stringing you along. And you said it more than once: if I only wanted to fuck you, I could have done that without the relationship commitment. But I gave it to you anyway."

"Because you felt guilty about taking without giving back. You only became my boyfriend because you felt guilty about not returning my feelings."

"ARGH!" Now I finally did groan in frustration. But the last thing I wanted to do was lash out at DJ while she was in this state, so confused and insecure with her older sister in the next room. So I did my best to keep calm and took deep breaths while looking away before eventually returning my attention to my fiancée.

"Look," I began carefully. "You're my number one. You're going to drop this idea of sharing me with Dawn, because that's not going to happen. Everything is going to continue on the same as if she'd never come home last night. I love you, only you, and I want you, me, and our baby to be a family. Okay?"

DJ blinked, less bleak but the uncertainty still in her eyes. "And Dawn?"

"Dawn will get over it. Lots of girls throughout the world get their hearts broken. They get over it. They move on. Life goes on."

"But she's her, and you're you. She isn't just any girl and you weren't just any couple. You were special. What if there IS no getting over it?"

Grasping DJ's hand, I led it to my heart. "You're right. Dawn and I weren't just any couple. But I'm the proof that there IS getting over it. -I- got over it. I got over HER. And I want to be with YOU."

DJ flicked her eyes down to my chest once more, staring and pondering and bunching up my T-shirt in her hands. She breathed deeply once, twice, and then a third time. And after the third, the finally flicked her eyes back up to me and nodded slowly. "Okay," she replied carefully. "Okay."

"I love you, DJ."

Biting her lip nervously, DJ thought about that for a second before exhaling and responding, "I love you, too." And then she kissed me.

And then we got out of bed.

DJ and I took our time getting dressed. She spent a lot of time in front of her bedroom mirror carefully putting her hair into the twin braided pigtails that had been her trademark hairstyle for years. It took a long time to make those by herself, and the time spent focusing on the task seemed to do wonders for calming her down.

At my request, she did the pigtails while completely topless, allowing me to lie on the bed and see the reflection of her perfect breasts in the mirror. That part did wonders for calming ME down.

Eventually, we arrived downstairs to find everyone already having breakfast, including Dawn and her friends from camp. The three of them sat at the table chatting with Dayna, Brandi, and Brooke, and DJ's parents were in the kitchen.

The conversation at the table died at our arrival, and I felt butterflies in my stomach to see six pairs of eyes staring in thought at us. But I laced my fingers through DJ's and we put on smiles as we walked toward them.

Taking a deep breath, Dawn stood up from the table and walked over to meet us. We came to a stop a few feet away from each other, Dawn staring at me with an expression of such hopeless wanting that it killed me inside to see it, but she steeled her gaze and looked over at DJ, saying, "I'm sorry. I said some hurtful things last night, but I hope you will forgive me. They came from a place of desperation inside me. I spent so much of my life with Ben by my side, next to my heart even when he wasn't with me in person, and I got scared about the idea of losing him. But my friends and our sisters have helped me realize that I'm not actually losing him; he's becoming a part of our family. He's going to make my baby sister a very happy woman. And he will still be with me as the best friend I've always had."

"I will," I said firmly, drawing Dawn's attention back to me for a moment as she gave me a little smile before returning her gaze to DJ.

"I'm sorry, DJ," Dawn repeated.

"It's okay. I understand," DJ replied graciously, although she was still stiff.

DJ got even stiffer when Dawn hugged her, but I could see DJ forcing herself to relax and return her sister's embrace, letting go of my hand to pat Dawn's back the same way Dawn was patting her.

Dawn backed up, smiling. "Congratulations to both of you. I really can't wait to meet my little niece or nephew."

DJ smiled back and nodded.

Dawn then took a deep breath and looked at me. "I know we talked about me staying here and rebuilding our friendship, but I've decided to go back to Morris Camp. You know I'm the kind of person who has to finish what she's started, and I do want to complete the program and be on staff there for the summer. Plus, I know I said a lot about having fixed myself and become ready to return, but really, there's a lot more self-evaluation and introspection I need to do..." Dawn hesitated and averted her eyes before muttering, " ... especially with what's going on between you two..."

DJ and I exchanged a nervous look, and behind Dawn, Deedee winced.

"But the point is," Dawn continued. "I think Morris Camp is the best place for me to be right now. But I promise I'll be back here when the baby arrives, and if you do decide to have the wedding before then, I'll be there too."

"Of course. Absolutely," DJ agreed.

"I wish you all the best. I hope you two can be happy together, forever." Dawn started to choke up, and she bit her lip before stepping forward and hugging DJ again. When she backed away, she had to wipe her eyes and then fan them with her open palms while smiling half in embarrassment. But the look on her face was genuine as she tilted her head and added, "Really, I can never wish for anything but total happiness for my baby sister and my lifelong best friend."

Now it was DJ's turn to hug Dawn, and she started crying the same way, which got Dawn's waterworks started again. That got our sisters crying behind them, and I gawked at my feet for a moment, feeling a little embarrassed overall.

Dawn and DJ held each other for a long while, until both had regained their composure. Finally, they broke apart, and then Dawn then turned to me.

"There's more to say than can ever be said with words." Dawn stared at me, emphasizing her point with a world of emotion and pain in her eyes. "I'll always love you and care about you, my best friend since we were babies. Yeah, there will always be some regret for the way I treated you, for the way I didn't appreciate you when I had you. But I do know now that this is for the best. I think we were always meant to be lifelong friends, the way Dayna and Brandi are, and the way DJ and Brooke are. But I believe we were always supposed to find our romantic partners elsewhere. I'm so happy for you that you've found yours, and I'm even happier that you found her in my own family. This way, you can truly be my brother, and then we can never be separated ever again."

I smiled and nodded, and Dawn stepped forward to hug me. She didn't cry. She didn't collapse against me, or clutch me as if she'd never let go. It was the first time we were embracing like this since she left, but in a way it felt like another goodbye. She simply held me, took a deep breath, and then ... then she let go.

We turned to find that Jack and Deanna Evans had come from the kitchen to watch, and since they'd finished their meals, Dawn, Nick, and Deedee collected their things and began saying their round of goodbyes. Deanna held Dawn a little extra longer, whispering something in her daughter's ear. Dawn simply nodded and then stepped back, holding her mother at arm's length for an extra beat before letting go.

And then all three of them were gone, back to camp, back to the idyllic paradise where the world's troubles melted away.

The last time Dawn had left me to make the trip, I had been heartbroken and upset. I didn't want her to leave me, and I resented her for my sense of abandonment.

This time, I was glad she had that place to go to. Because despite all those pretty words, and despite her relatively composed demeanor, I had seen what was truly in Dawn's eyes. I may have severed our mystical connection, but I'd known her for far too long to NOT see what was beneath Dawn's Miss Perfect behavior.

She'd been lying through her teeth.

She'd said she accepted my relationship with DJ. But she didn't.

She'd said she believed we were always meant to be 'friends'. But she didn't.

And she'd said she was happy I'd found my wife from her family. But she HATED the idea.

Maybe she'd been told to say those things by our sisters and her friends. Maybe she just knew those were the right things to say before she ran away. Whatever the reasons, I knew her better than that. And I could see through the façade to know what she really felt deep down.

She was heartbroken.

She was in pain, knowing that I'd chosen DJ over her.

And no matter how calm and collected she looked on the outside, I knew that she was absolutely DYING inside. If she was telling the truth about having finally come to terms with herself, I could only imagine how much it hurt to realize she'd come so far only to find that I was no longer waiting for her at the end of the road.

But unfortunately, that was her problem now. Friend or not, It wasn't my place to comfort her. I'd moved on. I'd chosen DJ. THAT was my future. And while I could wish Dawn well, and hope that one day she found her happiness, it would have to be someone else making that possible.

Not me.

Not anymore.

Having gone through the emotional spin cycle these last few days, driving the 5 freeway back home was even more tedious than usual, and not helped by a jack-knifed big rig just south of Lost Hills that backed us up for another hour. DJ, Brooke, and I didn't leave the Evanses until after noon, and even with me driving as aggressively as I dared, we didn't arrive home until 8pm.

On previous returns from college, I'd usually unlock the front door and go inside to find half of my family absent and the other half puttering about doing their own thing within the house. Not tonight. Having been told by phone that their only son was bringing his pregnant girlfriend home would have been cause enough for my parents to anxiously await our arrival. Having been told last night by Deanna Evans that I'd proposed to DJ last night had my mother itching to fly up to NorCal just to see us that much sooner.

So it was no surprise that the front door opened while I was still parking the Mustang. After all, my mom had called Brooke's cell phone three times in the last two hours just to get updates on our estimated arrival. Mom was standing in the street waiting by the driver's door by the time I opened it. And after breaking the hug, she actually ran around the car to the passenger side to give DJ a matching hug.

Dad helped with the luggage. The twins were grilling Brooke for details. And as a globular mass of humanity the seven of us plus luggage tried to move up the relatively narrow sidewalk all at once without spilling into the grass or hedges.

"Oh, I want a bath," Brooke groaned the instant she got through the door. She went straight for the stairs, carrying her roller suitcase with her.

"Hey, I should get to go first," DJ called after her.

"You already got shotgun," Brooke snapped back. "And if you call 'pregnant', I swear I'm gonna punch you in the gut so hard you have a spontaneous abortion."

"Brooke!" Mom scolded.

Brooke rolled her eyes, tired and cranky from the trip, and went up the stairs without another word.

"That's okay," I offered. "I'm sure you both want to sit down and talk to us."

"We do," Dad replied. "But I can appreciate you two needing to unwind a bit first. Why don't you two go ahead and use the tub in our room. It's got the whirlpool jets."

My eyebrows popped. "Really?"

Mom nodded, reaching up and stroking DJ's shoulder. "Go soak. Unwind. After all, we need to take care of our mother-to-be."

Giving me a smile, DJ wasn't about to question the offer. The two of us got upstairs, turned on the water, and then stripped our clothes off. In the time it took the bathtub to fill half way, I took my fiancée into my arms and kissed her tenderly to make up for all the time we'd spent on the drive not able to fully caress one another. And once the tub got halfway, I sat down in it and let DJ recline against my chest, soaking as much as we could while the water rose the rest of the way up.

With the assistance of the whirlpool jets, DJ and I soaked for a good twenty minutes before finally standing and taking a shower to clean up properly. It was while we were doing so that she asked when was the last time I had an ejaculation, and after a moment's thought I told her it had been yesterday morning, given that we had not made love in her parents' house what with Dawn's arrival and everything.

DJ decided that had been far too long, and as she began stroking my growing erection, she said, "Now that we're engaged, I intend to make sure that you never again for the rest of our lives go through a twenty-four hour period without getting off."

I chuckled and replied, "It's fine, really. Besides, you won't always be able to literally be by my side for the rest of our lives."

Smiling impishly at me, she explained, "Well in those cases I'll have to arrange a substitute hottie to take care of you."

I snorted and grinned. But then the grin gave way to a groan as my fiancée sat me down on the shower bench and fell to her knees to suck me off.

Having gone more than twenty-four hours, I had quite the load to give her. And after she swallowed it down, I asked when was the last time SHE'D gotten off, knowing full well that it hadn't been since yesterday morning when we made love. I told her that I now owed her, and though she put me off for now, I promised I'd make it up to her tonight.

So feeling much refreshed after soaking, showering, and spunking, the pair of us toweled off and then returned downstairs to my family. And then in front of my parents and the twins, we recapped pretty much everything that had gone on since Wednesday.

The thing is, re-hashing the events of the past several days took a lot of time, and talking about them, surprisingly, was quite the emotional drain. Whatever energy DJ and I gained from our temporary interlude taking a bath, we lost that and more by the end of the discussion with my parents. To their credit, they recognized our weariness and tried not to badger us for details. But still, it was a momentous occasion and even their semi-restrained interrogation was quite exhausting. And the twins, unfortunately, showed no such restraint with their questions.

By the time we were done it was after 11pm, and lack of sleep over the past week had caught up to us. I still owed DJ for the blowjob in the shower, but when we crawled into bed she pleaded exhaustion and claimed that she really just wanted to go to sleep. She didn't even want me to go down on her.

So in the end, we cuddled together and let our fatigue swiftly carry us into the dreamland. And though I didn't measure the success of my relationship with DJ by the number of times we had sex, I couldn't help but realize that ever since I'd proposed marriage, we STILL hadn't made love.

-- MONDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2005, WINTER BREAK --

Fortunately for me, a night's rest in my arms with all of the major questions put to bed was exactly what DJ needed. Yes, she was pregnant. Yes, we were keeping the baby. Yes, we were engaged. And no, Dawn wasn't going to be around. Our families had both been informed. Interrogations had been conducted. And now there was nothing left to do but enjoy each other's company and prepare for the baby's arrival.

So enjoy each other's company we did. DJ and I awoke in our customary positions (me with my hands on her boobs and my morning wood in the cleft of her ass), and we put that wood to use getting her the orgasms she'd missed out on last night. I got two of my own as well.

We finally emerged from my bedroom close to lunchtime. Hey, I SAID we were exhausted, and it's a college student's prerogative to sleep in when on school vacation.

After breakfast (lunch? brunch?), I took DJ to meet up with my high school buddies. Daniel had started an email chain more than a month ago to have us rendezvous at our usual basketball court today, and I was eager for the chance to reconnect with friends and also introduce DJ to them, with a couple of caveats:

For one thing, I wouldn't be telling them DJ was pregnant. Although my old crew had been quite tight-knit when we were younger, nearly four years of college had caused most of us to drift apart and replace those close high school friendships with college ones. Basically, we'd be sticking to the first trimester rule about not revealing a pregnancy.

Also, DJ and I had agreed to not announce our engagement just yet. For one thing, I hadn't bought her the ring. And for another, even our closest friends didn't yet know. As fond as I was of my old high school buddies, neither of us wanted them to be our first friends to know about our upcoming marriage. So we'd resolved to keep that to ourselves until we could return to school with a nice shiny rock on DJ's fourth finger.

Instead, I introduced DJ to the gang as my girlfriend. Everyone expressed their appreciation for her radiant beauty on sight, although Kenny frowned and jabbed me in the ribs. "Seriously, you fucker? How the fucking hell do you pull this shit? I never thought you'd be able to trade up on your last girlfriend but dayyum! Your schlong must have seriously grown since high school because I remember seeing your little pencil eraser when we were in junior high gym class."

DJ's eyes flew open and she covered her gasp with one hand to hear my supposed "friend" make such a comment, but I rolled my eyes and shoved a hand into Kenny's chest while replying, "Pencil eraser? Want me to drop trou here and now?"

Megan, Cassidy, and Abbie Sanders whooped and catcalled while I jerked the waistband of my basketball shorts down an inch or two. Kenny's girlfriend Heidi (yes, THAT Heidi) put her hands on Kenny's shoulders and leaned over one to smile at DJ. "Don't mind Kenny. He's an idiot."

"I'm your idiot," he said with a grin, turning his face to Heidi's for a quick peck.

I glanced around to see that DJ had waved off Kenny and was now being questioned by Megan. In the meantime, Heidi came over to me for a hug.

"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked while patting her back. She looked good, really good. I mean, she had always looked good, but it was different to see her dressed casually and with less makeup on. She looked younger, fresher, and dare I say it ... happier. Kenny must have been a good influence on her.

"I'm great," Heidi replied while pecking my cheek. "You'll have to tell me the story sometime about how you and DJ got together. No offense intended, but I thought you and Dawn would be married by now."

"Yeah ... shit happens," I sighed regretfully.

"I'm sorry. But you did good. DJ is breathtakingly beautiful, although your new girlfriend bears a striking resemblance to the old one."

"Little secret?" I said with a chuckle. "DJ is Dawn's little sister."

Kenny's, Heidi's, and Sung's eyes bugged out, but only them. They were the only three within immediate earshot, although I was sure that little bit of information would spread like wildfire over the next couple of minutes.

"Long story," I explained. "It's..."

"Complicated," Heidi finished for me. "It always is."

"Really?" Megan suddenly exclaimed from across the way. I turned to see her, Cassidy, Abbie, and DJ all glancing over at me.

I smirked and gave them a little wave, figuring that the cat was now out of the bag from that end as well.

We boys quickly started up the game. Joining my old high school clique today were Daniel's two groomsmen Tony and Shin, along with two of Kenny's and Sung's mutual friends from UCI as well as Abbie Sanders' boyfriend. Seated on the benches and chattering amongst themselves were the girls, at least the ones who had made it today. Allie Sanders had not come back this winter break, having gone to her boyfriend's family in Denver for the holidays. Also, Stephanie Vo wasn't around, although nobody knew her exact whereabouts. On the other hand, Rachel Tyler and Emily Anderson were both present, and by our second game DJ was chatting with them.

Basketball was followed by a trip to the movies to see the new Peter Jackson King Kong movie as a group. Dinner was at In-N-Out, and for a little while I felt like a 16-year-old again. It was fun to play ball, hang out with friends, and eat Double-Doubles. And the evening did much to put me at ease this soon after a 72-hour period of finding out that my girlfriend was pregnant, getting engaged, and then somewhat emphatically shutting Dawn out of my romantic life. That sort of experience can weigh heavily on a guy, and had made me feel much older than my twenty-one years.

DJ noticed the extra bounce in my step as we headed home, and when she commented about it, I told her about feeling like a teenager again.

"Not that I mind being engaged with a baby on the way," I assured her. "But I guess there's something unexplainably special about coming home to the place where you grew up, seeing your old friends, and feeling that sort of comfortability again, you know?"

DJ looked off, a little smile on her face before she sighed and nodded. "I get it."

I felt something a little off in her mood, and rubbing her arm, I asked, "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Just fine? Do you miss your friends? I mean, you already spent all summer down here with Brooke, and now you're missing the winter break too."

"I'm fine, really. I'm with you."

I thought about that for a moment before saying, "Well, you can be fine and be with me up in NorCal again. I know we agreed to spend Christmas with my family since we spent Thanksgiving and all those other times up there with yours. But we don't have to stay here."

"Really, I'm great here. All I care about is being with you."

"Well, what about after the holidays? School doesn't start until the 17th, and we could drive up right after New Year's. I'm sure Brooke wouldn't mind returning early, and if she did mind, she could always fly up later. Or we could even head up before New Year's."

"Huh..." DJ thought about that for a moment. "You know ... maybe ... After New Year's though; I'm not gonna mess with your family's ski trip. But I like the idea of going back early. It would be nice to catch up with my high school friends a bit and re-introduce you. If you'll remember, I was still a Senior in high school the first time we were dating."

I chuckled at the memory. "Sure thing. We'll talk to Brooke and my parents when we get back."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Still need some time to think about it?"

"Yeah, but also I've got more important things to do tonight."

"What's that?"

DJ gave me a teasing smirk. "Why, silly ... Fucking you within an inch of your life tonight, that's what!"