60 Chapter 60: Nightmare

Tsugi woke up gasping for air and gazed around the room: light streamed in through the open window; and the lit fireplace drew warm air into the cold room. He wiped the sweat from his face and sat up in his bed.

"It was just a dream." He sighed and buried his face in his hands. He yawned, stretched, and opened the door tiredly. He stopped when his foot touched something cold and damp. The hallway was made of stone and resembled the hallway outside his bedroom at Keryth.

"Damn it!" He sat straight up in bed. He muttered curse words under his breath, pulling at the roots of his hair. He shot out of bed to open the door, but everything was fine. He was still in Yamo's house, the familiar wooden floors lined the hallway. He sighed in relief and got ready before going downstairs. Reaching the bottom, he looked up and saw Ser Gorou sitting on the couch with his arms crossed, looking livid.

"Bwaagh!" Tsugi sat up in bed again and dashed down the stairs, but Ser Gorou wasn't sitting on the couch. Instead, he headed toward the kitchen where he heard rattling like someone was doing dishes.

"Are you hungry?" Ser Gorou turned around with an apron tied across his waist holding Volgan's head by his hair: his eyes drooped; his jaw dropped open with his swollen purple tongue, as blood clots dripped from the severed neck onto the floor with a plop.

Again and again, Tsugi woke up dream after dream. Each time a little different; each time with Ser Gorou chopping up a different body, rotating through the three of them; each time slowly torturing Tsugi over and over.

When he refused to leave his room, Ser Gorou now made him wake up to the torture occurring in his room. Then made him wake up to him holding the blades, with their bodies opened on the table.

Tsugi didn't know how long this went on for, but it felt like years. He was exhausted, and his spirit completely drained. He didn't even have time to cry or grieve as they continuously moved to the next one.

"Stop." Tsugi whispered softly, refusing to open his eyes.

"Don't cry bud." Yamo's voice was soft and caring.

"No." Tsugi cried, and clenched his eyes even harder. His lips quivered and he wanted it to be Yamo, but he knew it couldn't be. His chest ached horribly and he heaved giant breaths of air into his lungs.

"Hey, it's me. What's wrong? It's alright, it's just a dream Tsugi."

"NO!" Yamo never knew his real name.

Again and again, each time a new person whispered in his ear, but he just turned over and refused to wake.

"When you are done being stubborn, come see me in my study." Ser Gorou closed the door and his footsteps disappeared down the hall. He felt the straw bed underneath him, the smell of the cold, moldy, damp walls filled his nostrils.

He knew he was back to reality and turned to cry rivers into his bed. "I'm sorry." His voice cracked. "It's all my f-fault…I'm s-so sorry." He curled into a ball and clutched at the pain in his chest, crying loudly. He didn't care if Ser Gorou heard or not. In fact, it would be better, for he had wished to be dead than to live with this anguish.

Xeni visited him, without fail, every night, offering him a tonic. He would fever and shake for days on end, then get better. Then it would continue again and again. Every time he came back to that place, it was like his body refused to be there. It was as if his body wanted to die without needing his brain to even think of death.

When he felt ill to the point of death, he felt happy to soon join his family. It was as if he could see the three of them waving at him, just waiting. Then like a cruel joke, he would start to get better and better. Then like a vicious cycle, it continued again and again. It was like his body refused to die when the time came. He even refused to eat, but yet he lost little to no weight. His day's went in and out. Sometimes he would sleep for days and wake up exhausted still. His days blurred and weeks would pass without him even realizing it.

"Wake up Young Master Tsugi." Mare's voice whispered in his ear. "You must fight it young master. This is not what they died for."

Tsugi woke up to the sun shining into the room. He felt groggy and worn out.

"Mare's right." He chuckled to himself. "Yamo would have a field day with me if he were here." He wiped a tear that trickled down his face.

Tsugi gathered his composure and locked his emotions into a box, burying it deep down.

***

"Come in."

Tsugi pushed open the door to Ser Gorou's study.

Ser Gorou tossed a piece of paper in front of Tsugi. "That's your next assignment." Tsugi looked at it. It was a bounty. It had a picture of a young nobleman, with the name Thorten Trys. In the description it said he was wanted for killing off whole noble families and became an imposter of the families relatives, selling off all their goods before fleeing town. Tsugi didn't say a word, he only folded the paper, tucked it into his tunic and bowed before exiting. "Oh and Tsugi?" Tsugi paused by the doorway. "Don't forget what happens if you don't return." Ser Gorou continued to scribble away, not lifting his head to even look at him. Without a word, Tsugi left, shutting the door behind him.

A year went by and his life became this emotionless robot, sent to kill and promptly return like an obedient dog. If he didn't return, he was sure Ser Gorou would slowly torture everyone he knew until there was no one left. Tsugi had lost count of the lives he had taken under the pretense of protecting the kingdom.

Many times, he wanted to just run away, but all those innocent faces flashed before Tsugi's eyes, and then the haunting memories of Yamo, Volgan and Fay appeared into his mind. Ser Gorou's twisted hallucinations haunted Tsugi like they were real, dragging him to the pits of hell. His fear would take over and he did as he was told, returning forthwith after each mission.

***

Tsugi sat atop a hill in the forest and gazed down upon a village. A man had returned home and closed the door behind him.

Tsugi pulled out the poster for the bounty and confirmed his target: Hitaro Higashi; wanted for impersonating a doctor and using his practice for murder.

Tsugi folded the paper and put it back into his tunic. He pulled out a traike, a poisonous three headed snake, and held his arm in front of its heads, wincing when they all latched. Momentarily afterwards, there was a burning pain that boiled through his veins. He let go and watched as the traike slithered deeper into the forest.

Taking calming breaths, he tried hard to slow his heart-rate to slow the spread of the poison. His head burned, yet he felt oddly cold. His world began to spin around him and his legs buckled underneath him as he stumbled down the hill and onto the road. It was as if he was stuck in a whirlpool, going round and round as the land as the sky turned yellow and yellower, before he fell over and threw up. He could hear murmurs and whispers in his head.

-"It's all your fault."

-"They died because of you."

-"Yes, why'd you kill us?" Yamo's voice echoed.

"I'm sorry." Tsugi cried, stumbling into the dirt road.

-"Sorry won't bring us back." Fay whispered.

"I know. It's all my fault."

-"Why did you lie to us?" Volgan growled.

"I'm sorry." Tsugi's voice cracked and he curled into a ball on the ground. "I should've told you. I'm sorry."

The haunting voices screamed in his ear over and over. He raised his hands to cover his ears, crying loudly and slowly losing his mind to the madness.

***

"Father! He's awake!" A little boy around the age of four ran over to his father.

"Hi. My name is Hitaro, you are in my clinic." The man quickly approached. "I found you collapsed on the street with some pretty nasty bites. Judging from your symptoms, it looked like it was a traike." He snapped his fingers by Tsugi's ears. "Can you hear that alright?" Tsugi nodded. He placed a hand over Tsugi's chest and Tsugi felt a warm light entering his body. "Well, the poison is gone, so you should be fine after a little rest."

"Why'd you save me?" Tsugi sat up and looked at the fading scars from the snake bites.

He chuckled. "I'm a healer. I save people." He got up and went to check the patients on the other beds in the room. Tsugi looked around, and finally realized he was in a huge room with multiple beds. Some people were ill and were waiting for medicine, others were hurt from hunting accidents or work incidents.

In the far corner, he could see someone with long dark hair that looked oddly familiar. A loud crash broke Tsugi from his reverie. An injured man was trying to leave his bed, but he slipped and fell, knocking the tray of food over. Tsugi turned back, but the familiar person was nowhere to be seen. Had he been imagining things or did that person leave? There was definitely something about the person, but Tsugi didn't know what it was.

Tsugi stayed for several weeks, observing Hitaro, and helped him since it was just him and his four year old son. His wife had passed two years prior due to an incurable sickness. Tsugi didn't want to get close, but something drew him to want to help. He felt no ill intent from the man nor his son. Could the bounty have the wrong person?

-"Are you willing to take that risk?" His voices argued in his head again.

-"Don't you remember what happened?"

The fear inside him fought against his conscience, bringing him back to his reality of a living hell.

When night came he stood over Hitaro's sleeping body with his son sleeping peacefully next to him. Tsugi held onto a kitchen knife that shook in his hand, wavering to kill him and orphan his son or to kill both of them together. He hovered the knife over Hitaro's neck, and clenched his eyes, fighting back his sobs.

"It's okay."

Tsugi opened his eyes and saw Hitaro smiling wistfully.

"I don't know why you would want to kill me, but…please. I'm all he has left." He carefully gestured to the sleeping boy. "I would really appreciate it if you didn't, but if you have to, please take care of him. He's too young to die."

Tsugi's hands shook even more. Hitaro closed his eyes, like he welcomed death with open arms.

"Tch." Tsugi pulled the knife away. "Take whatever you have and disappear. Run away as far as you can and stay hidden. It must be like you died." Tsugi lifted his head to look him in the eye. "You understand?"

Hitaro slowly nodded with his teary eyes. "Thank you." He cried. Tsugi moved away and allowed them room to quickly pack and flee in the middle of the night.